SSDTU 2 - He’s So not Worth It

by Kieran Scott

  “Uh, sure.” I dropped to my knees. The sand was cold and rough. When I crawled inside, I realized the cave was the perfect size for two people. We sat with our backs against the wall and our legs stretched out across the sand. Cooper tore off another bite of funnel cake and held it in front of my lips. I smiled and snatched it with my teeth, showering powdered sugar everywhere.

  “Thanks,” I said, leaning my head on his shoulder again. “I like you.”

  He laughed. “I like you, too.”

  He took a breath and a bite, then fed me another one. The sounds of the amusement park were muted inside our little cave, and it felt suddenly as if we were the only people in the world.

  And then my phone beeped again. I groaned, pulled it from my pocket, and threw it at the wall. It thudded against the plastic then fell into the sand.

  “Well. You showed that phone.”

  My eyes suddenly filled with tears. I was so sick of feeling like crap. So sick of worrying and stressing and being sad. Why couldn’t my mother just leave me alone? She didn’t care about how I felt. She’d promised I didn’t have to hang out with the Cresties, then shoved them in my face all summer. She hadn’t asked me what I thought about her and Dad getting divorced. She’d decided she didn’t like Cooper without ever even having a conversation with him. Did she even care that he’d been there for me this entire summer while she was off making out with her doctor boyfriend? The guy barely knew me, but he’d listened to me when I complained about the Cresties and my parents and everything. He actually wanted to know how I felt.

  “Cooper?” I said, leaning back.

  “Yeah,” he said, touching my hair with sugar-covered fingertips.

  “My mom doesn’t like you.”

  He smirked. “That’s not surprising.”

  “But I do,” I said. “A lot.”

  “Yeah?” He put the funnel cake aside and turned his knees toward me. Then his lips were on my neck and my eyes fluttered closed. “How much?” he whispered.

  “Like, a lot a lot,” I said.

  “That’s a lot,” he said, his lips moving up my jawline toward my mouth. His hand slipped around my waist and under my shirt, sending tingles all over my skin.

  “Let’s just stay here for a while,” I said, hooking my finger over the collar of his T-shirt. I looked into his eyes and bit my lip. Cooper grinned.

  “I have no problem with that.”

  Then his lips came down on mine. Our tongues met and before I knew it we were lying down in the sand, doing things that should never be done on a playground.

  Daily Field Journal of Annie Johnston Monday, July 26

  Position: Stanzione’s Pizza.

  Cover: Grabbing dinner with David, Marshall, and Celia.

  Observations:

  6:55 p.m.: Subject Chloe Appleby pulls up outside. She checks her face in the mirror before getting out and walking inside. Uniform: pink sundress, white sandals, pink-and-white headband. Will Halloran, who’s behind the counter taking calls and looking far too happy considering he has to work two jobs, eyes her as she approaches.

  Chloe: I’d like to order a large pie with broccoli.

  (Personal Note: Way to ruin a perfectly good pizza.)

  Will: Is that all?

  Chloe: I’d like to have it delivered.

  Will (shoots a look at our table): Are you sure you don’t just want to wait?

  Subject Chloe glances over her shoulder. I’m the only one watching them, but she’s still startled. I wave. I can’t help myself.

  Chloe: Um, sure.

  (Assessment: They’re TOTALLY doing it.)

  My palms were slick as I walked into class on Wednesday. They’d been slick on Monday, too, because Chloe and I had figured we’d be getting our tests back then. But Mr. Froggy had decided to take the weekend off and promised us we’d have our grades “theees Weeednesdeee.”

  “You ready for this?” Chloe asked, tucking her skirt under her as she sat.

  “I think so.”

  But what if I’d been wrong? What if I hadn’t done as well as I’d thought? If I got that test back with a big red C, or worse, a D, I was going to walk right out of here and never look back.

  Or not. Because that hadn’t really worked so great as a strategy before.

  “Goot aufteernoon!” Mr. Froggy walked in with his briefcase. He put the papers down on the desk. And once again, they scattered all over the floor thanks to the fan. This time, for some reason, I was the one who jumped up to help. I practically flattened the front row girl as she started to get up from her seat.

  “Ah. Meeester Grayton. Thank yeuu,” Mr. Froggy said.

  I couldn’t help glancing at the names and grades as I picked up the pages. Darlene Robinson: B. Tanna Autufu: A. Gary Law: C minus. Poor bastard. And then, there it was. My name scrawled in my handwriting.

  Jake Graydon: A.

  Shut. The fuck. Up.

  I dropped the rest of the papers back on the floor. Mr. Froggy said something under his breath that sounded vaguely like a curse word. I hit the floor again and regathered the pages, but I couldn’t stop grinning.

  I’d never gotten an A in English before. Not once.

  “Mom! Mom, you’re never going to believe this.”

  For a second, in the driveway, I’d considered not telling her. I mean, why make her think that I was excited? That she’d somehow done the right thing by grounding me for the whole freaking summer? But I couldn’t help it. I was too excited to not say something.

  My mother was at the desk in her office, just off the kitchen, going over some bills. She looked up when she saw me, and smiled.

  I hadn’t seen her smile all summer.

  “Look,” I said, holding up the paper and letting my backpack drop to the floor. “I got an A.”

  It felt really good to say that. Why had I never realized how good it would feel to say that?

  “Jake! That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you!” My mom got up and gave me a hug. I one-arm hugged her back. No need to go completely crazy here. “And there’s more good news.”

  She turned back to her desk and picked up a folded page, which she held out to me.

  “Your practice scores from last weekend,” she said. She folded her hands and stepped back to watch me take it in.

  I’d scored a twelve hundred. My best score yet.

  “Wow.” I looked at her. “Maybe I’m a genius.”

  She cracked up laughing. “See? I told you. All you had to do was cut out the distractions and apply yourself and—”

  “Mom. You’re ruining the moment,” I said.

  “Sorry.” She held up both manicured hands.

  Then she just stood there for a second, her eyes shining as she looked at me. I started to feel self-conscious.

  “What?”

  “I’ve just . . . never seen you excited about school before,” she said. “It’s nice.”

  I cleared my throat. Could she be any dorkier? But then it hit me. There was a slim possibility I could use all this goodwill to my advantage.

  “Nice enough to get me ungrounded?” I asked.

  The smile died and she pressed her thumb and forefinger into her forehead above her eyes. “Jake—”

  “Come on, Mom. It’s August already. I have to be in soccer practice, like, next week.” She looked at me and shook her head, but she was considering it. I could tell. Something in her eyes said she wanted to cut me a break. “Just . . . let me go see a movie or something with Chloe. Come on. We’re both bored out of our minds with all our friends down the shore.”

  She sucked in a breath through her teeth and blew it out. “All right, fine. One movie.”

  “Yes! Thank you, Mom!” And this time I hugged her, still clinging to my two best scores ever, one in each hand.

  “But only because it’s with Chloe,” she said as I released her. “I think that girl’s been a good influence on you.”

  The way she said it made my stomach flip. Like she thought me and Chloe
were together or something. She walked past me over to the junk drawer and removed my keys.

  “Here,” she said, dangling them in front of me. “You can drive her for once.”

  Whatever. Let her think what she wanted to think. If it got me my car back, I didn’t care.

  “Thanks, Mom,” I said, grabbing the keys from her as I headed out to the foyer.

  “Thank you, Jake!” she shouted after me.

  I ran upstairs, grabbed the phone, and called Chloe.

  Daily Field Journal of Annie Johnston Wednesday, July 28

  Position: Bed Bath & Beyond.

  Cover: None. I’m actually shopping for pillowcases. I saw mine in the sunlight this morning and it was not pretty. I need to start washing my face before bed.

  Observations:

  12:35 p.m.: Subjects Victoria Mihook, Tandy Lassiter, and Corinne Law stroll over to the “Deck Out Your Dorm!” display. Uniform: sundresses, heeled sandals, wicker bags dangling from forearms. Subect Tori fingers a purple sheet, wrinkles her nose, and lets it fall.

  Tori: I cannot believe Faith didn’t invite us. I mean, what’s she thinking?

  Tandy: That party is going to blow without us.

  Corinne: And suck.

  Tori: Well, if it sucked and blew it might actually be fun.

  They all giggle. I try not to upchuck my McNuggets.

  Tori: Whatever. Faith’s a loser anyway. Always has been. I have no idea why Chloe and Shannen have tolerated her this long.

  Corinne: But it’s the end-of-the-summer party. I’ve never not gone to one.

  Subjects Tandy and Tori exchange a look of disappointed longing. I step out from behind a shelf full of discounted sheets and they actually jump they’re so surprised—or is that appalled.

  Me: I’m going to Faith’s party.

  Tandy: You?

  Me: Yep. Got my invitation in the mail today and everything.

  I whip it out for good measure. It’s an actual coconut shell, hollowed out, with the invitation tucked inside. Jaws drop. Subject Corinne’s gum falls out of her mouth and hits her bare toe with a plop.

  Tori: Why did she invite YOU?

  I snap the coconut closed and put it back in my bag.

  Me: I don’t know. Maybe she’s developing more sophisticated tastes. Ta!

  I walk away, leaving them stunned behind me.

  (Personal Note: I know, I know. I don’t usually interact with the subjects unless necessary. But that was just too much fun.)

  I sat in my room on Friday night and stared at a page in Wuthering Heights, ignoring the multiple texts from Cooper. All I had done for the past few nights was hang out with him, get drunk, and hook up. I couldn’t believe this was my life. Two months ago I hated drinking. Now it was a part of my daily life.

  Well, not tonight. Tonight I was just going to sit here and read and not feel bad about myself. Although I would miss the hooking up part. The hooking up part was not at all bad. We hadn’t actually had sex or anything. I wasn’t about to give it up to a guy I’d known for two months. But we’d done a lot of other stuff. Stuff that made me blush whenever I thought about it. Like now.

  There was a knock on my door and my mother stuck her head inside. I cleared my throat and wiped my palms across my face as if I could clear away the red. “Hey,” she said. “Can we talk to you?”

  My heart lurched and I sat up a little straighter. “We?”

  She opened the door farther and my dad stepped into view. I was so shocked I almost fell off the bed.

  “Dad!” I jumped up and ran over to hug him. “What’re you doing here?”

  “I just came to see how you’re doing,” he said.

  I took a step back. There was something off about his tone. Like it was too chipper or something. Him and my mom were both looking at me with these sort of plastic smiles, and concerned eyes.

  “What do you mean?” I said, edging back toward the bed. “I’m fine.”

  My father cleared his throat and looked at my mom. He was wearing a black polo shirt and his arms looked really tan for someone who’d supposedly been stuck inside a coffeehouse all summer.

  “Well, your mother mentioned that you had a new boyfriend,” my dad said. “How’s that going?”

  I sat on the edge of the bed. There was something all wrong about this conversation. Why hadn’t I known my dad was coming down, for one? We could have made plans to go out to dinner—do something fun—just like old times. Instead this felt like an ambush, them cornering me in my room.

  “It’s going fine,” I said. My eyes darted to my mother. “I’m sorry . . . when did you tell him about Cooper?”

  “That’s not important,” she said.

  “Yeah. It kind of is. Because if you’ve spent the entire summer avoiding him, but then called him just to talk about me behind my back, I’d kind of like to know,” I said.

  I heard a creak in the hall and caught a glimpse of Shannen’s foot jumping back to the other side of the door. She was out there right now, listening. Probably trying to figure out if there was anything in this conversation she could use against me.

  “Ally, we’re just worried about you, that’s all,” my dad said, sitting next to me on the bed.

  “Well, you don’t need to be,” I told him. “I can take care of myself.”

  “Really? Is staying out late every night drinking and doing God-knows-what-else taking care of yourself?” my mother blurted.

  My face turned beet red. How the hell did she know? Whenever I came home she was either asleep or out with Gray and his Crestie friends, so she’d never smelled anything on my breath. All summer she hadn’t even noticed my existence and now all of a sudden she was throwing around unfounded accusations?

  “I’m not out late every night drinking!” I protested, standing up. “Why would you even think that?”

  “I know what hungover looks like, Ally, and you’ve been the picture of it the past few days,” my mother replied.

  “I have not been hungover,” I replied, shaking. “You just want to believe the worst about Cooper because he’s not a Crestie. Admit it! You tricked me into coming down here this summer because you wanted to make me hang out with all your little friends’ kids again. You just can’t stand it that I don’t want to be a part of Gray Nathanson’s world!”

  “In case you don’t recall, I was perfectly ready to let you stay in Orchard Hill this summer, Allyson. You’re the one who changed her mind at the last minute,” my mother replied.

  “Oh, yeah. Like you weren’t praying the whole time I’d come with you,” I shot back. “Can’t disappoint Gray. Heaven forbid!”

  “Ally, don’t talk to your mother like that,” my father said sternly.

  I whirled around to face him, feeling as if he’d just slapped me across the face. “Don’t tell me how to act,” I replied. “You don’t even know me. Maybe I’ve acted like this every day for the past three years when you weren’t around to scold me! Ever think about that?”

  My dad and mom exchanged a private look that made me want to tear my hair out. As if there was still a “them.” As if they were still a couple and I was the one on the outside. What a freaking joke. I’d been there for both of them more than either of them had been there for the other. And now they were ganging up on me?

  “Maybe you guys should be concentrating on your own problems,” I spat.

  “Ally.” My mom closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. “We’re not talking about us right now.”

  “Well, maybe you should be,” I blurted. “I mean, have you even told him yet that you want a divorce?”

  My dad’s face went slack. My mom looked like she was about to faint. At that moment, Shannen strode through the door with her suede bag, looking all Friday-night-ready in low-slung jeans and a sparkly tank.

  “Ally! You ready to go?” she said brightly.

  “What?” I asked.

  “We’re watching a movie over at Connor’s, remember?” Shannen said, widening her eyes s
lightly, telling me not to argue. “I promised I’d bring M&M’s and I forgot to get them so we have to make a stop. Come on. We’re already late.”

  “You’re going over to Connor Shale’s house?” my mom said, clearly baffled considering I’d just screamed my head off about not wanting to hang with the Cresties.

  “See?” I said, picking up my bag. “You don’t know what I do every night. Come on, Shannen.”

  I rushed past her out the door, just hoping neither of my parents would shout at me to come back. But I guess they were too involved in picking up the shrapnel from the bomb I’d just dropped, because neither one of them said a thing.

  “Thank you so much, Shannen. You completely saved me.”

  I got out of her mom’s car and leaned back through the open window. She killed the engine and unbuckled her seat belt.

  “Wait. You’re coming in?” I said, glancing over my shoulder at Chum and Howie’s place. The lights were dim, but I heard a splat from the backyard, followed by a round of cheers.

  “It is my brother’s house. I figured I’d come in and say hi,” Shannen said with a shrug.

  “Oh. Right. I keep forgetting,” I said, pushing my hair away from my face as we navigated the uneven front walk.

  “Maybe you have been drinking too much,” Shannen joked.

  “LOL,” I replied flatly.

  If she got on my case about this, I had about a million comebacks, starting with the fact that she was the first person I ever knew to try wine coolers, and the only person I knew to ever black out. But she just smiled at me and reached for the door. I couldn’t believe how cool she was being, first rescuing me from that awful scene with my parents, then agreeing to drive me here to meet Cooper. It was like a whole new Shannen Moore. Unless she had an ulterior motive. Always had to keep an eye out for one of those.

  “Hey! Li’l sis!” Charlie loped over from the kitchen with two bottles of beer and handed one of them to Shannen. “What’re you guys doing here?”

  “Looking for Cooper,” I said. “He’s here, right?”

  Charlie took a long pull on his beer, then sucked his lips and nodded. “Out back.”