SSDTU 2 - He’s So not Worth It

by Kieran Scott

  “Sure.”

  There were no more surprises on our way back to the Orchard View Condominiums. When I opened the front door, the hot, stale air was almost suffocating. I went directly to the air conditioner and flicked it on, then picked up the phone to dial my mother. I had turned off my cell before we’d gotten on the parkway, but I knew by now they had to have realized what I’d done, and I knew that I was in for it.

  “Hey, Mom,” I said.

  “Ally. Where the hell are you?” she said, her voice controlled but angry.

  “I’m in Orchard Hill with Hammond.”

  “You took Gray’s car back to Orchard Hill?” she shrieked.

  “I’m sorry, okay?” I said. “I just couldn’t stay there for another second.”

  “So you thought the best way to deal with those feelings was to steal Gray’s car and not tell anyone you weren’t coming home.”

  I closed my eyes. After everything that had happened today—the fight with her and my dad, the scene with Cooper, seeing Jake and Chloe together—I felt like screaming and throwing things and crying until the sun came up. I felt like I could explode. But I took a deep breath and held it together. I had to figure out what I could say to end this conversation as quickly as possible.

  “I know,” I said. “I’ve been a jerk lately. I get it, okay? But I just . . . Mom, everything sucks right now and I’m really tired and so’s Hammond. Is it okay with you if I stay here tonight and he drives me back in the morning? You can give me whatever punishment you want to give me then.”

  Hammond was walking around the living room, looking at the photos in the frames, checking out our TV. I realized with a start that he’d never been here before. At least, not inside.

  “Oh, I’ll give it to you right now. You’re grounded for the rest of the summer,” she said. “No, scratch that. You’ll be allowed to go out, but only to functions I’ll be attending. How does that sound?”

  In other words, she was going to force me to hang out with the Cresties. As punishments went, it was genius.

  “Fine,” I said, gritting my teeth. “Whatever you say.”

  “Good,” she said. “Now we’re getting somewhere.”

  “Mom? Can I go now? I’m really tired.”

  “All right. We’ll talk more tomorrow.” There was a long pause and I could hear her trying to get her breathing under control. “Ally . . . are you okay?”

  My eyes welled with tears and I bit them back, holding one arm across my stomach and clutching my T-shirt at my waist. “Yeah, Mom. I’m fine.”

  “Okay. Call me when you’re going to leave there tomorrow so I know when to expect you,” she said.

  “I will.”

  “Good night, Ally,” she said, her voice tense. “Night.”

  I took a deep breath as I hung up the phone, squelching the last of the tears. When I turned around, Hammond was looking right at me and I felt this sudden and unexpected thump of anticipation. Which made no sense. It wasn’t like we were going to do anything. Even if he tried, I wasn’t about to let him. I mean, he was Hammond. And he was clearly in love with Chloe. And I had just been dissed by two guys in one day—a new personal record.

  Still, it was weird, wasn’t it? My mother hadn’t even asked me where Hammond planned on staying. That’s how much she trusted me. Even after everything.

  “So . . . you can drive back if you want to,” I said. “I could maybe figure out some other ride. . . .” Though how, I had no idea.

  Hammond pulled out his phone, hit a speed-dial button, and brought it to his ear. He didn’t take his eyes off me until it connected. Then he turned toward the wall.

  “Hey, Dad. I’m gonna stay at home tonight. Yeah. Yeah. I will. Cool. Bye.”

  Just like that. And then he was facing me again. The air conditioner flipped to a new cycle, groaning as it spurted cold air into the room.

  “What do you want to do?” I asked.

  He looked around at the couch, the chair, the TV. “X-Men movie marathon? I know you’ve got ’em around here somewhere.”

  I smiled. What could be better after a day like this than total immersion in a fictional world? “Perfect. Popcorn?”

  “That works.”

  Hammond powered on the TV and dropped onto the couch with the entitlement of someone who’d lived here his entire life. I located the popcorn and started the microwave, still smiling. But then, I remembered why I was here, and not at Jake’s. Glancing over my shoulder at Hammond, who already had on ESPN, I fished my phone from my bag and texted Annie.

  Am in OH. Can u meet up tmrw? 10ish?

  The response came almost instantly.

  Will be @ work. Stop by!

  OK

  The microwave beeped and Hammond looked up, his arm laid out across the back of the couch. I thought of Jake. Of Jake and Chloe’s hands touching. Was it wrong for me to feel like this—like me and Hammond being here—was a kind of revenge? Was he thinking the same thing?

  “We doing this or what?” he asked.

  I grabbed the popcorn out of the microwave, tossed him the bag, and sat down on the opposite end of the couch. This was going to be a long night.

  On the way home, with the top down, I felt very alert. For the first time, I noticed how hard the stick shift felt in my grip. How the air felt twenty degrees cooler when I was zipping through it. How the wind tugged at my hair, making my scalp tingle, even though it was cut short. As I turned up Chloe’s driveway, she took out a tube of something and touched up her lips.

  That was when I knew for sure, she wanted me to kiss her. And now, I was all kinds of alert.

  I’d kissed dozens of girls. Maybe hundreds. Seriously. That was what I used to do. It was, like, my number one pastime. Before Ally. On weekends, I’d always hook up, usually with more than one girl. Before Ally.

  Since Ally, I hadn’t kissed anyone. Was it a good idea to start with her former best friend who’d just broken up with my best friend?

  Probably not.

  I stopped the car. Stared out the windshield. Chloe didn’t move.

  “You didn’t have to drive up my driveway. It’s about a thirty-second walk from your house.”

  “I know.”

  I glanced over. My eyes went to her bare knee. Bad move.

  “Well . . . thanks,” Chloe said. “I had fun.”

  “Me too.”

  My hand clasped the stick shift and the wheel. I refused to move them.

  “Okay, well. I should probably go,” I said.

  She didn’t say anything for a minute. “Yeah. Me too.”

  Then she got out of the car and it was over. Except for my . . . alertness.

  She walked in front of my headlights and her dress was so sheer I could practically see through it. Or possibly that was my imagination. She did that twiddling thing with her fingers, then jogged to the door. Her skirt bounced behind her.

  I blew out a breath. I hadn’t inhaled in, like, five minutes. Then I backed out of the driveway so fast I’m lucky I didn’t take out the stone planters. I was in my driveway, up the stairs, and in my room with the door closed before Chloe had probably closed the front door.

  I needed to do something. Jog or swim or kick a soccer ball. Something. My eyes fell on my books. I was supposed to take another practice test tomorrow. I pulled out my chair, sat down, and opened the math study guide. My brain was completely clear.

  I was about to have the most intense study session of my life.

  I woke up sitting up straight in my bed. It wasn’t until I heard the tires squealing that I realized I’d been startled awake. I jumped out of bed and was at the window in half a second—just in time to see Will Halloran flying out of Chloe’s driveway and down Vista View in his father’s truck. His brake lights illuminated for a split second at the bottom of the hill, then the engine roared, and he was gone.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the lights in Chloe’s bedroom window go out. I looked at the digital clock on my iDock. It was 2:16 a.m
.

  What. The fuck?

  I snagged a T-shirt off my desk chair and pulled it on. The first sneaker slipped on no problem, but I was still hopping with my toes jammed into the other and my finger hooked around the back of it, when I made my way out the door of my room. I rushed downstairs on my tiptoes and out into the warm night air.

  This is a bad idea. This is a bad idea.

  But I didn’t stop. I jogged across the street, fueled by pure adrenaline. My eyes were still foggy, since I’d been asleep two minutes ago, but the rest of me was completely awake. I slowed to a fast walk up Chloe’s driveway. As I rounded the bend, the security lights over the front door flashed on. I lifted my hand to shield my eyes and tripped sideways into the bushes.

  Ow.

  I looked up at Chloe’s new deck thing, which overlooked Mrs. Appleby’s English Garden she was always ragging on about. There was a trellis up the side.

  This is a bad idea. A bad idea.

  Crouching, I crept across the stone patio. I tried the trellis, giving it a couple of tugs. It held. It took a little grunting and groaning and a couple of splinters, but then I was up. And banging on the glass door.

  This is a bad idea. A very bad idea.

  Chloe shoved the curtain aside and her jaw dropped. She opened the door so fast it blew her hair back. She was wearing the tiniest nightgown I’d ever seen outside the Internet. And she’d been crying.

  “Jake! What the hell are you doing? My parents are home!” she whispered.

  “What the fuck, Chloe? I just saw Will Halloran peeling out of here like he was being chased.” I walked into her room. It was as neat as a catalog. Every little pink and purple thing in its place. Except for the bed. The bed was a wreck. My stomach clenched. “Are you fooling around with that guy?”

  She exhaled a laugh. “Not anymore.”

  I blinked. What the hell did that mean?

  “Why do you even care, Jake?” She walked over to her bathroom and lifted a robe down from a hook. She went to put it on, but then stopped. Instead, she hooked it over her arms and walked toward me. “You’re not . . . I mean, you’re not jealous, are you?”

  My chest was heaving up and down, and not from the run. I couldn’t answer her. Because I realized, just like that, that I was.

  Which made no sense. Because I liked Ally. I was in love with Ally.

  But shit, I really wanted to kiss Chloe.

  And Ally was out there kissing loser surf posers. Telling me I wasn’t good enough for her, not answering my texts. So why the hell was I even hesitating?

  Chloe dropped the robe on the floor. That nightgown showed almost everything, and she knew it. She reached for my hand. I let her take it.

  This is a bad idea. A really, really, really bad idea.

  But when she stood on her toes to kiss me, I let her do that, too.

  I woke up on the couch with Hammond’s arm looped around my waist. The second I saw how close his hand was to my breast, I flinched, and the back of my head exploded in pain.

  “Ow! Ally! What the fuck?”

  I sat up, holding the back of my skull as Hammond brought his hands to his forehead.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said.

  He squinted sideways at me. His face was all blotchy red. “It’s okay.”

  “I just—”

  “It’s okay,” he repeated.

  Hammond sat up too, scooching back on the couch so that he was a few inches behind me. I was about to get up, when I felt his hand on my neck. He ran his fingers down from my shoulder, across my bra strap, and to the small of my back. My hands dropped heavily at my sides as my skin tingled.

  “Hammond,” I said. “Don’t.”

  He scooted forward. His arm was around my waist, the back of my shoulder pressed into the front of his. He put his chin on my shoulder. His morning breath was surprisingly sweet. I didn’t move.

  “Don’t what?”

  His lips met mine and I instantly pulled away. I jumped off the couch and stood in the middle of the living room.

  “We can’t do this,” I said.

  “Why not?”

  “Because.” I grabbed the popcorn bowl off the floor and went over to the kitchen. I was shaking from head to toe, unable to believe I had almost just let that happen. I turned the sink on full blast and turned my back to him.

  “What’s wrong?” he said, getting up. “I like you, you like me, Chloe’s apparently with Jake. So what’s wrong if we—”

  “I don’t,” I said to the sink.

  “Don’t what?” he blurted.

  “I don’t like you.” I pressed the heels of my hands into the edge of the counter, my fingers rigid. “Not like that.”

  There was a long pause. “Come on. You just . . . I mean, we just—”

  I turned around to face him. He looked bereft for a guy of his size. Lost. Suddenly, I wondered . . . was Faith right? Had he really liked me that much back then? Did he still?

  “Hammond, I’m sorry. I really am,” I said. “But I can’t just hook up with you because I’m pissed at Jake.”

  Hammond’s face turned bright red. I had a feeling I’d just said the wrong thing. Big time.

  “I’m outta here.” He grabbed his wallet and Gray’s keys off the table and made for the door.

  “You’re taking Gray’s car?” I blurted.

  He paused at the door and blew out an angry sigh. “I’ll be back to pick you up at twelve.”

  “I’ll be here!” I shouted.

  But he was already out the door, and all I got in return was a slam.

  I decided to walk to CVS instead of riding my bike. It was a nice morning, warm and not humid, and I figured I’d use the time to delete all the angry mom messages from my phone. When I got to the last one, I was just turning the corner into the parking lot. My thumb was about to come down on the seven button for delete, when I heard Jenny’s voice whispering through the ether. I quickly brought the phone to my ear. She was midsentence.

  “. . . wanted you to know that Cooper didn’t mean what he said. He really had a bad night and he was a lot more wasted than he looked. He gets like that sometimes . . . scary like that . . . when he’s mad at my mom. Usually he just yells at me, but— Well, anyway. He’s not a bad guy. That’s all. I know he really likes you. He just has, you know, stuff that gets to him sometimes and he needs to, like, blow off steam, I guess. Anyway. That’s it. Sorry for rambling. Call me back if you want to. Okay. Bye.”

  I paused outside the CVS window, feeling shaky and not all there. It was weird, hearing Jenny’s voice on my phone in Orchard Hill. Thinking about Cooper on the very spot I’d kissed Jake at least a dozen times when he’d picked me up from work. Being here made the LBI world feel like it didn’t actually exist. And I guessed in a few weeks, it wouldn’t. Not really. I got that chill brought on by deep thoughts and the anticipation of change—school and fall and seeing everyone again. Then I shook it off—we weren’t quite there yet, and I had other things to deal with—and walked inside.

  Annie was sipping Yoo-hoo behind the counter.

  “Hey,” she said, straightening up. “Whoa. You look like ass.”

  “Thanks.” I shoved my phone into my back pocket and leaned my forearms into the red Formica countertop. Part of me wanted to tell her what had happened with Hammond, but I didn’t feel like dealing with all the questions. Instead, I decided to get right to the point. “So tell me about Jake and Chloe.”

  My throat gradually closed over the words, so that the last syllable barely came out.

  Annie took a long sip of Yoo-hoo and avoided my gaze. “Jake and Chloe?”

  Something deep inside me squirmed. “I know you didn’t tell me everything before, so spill. What’s going on? Are they, like, together?”

  Annie clucked her tongue and placed her bottle down. “I don’t know exactly.”

  I scoffed. “Please. You know everything.”

  She preened a bit, cocking her head to one side. “Thanks . . . but this one�
��s unconfirmed. All I know is they’ve been taking a class together, and she’s been driving him around a lot, but he’s grounded off his car, so that could be why. They have been spending a lot of time together.” She reached for her bag under the counter. “I can give you exact stats if you—”

  Someone walked by with a cart full of toilet paper, the wheels squeaking loudly.

  “That’s okay,” I said, pinching the top of my nose. “I don’t need the gory details.”

  “The weird thing is, Chloe’s also been hanging out a lot with—”

  “Ally!”

  David and Marshall came swooping toward me and gathered me up in a two-way bear hug. They smelled so clean and looked so bright-eyed and healthy it made me want to cry. I’d really been hanging out with a lot of grungy, lazy stoners, hadn’t I?

  “What’re you guys doing here?” I asked as they pulled away.

  “I kind of told them you were coming,” Annie said apologetically.

  “We’re taking you out for breakfast at the diner,” Marshall said, slinging his arm over my shoulder. “Our treat.”

  “What? You can’t go for pancakes without me,” Annie whined, wide-eyed.

  “We’ll bring you back a doggie bag,” David said as he tugged me toward the door. “So how’s the shore? How’s your mom? How’s Shannen?”

  Annie groaned and rolled her eyes, but I couldn’t help laughing. It was nice to be among real friends again. No matter how briefly. If anyone could distract me from thoughts of Jake Graydon, David and Marshall could. In a few hours I’d be back at the shore, back with the Cresties, and seriously grounded. I could spend a couple of hours sipping coffee at the diner.

  It would be kind of like the calm before the storm.

  Daily Field Journal of Annie Johnston Sunday, August 1

  Position: Counter at the Apothecary.

  Cover: Looking for a zit cream that won’t dry out my face. (I have no zits at present, but the woman behind the counter is still willing to sell me fifty bucks’ worth of cream to zap them.)