Here's My Heart

by Maxene Novak

  “Ah,” Dorian says pursing his lips together, “very good then. I almost thought he was a Godfather.”

  “He might be,” I reply tiredly. “You never know. All good kingpins keep their alter egos a secret.”

  Dorian arches his eyebrows and peers out the window. When he looks back at me, I give him a smile. He kept control of the situation in here pretty good. He's already professionally handling and guiding my parents away from needless spats. I reach my arms out to him and he quickly clears the distance between us.

  “Do you need anything?” he asks, concerned. “Are you in pain?”

  “Nothing I can't handle,” I grit my teeth as I move to sit up a bit more.

  Adam rushes over and adjusts the bed to a reclined position. He gently takes my arm and helps me sit up a bit higher. My ribs are on fire, but it's to be expected. I'm going to be very sore for a while and that reminds me.

  “Shit! The band!”

  “Yep, the band,” Adam tosses something into the trash can.

  “Why did we tell Dad about Century when we have no band?!” I ask, pinching the bridge of my nose.

  “More than that…” Dorian sighs, rolling his eyes. “Will you be okay enough by then to perform?”

  “I can do it,” I say determinedly.

  “But,” he tries to argue, “you shouldn't push yourself too hard. If you don't feel up for it…”

  “I may not be jumping around and dancing on stage too much. But that's why we recorded video of the event.”

  “Yeah, but not all of it,” Adam says. “Bryan, Kyle, and Chad got the really good shots and… they're not here.”

  “Right,” I shake my head, “So, first thing's first. We've got to get our band back together.”

  “How?” Adam asks, biting his lip. “They don't trust me.”

  “Look, we haven't gone this far to give up now,” I tell him firmly. “Whatever it takes. We're getting that contract if we have to put on the show ourselves!”

  “Let's avoid that, shall we?” Dorian remarks with a thoughtful look on his face. “This is where my role comes into play. Leave everything to me.”

  He leans over and kisses my lips gently.

  “I'll be back soon,” he reassures sweetly.

  He pulls Adam close, kissing him briefly before walking out the door. Adam and I look at each other in confusion.

  “Where is he…?” I begin, but Adam shakes his head.

  “I have no idea,” he replies, moving to lay down beside me. “I've learned to stop asking questions and just go with it.”

  “You really trust him,” I say and he nods.

  “He's got our best intentions at heart,” he trails his hand down my stomach gently. “I told you he was a great guy.”

  “You did.” I smile. “Where's my kiss?”

  Adam grins and gives in to my request.

  “I really do love you, Nova,” he whispers against my lips. “Dorian is neither above or beneath you.”

  “I know,” I whisper as I lean against his shoulder. “I love you too, Adam. We're all going to be okay.”

  “Yeah,” he rests his arms around my waist. “We'll get through this together. Get some sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up.”

  I let my eyes close as the need to sleep overcomes me. I hope we can get everything figured out. I don't want to lose anyone. I don't want to be what ruined our opportunity. If we can just get through this we'll make it. We have to get through to them. I'm not done fighting for this.

  Chapter Eleven

  I'm released the next day. My family meets me at my house to get everything all set for me to spend a couple of days resting. Dorian's specific orders: “She is not to move a muscle.”

  “So, we're pretty much going to baby her?” Adam asks, receiving a loud slap to the back of his head. “Ow, Dorian! What was that for?!”

  “It's not babying!” Dorian reprimands. “It's taking care of her. She needs rest.”

  “But she also needs to move,” Adam replies, rubbing at his head. “She has to stretch her muscles or they'll be sore longer.”

  “Nonsense,” Dorian argues with a pout. “She's injured! What kind of boyfriends are we to not baby her a bit after an accident?”

  “We're the kind of boyfriends that want the best for her,” Adam says, shaking his head. “We can still take care of her and allow her to do for herself.”

  “Guys,” I interrupt them, “you're both wonderful, but I don't need babied.”

  Dorian broods for a moment, flipping his long hair over his shoulder as my father walks through the front door with a bag of food.

  “Here ya go, Princess,” he hands me the bag. “Got those fries you like so much from Checkers.”

  “Thank you, Daddy,” I reply, kissing his cheek. “Where's Mom?”

  “She's comin',” he grunts, adjusting his coat.

  “Hello, darlings!” Mom speaks as if she knew we were talking about her. “Nova, dear, I stocked you up on ice packs, some popsicles, ice cream and…”

  She walks over and puts a blanket over me.

  “I got this heating blanket for you,” she says, tucking me in gently. “I hear heat helps muscle aches too.”

  “Thank you, Mommy,” I wrap her in a big hug.

  “Are you all settled?” she asks, squeezing my hand. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

  “I'm fine,” I reply, shrugging. “I've got Adam and Dorian here. They insisted that they stay here to look after me.”

  “Oh!” Mom covers her face to hide a blush. “Two handsome gentlemen at your beck and call? Where did you find them?”

  “Audrey!” Dad says, crossing his arms. “I've got a meeting to tend to. Boys? Walk me and Mrs. Pierce to the car. Let's have a little chat.”

  He points toward the door way. Dorian smirks in my direction as he confidently strides toward my father, quickly hooking Adam around the neck and dragging him along.

  “Should I be worried?” I ask Mom as she watches.

  “No, dear!” she shakes her head. “It's just that—me and y-your father—we noticed some things yesterday and—well—we just want to make sure they have good intentions is all.”

  “Noticed some things?” I ask in trepidation.

  Does she know?!

  “Just looks and little smiles,” Mom smiles to herself. “They're both sweet on you, aren't they?”

  “I don't know,” I reply, biting my lip.

  “Oh, there's nothing wrong with having options, dear. That Dorian is a real hunk! If I were a few years younger!”

  “Mom!” I exclaim and she shushes me.

  “Don't tell your father,” she shakes her head. “We may not be married anymore, but he still gets jealous sometimes—makes a lady feel special.”

  “Audrey!” Dad calls from outside.

  “Until he opens his mouth,” Mom responds, squeezing my hands. “I'll see ya later, sweetie. You call me if you need anything.”

  “I will, Mom. I love you.”

  “I love you too,” she winks at me playfully when Dorian walks up to meet her.

  “May I escort you, Ms. Pierce?” he asks with a flirtatious wink.

  Mom blushes hard and begins to stammer.

  “Oh, that's not necessary!” she tries to refuse, but Dorian is persistent.

  “I must insist,” he says charmingly. “A lady should always have an escort.”

  “Do you hear that Marty?!” Mom calls, waving at Dad from the door frame.

  “Yeah!” Dad calls back. “He thinks you're a lady!”

  “Oh, ignore him!” Mom remarks as I watch them head to the car.

  Dad still takes her everywhere she needs to go. Honestly, I don't know what the hell they're doing. They still act the same and see each other just as much as when they were together. I love them, but thank God it's not my circus to run. It works for them better than their marriage did and that's all that matters.

  I lean back against the couch and close my eyes. Soon enough I hear
the door close and Dorian chuckling lowly.

  “I'd say I'm in,” Dorian states as he walks back into the room.

  “That's just because she's smitten with that long, sexy hair and those piercing blue eyes…” Adam lets his sentence drop off as he sits next to me, making me look at him.

  “You going to finish that sentence?” I question, poking at his chin as he watches Dorian take off his shirt. “Hmm.”

  “What?” he asks, snapping out of his trance.

  I roll my eyes at him.

  “Nothing,” I sigh, enjoying the view myself.

  Dorian flexes his chest muscles and takes a seat on the other side of me.

  “What's on the agenda today?” Adam asks, picking up the TV remote.

  “Have we heard from anyone?” I fidget with my hands. “I feel like I should call them.”

  “Let them come to you,” Dorian recommends, stealing one of my fries. “I've got this. Don't worry.”

  I shake my head and rest my head on his shoulder.

  “No worries, right,” I sigh and close my eyes.

  It's been twenty-four hours since the accident. Dorian and Adam have been screening all of my phone calls so I can actually rest. They're vigilant. I'll give them that.

  Two days go by. Not a word from the guys at all. I'm starting to get worried. Dorian says to leave it all to him and he's been absent for the past few hours. The meeting with Century is coming up in three days. We haven't finished the song I'd started and I've been staring at this notebook for hours.

  Eventually, Adam takes a seat beside me on the bed with an acoustic guitar in his hand. I give him an inquisitive look and he shrugs.

  “It's been a while,” he sighs, plucking a couple of strings. “Let's mess around a bit. See if something comes to mind.”

  “Sure,” I reply, and he starts strumming the guitar.

  I glance across the bedroom and notice a notebook on Dorian's side of the bed. My curiosity gets the better of me and I give Adam a look.

  “Is that a journal?” I ask Adam and he shrugs.

  “I don't think so,” he replies. “He's more of a leather journal kind of guy.”

  “Hm,” I reach over for the notebook. “Think he'd care if I took a look?”

  “Might want to ask him first,” Adam responds.

  “Ask me what?” Dorian questions, walking into the bedroom.

  “Hey, babe!” I say cheerfully. “Just wondering if you'd care that I look at your notebook.”

  “And why would you want to do that?” He has an embarrassed look on his face.

  I arch an eyebrow at him.

  “What are you hiding?” I ask and he gives me a look of pure innocence.

  I lock eyes with him and move to reach for the notebook. He darts across the bed as fast as he can and I immediately lunge for it. We land in a tussle on the floor as I fight to get the notebook out of his hands. He grapples me around the waist as I grab the notebook and try to run.

  Adam sits strumming away on his guitar like nothing is going on. Dorian hauls me over his shoulders and tosses me onto the bed, yanking the notebook from my hand. He sticks his tongue out at me and exits the room. I'm quick to follow after him.

  “Yes?” he asks when I give him an inquisitive look.

  “You could have just said no,” I reply, giving him my best pout.

  “It's not that I have anything to hide,” he says with a sigh. “I just don't let anyone read my lyrics.”

  “You write lyrics?!”

  “Yes,” he grimaces, pouring himself a cup of coffee, “they're awful.”

  “The jury is out on that,” I grab his notebook.

  “Hey!” he follows me out into the living room. “I don't snoop on you!”

  “I'm just curious,” I hold the notebook out of reach.

  “Curiosity—” Dorian starts.

  “Killed the cat!” Adam interrupts teasingly, taking a seat on the couch with his guitar.

  “Seriously?” I deadpan. “It's two on one now?”

  “Isn't it usually?” Dorian remarks with a sexy smirk.

  “No!” I scoff. “I think it's been pretty fair—until now.”

  I put the notebook down on the coffee table and sit down with a huff.

  “Everyone gets to read my crappy lyrics,” I mumble until Dorian finally sighs.

  “Alright, alright!” he rescinds, setting his cup of coffee down.

  He hands me the notebook.

  “Here,” he replies, putting it on my lap. “Just don't laugh.”

  “If you're that uncomfortable with me reading them, I won't.” I do feeling kind of guilty.

  “No, you're right,” he sighs. “We all get to read yours. It's only fair.”

  I look at his beautiful face and he seems nervous, almost anxious, as I open the notebook.

  “Are you sure?” I ask softly and he nods.

  I take a peek and read through the first set of lyrics I come across. His penmanship is glorious and neat—even with scratched out lines and angry cartoon faces drawn in the margins. They're not what I expected from him.

  As I flip through the pages, I realize that he's a lot deeper than I'd ever given him credit for. He isn't so flippant or whimsical. He cares and he feels. Which I knew he did, but he's not always forthcoming with his feelings, preferring to ignore them or internalize them until he explodes or breaks.

  I come to one in particular. It looks like the page I'd seen earlier and the date at the top is from the day of the accident. He's been writing on this for a couple of days now and I'm speechless.

  “Dorian,” I gasp as tears well up in my eyes, “these are beautiful.”

  “Yeah, well…” he scratches his head, “I'm not very good with words…”

  “No, I mean it!” I hug him to me. “You're better than you think. In lots of ways. You know that, right?”

  He rolls his eyes as Adam peers over at the notebook.

  “Wow, babe,” Adam remarks softly. “Are you sure you suck?”

  “Well, you should know,” Dorian says sarcastically.

  Adam glares at him.

  “Really?” I shove Dorian playfully. “Come on, seriously.”

  Dorian sighs and leans forward.

  “I don't know,” he shrugs. “It's not something I broadcast. When you look… well, like me, people expect you to be one of two things: a male prostitute or some overly sensitive writes-poems-in-his-mother's-basement-type. Contrary to popular belief, I am neither a prostitute nor am I overly sensitive.”

  “Well, damn,” I sigh, picking at his arm. “Here I was thinkin’ we could at least put you on the corner if the whole band thing doesn't work out.”

  “Ah, yes,” he says, getting to his feet. “Speaking of which, I ran into Kyle at the grocery store.”

  “Did he say anything?” Adam asks hesitantly.

  “He asked about Nova,” Dorian replies, resting his hand on my thigh.

  “Anything about the band?”

  Dorian tilts his hand in a so so manner.

  “I could tell he was trying not to ask, but I was forthcoming.”

  Suddenly, there's a knock on the door. Dorian and I both look at Adam. He sighs and gets to his feet, setting his guitar against the cushion. When he opens the door Kyle and Bryan are standing there with their hands in their pockets.

  “Hey!” Adam says in surprise.

  Kyle and Bryan look at each other with a sigh.

  “Got room for two?” Bryan asks as a smile creeps onto his lips.

  “More than enough room,” Adam hugs them both in brotherly fashion.

  “This doesn't mean we're cool, dude,” Kyle responds, patting his back. “You've still got to make it right with Chad.”

  They walk inside and Adam closes the door behind them.

  “I've been trying to call him,” Adam admits. “I've left messages and sent texts.”

  They join us around the coffee table, opting to sit on the floor.

  “Um, I think you owe hi
m an apology to his face,” Kyle replies, thrumming his fingers across the coffee table.

  “Yeah, man. After sucker punching him and getting him kicked out of the hospital—”

  “You did what?!” I exclaim, getting to my feet. “What the hell were you thinking?! I thought he hit you!”

  “Oh, he did,” Dorian says smugly. “Adam's lucky he didn't get thrown out himself.”

  “I can't believe you!” I step past Dorian's feet.

  “What are you doing?” Dorian sighs, rubbing at his face.

  “I'm getting my keys!” I reply, walking into the kitchen.

  I grab my keys and find my jacket hanging on the rack.

  “The van is wrecked,” Adam reminds me quietly. “You can't go anywhere.”

  “Then give me your keys,” I say, holding out my hand. “You're coming too.”

  “Where exactly are we going?” he asks in annoyance.

  “Where do you think?” I question as he gets to his feet. “Where you should be going yourself. To Chad's. Right now.”

  “I don't think he wants to see me,” Adam argues and looks to Dorian for support.

  “Sorry,” Dorian holds up his hands in submission. “I'm with her on this one.”

  Adam shakes his head in annoyance.

  “You owe him an apology,” Dorian continues. “You were way out of line.”

  “I'm allowed to go out with a friend.”

  “I know,” Adam replies sullenly. “I was just jealous. He's such a—”

  “Adam!”

  “I was just going to say that's he's such a big flirt with you,” he counters defensively. “Can you blame me for thinking it was something more?”

  “No, but even if it was—I gave you two space to figure things out. I think I deserved the same respect, don't you?”

  “Yes.” Adam nods. “I was wrong. I know that. I'm sorry.”

  “You don't need to apologize. Not to me, not to Dorian, but you do owe it to them.”

  “As long as the drama is settled, I don't care,” Bryan says.

  “Speak for yourself,” Kyle replies. “Is there always going to be jealous hostility in the air?”

  “No,” Dorian responds, smiling at me.

  “Nope,” I confirm. “We've pretty much got this thing figured out.”

  “Yeah, we're good,” Adam notes, blushing a bit.