Nothing In Common

by Megan Hart

  "You are late!" Darren announced from the doorway.

  "I know." She grinned uncontrollably.

  Darren looked at her carefully, then shut the door behind him and slid into the chair across from her. "‘Fess up, honey. You’ve got happy written all over your face."

  "Let’s just say I had an interesting evening."

  Darren used his wonderful power of expression to let her know he wasn’t fooled. "And morning, too, it looks like."

  She shrugged, unable to stop smiling. "Maybe."

  "Maybe, nothing!" Darren hooted, slapping the desk. "You got yourself a boyfriend!"

  Lila shushed him and winced. "Why not take a memo and copy the whole company, Darren!"

  Her assistant laughed and propped his feet up on the desk. "We won’t need a memo. You can’t hide your face, honey. You’re in love."

  She blushed and began sorting through her mail. Darren did have a disconcerting way of digging right to the heart of any matter. Not that she was in love with Tom. It was too soon. Wasn’t it?

  "I wouldn’t say that." She struggled for coolness, but the smile kept creeping up on her mouth. Finally, she tossed the mail aside and let out a restrained whoop while twirling around in her chair. "Maybe."

  Darren crossed his arms in front of him like a drill sergeant. "Spill your guts. I want to know everything."

  Lila didn’t have to think about what to say. The words tumbled out of her in a rush. "His name is Tom Caine. He owns The Foxfire. We met at my sister’s showing a few weeks ago. That’s it."

  Darren snorted. "If that’s it, I’m the Queen of Sheba. I know you better than that."

  "He’s…handsome."

  Darren’s brows lifted, and his feet came down off the desk with a thump. "Oh, no."

  Lila groaned and buried her face in her arms on top of the desk. "He’s gorgeous."

  "But he’s short, right?"

  "No. He’s at least six-two."

  "Dumb?"

  Again, she groaned. "Absolutely not."

  Darren forced her to sit up and look at him. "The man is tall, gorgeous, and smart?"

  She nodded. Her assistant let out another whoop, got up from the chair, and began doing his patented bump and grind around the desk. Lila, as always, couldn’t help but dissolve into a fit of laughter.

  "Girlfriend’s back!" Darren slid back into the seat. "Lila, honey, I am so glad you have finally seen the light."

  Lila put her hands on her hips and huffed. "Oh, come on. My social life hasn’t been that bad."

  Darren looked at her in such a way she had no doubts that he thought otherwise. "Since Bill the Bozo, Lila, all you’ve dated is computer geeks and mama’s boys. I am serious."

  He was right, of course. Other than Rivka, Darren was the only person Lila had told about William. Darren was also the only person who’d seen any of the men she’d gone out with since then.

  "All those nights I helped you get ready?" He referred to the times she’d asked him to help her with her hair or makeup before a date. "I was wasting my time and my mascara. None of those men were good enough for you."

  That sobered her. "Don’t say that. Nobody isn’t good enough for anybody."

  Despite her cryptic response, she was sure Darren knew what she meant. William had told her she wasn’t good enough. Lila had vowed vehemently to never say the same about anyone else.

  Her assistant looked chastened. "Sorry. But it’s true."

  Lila glanced back to the pile of mail now strewn in an untidy heap across her desk. Nothing could have put a damper on her day, but the pile of work she had to do was a good start. She began sorting the letters.

  Darren picked up a few that had slid to the floor, then took the rest from her. "I’ll do this. You have to meet with Corporate Carl in about fifteen minutes."

  "Fifteen minutes!" Lila was aghast. She had forgotten about her planning meeting with Carl Houser, the president of Lymen Media. He wanted to discuss where her magazines were heading, an ominous question she wasn’t sure she wanted to answer. Now she only had fifteen minutes to prepare.

  "Love does make a person all mush-brained." Darren ducked out of the way before she could slap him. "Relax, Lila, it’s only Corporate Carl. Just hike your skirt up a little and bat those pretty lashes."

  That the company president was a known lecher did nothing to extend her confidence. She still needed to come up with justification for the way her four titles were doing in the marketplace. She began digging somewhat frantically for the sheaf of notes she had prepared.

  "I don’t even have anything to do with his stupid planning meeting." Lila ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. "It’s all editorial and marketing! I’m just in charge of getting the stupid things out, for Pete’s sake!"

  She found the notes exactly where she’d left them. Skimming them, she was relieved to find her reports still made sense. She breathed deeply, finally allowing herself to relax.

  Darren watched her solemnly. "I’ve never seen you this flustered. Whatever Mr. Gorgeous did to you last night must not have worn off yet."

  She cast him an evil glare. "Darren, I’m not paying you to comment on my love life."

  He shrugged. "No, honey, ’cause if you were—"

  "I know. I couldn’t afford your salary."

  Darren grinned. "Am I going to meet this mystery man or what?"

  "He’ll be at Rivka’s opening." Lila still wasn’t sure she looked forward to that little shindig. "It’s going to be a costume party, Darren. Want to come?"

  He paused in the doorway. "Are you kidding me? A chance to see that crazy sister of yours, meet your new boyfriend, and party hearty all in drag? I wouldn’t miss it for the world, honey!"

  "Something told me you’d like the idea." Lila grinned.

  "Don’t worry, Lila. I’ll let you know exactly what I think of him."

  Lila gathered her notes. The question wasn’t what Darren might think of Tom. It was what Tom might think of Darren. The thought made her laugh out loud. Still laughing, she left the office to go to her meeting.

  * * *

  The meeting didn’t take long, thank heavens. Carl was brief and to the point. Archery Hunter magazine was the only one of her four titles that was actually doing well. Doll Collector, Early American Crafts, and British Life were all barely breaking even.

  Hiding her apprehension, Lila presented her carefully planned reports showing that the fault lay in marketing and advertising, not with production. To her relief and surprise, Carl had emphatically agreed with her and even commended her on her performance under such circumstances and hinted at the prospect of a raise.

  Consequently, the high Lila had been on since waking up in Tom’s arms got even higher. Almost whistling, she swung by the mail room to drop off a few things before heading back to her office. She planned to take Darren to a nice, long, expensive lunch.

  "Hi, Lila!" The eager voice shot out from behind the tall row of shelves that served as mail slots.

  Lila’s good mood dropped a notch. "Hey, Ned. How are you?"

  "I’m just dandy." Ned Namey ogled her through one of the slots. "And how ’bout yourself, pretty lady?"

  Lila repressed a grimace. "Oh, you know. Busy, busy."

  Ned stepped out from his mailroom domain and hitched his pants up past his waist. He had really outdone himself this time. Kelly green linen pants, inadequately held up with a brown leather braided belt. Faded pink Izod polo shirt, collar standing up to brush his ears. Black loafers with tassels. He’d even added a watch today.

  "Do you like it?" He must have seen her noticing it. "It’s a Bolex."

  "A Bolex?"

  "Yeah, you know." Ned gave her a conspiratorial glance. "It’s like a Rolex, but it’s a Bolex. I got in New York when I went to the National Mail Handlers Convention."

  "It’s…really…nice." Lila mustered as much enthusiasm as she could. She handed him the pile of envelopes she needed to send out. "Here you go, Ned. Thanks a lot."

/>   "So, when are we going to go out again?" Ned took the pile and began nonchalantly tossing each letter into its appropriate slot. "We had such a great time the last time."

  "Boy, we sure did." Lila wished the floor would open up and swallow her whole. Or better yet, swallow Ned. "But…."

  Ned suddenly turned from his letter sorting—the smarmy smile wiped clean from his face. It had been replaced by an expression of intense sincerity. Lila stifled a groan.

  "I tried calling you a couple of times, but you didn’t get back to me."

  What could she say to that? She didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth—that the one time she had agreed to go out with him had been a mistake. She’d gotten his messages, but had wimpily forgone returning his calls. She had hoped he’d get the hint.

  "Sorry," she said. "I’ve just been.…"

  "Busy, I know."

  "I’m really sorry," she repeated. "I don’t know what else to say."

  "You could say you’ll go out with me again," Ned said in the hopeless voice of a man who expects to be shot down.

  "Oh, I wish I could. I really do." Lila gritted her teeth. "But I’ve just started seeing someone."

  "Oh."

  She would rather have had someone hit her on the head with a frying pan than have to look at Ned’s face. Lila felt terrible. Ned was nice. He was just too…well…Ned.

  "I sure did have fun with you, though." Lila struggled to sound sincere. "Bowling, the stuffed-animal exhibit at the state museum. A lot of fun."

  "Lila, you don’t have to patronize me," Ned said with a nerd’s quiet dignity. "I know you didn’t want to go out with me again. It’s okay. A woman like you never wants to go out with a man like me."

  The similarity to her own words to Tom made Lila step back. "Oh, Ned."

  "No, Lila, really, it’s fine. I’m used to this. I just thought.…" Ned trailed off for a moment, sounding wistful. "I just thought you were different. You’re always so nice to me."

  Oh, brother, Lila thought. How to respond to that? She couldn’t tell him that she was just being nice to be nice, not being nice to be…well…nice.

  "Ned, I’m sorry." It was the third time. "I really am seeing someone now, or else I’d love to go out with you again."

  "I said you don’t have to patronize me!" Ned snapped loudly. Two bright spots of color had appeared in his pasty cheeks. "I’m not much to look at, I know, but I’m not dumb!"

  Lila’s heart sunk into her stomach. Now she really didn’t know what to say. Anything she could come up with would just make matters worse. "Ned…"

  "Just go." Ned’s voice rang with coldness, and he ducked back into his sanctuary. "I’ll see you around. Good luck with your new boyfriend."

  He sneered the last word before he turned his back on her and started again to sort the mail. Lila left the mailroom and hurried to get back to her office before she started to cry. She felt terrible about what had just happened, and the fact she was now on the other side of the table did not escape her. Was this how Tom had felt when she had said almost the same thing to him?

  Darren took one look when she entered the office and shut the door. "Does this mean we’re not going to lunch?"

  Lila slumped into her chair and rubbed her temples. Darren’s words finally registered and she looked up. "No. Why?"

  Her assistant frowned and pulled up the other office chair. She had never seen him look so serious. He looked worried.

  "Corporate Carl really let you have it, huh?" He sounded sympathetic. "We going to be out of jobs, honey? ’Cause I got a great lead over at Caldwell Publications. My cousin’s girlfriend’s sister’s niece works in human resources over there."

  Lila stared at him blankly for a long moment before she realized he thought her glum mood was because of the planning meeting she’d had. "Relax, Darren, our jobs are safe. We might even be getting raises."

  There was his excellent use of expression to convey emotion again. Both brows raised and his lips pursed, Darren sat back in his chair. "Then why did you come in here looking like your dog just died?"

  "I just had a rather disturbing conversation with Ned."

  "Nerdy Ned?"

  Lila nodded. She leaned back in her chair and eased muscles she had not noticed earlier were sore. The reasons for her aches and pains would have made her smile an hour ago, but now Ned’s accusations cast a pall over the memory of Tom’s lovemaking.

  Darren snorted. "What did he want?"

  "He wanted to know when we’d be going out again."

  Darren began to laugh in his wonderfully unrestrained way. At least she usually thought it was wonderful. Now she winced as his laugher filled the small office and probably carried out to the hallway despite the closed door.

  "Darren! It’s not funny!"

  "Honey, I told you going out with him would be a mistake!"

  She felt the beginnings of a headache. The morning’s euphoria was completely destroyed. She felt just terrible about treating Ned so badly. "Keep your voice down, Darren! He’s got feelings, too."

  To her surprise, Darren quieted. "Lila, are you feeling guilty?"

  "Maybe a little. I did just…blow him off."

  "And telling him that you’d have more fun plucking your eyebrows with a pair of rusty tweezers than going out with him again—that would’ve been better?"

  A smile twitched her lips. "I could’ve just told him up front that I thought he was very nice, but that I didn’t think we’d ever be anything more than friends. Now I just hurt his feelings."

  "Shoot, Lila, his feelings would have been hurt no matter what you told him. Face it, honey, ‘there’s someone for everybody’ is just a myth."

  "That doesn’t make it right!" Guilt still assailed her. "He said something like women like me don’t date guys like him."

  "Well?" Darren looked clearly perplexed. "They don’t!"

  "But that doesn’t make it right!" Lila rapped the desktop with her fist.

  "Ah, I see." Darren shifted in his chair and propped his feet up on her desk. "This has got to do with Bill the Bozo, huh?"

  It was nice to have a friend who knew your history. It saved a lot of explanation. She nodded, tearing off a used piece of paper from her notepad just so she’d have something to do with her hands while she talked.

  "I made Ned feel the same way William made me feel." Repugnance filled her.

  Darren clicked his tongue and shook his head. "William did it to you on purpose. You didn’t set out to hurt Ned’s feelings. There’s a big, big difference, honey."

  "I doubt if Ned would think so."

  Her assistant sniffed. "So what you going to do? Date Ned just to make him feel better? To do him a favor?"

  She winced at the force he put into his words. Darren knew the whole sad story of what had happened with William and how he had told her he’d been tired of doing her a favor. Darren was trying to provoke her.