All the Hidden Sins

by Marian Lanouette

  “I’ll stay for as long as you like.”

  It dawned on her he was still in his wet clothes. “Let’s try this again. Why don’t you give me your shirt and pants. I’ll dry them for you.”

  “I’ll keep them on, thank you.”

  “Afraid I’ll attack you?”

  “I’m trying to do the right thing here, by keeping my hands to myself. You’re making it quite difficult,” Jake said, his voice strained.

  “Good.”

  “Good?”

  “Yes, good. I told you I want to make love to you. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. Don’t make me beg. I don’t care about Tom. I want to put him out of my mind.”

  “I want to make love to you too, but we should talk first.”

  “About what?” Kyra asked.

  “You.”

  “I’m boring.”

  “No, I find you enticing and obviously so many others do too.”

  She wanted to wipe that stupid grin right off his face. Lord, what does a girl have to do to get laid around here?

  “What do you want to know?”

  “Everything.”

  “I hate talking about me.”

  “Then talk about your son.”

  “Trevor’s the light of my life. He’s full of energy, smart, and funny. The divorce is killing him. Six is a tough age. He’s too young to understand what’s going on.”

  * * * *

  He watched her face light up. At the same time pain filled her eyes as she spoke of her son. Jake wondered if she’d tell him why she was losing custody of the kid. She didn’t seem the type to abuse a child, but then again, you never knew. The job had taught him that everyone was capable of violence.

  “Kyra.” He took her hand, looked into her eyes. “Why don’t you have custody of Trevor?”

  “I have a gambling problem.” Kyra tugged her hand free of Jake’s. He grabbed it back.

  “Gambling, like betting on sports?”

  “No, casino-type gambling.” She dropped her eyes.

  “You shouldn’t have lost custody over a gambling problem.”

  “You do if you’re married to a Russell in this town.”

  Jake watched her checks flush, then he took her chin in his hands and raised her head. “Look at me. You made a mistake, but losing your son’s a high price to pay. Can’t you fight him?”

  “I don’t have enough money to fight back but I’m saving, though I doubt I’ll have enough in time.” She dropped her eyes, breaking contact with his. Something’s off here. What is it?

  “How much do you need?”

  “What?”

  “I asked how much do you need, and what about your parents?”

  Her forehead creased and her lips pursed into a thin line before she answered him. The question wasn’t difficult, why was she stalling?

  “Kyra?”

  “They won’t help.”

  “Why?”

  “Jake, this isn’t any of your business. This is all too intimate to discuss with you.”

  “You’re willing to sleep with me, but not talk to me.” He hid the hurt. Damn if she wasn’t hiding something. How much did she owe on her gambling debt? Was she so broke she had no money left over to fight for her son?

  “It’s…oh, Jake. I can’t…I don’t know.”

  “Talk it out. It might help.”

  “Yeah, and push you out the door.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Right.”

  Russell had done a number on her. “Please, Kyra, talk to me.”

  “Okay, here goes. Tom wanted to go to the casino, because he found our life boring. We never anticipated how it might grab hold of me and not let go. I started playing the slots. A little here. A little there. Next thing I knew, it became an obsession. I lost control. At first, I was winning big. Then I started losing. The more I lost, the more I tried to win.”

  Jake listened without interrupting. She was embarrassed, the white skin of her neck changing colors until it matched her hair. He knew it was hard for her to open up, but he had a knack of drawing people out. But he wanted the whole story before he formed an opinion.

  “There’s no reason for you to be embarrassed, Kyra. People make mistakes.”

  “You don’t understand. It was a major mistake. I used Trevor’s college fund.”

  “You can pay it back.”

  “I’ve been working on it.”

  “So, after nine years, Tom kicked you out over that?”

  “No.”

  “Then why?”

  “I used my pension fund and my 401k and his. I processed a withdrawal with his signature.”

  “I can see why he was angry. But together you should’ve sought help for the addiction. If his retirement fund is what pushed him over the edge and not Trevor’s college fund…”

  “He threatened to press charges against me for forgery.”

  “But he didn’t. Instead he filed for divorce?”

  “Yes.” Tears washed down her face.

  She stood and started pacing the room. Jake went to her and took her in his arms. He knew there was more here she wasn’t telling him. Patience was something he’d developed over the years. “You didn’t answer my question. Why won’t your parents help you?”

  “If I went to Gamblers Anonymous and promised to never set foot in the casino again they’d help.”

  “And you’re not willing to agree to those terms, even to gain custody of your son?”

  “It’s not the terms, Jake. It’s my parents trying to control me. Tom also tried to control me throughout our marriage. I’m sick of it!” she yelled. “You’re right, the price is too high. I didn’t know Tom was going to pull the custody thing or I’d have agreed. By then, it was too late, the judge had ruled. Tom’s parents had already greased the right palms.”

  Jake tightened his grip on her as she tried to push away. “Kyra, look at me. There’re ways to fight these people. Are you still gambling?”

  “I was. I haven’t been back since last Tuesday.”

  “Why?”

  “I lost again. I realized the stupidity of my actions as I tried to win the money to fight Tom. You’ll never understand how much I hate myself for what I did to Trevor’s life. How I screwed it up. A child needs both his parents at his age.”

  “Kyra, it can be fixed. I understand how you can blame yourself. I blamed myself for years for my sister’s death.” And still do, but he wasn’t going to share that.

  “What happened?”

  “A classmate of mine raped her, beat her and murdered her. Eva asked me for a ride that day, but I refused because I had a date. It was only five minutes out of my way. Five freaking minutes out of my way. If I’d said yes she’d be alive today.” The guilt, the pain, the horror of it, slammed into his life at unexpected moments. It woke him from sleep, invaded his work. He sat up and wondered how much longer he’d be able to handle it and the job? He shoved the gruesome reflection from his mind.

  “Then it would’ve happened on another day. You can’t fight fate or blame yourself for someone else’s actions.” She rubbed his back.

  “I can and do,” he whispered.

  “Did they catch the guy?”

  “Yes, he’s in jail, but he’s up for parole again.”

  “How can the parole board consider letting him lose on society?”

  “The prisons are overcrowded.”

  “That’s no excuse.”

  “I attend his parole hearings. I give testimony against him each time. This ensures they’ll keep him behind bars. I also bring pictures of what he did to her along with all the physical evidence, including the DNA reports, to show how Spaulding’s violent act can’t be forgiven and that he’s not fit to rejoin society. And I don’t care how o
ld he was at the time of the crime. It kept him locked up. Now, after all these years, he wants his DNA tested again to prove it wasn’t him. He did it. Of that I have no doubts.”

  “It must still be raw.”

  “It is.”

  She let him lead her back to the couch. They sat down. “Do you want anything?”

  “Yes, to get back to talking about you.”

  Great. “There’s nothing else to say.”

  “There’s a lot to say. You never said if you had a problem.”

  “I do.”

  “That’s a big step, acknowledging it.”

  “I understand that.”

  “What’s your plan to gain custody?”

  “Well, Tom helped tonight with his actions. I’ve also saved up money for the lawyer and to repay Trevor’s college fund.”

  “That’s why you live here, bare to the bone?”

  “Yes. What I need more than anything is to have Trevor back with me. My heart has a hole in it without him here.”

  “I can imagine. Do you have enough money now?” Her shoulders jerked at his question. Interesting. He wondered why.

  “I’m almost there. Each week, when I get paid, I add to it.”

  Every time he brought up money, she dodged him. Why? “If you need my help, I’ll be a character witness.” Was there another reason the court ruled against her? His instincts buzzed.

  “Thanks.”

  “It’s hard for you to accept help, isn’t it?”

  “Yes. I like being independent. But I appreciate the offer. Oh, I have a big favor to ask. I need a date for my friend’s wedding next weekend. Do you want to go?” Kyra fiddled with her hands.

  Jake took hold of them. “Yes, just let me know the time and place.”

  * * * *

  With nothing more to be said on the subject, they sat on the couch in silence, not an uncomfortable silence, but a soothing one. Kyra snuggled closer to Jake, needing the warmth his body supplied. He hadn’t judged her or walked out, a mark in the “pro” column for him. Was he disgusted with her or did he consider her a fool?

  Kyra turned and kissed him. The kiss turned from a thank-you to passionate in under a second. Again, she probed his mouth—the heat shot through her, settling between her thighs. She wanted this man, wanted his hands, tongue, and mouth on her. His mind excited her. Never with Tom had she experienced these sensations Jake invoked. His gentle caress was a far cry from Tom’s bruising one. The fire, the pleasure, shot in and around her as he tweaked her nipple between his thumb and finger. Incredible—she was ready for him, and the man hadn’t even taken off her shirt. She inched her hand over his jeans and rubbed as he hardened with each stroke. She swallowed his moan as he crushed his hips into her hand.

  Jake broke off the kiss, stared into her eyes, questioning as he unbuttoned her blouse. In a swift movement, he stood, extended his hand to her, and tugged her up off the couch.

  “Kyra…are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’m sure. I don’t want to be alone tonight.”

  “I’ll spend the night on the couch.”

  “What is your problem with getting laid, Jake?”

  “Kyra!”

  All the way into the bedroom they kissed while groping each other. He slid her blouse off her shoulder while trailing kisses down her neck to the swell of her breasts. He reached behind her to unhook her bra and came up empty.

  “What kind of bra is this?” He looked into her eyes.

  “Front loader.”

  “Christ, there should be instructions with these.”

  He moved his hands to the front, fussed with the closure. Kyra gripped them and guided them until he released the hook. Once freed, his mouth explored her as he teased along the way. The rhythm of it drove her wild. The anticipation built as he slid his right hand under the waistband of her skirt. A moan caught in her throat as his hand penetrated her defenses.

  But apparently not ready to end the exploration he tugged her skirt off. Whispery kisses sent her off the edge as she grabbed hold of his head.

  “Easy.” He laughed, continuing to tease her.

  “I can’t. In me now,” she screamed as she writhed.

  “Patience, darling.”

  “I can’t.”

  He tugged off her thong and continued his exploration. She exploded.

  Breathless, she whispered, “I want more.”

  Laughing, he rubbed his hands up and down her legs. “Hmmm!”

  He started to remove his boxers when she pushed him onto his back. Straddling him, she worked them off for him. Empowered by the orgasm, she wanted to give him the joy he’d given her.

  Shamelessly, she bent over. Kissing him, she slipped her tongue between his lips. Kyra pulled back and smiled. She skimmed his throat as she echoed his every move. He fisted his hands in her hair. Her scalp burned as he tugged. She slid her hand down the length of him, cupping him as she massaged. Kisses replaced her hand as her mouth caressed and tugged until he started to pulse. Not wanting him to come yet, she released him and sat up. A sly smile played upon her lips.

  “You’re killing me, Kyra, take it all,” he begged.

  She moved up his body and lowered herself onto him as she kept the same tempo, the same motion as her mouth. Slow and steady. His eyes never left hers as he held her hips. When she slowed the pace to tease, he pumped her hips faster. She saw his green eyes become determined right before he flipped her over and with fast, long strokes he thrust into her until she screamed out as she smoldered with her second orgasm. Her body and mind were floating. This is what they write songs about. Tom had never brought her to this level of release. She wanted to do it again and again. Should she ask?

  Jake collapsed on top of Kyra. “You’re incredible.”

  He seemed to realize he was crushing her because he pushed up and off, letting her draw in air.

  “Yes, it was exceptional.”

  He stretched out beside her, comfortable in his nakedness, he draped an arm over her. Kyra reached for the covers. “Don’t, I want to look at you. You’re gorgeous and don’t even realize it.” Ridiculous to be embarrassed, but she was. How should she respond to that? He’s high on sex right now. She lay there in a contemplative mood, content in their silence.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes, this was amazing.”

  “It was.”

  “You know…” How did you explain mind-blowing? Kyra turned on her side to face him. “I never experience sex this way. It was intense, satisfying, incredible, and awesome. Should I go on?”

  Laughing, Jake said, “No. I get it.”

  “Good, because I’d like to get it again,” she said.

  “My pleasure.”

  “Oh no, my pleasure,” she said, as she rolled on top of him.

  They made love well into the morning hours. Each time Jake made love to her, he brought her to orgasm—the experience euphoric. In the beginning, Tommy would take his time, initiating foreplay, but after the first year, he’d climb on top of her, satisfy himself and climb off. After sex with Tom she’d been an empty husk, an instrument for him to satisfy himself and the hell with her. Not once with Tom did she ever achieve an orgasm and was led to believe it was her fault. As the sun came up, so did Jake. Kyra smiled as she responded to his touch.

  “Where did you go?”

  “I’m right here.”

  “Do you want to talk?”

  He’s cute. “Talk is overrated. I like action.”

  “A woman after my own heart.”

  * * * *

  Two hours later he puttered around the kitchen and made coffee while he waited for her to wake.

  “I’ve died and gone to heaven,” she said, coming into the room.

  “Good morning, sleepyhead. Do you always sleep in?”

  “
Sleep in? It’s six thirty. What are you, one of those morning people?”

  “I love the morning. Coffee?” He held up the pot to entice her.

  “Is there a God?”

  He stared at her.

  “Yes, coffee please. You’re tough. No sense of humor?”

  “I have a sense of humor though not over coffee. I even made breakfast.”

  “Do you want a key?” she said, sipping the coffee. “You can cook and offer great sex at the same time.”

  “Hate to eat and run, but I have to get going. Remember, don’t meet him alone tonight. If you don’t want me there, make sure someone else is. Stay safe.”

  “Thanks for breakfast, especially the coffee.”

  He walked over to her, bent, kissed her, then straightened. She stood, grabbed his shirt, and kissed him back. No peck—a kiss filled with promises of more. He liked that.

  “I’ll call you later. And, Kyra, I had a great time last night.”

  “Me too, I’d love a repeat performance.”

  “How about right after work?”

  “You’re on.”

  Chapter 19

  Wednesday, Angelo, along with the same funeral director from the previous cremation, showed up at three thirty as Phil had promised. She directed them to the garage in back to unload the body. At three forty-five her cemetery laborers started coming in to clock out for the day and stow the equipment they’d used.

  The foreman, Dunn, walked into the cremation room. He eyeballed Angelo and the funeral director.

  “You need a hand, Kyra?”

  “No thanks, Joel, I’m all set.”

  “If you’re sure, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Kyra noticed Joel hadn’t budged. She walked into her office, sat at her desk, and started processing the paperwork for the legitimate cremation. She’d yet to put the body in the chamber. The air stirred as Joel entered and closed the door behind him.

  “What can I do for you?”

  “You sure you’re okay here by yourself?”

  “Yes, they’ve been here before.”

  “You have my cell number?” Bless his soul. Joel had a crush on her.

  Kyra waved goodbye to him. She wondered what Angelo was up to. As she turned, she watched him walk into the hall. Was he eavesdropping? He came back with a cup of coffee. She got up from her desk and headed into the chamber room. The oven’s thermometer showed it had reached the right temperature to load the casket.