All the Hidden Sins

by Marian Lanouette

  “I’ll send Mia away and come to your house.”

  “Why not talk to her and get it over with?”

  “I’m not ready. I need a friend to talk to.”

  “Only talk?” She tried to smile, but failed to hide the pain.

  “Yes. You run the game.”

  “Game, huh? I haven’t had possession yet.”

  “You don’t realize it, but you’ve had it all along.”

  “I’ll go home. I don’t want to get into a clawing match.”

  “I’ll see you in a little while.” When she turned away from him, he spun her back and kissed her. “Kyra, I don’t have the right at this moment, but I want you to understand that I care for you. Thank you for being there for me.”

  “Christ, this is screwed up. I’ll see you at my house.”

  He helped her into her car. She watched Jake in her rearview mirror as she drove away. She noticed Mia in the doorway. Had she eavesdropped? How much had she heard?

  * * * *

  “I guess you didn’t have plans with her after all?”

  “Let’s get back to our conversation. Are you coming over on Monday night?”

  He watched her struggle with her answer. “I want to, but from what I saw, it doesn’t look like there’s room for me in your life.”

  “Don’t make a decision until we talk.”

  Her eyes were filled with tears. What? Does she turn them on and off at will? How had he managed to reduce two women to tears in one night? All he wanted to do was the right thing. It was never his intention to hurt either one of them.

  “I’ll call you on Monday. I can’t do this right now.”

  Jake and Brigh walked her to the door. Together they waited until she got in her car and drove away. He shut the door and leaned his head against it for a moment.

  “Well, Brigh, that’s Mia. What do you think?” The dog walked over to her bed and started to gnaw on her chew toy. He’d get no help from her. Jake headed into the garage. Why had Mia shown up unannounced? Did she want to reconcile or was she playing games with him? God knew he wasn’t up to any.

  * * * *

  Jake knocked on Kyra’s door fifteen minutes later. Her puffy eyes greeted him. He clutched her to his chest. It tore at his heart to see the pain he’d caused her.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “This isn’t anyone’s fault.”

  He eased his way through the door, never letting go of her as he closed and locked it. “This has been a tough weekend. Why don’t we do something tomorrow?”

  “I have Trevor tomorrow, but I have to have him home by seven. We can get together after I drop him off.”

  “Do you want me to leave?”

  “Why’d you come if you didn’t plan to stay?”

  “I pushed myself on you tonight.” He shrugged.

  “You didn’t. I wanted to see you. Do you want to talk?”

  “Nothing was resolved. I don’t understand why she stopped in unannounced after we had made plans for Monday. We didn’t discuss anything. I had asked her to leave right before you rang the bell. I didn’t lie. I do want to talk about you though.”

  “Why don’t we go out for a drink or two?”

  “I’m not in the mood for a drink. I want to stay home.”

  He grabbed her, kissed her hard. He ran one hand up and down her back as the other hand held her head to his. He needed this woman tonight. Not for talk but that was what he was going to do. He needed answers. He stared into her eyes and led her to the couch.

  “Kyra,” he choked out.

  “Did you only come over for sex tonight?”

  He released her, stalked around the room. “No—yes—I don’t know. I knew I wanted to be with you. I didn’t plan any further than that.”

  “Come into the kitchen. I’ll fix you a drink.”

  “I don’t want a drink. I want you.” He sat down on the couch, rested his head in his hands. He laughed a bitter laugh. “Christ, I’ve never been this twisted up in my entire life.”

  * * * *

  She sat down beside him and drew him into her arms. She’d no intention of letting him leave. Kyra knew he needed her. She brushed her hand over his hair as she pressed her lips to his forehead and whispered in his ear.

  “Come to bed.”

  “Kyra, I didn’t mean…I don’t want to use…”

  “Shush, come.”

  With Kyra leading the way to her bedroom Jake followed. She made love to him the same way he’d made love to her on their first night, with a gentle tenderness. It didn’t lack passion, but it was comforting. Accepting. Later she held him while he slept, not able to get her mind off Mia.

  Why had she shown up tonight when he’d asked her not to? Jake had told Kyra that he cared for her. Was he trying to make Mia jealous? Had Mia even heard him say it? The moment had no clarity except for the pain crushing her heart. Damn. Against all that was smart, Kyra had gone and fallen in love with him. Sleep eluded her. Instead she watched while he did. Both times he had stayed with her, he tossed and turned, his dreams haunted. If she gave him to Mia she’d have smooth sailing ahead. Deep in her heart she understood she was the wrong woman for Jake though she didn’t want to walk away.

  It wasn’t a matter of could she, it was a matter of safety. Both his and hers.

  Chapter 24

  Her mind active she never fell into sleep. Kyra watched Jake jerk awake before he relaxed into his surroundings.

  “How is it possible you’re awake before me?” he asked, one eye open.

  “It’s still early, go back to sleep.”

  His eyes twinkled down at her. “I don’t want to sleep.”

  “Let me guess what it is you want to do.” Kyra had come to a decision during the long night. And though it hurt, she knew she would do the right thing by Jake.

  “Is that an offer?” He rolled over, taking her with him.

  “Oh, you don’t want breakfast?” she asked, her eyes flirting under her lashes as she tilted her head up.

  He laughed. “Only if you’re breakfast.”

  “Wow, you’re in luck. I am.”

  An hour and a half later they sat at the kitchen table. Kyra enjoyed watching Jake cook. “I could get used to this. I hate cooking.”

  “I find it relaxing, besides, I like to eat.” Jake dished out eggs and bacon onto her plate.

  “This is good. I have to leave here by nine thirty to pick up Trevor.”

  “You have plenty of time. It’s only eight o’clock. Are you kicking me out?”

  “No. No. Eat, relax. I have plenty of time to shower and dress.”

  “What are you doing with him today?”

  “We’re heading to the beach. I promised him.”

  “You don’t want me to go with you?”

  Kyra played with her eggs. Moved them around her plate. How did she answer him? She picked up a slice of crispy bacon and crunched on it. All the while, his eyes penetrated hers. “No, I don’t, Jake. Right now Trevor doesn’t need any new people in his life.”

  “Relax, I understand. If you’re up to it we can do something tonight.”

  He picked up their dishes and brought them to the sink and started washing them. Kyra walked up behind him, wrapped her arms around him and laid her head against his chest.

  * * * *

  Trevor’s excitement over being at the beach had Kyra’s head spinning. She tossed the blanket on top of the sand. She reached into her tote bag, took out his toys and spread them out on it as she watched him run to the water’s edge. She pulled her book from her bag but was afraid to take her eyes off him. Every few minutes, Trevor would run back to the blanket to show her some creature or other treasure from the sea.

  The routine got her dizzy. He sat down on the blanket after one such trip and started talking.
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br />   “Mom, why doesn’t Grandma like you?”

  “Sometimes grown-ups put their noses where they don’t belong. Grandma puts her nose in the wrong place all the time. Why?”

  “Well, she and Daddy got into a fight about you.”

  “Trevor, it’s not polite to eavesdrop on someone’s conversation.” Boy, she wished she’d been a fly on the wall.

  Trevor ignored her. “Grandma called Daddy stupid. She said she couldn’t believe how he pushed himself on you, and in front of a cop.” He took a deep breath.

  “Trev, I’m sure your grandmother would be upset if she knew you were telling me this.”

  “I don’t care. She’s mean.” From the mouths of babes. Kyra didn’t correct him because he was right.

  “Mom, what are charges?”

  Oh boy. “Sometimes—when someone gets in trouble with the police—they charge them with whatever crime they committed. Why?”

  “Because Daddy asked Grandpa to make the charges go away. Grandpa shouted at Daddy, ‘Not this time.’” If the bastard tries to get the charges dropped, I’ll sue the whole freaking system. Calm down. Protecting Trev is all that counts.

  “Then Grandpa cursed.” Trevor giggled. “Do you want me to tell which one?”

  “No, Trevor, just because an adult curses, it doesn’t make it right. You’re still not allowed to say the word, understand?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good, now go play.”

  “I’m not finished, Mom. Grandma yelled at Daddy for a long time too. She said something already hit the papers. Daddy said he was sorry, he was drunk. Grandpa told him it wasn’t an excuse. Grandpa yelled at him the way Daddy yells at me sometimes.”

  It was wrong, but she didn’t tell Trevor to stop this time.

  “Grandpa and Grandma were both yelling at Daddy and forgot I was there.”

  “I’m sure. Sometimes grown-ups get angry and they fight, but they still love each other.”

  “Not always. You and Daddy don’t love each other anymore, do you?”

  “No, we don’t, but we both love you. You understand, Trev?”

  “Yes.” He stood. “I still love you too.” He surprised her with a kiss and a hug before he ran down to the water again.

  Kyra played the conversation over in her mind. She wanted to ask Trevor more questions but he didn’t deserve to be put in the middle any more than he already was. One thing was for sure—Tom had to be pissed at his parents. Well, it was about time they made him take responsibility for his actions.

  On the ride home from the beach, Trevor asked, “What’s cus…od…dee?”

  “Do you mean custody?”

  “Yeah, that’s it. Grandpa said Daddy blew the custody thing. Grandpa was mad because of all the people he had taken care of to make it work for Daddy.”

  Interesting. “Daddy and I are divorcing, Trevor. Who you get to live with has custody of you. It means to take care of you. I want custody of you and your father also wants it.”

  “I want to live with you, Mommy.” It warmed her heart when he called her Mommy.

  “Me too, Trev. When we go to court, you can tell the judge what you want, okay?”

  * * * *

  At six fifty-nine she dropped Trevor off to an annoyed Tom. He tried to get her to come in, but Jake’s voice sounded in her head.

  “Hey, buddy. Did you have a good time?”

  “Yes, we went to the beach today, Daddy.”

  “Great, Trev. Be a good boy and go to your room. I need to speak with your mother.”

  Trevor threw his arms around Kyra and kissed her goodbye before heading to his room. As soon as Trevor was gone, Tom started in on her.

  “Why don’t you come in for a few minutes?”

  “I’m not coming in. I already told you I’m not going to be alone with you. What do you want to talk about?”

  “Do you always have to be such a bitch, Kyra?”

  “Safety first, Tom.”

  “All of a sudden you’re afraid of me?” he spat out.

  Incredible, the guy’s an ass. “Let me spell it out for you. YOU. TRIED. TO. RAPE. ME. Don’t play innocent.”

  “It was a mistake.”

  “Oh, you bet it was. Good night.”

  “We need to make decisions about Trevor. You know—school, shopping, vacations?”

  “The court will decide that for us.”

  “You bitch. Nothing’s changed.”

  “We’ll see. Good night.”

  The door slammed behind her.

  Chapter 25

  There were benefits to starting your morning with great sex. Kyra started the day energized. She’d kicked Jake out around seven then hopped into the shower before heading in to work.

  “Don’t you look well rested,” Dina said.

  “I’m good. Busy weekend.”

  “So, you’re still seeing Jake?”

  “I am.” The phone rang.

  “It’s your line, Kyra.”

  “Okay, I’ll take it in my office.” She walked in, closed her door, settled herself into her chair and grabbed the phone. “Hello.”

  “Good morning.”

  Crap! “Morning, Phil.” What does he want now?

  “I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

  Icicles jabbed at her spine. “Hi.” She knew he hadn’t called to talk. Why didn’t he cut the bull and get to it?

  Phil laughed without mirth setting her nerve endings on edge. “Still talking in one-syllable words I see.”

  He’s baiting you, pull it together. “I was taught to speak when I have something of value to say.”

  “It’s always smart to hold your tongue. I heard Jake Carrington is now heading Missing Persons. Is that correct?”

  If he asked the question, he already knew the answer. “Yes, he mentioned it in passing.”

  “What case is he working on?”

  “Phil, I haven’t a clue. He was annoyed and passed a comment how he now had the department, nothing else, no case names, nothing.”

  “Hard to believe a man wouldn’t discuss his job. What do you talk about?”

  “I’m not comfortable with this conversation.”

  “I want to make sure I’m not the topic of conversation.”

  What a conceited bastard. Like I’d give Jake a reason to scrutinize me.

  “I don’t discuss you at any time with anyone, Phil.”

  “Oh, curiosity got the better of me. Come to dinner this week.”

  She wasn’t expecting this invitation. “I’m booked the rest of the week, but open tonight.” That should send him scrambling, she hoped.

  “Tonight’s good. Shall we say seven?”

  Damn it, there was no way out of this. She’d need a good excuse to continue to date Jake. Because the subject wasn’t closed as far as Phil was concerned. She couldn’t figure out if she was more scared for Jake or herself. “Okay.”

  “I see you were at the casino last Saturday. Did you enjoy yourself?”

  A warning bell rang in her brain. “I didn’t, Phil. I guess that phase of my life’s over. Or at least the urge isn’t as strong.”

  Joe Dillon, that bastard. Now that’s one body I’d do for free.

  * * * *

  Jake stopped in at the cemetery unannounced to ask Kyra to lunch. Over the meal he hoped he’d be able to pull more information out of her about Lucci. He chatted a few minutes with Dina to catch up on the gossip. She always knew what was going at the station, even before he did. And for someone who didn’t work there, her information was always on the money. How she got it baffled him.

  “Go on back, she won’t mind,” Dina said.

  “This is a nice surprise.” Kyra stood near one of the ovens with the door open. The heat blasted into the room as the roaring sou
nd of the fire echoed through his head. “You don’t mind that I dropped by, do you?” He closed the door behind him.

  “No, not at all, if you don’t mind that I have to continue to work while you talk. It’s a busy day.”

  Kyra walked over to a door, opened it, and rolled out a cardboard coffin on a church truck. He watched as she put two cardboard rollers spaced about three feet apart on the oven floor. Kyra wheeled the body to the opening, pushed it off the stand and onto the rollers into the chamber, then she closed the oven and readjusted the timer.

  Jake flinched at the ease in which she did her job. He followed her into the processing room where she turned on the processor—the grinding noise pieced his ears. The idea of bones crushing away in the machine gave him pause. “I hoped you had time to join me for lunch.” Not that he was hungry now.

  “Can I give you a call? I’m processing this one now, and got another one in the other chamber. Besides, didn’t we make a date for tomorrow?”

  “I wanted to see you. Pick your brain about the case I’m working on.”

  “What case?”

  “The Missing Persons’ case, the gambler I spoke about?”

  “I don’t see how I can help you.” She turned her head to look at him.

  “I need to understand the habits of a gambler. I’m not asking to insult you,” he added quickly. “I understand you’re not gambling anymore. It’d help me to get into his mind—understand the victim, know the killer,” Jake said.

  “I don’t have a problem with helping you. Where did he gamble?”

  “He gambled on everything.” Jake spoke over the irritating noise.

  “Ah, there’s a big difference between us then. I only gambled at the casino. I don’t even buy lottery tickets. I guess it was the lure of the machines, the bells and whistles.”

  At last Kyra hit the stop button. The room fell into an eerie silence except for the roar of the ovens in the other room.

  “Is Church’s way of gambling any different, I mean—from the way you did it?”

  “I can only speak about myself, Jake.” He noticed how she squared her shoulders for a fight. It wasn’t his plan to make her uncomfortable, but he’d hoped this line of questioning might lead him to Lucci.