All the Hidden Sins

by Marian Lanouette

  “It looks like it. I can assign you to handle only the Wade case. It will clear you. This way you don’t have to put up with any of the bullshit when it hits the fan. It’s going to blow wide open soon.”

  “No, I’m in this with you all the way. If he’s dirty, he deserves everything he’ll get.” Jake had known what Louie’s answer would be, but he had to give him a choice.

  “We investigate this one by the book. I don’t want it to come back and bite us in the ass.”

  * * * *

  Exhausted, Jake walked through his front door at six thirty. He wanted a shower and something to eat before Mia showed up. A quick check of the clock had him swearing. Time was not a commodity he had a lot of lately. Forgoing food, he decided to jump into the shower even though he was starving. The search of Church’s place used up their lunch hour. And damn, he and Louie had turned up nothing new. Not one solitary clue. Nothing on his computer to indicate Church hadn’t left of his own accord. Where was he? At least today’s search had kept his mind occupied and off his suspicions about Kyra and her relationship with Phil.

  The hot water gushed over him, easing not only his body but his mind. Tonight he needed to concentrate on Mia. Was Kyra right? Was he afraid of being hurt again? Was that why he’d been cruel to Mia on Friday night? At the restaurant, their break-up had rushed back like a tidal wave, crushing him. How different the first post-breakup encounter with Mia had gone from the way he’d pictured it. It wasn’t like him to push reality aside and wish for the impossible—did he want a lifetime with Mia?

  The bell echoed down the hall as he dried off. Right on time. He wrapped the towel around his waist and answered the door.

  “I’m sorry, I only got in a short while ago. Why don’t you make yourself comfortable while I dress?”

  “I’ll make coffee,” Mia said.

  “No, I need something stronger tonight. Help yourself though. Why don’t you get acquainted with Brigh.”

  He left Mia and Brigh to figure each other out and headed back to his bedroom. He tossed on a pair of jeans and a shirt but didn’t bother with shoes. He walked toward his kitchen five minutes later buttoning up his shirt. At the entrance, he took a few seconds to study her while she played with the pooch. Two drinks sat on the counter. A beer would have hit the spot tonight, but a mixed drink it is. She wore a deep blue, sleeveless dress with spike heels. When she turned to hand him his drink, he noticed how the dress set off her eyes, tonight a deep sapphire. He accepted the drink. Sipped it. Stalled.

  “I haven’t eaten yet,” he said. “Can I make you something?”

  “No thanks, I’m not hungry, but you eat.” Mia continued playing with the dog. “She’s a beauty.”

  “She is,” Jake said, as he slapped some meat on a slice of bread.

  He scarfed down the sandwich as he followed Mia into the living room. His eyes swayed in rhythm with each movement of her hips but her back was rigid. She’s as tense as I am. Poised for a fight. Mia sat on the couch. He placed his drink on the coffee table and took one of the chairs.

  Christ, who’s going to start? Mia didn’t say a word. Neither broke eye contact with the other. Brigh had to know something was up, because she went to her bed and ignored them. He stared, she drank. Lord, he wasn’t a coward, but he was sure acting like one. Stalling, he grabbed his drink off the table and took a sip to wash down the food that had stuck in his throat.

  “Do you want to go first?” Jake asked.

  “Where do we start?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Conversation between us was never forced. Why are we having such a hard time now?”

  “That’s a good question.”

  “Is there a chance for us?” Mia asked.

  Well, that got right to it. “I hope there is.”

  “You were pretty mean the other night.” Not a question, a statement.

  “I didn’t expect to run into you after all this time. You blindsided me.” He rubbed his chin. “I have mixed emotions—love, anger, sadness—”

  “All are powerful and yet out of all of them you chose to go with anger. Why?”

  “I’m not one of your damn patients.”

  “This is the only way I know how to do this. Do you have a better idea?”

  “No.” He couldn’t read her. Tonight she portrayed the Ice Queen. No emotion showed through her armor. Unlike Friday night’s raging episode.

  “Why did you lead off with anger?”

  “Because you walked away without a word. And you tried to force me into a confrontation in a public place,” Jake said, as he rubbed his temples.

  “I didn’t walk away, Jake. You gave me an ultimatum and when I left, you didn’t come after me. I wasn’t worth the fight.”

  “Oh for Pete’s sakes, Mia, you’re wrong. I gave you the space you asked for. You’re the one who said you were only able to do casual—I want…wanted more with you.”

  “You asked for too much too soon. I was scared. You said it had to be all or nothing.”

  What the hell did she want? “How can you believe that’s all we were together? I love you. I always will. I waited more than a month for you to call, and nothing. We didn’t even run into each other.” Knowing it had to be brought up, he continued. “I met Kyra at a party. We clicked. Neither of us wanted a commitment. She’s in the middle of a messy divorce.”

  “You seem close.”

  “We are.”

  “Are you saying time made you realize it wasn’t true love with us?”

  “Damn it, I didn’t say that, Mia, and don’t put words in my mouth. Kyra’s been a good friend and a little more. She’s backing away from me because, and I quote, ‘You don’t look at me the way you look at Mia,’” he said, frustrated.

  Jake watched her process the statement. Understood she was analyzing it. He picked up her empty glass along with his and walked into the kitchen to make them another drink.

  “Jake.” He turned back.

  “Yes?”

  “It still doesn’t explain your reaction to me the other night.”

  “I hear nothing from you in over a month and then bingo, we run into each other and you profess you missed me as you try to hash it out in a public place. I don’t do shows. What did you expect? That I’d leave Kyra there and run off with you?” He walked back into the room with the empty glasses, banged them down on the table. He looked into her eyes, drinks forgotten.

  “A girl could hope.” She shrugged.

  “Well, that was childish. I don’t plan on hurting her. If I do, it will be as little as possible. She’s going through a tough divorce. And I don’t want to add to her stress.”

  “You sound as if you care more than you’re willing to admit.”

  “No, I’m willing to admit it. I care for her, but not in the same way I care for you.” He pushed to the edge of his chair, took her hands and rubbed his thumbs over them. “Has anything changed?”

  “I love you, but I saw another side of you the other night I didn’t care for.”

  He let go of her hands, got up, paced and threw her words back at her. “I saw a side of you that annoyed me. You tried to manipulate me. Was it that I didn’t jump at your commands, is that what you didn’t like, Mia? I won’t be cornered. Or was it the part where I was defending myself from an attack? Tell me exactly what bothered you.”

  She stood, walked to him, backing him into the wall as she jabbed him with her pointer finger. “You were mean. God, you went for the jugular.”

  He gently took hold of her finger then moved his hand down to her wrist, his fingers rested on her pulse. “I guess I wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt me. But you, too, went for mine. If we hadn’t run into each other, would you have called?” Jake locked his eyes onto hers as he tried to gauge her answer.

  “I was working myself up to it.”
r />   “What a coy answer. And how long was it going to take?”

  “I don’t know.”

  They talked for hours, and before they knew it, it was twelve o’clock. Both agreed they were miserable without the other—but they had issues they needed to work out. The biggest issue for Mia at the moment was Kyra. For Jake, it was Mia’s lack of commitment.

  “Things moved too fast for us, Jake. If we can take it slow I’d like to start over and see where it takes us.”

  “My love for you hasn’t changed, Mia. If you’re not sure, then why bother.”

  “I love you, but we have some real issues we need to iron out before I make a lifetime commitment to you.”

  It hit him, nothing had changed. Mia still held some part of herself back. What was wrong with him? All the women he cared for sheltered secrets. None were sharing. “What does this mean for us?” he asked.

  “It means we continue to date. And build a relationship on things we learn about each other”

  “I’m not your father,” he said, frustrated.

  “I never said you were. You don’t have a clue where I come from and who I am. You don’t know my family, my dreams, or my fears.”

  “You’re wrong. You’re a writer with an illogical fear of commitment. And you blame all your problems on your father and you overanalyze everything. You’re not your family, Mia. I do know you. You’re warm, funny, smart and withdrawn. Our relationship isn’t built on sex.” Control was the key here, he understood, as he suppressed his anger, he needed Mia to understand it was her he wanted—not control over her—in return he expected her love and respect. Without both they were nothing.

  “What are you going to do about Kyra?”

  Jake refused to answer. He still didn’t understand where he stood with Mia.

  “Jake?”

  He took care to find the right words before he answered her. “What do you want me to do about her?”

  “You’re a piece of work, playing the shrink with me. That’s Psych 101.”

  “I’m not playing. Are we a couple or not?” After five hours he still hadn’t a clue, and it was killing him. She still wanted it all while giving nothing back. No one in this world made him as crazy as she did.

  “We can still date other people if you like, but I won’t sleep with you if you’re dating someone else.”

  “The way to find out if we want to be together is to be monogamous.”

  “I agree.”

  “I have plans with Kyra this week that I need to keep, but tomorrow I’ll let her know that at the end of the week we’ll no longer be dating.” Jake watched Mia’s face twist into a scowl. Instead of joy, he read annoyance.

  “Why the end of the week? You can honor your commitment to her, but why consider it a date?”

  “It’s a courtesy to her. Kyra was there when I needed her. I’m going to be there for her.” I’m not backing down on this damn point. How can she be unhappy with my decision? I owe Kyra. I should run while I have the chance.

  “I guess I don’t have a choice, do I?” Mia asked.

  “This choice is yours as all the other choices were. You’ve been in control since the beginning.”

  “You call this control?”

  “Why are you picking a fight?” Jake asked.

  “Let me make it clear. After this coming weekend, you have sex with Kyra and we’re through.”

  Mia started to pack up her things and walk to the front door. “I understand and have no problem with that. What night will I see you?”

  “Next week, after you’re done with Kyra, that’s when.” She leaned into him, gave him a peck on the cheek. She still wanted total control.

  When Mia pulled away he closed the door. Then he fixed another drink, replaying the entire conversation over in his head. Cops and shrinks—what did they have in common? They analyzed everything and weighed the outcome. When had his life become one big pissing match with Mia? Was he a fool to want her, that he was willing to let Kyra go?

  Drink in hand, he headed to the bedroom. Sleep eluded him. How could he avoid hurting Kyra?

  Chapter 27

  Kyra pulled off the road for a while on the way home because she was trembling all over. Once she got home she downed two shots of vodka. Still it didn’t quiet her fear. The pressure behind her eyeballs felt as if they’d pop out of the sockets. She inhaled deeply, but the sensation clung to her as if Phil’s fingers continued to squeeze the air, the very life, from her lungs. God, he’d kill her for asking a simple question. The urgency, more than ever convinced her she had to tell Jake about Phil. But the idea of going to jail held her back. Besides, what if Phil went after Trevor? Prison, if it insured that Trevor was protected, was a small price to pay for her son’s life she decided.

  The realization hit her hard. Tom was right. She didn’t deserve custody of her son. If she gave Jake Phil, then she’d have to tell him what she did for Phil and end their relationship. Did it matter? After tonight, she’d lose Jake’s respect and he’d run back to Mia. Kyra clenched her stomach as tears ran down her face. How did her life get this far out of control? She’d thrown the man she loved into the arms of another woman. And this wasn’t about Jake, it was about keeping Trevor safe.

  It was for the best if she upped and disappeared with Trev. He’d adjust to the new location after a while. It would be the best thing for him. And her bastard in-laws, wouldn’t they be smug about it? I told you, Tom, she wasn’t worth it, but did you listen? Oh yeah, one more reason to disappear. With close to three hundred thousand dollars she’d be able to handle anything that came her way. She’d have her choice of places to relocate. She’d go into the Witness Protection Program after she testified against Phil and disappear.

  She’d need to plan. On her next weekend visit, she and Trevor needed to disappear into the vast lands of the Midwest. Was it fair to Trevor to uproot him from all he knew? But wasn’t it best for a child to be with his mother? Tom had become dangerous since she left him. She should leave the country to be safe. She’d get Trevor a passport. They’d both need fake ones anyway. Untraceable ones. Which one was better or safer for Trevor—Witness Protection Program or leaving on her own? She wished she could ask Jake.

  Was he sleeping with Mia tonight? It burned a hole in her as she envisioned it. She had no claims on him, but he’d become her new obsession. Though fun, it was no better than her gambling.

  Up early, she dressed in a sleeveless turtleneck and paired it with a light jacket. Phil had left slight bruising on her neck. She dragged herself into work. Kyra walked into the office, bypassing Dina without a word, and sat down in her chair. A few minutes later, Dina came in with a cup of coffee and placed it in front of her.

  “Thanks. I didn’t sleep last night. I’m going to lock myself in my office to get some rest.”

  “Jake’s seeing the other woman?”

  “Dina, I can’t speak about it,” Kyra said, on the verge of tears.

  “I overheard everything yesterday. If you need to talk about it or want to get a drink after work, I’m here.”

  “Thanks for being a good friend.”

  Around three o’clock, Phil called. “Kyra, I’m sending the undertaker over now. He should be there in an hour.”

  Crap! Nothing like giving someone notice, but another one hundred grand will help me and Trevor disappear. “Phil, this means it won’t be finished until after seven. If any of my trustees stop in, they’ll question why I’m processing this late.”

  “It can’t be helped. One hour.” He hung up without waiting for her reply. Kyra wished someone would off Phil.

  * * * *

  Around five a.m. Jake decided sleep wasn’t happening. He needed a shower to clear his head. With bagel and coffee in hand, he headed into the station. First thing he did was check his emails. Damn, no fingerprint results from yesterday’s search. A
fter leaving the lab a voice message he panned through the rest of the emails. One from Louie on the Wade case caught his eye. Jake switched gears from Missing Persons to Homicide. Cripes, my head’s crowded.

  Louie had stopped in unexpectedly yesterday on Mrs. Wade and caught her with Wade’s best friend. The friend Wade was drinking with on the night he shot himself. The same friend who, according to his statement, left Wade at the bar drinking and alive. Louie’s conclusion agreed with Jake’s—it looked like both the wife and the friend had killed Wade. Jake made notes on the printed report for Louie to check out the life insurance policy, including the beneficiaries. Plus, he wanted Louie to investigate Mrs. Wade’s alibi more thoroughly. Another interview with the wife and the friend, Kevin Long, after Louie dug up that information might be the key to unlocking this case. At least something was popping on one of his cases.

  He put aside the Wade file and took out his file on Church. After reading both his notes and the lab reports, he read Louie’s. He put his feet up on his desk and closed his eyes to let the information ruminate. The number one clue to the case was Stack’s lack of action. He didn’t like looking at another cop, but there were some who acted like they were above the law. His brothers in blue pissed him off sometimes. They’d make Jake the target of their anger if he locked up Stack. He didn’t want to put Stack in front of IA until he was sure, but it rang ninety-nine-point-nine percent in his head that it was. Jake slid his feet off of his desk. He grabbed his phone and pressed in Shamus’s extension. He was surprised when his captain picked up instead of his voicemail.

  “What’s up, Jake?” McGuire asked.

  “I’d like to take you for coffee this morning, or lunch today.”

  It upset him to toss Stack in front of his captain, but there was no choice. A dirty cop made the job more difficult for the honest ones. Jake understood better than most, he’d taken a lot of shit over the Miller brothers’ deeds.

  “Is this about what we discussed yesterday?”

  “Yes,” Jake said, as he made notes.

  “There’s no mistake?”

  “I’m ninety-nine percent positive, but I want to bounce it off of you. I’m not ready to make it official yet.”