Complete Works, Volume II

by Harold Pinter

  Pause.

  Did you sleep here last night?

  DAVIES. Yes.

  MICK. Sleep well?

  DAVIES. Yes!

  MICK. Did you have to get up in the night?

  DAVIES. No!

  Pause.

  MICK. What's your name?

  DAVIES (shifting, about to rise). Now look here!

  MICK. What?

  DAVIES. Jenkins!

  MICK. Jen . . . kins.

  DAVIES makes a sudden move to rise. A violent bellow from MICK sends him back.

  (A shout.) Sleep here last night?

  DAVIES. Yes. . . .

  MICK (continuing at great pace). How'd you sleep?

  DAVIES. I slept—

  MICK. Sleep well?

  DAVIES. Now look—

  MICK. What bed?

  DAVIES. That—

  MICK. Not the other?

  DAVIES. No!

  MICK. Choosy.

  Pause.

  (Quietly.) Choosy.

  Pause.

  (Again amiable.) What sort of sleep did you have in that bed?

  DAVIES (banging on floor). All right!

  MICK. You weren't uncomfortable?

  DAVIES (groaning). All right!

  MICK stands, and moves to him.

  MICK. You a foreigner?

  DAVIES. No.

  MICK. Born and bred in the British Isles?

  DAVIES. I was!

  MICK. What did they teach you?

  Pause.

  How did you like my bed?

  Pause.

  That's my bed. You want to mind you don't catch a draught.

  DAVIES. From the bed?

  MICK. No, now, up your arse.

  DAVIES stares warily at MICK, who turns. DAVIES scrambles to the clothes horse and seizes his trousers. MICK turns swiftly and grabs them. DAVIES lunges for them. MICK holds out a hand warningly.

  You intending to settle down here?

  DAVIES. Give me my trousers then.

  MICK. You settling down for a long stay?

  DAVIES. Give me my bloody trousers!

  MICK. Why, where you going?

  DAVIES. Give me and I'm going, I'm going to Sidcup!

  MICK flicks the trousers in DAVIES’ face several times.

  DAVIES retreats.

  Pause.

  MICK. You know, you remind me of a bloke I bumped into once, just the other side of the Guildford by-pass—

  DAVIES. I was brought here!

  Pause.

  MICK. Pardon?

  DAVIES. I was brought here! I was brought here!

  MICK. Brought here? Who brought you here?

  DAVIES. Man who lives here . . . he. . . .

  Pause.

  MICK. Fibber.

  DAVIES. I was brought here, last night . . . met him in a caff . . . I was working . . . I got the bullet . . . I was working there . . . bloke saved me from a punch up, brought me here, brought me right here.

  Pause.

  MICK. I'm afraid you're a born fibber, en't you? You're speaking to the owner. This is my room. You're standing in my house.

  DAVIES. It's his . . . he seen me all right . . . he. . . .

  MICK (pointing to DAVIES’ bed). That's my bed.

  DAVIES. What about that, then?

  MICK. That's my mother's bed.

  DAVIES. Well she wasn't in it last night!

  MICK (moving to him). Now don't get perky, son, don't get perky. Keep your hands off my old mum.

  DAVIES. I ain't . . . I haven't. . . .

  MICK. Don't get out of your depth, friend, don't start taking liberties with my old mother, let's have a bit of respect.

  DAVIES. I got respect, you won't find anyone with more respect.

  MICK. Well, stop telling me all these fibs.

  DAVIES. Now listen to me, I never seen you before, have I?

  MICK. Never seen my mother before either, I suppose?

  Pause.

  I think I'm coming to the conclusion that you're an old rogue. You're nothing but an old scoundrel.

  DAVIES. Now wait—

  MICK. Listen, son. Listen, sonny. You stink.

  DAVIES. You ain't got no right to—

  MICK. You're stinking the place out. You're an old robber, there's no getting away from it. You're an old skate. You don't belong in a nice place like this. You're an old barbarian. Honest. You got no business wandering about in an unfurnished flat. I could charge seven quid a week for this if I wanted to. Get a taker tomorrow. Three hundred and fifty a year exclusive. No argument. I mean, if that sort of money's in your range don't be afraid to say so. Here you are. Furniture and fittings, I'll take four hundred or the nearest offer. Rateable value ninety quid for the annum. You can reckon water, heating and lighting at close on fifty. That'll cost you eight hundred and ninety if you're all that keen. Say the word and I'll have my solicitors draft you out a contract. Otherwise I've got the van outside, I can run you to the police station in five minutes, have you in for trespassing, loitering with intent, daylight robbery, filching, thieving and stinking the place out. What do you say? Unless you're really keen on a straightforward purchase. Of course, I'll get my brother to decorate it up for you first. I've got a brother who's a number one decorator. He'll decorate it up for you. If you want more space, there's four more rooms along the landing ready to go. Bathroom, living-room, bedroom and nursery. You can have this as your study. This brother I mentioned, he's just about to start on the other rooms. Yes, just about to start. So what do you say? Eight hundred odd for this room or three thousand down for the whole upper storey. On the other hand, if you prefer to approach it in the long-term way I know an insurance firm in West Ham'll be pleased to handle the deal for you. No strings attached, open and above board, untarnished record; twenty per cent interest, fifty per cent deposit; down payments, back payments, family allowances, bonus schemes, remission of term for good behaviour, six months lease, yearly examination of the relevant archives, tea laid on, disposal of shares, benefit extension, compensation on cessation, comprehensive indemnity against Riot, Civil Commotion, Labour Disturbances, Storm, Tempest, Thunderbolt, Larceny or Cattle all subject to a daily check and double check. Of course we'd need a signed declaration from your personal medical attendant as assurance that you possess the requisite fitness to carry the can, won't we? Who do you bank with?

  Pause.

  Who do you bank with?

  The door opens. ASTON comes in. MICK turns and drops the trousers. DAVIES picks them up and puts them on. ASTON, after a glance at the other two, goes to his bed, places a bag which he is carrying on it, sits down and resumes fixing the toaster. DAVIES retreats to his corner. MICK sits in the chair.

  Silence.

  A drip sounds in the bucket. They all look up.

  Silence.

  You still got that leak.

  ASTON. Yes.

  Pause.

  It's coming from the roof.

  MICK. From the roof, eh?

  ASTON. Yes.

  Pause.

  I'll have to tar it over.

  MICK. You're going to tar it over?

  ASTON. Yes.

  MICK. What?

  ASTON. The cracks.

  Pause.

  MICK. You'll be tarring over the cracks on the roof.

  ASTON. Yes.

  Pause.

  MICK. Think that'll do it?

  ASTON. It'll do it, for the time being.

  MICK. Uh.

  Pause.

  DAVIES (abruptly). What do you do—?

  They both look at him.

  What do you do . . . when that bucket's full?

  Pause.

  ASTON. Empty it.

  Pause.

  MICK. I was telling my friend you were about to start decorating the other rooms.

  ASTON. Yes.

  Pause.

  (To DAVIES.) I got your bag.

  DAVIES. Oh. (Crossing to him and taking it.) Oh thanks, mister, thanks. Give it to you, did they?
/>
  DAVIES crosses back with the bag.

  MICK rises and snatches it.

  MICK. What's this?

  DAVIES. Give us it, that's my bag!

  MICK (warding him off). I've seen this bag before.

  DAVIES. That's my bag!

  MICK (eluding him). This bag's very familiar.

  DAVIES. What do you mean?

  MICK. Where'd you get it?

  ASTON (rising, to them). Scrub it.

  DAVIES. That's mine.

  MICK. Whose?

  DAVIES. It's mine! Tell him it's mine!

  MICK. This your bag?

  DAVIES. Give me it!

  ASTON. Give it to him.

  MICK. What? Give him what?

  DAVIES. That bloody bag!

  MICK (slipping it behind the gas stove). What bag? (To DAVIES.) What bag?

  DAVIES (moving). Look here!

  MICK (facing him). Where you going?

  DAVIES. I'm going to get . . . my old . . .

  MICK. Watch your step, sonny! You're knocking at the door when no one's at home. Don't push it too hard. You come busting into a private house, laying your hands on anything you can lay your hands on. Don't overstep the mark, son.

  ASTON picks up the bag.

  DAVIES. You thieving bastard . . . you thieving skate . . . let me get my—

  ASTON. Here you are. (ASTON offers the bag to DAVIES.)

  MICK grabs it. ASTON takes it.

  MICK grabs it. DAVIES reaches for it.

  ASTON takes it. MICK reaches for it.

  ASTON gives it to DAVIES. MICK grabs it.

  Pause.

  ASTON takes it. DAVIES takes it. MICK takes it. DAVIES reaches for it. ASTON takes it.

  Pause.

  ASTON gives it to MICK. MICK gives it to DAVIES.

  DAVIES grasps it to him.

  Pause.

  MICK looks at ASTON. DAVIES moves away with the bag.

  He drops it.

  Pause.

  They watch him. He picks it up. Goes to his bed, and sits. ASTON goes to his bed, sits, and begins to roll a cigarette. MICK stands still.

  Pause.

  A drip sounds in the bucket. They all look up.

  Pause.

  How did you get on at Wembley?

  DAVIES. Well, I didn't get down there.

  Pause.

  No. I couldn't make it.

  MICK goes to the door and exits.

  ASTON. I had a bit of bad luck with that jig saw. When I got there it had gone.

  Pause.

  DAVIES. Who was that feller?

  ASTON. He's my brother.

  DAVIES. Is he? He's a bit of a joker, en' he?

  ASTON. Uh.

  DAVIES. Yes . . . he's a real joker.

  ASTON. He's got a sense of humour.

  DAVIES. Yes, I noticed.

  Pause.

  He's a real joker, that lad, you can see that.

  Pause.

  ASTON. Yes, he tends . . . he tends to see the funny side of things.

  DAVIES. Well, he's got a sense of humour, en’ he?

  ASTON. Yes.

  DAVIES. Yes, you could tell that.

  Pause.

  I could tell the first time I saw him he had his own way of looking at things.

  ASTON stands, goes to the sideboard drawer, right, picks up the statue of Buddha, and puts it on the gas stove.

  ASTON. I'm supposed to be doing up the upper part of the house for him.

  DAVIES. What . . . you mean . . . you mean it's his house?

  ASTON. Yes. I'm supposed to be decorating this landing for him. Make a flat out of it.

  DAVIES. What does he do, then?

  ASTON. He's in the building trade. He's got his own van.

  DAVIES. He don't live here, do he?

  ASTON. Once I get that shed up outside . . . I'll be able to give a bit more thought to the flat, you see. Perhaps I can knock up one or two things for it. (He walks to the window.) I can work with my hands, you see. That's one thing I can do. I never knew I could. But I can do all sorts of things now, with my hands. You know, manual things. When I get that shed up out there . . . I'll have a workshop, you see. I . . . could do a bit of woodwork. Simple woodwork, to start. Working with . . . good wood.

  Pause.

  Of course, there's a lot to be done to this place. What I think, though, I think I'll put in a partition . . . in one of the rooms along the landing. I think it'll take it. You know . . . they've got these screens . . . you know . . . Oriental. They break up a room with them. Make it into two parts. I could either do that or I could have a partition. I could knock them up, you see, if I had a workshop.

  Pause.

  Anyway, I think I've decided on the partition.

  Pause.

  DAVIES. Eh, look here, I been thinking. This ain't my bag.

  ASTON. Oh. No.

  DAVIES. No, this ain't my bag. My bag, it was another kind of bag altogether, you see. I know what they've done. What they done, they kept my bag, and they given you another one altogether.

  ASTON. No . . . what happened was, someone had gone off with your bag.

  DAVIES (rising). That's what I said!

  ASTON. Anyway, I picked that bag up somewhere else. It's got a few . . . pieces of clothes in it too. He let me have the whole lot cheap.

  DAVIES (opening the bag). Any shoes?

  DAVIES takes two check shirts, bright red and bright green, from the bag. He holds them up.

  Check.

  ASTON. Yes.

  DAVIES. Yes . . . well, I know about these sort of shirts, you see. Shirts like these, they don't go far in the wintertime. I mean, that's one thing I know for a fact. No, what I need, is a kind of a shirt with stripes, a good solid shirt, with stripes going down. That's what I want. (He takes from the bag a deep-red velvet smoking-jacket.) What's this?

  ASTON. It's a smoking-jacket.

  DAVIES. A smoking-jacket? (He feels it.) This ain't a bad piece of cloth. I'll see how it fits.

  He tries it on.

  You ain't got a mirror here, have you?

  ASTON. I don't think I have.

  DAVIES. Well, it don't fit too bad. How do you think it looks?

  ASTON. Looks all right.

  DAVIES. Well, I won't say no to this, then.

  ASTON picks up the plug and examines it.

  No, I wouldn't say no to this.

  Pause.

  ASTON. You could be . . . caretaker here, if you liked.

  DAVIES. What?

  ASTON. You could . . . look after the place, if you liked . . . you know, the stairs and the landing, the front steps, keep an eye on it. Polish the bells.

  DAVIES. Bells?

  ASTON. I'll be fixing a few, down by the front door. Brass.

  DAVIES. Caretaking, eh?

  ASTON. Yes.

  DAVIES. Well, I . . . I never done caretaking before, you know . . . I mean to say . . . I never . . . what I mean to say is . . . I never been a caretaker before.

  Pause.

  ASTON. How do you feel about being one, then?

  DAVIES. Well, I reckon . . . Well, I'd have to know . . . you know. . . .

  ASTON. What sort of. . . .

  DAVIES. Yes, what sort of . . . you know. . . .

  Pause.

  ASTON. Well, I mean. . . .

  DAVIES. I mean, I'd have to . . . I'd have to. . . .

  ASTON. Well, I could tell you. . . .

  DAVIES. That's . . . that's it . . . you see . . . you get my meaning?

  ASTON. When the time comes. . . .

  DAVIES. I mean, that's what I'm getting at, you see. . . .

  ASTON. More or less exactly what you. . . .

  DAVIES. You see, what I mean to say . . . what I'm getting at is . . . I mean, what sort of jobs. . . .

  Pause.

  ASTON. Well, there's things like the stairs . . . and the . . . the bells. . . .

  DAVIES. But it'd be a matter . . . wouldn't it . . . it'd be a matter of a broom . . . is
n't it?

  ASTON. Yes, and of course, you'd need a few brushes.

  DAVIES. You'd need implements . . . you see . . . you'd need a good few implements. . . .

  ASTON takes a white overall from a nail over his bed, and shows it to DAVIES.

  ASTON. You could wear this, if you liked.

  DAVIES. Well . . . that's nice, en't?

  ASTON. It'd keep the dust off.

  DAVIES (putting it on). Yes, this'd keep the dust off, all right.

  Well off. Thanks very much, mister.

  ASTON. You see, what we could do, we could . . . I could fit a bell at the bottom, outside the front door, with “Caretaker” on it. And you could answer any queries.

  DAVIES. Oh, I don't know about that.

  ASTON. Why not?

  DAVIES. Well, I mean, you don't know who might come up them front steps, do you? I got to be a bit careful.

  ASTON. Why, someone after you?

  DAVIES. After me? Well, I could have that Scotch git coming looking after me, couldn't I? All I'd do, I'd hear the bell, I'd go down there, open the door, who might be there, any Harry might be there. I could be buggered as easy as that, man. They might be there after my card, I mean look at it, here I am, I only got four stamps, on this card, here it is, look, four stamps, that's all I got, I ain't got any more, that's all I got, they ring the bell called Caretaker, they'd have me in, that's what they'd do, I wouldn't stand a chance. Of course I got plenty of other cards lying about, but they don't know that, and I can't tell them, can I, because then they'd find out I was going about under an assumed name. You see, the name I call myself now, that's not my real name. My real name's not the one I'm using, you see. It's different. You see, the name I go under now ain't my real one. It's assumed.

  Silence.

  THE LIGHTS FADE TO BLACKOUT.

  THEN UP TO DIM LIGHT THROUGH THE WINDOW.

  A door bangs.

  Sound of a key in the door of the room.

  DAVIES enters, closes the door, and tries the light switch, on, off, on, off.