by J. Nathan
“So, the jersey you have. That’s Cole’s?”
I nodded. “I’ve been working up the nerve to wear it down at the field. He only ever got to wear the practice jersey. Though the coach assured me he wore it around campus all the time.”
Sabrina’s lips slipped into a sad smile. “Sounds like someone I would’ve liked.”
“Yeah. He was the guy you just wanted to be around.” I blinked back tears, but for once it was okay. It felt good to talk about him. And cry about him.
“What happened, Finlay?”
I swallowed down the lump in my throat. “He had a heart condition we didn’t know about. He collapsed on the field from sudden cardiac arrest. His heart just stopped with us hundreds of miles away.”
She cupped her mouth with her hand. “Oh my God.”
My eyes drifted toward my cork board and the pictures of him on it. “I guess looking back, it’s right where he would’ve wanted it to happen.”
“Doesn’t make it any easier.”
I shook my head. “Nope. It doesn’t.”
Caden
I sat on the porch in total darkness, my foot elevated on the small table in front of me. The rustling of footsteps through the fallen leaves Forester and I hadn’t bothered to rake up drew my attention to the sidewalk. Finlay walked toward me, her fitted T-shirt, torn skinny jeans, and backpack already driving me wild from feet away. When it came to her, I was fucked. “Are you lost?” I asked.
A sweet, almost nervous, smile played across her face. “I don’t think so.”
“Maybe I wasn’t clear. Are you lost without me?”
She laughed as she climbed the stairs, stepping onto the porch in front of me. “Your ego knows no limits, does it?”
“Nope.”
She glanced down at my leg. “How’s it feeling?”
“Better now that you’re here.”
She rolled her eyes as she dropped into the spot beside me on the porch bench.
I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pulled her into me, dropping a kiss to the top of her head. “I missed you.”
I could feel her body shake with quiet laughter. “It’s only been a few hours.”
“So?”
“How’d it go with Leslie?” she asked.
“I haven’t talked to her yet. Apparently she went home. Told the sisters she had personal stuff to deal with.”
“Does she think it won’t be over if she runs away?”
I shrugged, though knowing Leslie, it was probably what she was doing. “I have no idea. She’s not answering my calls.”
Finlay’s head lifted off my shoulder and her entire body turned to look at me. “I’m sorry she got hurt.”
“Me too.” I reached over and slipped my hand into hers, pulling her back into me. “I’m not someone who goes around hurting people. I feel like complete shit for what happened, especially the way it happened without warning. But my feelings for you were never innocent. I was just too scared to admit it, especially since I would’ve been breaking Leslie’s heart on the off chance you’d feel the same way about me. I don’t normally work that way. Dropping one girl for another. But to everyone else, including Leslie, that’s how it’s gonna look. Though I think we can agree, this didn’t happen overnight.”
Finlay nodded against me.
“I was wrong to stay with her. Had I broken it off sooner, it wouldn’t have happened the way it did.”
“Who said I would’ve been into you then?”
Who was she kidding? I stifled a grin as I pulled back and tilted my head to the side. “I can be pretty damn charming.”
She arched her brows, a comeback brewing in her eyes. “You can be cocky.”
“I’ve got a hell of an arm.”
“You’ve got a hell of an ego.”
“I’m hot,” I countered with the smile I’d been told could melt the panties off any girl within a fifty-foot radius.
Finlay rolled her eyes. “You’re maddening.”
“And you love it.”
Our laughter mixed in the quiet night as we continued to sit for a long time saying nothing at all. Being with Finlay was so natural. So comfortable. It was the way she put me at ease, but at the same time put me in my place with a mere look. I usually questioned people’s motives. I wondered why they were around me. With Finlay, I didn’t have to.
“You know what I think?” I said.
She shook her head.
“I think you need to see my room.”
Her eyes narrowed on mine. “Seriously? Does that line work for you?”
“Stop worrying about what worked for me in the past. Is it working for me now?”
The sweet sound of her laughter carried through the darkness and right into my damn heart.
I pushed myself up and held out my hand. Finlay grabbed it and followed me inside. It took a little longer to make it up the stairs since I refused to use my crutches, but once we stood in the doorway of my bedroom, déjà vu washed over me.
This time Finlay didn’t freeze in the doorway. This time she walked right into the room and dropped onto the foot of my bed, looking more at home than Leslie ever did in my space.
I lifted my brows, loving the sight of her there. “I think I’m gonna have to ask you again. Are you lost?”
She moved her head slowly from side to side. “Right where I want to be.”
“Damn straight,” I said, closing my door and stalking toward her. I reached behind my head and yanked off my shirt, tossing it to the floor. Finlay’s eyes were fixed on my chest. I couldn’t help the smirk that tilted my lips.
She didn’t smile. She just lifted her hand and watched her own fingertips trail down my chest. My body quivered beneath her touch as she seemed to be memorizing every line and indentation. “God, you feel nice,” she breathed.
I leaned down and she took the hint, scooting her ass back and laying down on my bed. I crawled over her, lowering my elbows on either side of her arms. “You think that felt nice? Just wait until I’m inside of you.”
She dropped her head to the side to avoid my gaze, groaning at my honesty.
“What’s wrong?” I laughed, lacing my fingers with hers beside her head.
“You’re embarrassing me.”
My forehead scrunched. “Why? I’m serious.”
“Yeah, but...” Her voice trailed off.
I leveled her with my eyes, leaving no room for confusion. “I promise to be honest with you. Even if my honesty embarrasses you. It’s not like you hold your tongue with me.”
She chuckled softly.
“So when I say we’ll take it slow, you can believe me.” And though I smiled, I wondered how long I’d be able to hold off with her in my bed and on my mind. “It doesn’t mean I won’t spend the entire night touching you.” I brushed my fingertips over her cheek, watching her eyes flutter shut. “Or kissing you.” I lowered my lips and pressed them gently to hers, careful not to start anything I couldn’t stop. I pulled back, moving to her ear and whispering, “Or telling you all the things I plan to do to you.”
“You’re not making this easy,” Finlay groaned softly.
“Never promised to do that.”
Finlay
Caden held my hand as we entered McMillan Hall the next morning. Sleeping beside him all night with his arms wrapped around me made it easy to forget there was a whole big world out there. But as soon as we stepped into the lecture hall, heads turned.
Why hadn’t I considered people’s reactions to Caden being with someone other than Leslie? Why hadn’t I considered how they’d dissect me? I dropped Caden’s hand. He glanced to me, disappointed. But he didn’t grab for my hand. He let me trail beside him.
Most of the people we passed weren’t focused on me. They were focused on their star quarterback who’d spent the night in the hospital after a crushing blow. They greeted him like the football god he was with big smiles and fist bumps, asking how he was feeling. Nothing about Caden’s confidence faltered as he
assured them they’d see him on Saturday. Since he’d opted not to use his crutches, they had no reason to doubt his words. And if Caden had his way, he would play on Saturday.
Bypassing his normal seat, Caden led me slowly up the steps toward my spot in the back of the room. I glanced to Leslie’s empty seat. Thankfully she wasn’t there to make a cringe-worthy scene. When we finally slipped into our seats, away from prying eyes, a rush of relief swept over me. Until I found Grady three seats over, his eyes assessing Caden and me.
“How ya doing, man?” he asked.
“All right,” Caden mumbled without bothering to look at him.
Grady nodded, and I wondered if he understood the role he played in Caden’s injury. Did he even realize it was his missed block that allowed Caden to get hurt?
My heart began to beat faster, and I wondered if round two of their locker room display would happen there in the lecture hall.
But Caden disregarded Grady’s presence, pressing his lips to my ear instead. “Have I told you how hot you look in those cut-offs?”
I smiled as goosebumps rushed up my arms. “Like twenty times.”
He chuckled. “I just wanted to be sure you understood.” He slipped his hand back into mine, squeezing it gently. He clearly understood my discomfort with us flaunting our new status so soon after his break with Leslie.
At the end of class, Grady was smart enough to exit out the opposite side of the row.
Caden remained seated beside me. “I’ve got anatomy across campus,” he said, stuffing his notebook into his backpack. “Where you headed?”
I tossed my bag onto my back and stood. “I’ve got an hour break before calculus.”
“You done after that?” Caden asked.
“Yeah. Until practice.”
He carefully pushed himself to his feet. “You wanna meet up for lunch?”
“Are you asking me out?”
His lopsided smirk slipped into place. “I guess I am.”
“Well, for what it’s worth. It’s a lot better when you ask,” I said, wondering if he understood my reference to our diner conversation.
He slipped his backpack onto his back. “Oh, yeah?” he said, draping his arm around my shoulders. “Then can we have sex tonight?”
I pulled away from him and shoved his shoulder.
“What?” he laughed. “You said it’s better when I ask.”
I shook my head as I moved out of our row. “You’re so stupid.”
“And you love it,” he called from behind me.
* * *
I checked my phone as soon as I stepped into the hallway after calculus. There was no text from Caden, and I had no idea where to meet him. I clutched my phone as I made my way downstairs and out of the building. Once the fresh air hit, I stopped amid a rush of bodies moving in every direction. My eyes swept around the crowded area, stopping when I spotted him leaning up against a tree like he owned the place.
I took a minute to drink him in. His faded jeans riding low on his hips. His light blue shirt that matched his eyes and stretched across the muscles I had a front row seat to the previous night. The effortless way he commanded attention even in a crowd.
His eyes scanned the people moving all around, eventually landing on me. A smile spread across his face, stealing my breath away. If the rest of the world had just up and vanished, I would’ve never even known. My body nearly floated to him, his gaze an invisible lure. There wasn’t a soul on campus who felt the elation I felt in that moment.
“Hey,” I said, stopping once I reached him.
He said nothing, just tunneled his hand in the back of my hair and pulled me in for a kiss. A long breathtaking kiss that knocked me off kilter. When he finally pulled back, leaving me dazed and light-headed, he smiled down at me, absorbing the features of my face like he was trying to remember each and every one of them. “I missed you.”
A flurry of butterflies swarmed in my belly. “I can see that.”
He slipped his hand in mine and walked me along the path that bordered the quad. It was strange to think back to our first run-in on the same path. Sure, he still had a big ego. But there was so much more to him than just that. There was another side he didn’t let everybody else see.
“Where we heading?” I asked.
“It’s a surprise.”
I stifled a smile. “I like surprises.”
His eyes sliced to mine. “Good to know.”
As we moved away from the bustling campus, Caden talked about his class and the cadaver he’d get to examine at the end of the semester. “If you apply to the nursing program, you’ll have to take the class too.”
“Oh. I can’t wait.”
He laughed at the fear in my voice before turning us away from the quad and weaving us through some administration buildings. We walked a little further until we came upon a group of trees behind one of the buildings. A bench sat in the shade of the trees’ weeping branches. Caden stopped at the bench, guiding me down onto it. He pulled his backpack off his back as he dropped down beside me and pulled out a white paper bag. I knew that charbroiled smell as soon as he handed the wrapped sandwich to me. “For you.”
I craned my neck to get a better look inside the bag. “There better be some fries in there.”
He laughed, pulling out a big container of fries. “Only the best for you.”
As I unwrapped my burger, I took in our pretty surroundings. You wouldn’t even have known we were on a busy campus with all the trees and buildings concealing us. “What made you pick this spot?”
“Are you asking why we’re all the way over here?”
I nodded as I bit into the burger.
“Just trying to keep you to myself.”
I laughed, chewing down my bite. “Nice try.”
He paused, staring out at nothing in particular. “I always felt like Leslie wanted people to see us together. Like she was showing me off—or at least staking her claim. You’re not like that. And today when you dropped my hand, it was even clearer. We can come out here and you’re gonna like it better than all the attention we’d get in the student union.”
I blew out a long cleansing breath, blowing wisps of hair off my face as I did. “I’m so happy to hear you say that.”
His eyes cut to mine. “Yeah?”
“I hated all the attention we got this morning.”
His lips twisted regrettably. “I hate to say it, but you should probably get used to it. It’s what comes with being my girlfriend.”
My belly quivered at the word girlfriend. That single word having the ability to turn even the most sensible girl into a giddy teenager.
“And just so you know, you’re not going anywhere.”
“You’re pretty confident.” I feigned indifference, though I was shocked I managed to get a coherent sentence out after what he’d said.
“Oh, I’m confident. But I’m also not blind. And from where I’m sitting, what we’ve got going is pretty damn good.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but he didn’t give me a chance, swooping in and capturing my lips, kissing me senseless. He didn’t bother letting go until he’d convinced me there wasn’t a chance in hell I was going anywhere.
Caden
As soon as I stepped onto the field, my leg throbbed like a son of a bitch. Coach didn’t want me pushing it, but I needed to show him he could count on me. I needed him to see I could bring us our first home game victory of the season.
“How’s it feeling?” Coach asked as I stepped off the field after my third completion to Forester.
“Good,” I lied.
“You think you can play Saturday?”
I nodded, knowing I could bear the pain if it meant putting another win on the board.
“I want you staying off it as much as you can. Ice it and elevate it at all times. And use the damn crutches.”
“I’m no wuss, Coach.”
His head recoiled. “Wuss? No. Idiot? Yes.”
I chuckled to myself as he
walked straight out onto the field, barking at one of the rookie receivers who dropped a routine catch. I sat down on the bench, taking the much needed pressure off my leg for a couple minutes.
“Need a drink?” Finlay whispered from somewhere behind me.
I glanced over my shoulder. “Why are you whispering?”
She shrugged as she handed me a bottle.
“Well, stop it. And come sit with me.”
She rounded the bench and slid down beside me.
I fought the urge to wrap my arm around her, knowing that would’ve embarrassed her. But I pressed my leg against hers to let her know I wanted to.
“How’s your leg feel?”
I glanced around, ensuring no one was around before lowering my voice. “Honestly? It’s hurting pretty bad.”
“Caden, you—”
“I’m fine,” I assured her, hearing the fear in her voice. “I’m gonna take a nice hot shower when I get home, then ice it.”
“Oh, yeah?”
I studied the curious look on her face, wondering what was so interesting about me taking a shower and icing my leg. “Yeah, why?”
She worried her bottom lip. “Do you think you might need some help in there?”
My head retracted. “In the shower?”
Finlay stifled a smile and nodded.
Hot damn.
* * *
We fell through my front door kissing and grabbing at each other like we couldn’t get close enough. Once we made it up the stairs and cleared my bedroom door, I slammed it and locked it behind me. I tore off my shirt and followed Finlay down onto my bed. Our mouths collided, our bodies desperate for each other. I pulled back, dragging in a breath and staring down at her flushed and panting beneath me. “I’ve seriously never had to hold off with someone I wanted to be with.”
“Eww.” She shoved at my chest. “Don’t tell me—”
My lips crashed down on hers, shutting her up and stealing her breath away. I slid one hand down the side of her top, loving the feel of her shudder as my fingertips grazed the edge of her breast. When I reached the bottom, I slipped my hand underneath, slowly tracing the soft skin on her stomach as my lips continued devouring hers. My fingers itched to move upward, but I remained at her naval slowly circling it with my thumb.