For Finlay

by J. Nathan

  Her eyes cast down as she shook her head.

  “So, what? You just thought I wouldn’t find out?”

  “I wanted to tell you.”

  “It’s a little late, isn’t it?”

  Her eyes flashed up. “At least you know now.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” My voice grew louder, angrier. Her body instinctively inched away from me. “I had to find out from the girl whose heart I was breaking for you. You. Someone who wasn’t even honest with me.”

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m saying you’re a liar.”

  Her sharp intake of breath was hard to miss. “I’m a liar because I left out something I didn’t feel comfortable bringing up?”

  “You didn’t feel comfortable bringing it up?” Rage radiated off me. Every part of me shook.

  “My father was a liar. I’ve had enough of that shit in my life. I don’t need it from you, too.”

  Her face was incredulous, like she couldn’t fathom why I was so angry. “So that’s it? I’m a liar? What now? You’re gonna stay with Leslie?”

  “At least I can trust her.”

  A scary smile slipped across Finlay’s face. “Well, I’ve gotta hand it to you, Caden. Real clever. Taking a break from Leslie so you could sleep with me with no repercussions. Genius.” She shook her head as she stood from the sofa. It was her turn to look disgusted. “I’m sorry you feel like I wasn’t honest with you. But right now, you’re the one who’s not being honest with yourself.”

  After what she’d done, she wasn’t going to call me a liar in my own house. I lifted my chin toward the door. “The door’s over there.”

  She tried to stifle her gasp as she leaned down to grab her backpack, but I heard it. She stood back up with her chin tipped defiantly.

  “I’m gonna pretend this never happened,” I said, wanting to be clear that we were done.

  Finlay’s eyes narrowed, searching my face like she’d never seen me before. Like she didn’t know me. “Fuck you.” She turned toward the door and stormed out of my house and out of my life.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Finlay

  Every part of my body shook as I attempted to fill bottles at the locker room sink. Not only was I still pissed and stunned by Caden’s unceremonious blow-off the previous night, but I was also embarrassed. People had seen us together. People had seen how happy I must’ve looked by his side. Now I had to face everyone. Face them knowing I’d been stupid to believe he actually cared about me. I must’ve been the laughing stock of campus.

  Grady had warned me that Caden wasn’t Prince Charming. I never thought I’d agree with anything Grady said. Yet there I was, wishing I’d heeded his warning. Wishing I’d listened to my own feelings about Caden.

  “Water girl.”

  My eyes cut over my shoulder. Forester, Caden’s roommate, held out his hand for a bottle. The guy was gorgeous. If I didn’t hate his roommate so much, I may have smiled at him and all his confidence. Instead I just tossed him the bottle and turned away.

  “I need another one for Brooks,” he called.

  I spun back around shooting him daggers. “He can’t get his own?”

  Forester shrugged. Something about him acting like he didn’t know what happened made me even more pissed. I threw him the bottle a lot harder than I should have. But since he was used to catching passes over his head from sixty yards away, he didn’t even blink as he nabbed it.

  Maybe he didn’t. Maybe I was such an insignificant encounter that Caden didn’t even bother mentioning it to his roommate.

  Halfway through practice, Coach motioned me onto the field to bring the players water. Caden didn’t even look up from his squatting position in the center of the huddle as the other guys stuck out their hands for a bottle. His leg didn’t seem to be giving him any trouble out there. I wondered if he was just sucking up the pain so he could play.

  As angry as I was, I still couldn’t understand why Cole being my brother was such a deception to him. Didn’t he realize talking about my brother was difficult for me? Didn’t he know I didn’t hide it to hurt him? I knew football players took bro codes seriously, never dating their teammates’ sisters. But to despise me so much because of it…it just didn’t add up.

  I’d wanted to believe he wasn’t the guy I initially believed him to be. I’d actually convinced myself he wasn’t. But I should’ve gone with my gut. Because in the end, I’d gone against my better judgment. I’d given him the chance he didn’t deserve. And for what? To be cast aside because I hadn’t been up front about Cole.

  Screw him.

  If anyone had the right to be angry, it was me.

  * * *

  “Quarterback at three o’clock,” Sabrina said, staring with wide eyes over my shoulder.

  “You do realize I saw him at practice, right?” I glanced over my shoulder across the student union where we were grabbing a quick dinner. Caden sat with Forester at a table, drawing the normal attention football players garnered in crowded places. Usually it was their size and loud mouths that drew the attention, but Caden and Forester in one place was more than most girls could handle.

  Stupid girls.

  “What did he say?”

  I stuffed a fry into my mouth as I looked back to Sabrina. “Nothing. Acted like I didn’t exist.”

  “Ugh,” she groaned. “What’s wrong with him? He should be groveling. He should be begging you to—” Her words stopped as her eyes locked on something else behind me.

  I followed her gaze. My stomach lurched as Leslie stopped at Caden’s table. If love was a strong emotion, hate was stronger. And I was good at hating. I’d hated Caden for two years. It came easily. And I could say with much certainty that I hated Leslie. It didn’t faze her that Caden didn’t want her. She just knew she’d been scorned and didn’t care who else got hurt.

  Don’t get me wrong. He wasn’t blameless. Everything he told me about why he broke up with her could’ve been a ruse to get me in his bed. Maybe he really did want her and not me all along.

  Leslie nodded, then walked away from his table. I guess the happy couple hadn’t been reunited after all. But it was as if she knew I was watching because her big blue eyes shot over her shoulder, latching onto mine. Her lips pulled up in one corner, like she wanted me to know she’d torn us apart.

  I held her stare. I wasn’t one for revenge, but looking at her gloat across the crowded room made me want to tear her extensions out and wrap them around her skinny little neck.

  “I dropped out of my pledge class.”

  My head whipped back to Sabrina. “What?”

  “After what she pulled, I don’t want to be friends with people who’d use me to hurt my friend.”

  I stared across the table at this girl who had my back, thanking anyone who was listening for putting us together. “I’m sorry. I know how excited you were.”

  She shrugged. “Eh. I’ll live. Most of the girls had sticks up their asses anyway.”

  I laughed, remembering Caden’s phone call with Leslie. I glanced back over at him. He could care less I was in the room as he laughed and carried on a conversation with Forester.

  Turned out I had been nothing more than a mere detour for him.

  * * *

  If I can’t have him, neither can you.

  The text came as I lay on my bed studying for my psychology midterm. There was no question who it came from. At first I wondered if Caden had given Leslie my number to harass me. Then I remembered he’d used my phone to call her the day of his party. I contemplated ignoring her text. Contemplated firing back. But did I really want to stoop to her level?

  Stay away from him, bitch.

  I pulled in a sharp breath as my fingers pounded away at the screen. Nope. I work for his team.

  I barely blinked before another text appeared. Quit.

  A humorless laugh burned the back of my throat. Who did she think she was?

  Another text popped up. And so you know, Caden a
nd I WILL be back together.

  I rolled my eyes and responded. Then I shouldn’t be a problem, should I?

  I stared at the screen, waiting for the three dots indicating she was typing to appear. They didn’t. I wasn’t sure if I’d shut her up or just pissed her off.

  Time would tell. It always did.

  * * *

  I arrived at the lecture hall early for my psychology exam. Sure, I’d been distracted by what turned out to be a shitty week, but plugged away nonetheless and studied until I knew the information. I glanced to Grady’s empty seat, wondering if he even realized we had a midterm. Probably not.

  My eyes strayed toward the section Caden sat in earlier in the semester. Neither he nor Leslie had shown up yet. A jealous knot twisted my insides, unprepared for them to show up together. There were just some things I didn’t need to see.

  I buried my nose in my book, rereading the chapter on chromosomes. Rustling to my right nabbed my attention. Grady sat there, having entered from the other end of the row. He eyed me, before venturing a glance at the empty seat beside me.

  I lifted my shoulder, my only response to his unspoken observation. He’d warned me about Caden. I was just too stupid to listen.

  Surprisingly, he didn’t gloat. Instead he shuffled through the stack of disheveled papers sticking out of his notebook.

  As my eyes moved away from him, I noticed Leslie had arrived, all decked out and staring at the entrance from her normal seat. Within seconds, Caden strolled into the room. His confidence never ceased to amaze me. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him, needing to know what he’d do. Needing to see it with my own two eyes.

  And then, as if a slow motion movie sequence, Caden didn’t even glance at Leslie who stared him down, waiting for him to sit with her—or at least acknowledge her. He did neither. Instead, he walked across the front of the room and slipped into a seat in the first row of the middle section, a good twenty rows in front of me.

  A small sense of relief fell over me. As much as Leslie fought to hold onto him, he had other plans—plans that didn’t include her or me for that matter. But at least she didn’t win.

  No one did.

  * * *

  Saturday’s first home game brought Alabama fans out in droves. The stadium, filled with over a hundred thousand people, was a sea of crimson. The noise level was off the charts and excitement filled the air. My parents made the trip, not wanting to miss the first home game, especially now that their daughter was part of the team. I knew it would be difficult for them. It was the first game they’d attended since losing Cole. That’s why I invited Sabrina along. She’d definitely make their experience memorable.

  I glanced over my shoulder, spotting them sitting in the section behind the bench where the tickets I’d given them were located. My mom’s head was thrown back as she laughed at something Sabrina said. My dad’s eyes were on the field, watching the guys warm up. I could see the sadness in his eyes as he watched Caden toss the ball around with his backup. I understood my dad’s sadness. I felt it every time the players ran onto the field. It always felt wrong to me. Like I knew Cole was supposed to be there.

  My dad’s eyes flitted over to mine and a huge smile lit up his face. I waved at the same moment he lifted his hand to wave to me. My mom must’ve noticed because she started waving. Then Sabrina joined in. I laughed from my spot on the sideline, feeling encouraged by their presence there.

  “Hey.”

  I spun around, my face falling as Caden walked toward me. It was the first time we’d even looked at each other since I was kicked out of his house. I’d been avoiding him, and he’d been avoiding me just as much.

  “I need a drink.”

  Oh, hell no. He may have ordered me around in his house, but not here. Not in a place I was just as welcome as he was. “You know where it is.”

  His eyes narrowed coldly, like he was looking at someone he despised.

  “I assure you, the feeling’s mutual,” I said, trying to keep my composure with the stadium filled with people, and the eyes of many likely on their star quarterback.

  He said nothing, just walked over to the table and grabbed his own bottle before walking away.

  Yvette, who’d been sitting on the bench, approached me. She leaned in toward my ear, needing to speak up for me to hear over the noise. “He’s got it bad for you.”

  I scoffed. The girl clearly had no clue.

  She nodded. “I’ve seen the way he’s been looking at you all season. And now, when something’s clearly up between the two of you, he’s always looking when you’re not. He’s got it bad.”

  “Well, he’s got a screwed up way of showing it.”

  She shrugged as she turned back to the bench, walking into the bodies lining the sideline.

  I looked out at Caden on the field, wishing more than anything it was Cole out there. Someone who breathed Bama. Someone who had the heart of a lion and not of a coward. Someone who treated everyone with respect. Someone who deserved that spot.

  * * *

  “I was so proud of you out there,” my dad said, beaming from across the table in the quiet off-campus restaurant.

  I rolled my eyes at Sabrina beside me before looking to my dad. “I hand out water.”

  “And you do it like no one I’ve ever seen before,” he assured me.

  My attention moved to my mom beside him. “Has he been hitting the bottle again?”

  She laughed as she reached across the table and placed her hand over mine. The gesture feeling like home. “He’s just happy to see you out on the field. It’s always been his dream to have a child out there.” Her smile faded as she lifted her hand from mine and wiped the corner of her eye to stop a tear from trickling out.

  I nodded. “I know.”

  “So, how are the guys treating you?” my dad asked, trying to lighten the suddenly somber mood.

  I shrugged, my eyes drifting out the window. The moon shone big and bright over the parking lot speckled with cars.

  “Grady’s a jerk,” Sabrina said, jumping into the conversation like she’d known my parents forever.

  “The linebacker?” my dad asked.

  I nodded, glancing back. “Yeah, but since I made him think I spiked his water with a laxative, he leaves me alone.”

  They all laughed, apparently not realizing I’d been serious.

  “If anyone can handle a bunch of jocks, it’s you,” my mom added, knowing what a little tomboy I’d been growing up.

  “There’s also Caden Brooks,” Sabrina offered.

  My eyes cut to hers.

  “What?” she asked all innocently. “They should know you two had a thing and now he’s being an ass.”

  “You and Caden Brooks?” My mom’s astonishment was understandable. She knew my feelings toward him. Knew how much I despised the very ground he walked on.

  I shook my head. “It was nothing. We thought there might be something there, but it wasn’t right.”

  My parents exchanged a look of sadness, but they did what I knew they’d do. They let me make my own choices. My own mistakes. They weren’t the type of parents who pried—or lectured. They felt the lesson I learned, and the heartbreaks I endured, just made me stronger.

  I just wished it was the truth.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Finlay

  A week of awkward practices ensued where I avoided Caden and he avoided me just as much. If I walked into the locker room when he was alone, I turned and walked back out. He did the same. It was an unspoken agreement that we both gladly adhered to.

  When I climbed the bus for our game in Mississippi that Friday, Yvette had yet to arrive. I took my aisle seat, busying myself with my phone so I didn’t have to face Caden. There was already a text from Leslie awaiting me.

  I have eyes everywhere.

  I shook my head. The girl was psychotic. You should probably contact a doctor about that.

  Her response came immediately. Stay away from him.

  Her fea
r of me was way too amusing not to respond. For someone so confident, you sure do worry a lot about me.

  Don’t mess with me, bitch.

  Oh, no she did not. My fingers flew across the screen. I assure you, your ex is a lot more fun to mess around with. I couldn’t contain my smug grin imagining Leslie fuming at the thought of Caden and me far from home at another hotel. I didn’t even bother waiting for her response. I shut down my phone and tucked it into the bag at my feet.

  When I sat up, Caden made his way down the aisle. I contemplated telling him to keep his ex on a tighter leash, but decided I’d be giving her too much power to even mention it. It didn’t matter, though. He walked right by me, shifting his hip to avoid touching any part of me as he passed by.

  For the first time in over a week, his snub sent a cold chill up my spine. And as much as I hated to admit it, it was the realization that I was completely alone there. Alone on a crowded bus. Caden had been my only friend on these trips, even when I hadn’t realized it. Whether he sat beside me on the bus or met me in the gym or pool, I could always count on those conversations. Now, I had no one to talk to. And that sucked.

  After practice at the stadium, I stayed in the hotel room while the team went out for dinner for obvious reasons. Having the room to myself, I’d watched a movie then fallen asleep way too early. By three in the morning, I was wide awake. No way in hell I wanted to risk running into Caden, so I avoided the pool and gym, opting to jog outside instead.

  I made it to the entrance of the hotel, stopping when I stood in darkness outside the front overhang, rethinking my grand plan.

  “Hey.”

  My body stiffened.

  Forester materialized out of the darkness from the direction of the parking lot. “Where you going?”

  I shrugged. “Thought I’d go for a run.”

  His ice blue eyes focused on mine. “No swimming tonight?”

  My forehead scrunched. If he knew Caden and I met up, how much more did he know? “Not tonight.”

  He buried his hands in his pockets, standing awkwardly across from me for a long moment. He sure was stunning up close and out of uniform. “Listen, I have no clue what happened between you and Brooks cuz guys don’t bitch to each other the way girls do. But I can tell you this. The way my boy’s been walking around pissed at the world is a big difference from the way he used to look when he was sneaking out for a swim.”