Lovely Distraction

by J. J. Dorn

  I didn’t get what was happening at all but he had hurt me and I needed time to process what had just happened before I reacted.

  “Alright,” I said standing and slamming the door behind me.

  Jamieson didn’t wait for me to get to my door before he revved the engine and took off. When I reached my door I struggled with my keys for a minute before I angrily threw them down exasperated. I let my back fall against my door and slowly fell to the ground crying. My heart ached in my chest. What was happening between us? Was I losing him?

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  I had survived the litany of questions my family leveled at me after I had divulged my shameful Vegas marriage. Some of the worst moments were explaining how I was going to tackle the fact that the wedding invitations had already gone out. Jacks offered to help me call all the wedding vendors and the venue. Cain’s mother had insisted we get married at the country club. I had preferred a southern style plantation but I was overruled. Thinking of the expense my parents had already gone through made me sick to my stomach. I knew they wouldn’t ever divulge to me how much my epic fuck-up was going to cost them, not after I revealed I was in fact engaged to a total creep. I knew I had narrowly missed a loveless marriage. I had Jamieson to thank for that I guess, but I doubted I would ever tell him so.

  By the end of our discussion, everything seemed to be handled. Jacks was a huge help, she volunteered to call Cain’s mother and ask her how she wanted to arrange returning gifts as well as making an announcement. I would owe my sister to the end of time for this.

  My mother had cried through the entire discussion, looking sometimes as if she would murder Jamieson and Cain too. Thank God for Lukas he laughed through most and cracked jokes. My father looked utterly disappointed and said very little. It had been the single worst day of my life. I had called Audrey and Olivia on my way home informing them of how everything had gone. They both thought it had gone relatively well considering¸ and I guess they were right it could have been a lot worse.

  When I got home I tore off my clothes and climbed into the shower. I craved the relaxing warmth to soothe my aching muscles. It is weird how sometimes after a very emotional situation it can feel like you just ran a marathon. I breathed in the lavender body wash and closed my eyes letting the spray pelt my face. My phone dinged on the counter signaling I had a text message and then it rang. I ignored it. I was sure it was one of my concerned family members wanting to rehash the very details I had just laid before them. I was done dealing with the drama of my quickie wedding and hopefully my soon-to-be quickie divorce. My plan was to get in my comfy flannel jammies and curl up on the couch with some really bad reality T.V. in the hope it helped me escape my own shitty reality.

  I was just climbing out of the shower when I heard someone pounding on my front door; it was most likely my sister coming by to check on me. When I left my parent’s she walked me to my car and I could tell she was sick with worry for me.

  I considered throwing on my P.J.’s first but then decided against it as I was sure it was my sister. I hurried to the front door and pulled it open still in my towel, but who was on the other side of the door was most definitely not my sister.

  “Can I help you?” I asked my strange visitor pulling my towel tight across my body.

  “I seriously doubt that.” The tall lanky brown haired woman said pushing past me and invading my home. I recognized her immediately. She was the girl that I had seen in Jamieson’s room the day I went to get my engagement ring from him, the one that threw a fit the night before in his driveway upon seeing me. This ought to be good, the perfect way to top off my day.

  “Please, by all means come in.” I told her sarcastically, closing the door behind her. I racked my brain trying to remember her name but it evaded me.

  “I came over to make things clear between us.”

  “Okay…” I scrunched my towel to my chest.

  “Jamieson is mine. We have been together almost two years now and were planning on getting married.”

  I interjected the moment she slowed to take a breath. “Well that may be difficult considering—”

  “That he already married you? Well I will admit at first I was devastated but it seems Jamieson has come to his senses and will be divorcing you as soon as humanly possible.”

  “I see.” I said with clear anger and resentment. What she was saying struck a nerve with me. It shouldn’t have because what she said was true, we would be getting a divorce as soon as we could, leaving him free to do whatever he pleased, but for some reason her pointing it out pissed me off immeasurably.

  “Jamieson is mine,” she repeated. “He may be your husband on paper for these next few months but don’t get confused sweetheart, he is most certainly not yours,” she spat out. Oh no she didn’t! Not today Satan, not today.

  “First off, sweetheart, if Jamieson is indeed yours as you keep pointing out then why the hell did he marry me? And secondly, sweetheart, I could give a rat’s ass about what you want or what your man wants. I don’t want to be involved in this situation any more than I have to be, so you can rest assured I won’t be trying to steal Jamieson from you. And now that that’s settled I think it is time for you to leave!” I yelled throwing the front door open letting it hit the wall behind me.

  She eyed my mostly naked body suspiciously for a half a moment before she began striding out the door. “He could not possibly want you over me.” Now this was officially the worst day of my life.

  After my surprise visitor I cracked open a bottle of wine and sunk down in my comfy couch still reeling from the events earlier. I turned on the Bachelor hoping to relish in some other poor woman’s pain to help ignore my own. The Bachelor was one of those shows you watch to help you feel better about your own life. In some weird way hearing about some random woman’s struggles of dating a man with forty other women just made you feel better about your own crappy love life.

  I was on my second large glass and intently listening to a gorgeous brunet cry about having seen the Bachelor kiss another girl while on their group date when again there was a knock at my door. I considered ignoring it for half a second but then decided against it and went to open it. When I peered through the peep-hole I saw a very handsome and pissed looking Jamieson Wellington staring back at me.

  I opened the door and turned back to the couch completely ignoring his presence all together.

  “Well you just missed your girlfriend,” I grabbed my glass and chugged back some more wine.

  “I know she told me she came to see you,”

  “She’s charming. I would tell you that you sure know how to pick them, but then what would that say about me, huh?” I said snottily.

  “What did she tell you Jenna?” He demanded showing his anger. Why he was mad at me was perplexing. I was at home minding my own business.

  “Oh you know, just that you belong to her and I am not to get confused about that. And that you have been together a couple of years and plan to get married. Oh and that you couldn't possibly want me over her. You know basic girly chit chat stuff.” I was being a complete bitch with my sarcasm but he deserved it, he had help promote me from slut to home wrecking slut. However, I had to admit I didn’t much care about his girlfriend’s feelings but I did care about how I had compromised myself.

  “Fuck!” He yelled and then began pacing back and forth in front of the couch where I sat. “I knew Trinity would do this. What a fucked up scenario. It’s just such a delicate situation now,” he was rambling and not making a bit of sense. He was panicking.

  “Look Jamieson, I don’t want to cause problems for you. I won’t say anything about the wedding. We can just keep going on about our lives like we normally would and as soon as we can, we will get a divorce. We don’t ever have to see each other again.” I offered trying to ease his stress.

  He stopped pacing immediately and locked eyes with me. “Is that really what you want?”

  “I think it’s for the best given the sit
uation, don’t you?” I replied.

  “Damn it Jenna! No I don’t think it’s for the best. That is not at all what I want,” he growled and began pacing again.

  “Uh okay, well I don’t think your girlfriend is going to take kindly to us having a… friendship or whatever.” I didn’t really know what to call the twisted toxic thing now between us.

  “She is not my girlfriend!” He shouted back at me, instantly hurting my feelings. I couldn’t understand why in the world I was getting the brunt of his anger, unless he blamed me for the destruction of his relationship like I had blamed him at first.

  “I’m sorry I ruined things for you.” I said ducking my head and pulling my legs up on the couch tight against my chest.

  Hearing my apology he stopped pacing and once again stared at me. His face fell as he looked at me and I clung to my legs tighter for comfort. “Damn it. I have fucked this all up again. Jenna, you didn’t ruin anything, I did. None of this is your fault.”

  “Stop saying that! I made my choices. I choose to drink in excess that night, I choose to go off alone with you, I choose to marry you and I choose to sleep with you. Even if I can’t remember doing any of it, I still made those choices. I may not have been the instigator but I was your cohort, your accomplice. I was the girl that helped you cheat. I became the one person I swore I never would be, I became the other woman.”

  Jamieson flinched at my bluntness but said nothing for a long moment. When he began to speak it was calm but with intensity. “You are not the other woman Jenna, you could never be the other woman, do you understand me? I do not want Trinity. She is not the one that my body craves in the middle of the night. She is not the one that my heart aches for day in and day out. She could never be that person to me.”

  His proclamation shocked and confused me. “Then who is she, Jamieson?”

  He looked at me clearly weighing what he was going to tell me. “She is the reason I destroyed us five years ago. She is the reason I left.”

  He was confusing me. Had Trinity been one of the girls I caught him with that night? I sat quietly just watching him struggle with what he was revealing. “I don’t understand.”

  “I know, Jenna, I know. It’s time I finally tell you what really happened all those years ago,” he said sinking down on to the edge of the couch.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  February 14, 2010…

  Things were different now. If I was honest it started once we arrived home from Aspen. Jamieson had grown more and more distant. He still had wanted to see me though. I had talked myself into believing it was just the stress of work. I had tried several times to get him to confide in me about the struggles he was having with work, but he had refused. I knew since his father had died and he took over at the whiskey distillery things had been tough for him. I got the distinct impression that the Wellington whiskey fortune was in great jeopardy but I didn’t know how to help Jamieson if he wouldn’t confide in me. To make matters worse, I was stressed as well. I was interning at a local criminal defense firm trying to prepare for law school. The firm was beginning to try a capital murder case any day so I was working long hours bringing the attorneys endless amounts of coffee and typing up pleadings late into the night.

  That is why I was looking forward to Valentine’s Day so much. After what happened between us the week before, I needed to see him. I needed to be reassured that things were okay between us. Jamieson and I had made plans during the week to celebrate Valentine’s Day together. He said he was going to make dinner for me and we were going to watch a movie at home. A cozy night at home with him sounded more than perfect to me.

  I got to Jamieson’s house later than I expected that evening. I thought he would probably be waiting on me and I hoped he wouldn’t be disappointed with my tardiness. When I pulled up to Jamieson’s house it was dark. I used the keypad on the garage to enter the house like I normally did. When I got in the house I went toward the kitchen expecting to find Jamieson, but to my surprise he wasn’t there. The stove was off and there was no sign of him. I walked down the long hallway to see if anybody was home but it was quiet. The guys must have all had plans. I headed upstairs to see if maybe he was in his office or in the bedroom.

  I called out as I reached the top stairs but no one was home. I entered the large bedroom not sure I was looking for but something instinctively told me to look on the bed. My intuition had been right. On the bed was a note from Jamieson.

  Jenna,

  I had to go to New York last minute.

  I’m sorry to have to cancel. I’ll call you when I get in.

  Jamieson

  I sat down on the edge of the bed crumpling the note in my hand and began to cry. It was glaringly obvious now that things had deteriorated farther than what I had allowed myself to believe. It was clear now how bad things had gotten. We were in trouble and I was scared. I loved this man. I didn’t want to lose him but something deep down whispered that I was perhaps holding onto something that had already escaped me.

  I cried for a long time in Jamieson’s room alone, until I finally regained my strength and left. When I went to my apartment it was cold and lonely. I immediately drew a warm bath and soaked my tired body, hoping it would bring me some relief.

  I watched T.V. for a few hours checking my phone like a crazy person but there was no reason to, Jamieson did not call or text.

  I fell asleep on my couch and was awakened by my cell phone first thing in the morning. I immediately lunged for my phone hoping it was Jamieson, but it was my sister. I had forgotten I had volunteered to help teach lessons to some of the novice riders this morning. Thank goodness she called to remind me.

  I showered and threw on a pair of breaches, my navy quilted jacket and my leather hunt boots. I made it to the barn in record time. Jacks’ barn was about twenty minutes outside of the city but depending on traffic it could take forty minutes. When I pulled up I saw Jacks bundled in her warm coat walking down the row of stalls checking each horse.

  “What are you doing here, crazy? You just gave birth two weeks ago. Shouldn’t you be at home?”

  “I just wanted to check them. I haven’t been to the barn since I had Libby.” She said still checking the row of horses.

  “How is my gorgeous niece? I didn’t get to see her yesterday.” I asked zipping up my quilted jacket and following Jacks down the aisle of the barn.

  “She is wonderful. She is such an easy baby so far. She sleeps through the night almost every night and Lukas is amazing with her.” Jacks glowed as she talked about her new daughter. She had gone into labor late at night. She called me completely calm letting me know it was time. I of course was a crazy person running around my house making sure I had everything to go to the hospital. Jacks had told me she wanted me to be in the room when she gave birth, I tried to politely decline but she was having none of that, she insisted I be in there. I can’t exactly say I was glad to have witnessed it all, it is my firm belief that women who haven’t given birth should not be in that room. But I was glad to be the first person to hold my gorgeous niece after her parents had their turns. It was magical seeing her and it made me realize I wanted what my sister had. The question was, did Jamieson want that same thing.

  “What’s wrong, Jens?” Jacks said looking up from her inspection of the horses, and immediately fixated on me.

  “Nothing.” I walked past her toward the tack room.

  “You can’t lie to me, I’m your sister. Now tell me what is wrong.” She stormed after me.

  “It’s nothing, I just was let down is all.” I tried to give her a half truth in an attempt to satisfy her curiosity.

  “What did he do?” Jacks demanded.

  “He didn’t do anything,” I told her as I pulled a saddle out from the rack on the wall.

  “Damn it Jenna, just tell me!” Jacks pushed past me blocking my way out of the tack room.

  I sighed in defeat knowing I was about to spill my guts to her. “We were supposed to have a relaxi
ng intimate dinner at his house for Valentine’s Day, but when I got there I found an empty house and a note saying he had to travel to New York for business. I spent most of the night crying and checking my phone incessantly, but he hasn’t called.”

  “Oh Jens, I’m sorry,” Jacks wrapped her arms around me and I felt a loan tear slide down my cheek.

  “I think I’m losing him,” I squeaked out.

  “Jenna, I warned you about the Wellingtons. I was worried this would happen but I had hoped that Jamieson was different from his brother. But it seems they are both cut from the same cloth.”

  “I don’t think he’s like Ethan. I think he is just extremely stressed out with the business. I know it has been struggling since his father passed away.” I don’t know why I felt the need to defend him but what Jacks said irritated me. Jamieson was nothing like Ethan. He was good. Wasn’t he?

  “Maybe he's not, but he certainly is acting like his brother,” Jacks lifted one eyebrow indicating she was totally skeptical.

  “We just need some time to ourselves to get back on track, that’s all,” I said out loud trying my best to convince myself as well as Jacks. She stepped aside and let me leave the tack room to saddle my first horse of the day.

  Riding had always helped to clear my head and made me feel better. There was something therapeutic about climbing aboard a thousand pound animal and jumping it over fences so high it made you feel like you were flying. After a full day of riding and teaching lessons I put my last horse away feeling better about life. I grabbed my keys and jacket from the tack room on the way out of the barn. I had been so busy I had not checked my phone all day. I realized this as I got in my car to head home. I was shocked to find a lone text message from Jamieson. He told me he would get in late and would see me sometime later in the week. It was not the exactly the apologetic text message I had hoped for, instead it was rather cold and impersonal.