Niya

by Fabiola Joseph

  Niya, I really need you. Please, answer me.

  I waited and waited and waited, but still nothing. I slid the box under my bed and promised myself that if she didn’t answer my happy birthday call or text, I was going to her house and pushing past her granny. I needed to see her; I needed her to share this with me. I spent the night texting her and ignoring the text from Rodney. He wasn’t who I wanted in that moment.

  Happy birthday, Niya. I miss you, baby. I will see you today. I am on my way to Kingsborough, and I hope you have a great day. I love you.

  I texted Niya her happy birthday text after calling her three times with no answer. I was starting to get pissed. That day, while in school, all I did was think of her. What we had couldn’t be over already. We had to get past whatever this was. Our love was too strong for whatever this roadblock was. So after my last class, I went home, did my chores, showered, did my hair and makeup as best as I could, and put on a dress that Niya had bought for me but that I had never worn. I waited for my family to fall asleep before I headed out.

  Chapter 60

  Niya

  I was already up when Jamilla’s text came through. If it weren’t for her text, I would have forgotten my own birthday. I stood at the kitchen window and waited for her to appear. I watched her every morning, just needing to get a simple glance at her. She was still the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen, not that things would change in just a couple of days. But our couple of days apart felt like centuries crushing me. I missed her to the point that my head and heart would hurt at just the mere thought of her.

  So I stood there at the window every morning, and that morning, nothing had changed. I had been up for almost twenty-four hours with no sleep, I was drunk as hell, and I was in a terrible mood. So many things were running through my mind, but none more dominant than that night with Jamilla and the cops. I hated myself more and more with each passing day. All the blame was on me, and I just couldn’t face her—not yet. At times, I felt as if she deserved someone better than me in her life.

  Who was I? A fucking drunk, a drug dealer, a lesbian who was dealing with Mommy and Daddy issues, who at times counted on her love a little too much? See, all this time I was thinking that she treated me as if she needed me more than she loved me, but . . . I did the same damn thing. I used her, used everything that was good in her. Her pureness somehow healed the broken and painful parts in me. Her love and her need for me made me feel wanted, as if I had a purpose in this world. She made me feel like a redeemer, a liberator, a protector. She made me feel whole. She completed me; she rescued me from a lonely existence that was sure to eat me up alive. See, I needed her too. I. Needed. Her. Too!

  Once Jamilla was out of sight, I tumbled over to the bathroom, undressed, and got into the shower. Afterward, I didn’t even dry off. I just stepped out, sat on my bed, and conked out. I didn’t wake up until Marlo and what seemed like all of Facebook started blowing up my phone.

  * * *

  I rubbed my eyes when my Facebook notifications said I had over two thousand birthday wishes. What was even crazier was the fact that I didn’t know a good 90 percent of the people who had taken the time to wish me a happy birthday. When I looked on Instagram, there weren’t as many, but there had to be a few hundred. That made me smile. My head was a lot clearer, and I wasn’t so drunk, but the first thing I did was pick up the bottle of Patrón that was next to my bed and take a big swig.

  After checking social media, the next thing I did was check my text messages. A few friends who weren’t my friends on Facebook had texted, but most were from Marlo. I must have had about fifteen from her. The very first one was her sending me her birthday wishes, but the others were her saying that she needed to see me, she missed me, and she loved me, and the last one was a picture. I sat up once I made the photo bigger. She was naked and looked so damn good. She was on her back, with her legs spread, and my God, I was turned on from the minute my eyes landed on the picture. I texted her back.

  My bad. Was sleeping. Thanks for the b-day wishes. What are you doing? I hope you didn’t slip on any clothes.

  It seemed like as soon as I pushed SEND, she messaged me right back.

  You tell me what’s up. I am tryin’a see you. I miss you and want to try my hand at fucking the shit out of you. ;) Maybe a birthday fuck?

  With this message, she sent another picture. This time, she was playing with herself.

  I can’t drive. Been drinking. Why don’t you come through?

  Again, her response was lightning fast.

  Just give me the address, and I’ll be on my way.

  I thought about it and had only one demand.

  Okay, cool. But I want you to come over here with nothing on. Just you and that wet pussy of yours.

  I waited to see if she would still come.

  That’s fine. I’ll borrow one of my mom’s long coats. Send me the addy.

  I got out of bed, got myself together, and threw out the empty bottles that littered my room. Other than that, it was still pretty neat in there.

  “Niya, mi amor, come. Come see.”

  I walked out of my room to see what Granny wanted to show me. When I got to the kitchen, she was holding a cake in her hands that had nineteen candles on it.

  “Happy birthday, mi amor. You make wish now.”

  Damn, I loved that lady. She always made everything better. Looking into her eyes, I could tell that she was both happy and thankful that I had made it to see my nineteenth birthday. For a while, we ate cake, listened to Héctor Lavoe, a Puerto Rican singer whose salsa music always got her to dance. For the first time in days, I was smiling and enjoying myself. I rolled a few fat blunts, and Granny and I got drunk and high as hell. Soon she would have to sit down, because she danced too much and because the liquor and weed would get to her. And of course, she would never admit that she just couldn’t hang.

  “Niya, put down the music. I need to sit. Uno momento, I will get up again.”

  I smiled and turned the music down.

  “Oh, Niya, you see, I old now. I used to be the best salsa dancer in Santo Domingo.”

  “It’s cool, Granny. I’ve been told that you can’t hang.”

  We laughed, and I kissed her forehead. As I poured her another drink, there was a knock at the door.

  “Maybe it’s you friend Jamilla. She look for you, Niya. Why you so mean to her? She so nice girl.”

  I told her that it wasn’t Jamilla as I headed for the door.

  “Hey, you. I missed you,” Marlo said as she walked into the apartment. She opened her coat and showed me all that she was working with. I pulled her inside, pushed her against the wall, and closed her coat.

  “Slow down, girl. My granny’s up.”

  She looked embarrassed, and it was cute.

  “Calm down. She didn’t see you.” I pressed my body against hers and kissed her lips.

  “Niya, who is this girl?”

  I turned around to find my grandmother behind us. She gave Marlo the stink eye off the bat.

  “Hey, Granny. This is Marlo, a friend from school.”

  She stood there, looking at Marlo, then turned back to me. “A mi no me gusta ella, Niya. Jamilla, call Jamilla.”

  I was shocked but had to laugh. I thanked God that my granny had said that she didn’t like Marlo in Spanish. I took Marlo’s hand and started to walk to my bedroom. I turned around and let my granny know that she had nothing to worry about, that I really didn’t like Marlo and that we shared nothing too serious.

  “A mi tampoco me gusta. No te preocupes. No es nada serio.”

  * * *

  Marlo and I had been in my room for a good twenty minutes before she started talking shit.

  “Oh yeah? You think it’s that simple, huh?” I said.

  “How hard can it be to be good at eating pussy? I have one. You got one. It shouldn’t be hard. If I know what I like, that means I can please you.”

  I wanted to see what she was working with. After all
, it was my birthday. A good nut would add the icing to my birthday cake.

  We were on my bed, so I pulled her on top of me. I kissed her and waited for her to make her move, but she just stayed on my lips.

  “See?” I said between kisses. “You’re fuckin’ up already. You are taking too long on this boring-ass kiss. Make your move, ho.”

  As Marlo smiled, I realized that she was one of those types who liked to be mistreated in bed. Fuck her right and call her all kinds of names—that was what would make her cum. I had picked up on it the last time I was with her. Every time I’d called her a bitch, she’d moaned a little louder, and she’d fucked my face a little harder.

  She did the “licking and kissing my breasts, tummy, and inner thighs” thing, but I was ready for more. I let her slip off my shorts and watched her face as her eyes landed between my legs. I was clean shaven, and from what I had been told, I was pretty down there. So she should have been happy. Even I had run into a few that scared the hell out of me. Some of them had looked like an ugly-ass catfish, and if that was the case, I would just play with it a little and send them home.

  “Go ahead. What in the fuck are you waiting for?”

  I took her by the back of her head and pulled her face toward me. Her mouth was warm and wet, just how I liked it.

  “Yeah, lick that shit. Yeah, now suck on that clit.”

  She was a great student, a fast learner. She was so nasty that she let her tongue slip to places I didn’t even tell her to lick. She did what I told her to do. When I said, “Suck,” she latched on to my clit and nursed it. Yeah, she was a great student.

  “Oh shit. Yeah, bitch. Just like that, right there. I’m about to cum. Fuck . . . I’m about to cum.”

  I pushed her off of me with my foot. She fell onto her back, and before she knew what hit her, I was on her face. I pinned her arms down with my knees and rubbed my wet slit against her lips.

  “Come on, ho. Lick that pussy. Look, Ma. No hands. Look, Ma. No hands.” I was teasing her by quoting lyrics the old “No Hands” song by Waka.

  I rode her lips and tongue until the tingling feeling came back to my stomach. I pulled off my shirt and let my naked body kiss the Libra-scented night air.

  When I looked down, I could see in her eyes how turned on she was, and that pushed me over the edge. I tried to push myself deeper into her mouth as I came and told her how good a ho she was. It took me a minute for me to get myself together, but soon I was between her legs and making her cum with just my hands. Again, when we were done, I didn’t see the need for her to be there anymore. I felt bad about it, but that was just how it was. I lay there with her and made small talk, but once she looked like she was getting tired and ready for a nap, it was really time for her to go.

  “So, I hope to see you again,” I said as I sat up in the bed.

  “You can see me all night long if you want, baby.”

  I lit the half of a blunt that was sitting in the ashtray by my bed and gave her the okeydoke. “I would love to, but . . .” I picked up my cell phone and read the time. “It’s after ten, and my grandma is going to be coming in here soon. I’m not supposed to have anyone here after ten.”

  She looked disappointed, but at the end of the day . . . she wasn’t my girl.

  I stood up and waited for her to join me. I walked her to the bathroom, and we both cleaned up. I really did feel bad as I watched her mope around the bathroom. She was a cool girl, but I could see right through her. She hadn’t been checking for me before I started hanging out with Jamilla or before my videos. And who in the hell needed another Roxie? When she was done, I walked her to my front door and showed her a little kindness.

  “You made my day. You know that?”

  She smiled, and I could tell that it was real. “Niya, I want you to know that I really like you. I have never met anyone like you.”

  Damn. I kind of felt bad now.

  “You’re real cool too, Marlo. You’re real cool.” That was all that I could give her.

  “I know that we haven’t spent a lot of time together, but I just like you. At first, I just thought that I was going to run game on you.” I started to laugh as she continued. “That’s the truth. But as I got to know you, I realized that you have more to offer than money. I really do like you, and after you left the other night, I felt like I had fallen in love with you.”

  I was speechless. I had wanted to turn her out, but having her fall in love wasn’t in the cards for us. So I pulled her to me and just kissed her. I knew that I wouldn’t speak to her or see her after that night, so I gave her a kiss to remember.

  “Niya?”

  As soon as I heard the voice, I knew who it was. I pulled away from Marlo, as if I was a kid who had just got caught by her parents. My heart raced, and my head felt light, as if my hand had got caught in the kitty jar.

  “Jamilla, what are you doing here?” I asked.

  I kept my eyes on her face, but it was void of any emotion.

  “It’s your birthday, and I couldn’t let this day go by without seeing you.”

  I glanced over at Marlo, as if I had forgotten that she was even there, and looked at her as if I was asking her why she was still there. “So, you should be getting home,” I said.

  If looks could kill, Jamilla would have been dead the minute those words left my mouth. Marlo looked at her and then back at me, and I could tell that she was not happy.

  “Why don’t you walk me out?” Marlo said.

  I wanted to tell Marlo that she was not more important than Jamilla, but I was not cruel. “Nah, I have to talk to her. Be safe.”

  I hugged her and kind of pushed her out the door toward the steps. Once I had done that, my eyes went to Jamilla and stayed on her, and damn, she was beautiful.

  “Hey, you look nice,” I said as she walked over to me. I walked her into my house and closed the door. We stood behind it in the dimly lit hallway, she against one wall, I across from her and against the other.

  “Happy birthday,” she said with a smile.

  “Thank you. I’m happy you stopped by.” I was nervous. I had so much that I wanted to say to her, and I held back so much.

  “I have a gift for you.”

  She held her hand out and waited for me to take the neatly wrapped gift from her hand. I took it and unwrapped it slowly. It was a box that had not been opened yet, and I asked her what it was.

  “Just open it. I have not seen it, either. I wanted to wait for you, for us to see it together.”

  I ripped the box open, and once I pulled out the two books, it hit me. I took in a deep breath as my eyes registered what I was holding in my hand.

  “Oh my God, Jamilla. This is your book. Wow. I am so proud of you.”

  I looked up at her and could see the tears in her eyes. I was so damn happy for her. I looked back down at the books and handed her one. I watched as she held it and turned the book from front to back and side to side. She looked like she was in paradise. Her dreams were in her hand, and for a brief moment, I stayed quiet just to let her take that trip to dreamer’s paradise.

  “It’s so beautiful, Niya, and to be standing here with you, I . . . I am just so happy.”

  I left my wall and hugged her tight. I smiled as she cried tears of happiness.

  “You did it, baby. You did it.”

  I let her go and stood beside her. Her cover was beautiful. Two girls from the back. One looked like a stud; one like a femme. They were holding hands, and although most of the cover was black and white, there were small things in color, and each was a color from the rainbow. I read the title, Rainbow Hearts, over and over, and the subtitle, A Funny Little Thing Called Fate.

  “Don’t just hold it and look at it. Open it and read the acknowledgment page,” she ordered.

  I opened the book and took my time reading all the pages before her dedication, even the copyright page. Once I got to the page she wanted me to read, I took my time with the words and took it all in.

  To Niy
a. Because of you, I am alive. You came into my world and changed not only the things in it, but me and my heart too. I love you, and I am no longer afraid to say it out loud, and most importantly, I am unafraid to say it to you and believe it myself. You are the rainbow that drowned out the darkness, and you made my heart beat.

  I was so touched that my eyes started to get cloudy with tears.

  “Jamilla, I don’t know what to say. Wow, Jamilla. Just wow.”

  “So you like it?” Her question shocked me.

  “Jamilla, I love it. I love everything about it. This is the best gift I have ever gotten in my life.”

  She smiled, and that, unlike the lie I had told Marlo, made my birthday.

  “So, the show the other night . . . Niya, you killed it.”

  It was sad. That should have been the most memorable night of my life, and it would be, except for all the wrong reasons.

  “Yeah, I wish that I was really present for it.”

  “I love the freestyle you did at the end. Really touching. That guy who came in and spoke to you thought so too. What did you think about him?” she asked, but I really didn’t understand why.

  “I mean, he was cool. There were so many people coming at me after the show that I really didn’t give him much thought.”

  “No, I mean about him saying that he works out of Atlanta and L.A. Have you thought about us leaving after we finish our freshman year of college?”

  Damn. My mind had been so cluttered with the shit going on in my life that I hadn’t really given it much thought.

  “To tell you the truth, Jamilla, I really haven’t even thought about it.”

  “You still want to leave, right?” she asked, as if she was holding her breath.