Niya

by Fabiola Joseph

  She walked over to me, slapped the dog shit out of me, and afterward pulled me close and hugged me tight.

  “Niya, mi amor, my angel, my heart, you are you, not the people before you. Oh, Niya, your granny loves you so. I don’t see how my life will be when you go, but you must go. You have to, mi amor. If you stay, I will lose you like you mami, like you papi, like so many before you.”

  As she spoke, I started to cry. I begged her to let me stay. I told her that I wouldn’t be able to live without her. I told her that she was me, and I was her, but still . . . she said I must go.

  “Granny, please, not yet. Just give me time so that I can bring you with me. Please, Granny, please.”

  She tried to push me away from her chest, but I held on even tighter. In her arms, I felt safe.

  “Mi amor, I always with you, no matter what. I need you to go and live the dream you dream. I will come soon, Niya. It no take too long. Come on, Niya. You break your granny heart crying like this.”

  I didn’t care what she said. I wasn’t letting go.

  “Granny, you just don’t understand. Please, Gran, I need you. Who am I without you? If it wasn’t for you, I would still be hiding. Please, Granny, I will die without you. Do you hear me? I just won’t make it.”

  That was when her own tears started to fall. I could feel the tremble radiate from deep within her, and I knew that this was just as hard for her as it was for me. So, for a short while, we just sat there, with me in her arms. Me, unable to let go of my backbone, the woman who was my mother, my father, my God, in a way. And she . . . Well, I never asked her what went through her mind, but her arms told me the untold story. To me, the way she held me told me that I was her second chance at motherhood. Maybe in some way she felt as if she had failed my mother, failed herself, but with me came redemption. That was what really gave me the strength to let go of her eventually. It was the thought of her wanting better for me. It was the thought of the love I knew she had for me that made me realize that what she wanted for me . . . was the best thing for me.

  “Okay, mi amor. Now you call the man and tell him you come to Atlanta now. After, we finish packing.”

  When I called the guy who had spoken to me at the show, the only thing he asked was how soon I could get there. He spoke about jumping right into the studio and how he was going to make me a star. When I told him that I would be driving out to Atlanta that night, he assured me that he would have a place for me to live as soon as I got there. I let my granny speak to him, and he answered all her questions adequately, so there was no turning back.

  We got up and packed the important stuff. By four in the morning, my car was packed and I was standing in the living room, waiting for my dad to call. When the phone rang, my granny told him that she was in fact able to get me to understand why I had to leave and that everything was packed. When she handed me the phone, I was the first to ask a question.

  “So you were in on this too?”

  My dad started to laugh, but I didn’t find things funny.

  “Listen, when she first told me that she was going to make you go, I told her, ‘Good luck.’ I know that I haven’t been around much, but from what I do know, you seem as hardheaded as me.”

  “I really don’t want to just go and leave her, but—”

  “Don’t you worry about her. She will be just fine. Just go out there, do your thing, and move her there when you can. I saw your videos online and, baby girl, you have a great shot at making it. Don’t let this street shit kill your dreams. There’s a whole bunch of talented niggas who are six feet deep or in a damn cell. I don’t want that for you.”

  I didn’t say much, mostly just listened.

  “You go out there and do your thing, baby girl. I’ll be out soon, and I promise to make up the years I have lost with you. Your granny been laying some real shit on me lately, and she opened my eyes. Did you see your mama yet?”

  I took in a deep breath and rubbed my temples. I knew that I had to stop and see her before I left, and I was hoping that at the very least, it went better than the last time I saw her.

  Chapter 67

  Jamilla

  I made it seem as if the only reason that I left the room was to give Niya and her grandmother room to talk, but that was only half the true. When it hit me that I was really going to be leaving, I knew that I had to call Rodney.

  His voice came on the line, deep and sweet. “Hey, baby. What’s up?”

  “Hey, I really don’t have much time to talk, but I need to let you know that Niya and I are leaving for Atlanta . . . tonight.”

  I heard what sounded like shifting on the other end, and I knew that Rodney must have sat up in his bed.

  “What do you mean, tonight?”

  I took in a deep breath and tried to speak fast. “Niya’s grandmother wants her gone tonight. I guess shit is getting too hot for Niya, and Granny wants her out of New York. Niya called the guy from her show, and he said that he will have a place for her when she gets there. Plus, Granny has family there who will get us in school.”

  “Yo, what the fuck is going on? You can’t just fucking leave.”

  I waited a few seconds before answering. “I’m leaving Rodney . . . with her. I have no choice.”

  I waited for him to speak, wondering what he was thinking. “Where are you?” he finally asked.

  “I am in front of the building. I came out so Niya could talk to her granny.”

  “Okay, stay there. I’m coming to see you,” Rodney said, and I heard keys jiggling in the background.

  “I don’t have time for—”

  “Jamilla, I am coming to see you. Be there in ten minutes.”

  I guessed I had no choice.

  * * *

  I could hear the tires on the car as Rodney turned the corner. He stopped in front of the building and waited for me. I hurried to his car, praying that Niya didn’t see me, and jumped in. At first, he just sat there looking at me. Damn. He was so damn cute. His skin was so smooth, and it looked as if it had melted into a fresh haircut.

  “So, you are really gonna leave me?”

  I took a deep breath and asked him to drive. A few traffic lights down, I answered him.

  “Yes, I am really leaving. Some crazy shit went down at my house, and I don’t live there anymore, so I have to go. Plus, I want to go. Not that I want to leave you, but I just want out of New York. I am so ready for a fresh start.”

  “What in the hell went down at your place?” Rodney’s face was twisted with confusion.

  “Nothing I want to talk about right now. Look, I just wanted to let you know that I was leaving. I can’t be gone for too long right now.”

  “Damn. That was cold as shit,” Rodney said as he pulled the car over at a random spot.

  “No, I didn’t mean it like that. I really am going to miss you, but I just don’t have much time to sit and talk. Niya will be wondering where I am soon.”

  We sat there, with him saying nothing, not even looking at me.

  “Rodney, come on. Speak to me.”

  He turned to me and leaned toward my side of the car. He gave me a quick kiss and answered, “I’m just going to miss you . . . that’s all. We were really just starting to get to know each other on a personal level, and now you’re leaving. This is so fucked up.”

  I didn’t say anything, because what I really wanted to say was that what we were doing, and not me leaving, was wrong. Instead, I just pulled his lips to mine again and kissed him. I savored the flavor of his lips and wondered if I would ever get to taste them again.

  When Rodney dropped me off a block away from my building, I looked at him before getting out of the car and couldn’t think of what to say, so he spoke.

  “Don’t worry, Jamilla boo. I am going to make sure that I see you soon. As soon as you get to Atlanta and you know the address, text me the info.”

  As he kissed me good-bye, I couldn’t help but think about how weird it was to hear him call me Jamilla boo. That was Ni
ya’s thing, and it just didn’t sound right coming out of his mouth.

  While walking back to Niya’s place, I took in all that Brooklyn had to offer. Although I was ready to leave the place I called home, I knew that I would miss it.

  Chapter 68

  Niya

  The car was packed, and I couldn’t believe that I was about to leave New York. Those streets were all I knew. They had raised me, they at times had made me cave, and they had made me who I was. I leaned against the car and waited for my grandmother to come down. I told myself that I would not break down again. I didn’t know how long it would be until I saw her again, and I didn’t want her last image of me to be my tearstained face.

  “Are you ready for this?” Jamilla asked.

  “No,” I answered as I lit a blunt. “Are you?” I asked in return.

  “No, but I’m hopeful that this is the right thing to do.”

  I thought about it and silently prayed that it was. As I prayed, Granny appeared at my side.

  “Okay, mi amor. You pack, and now you can go. First, you and Jamilla stand here. I bless you.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. I should have known that she wouldn’t let us leave without blessing us with her potions and prayer. I took Jamilla’s hand, and we stood right there on the street as my granny prayed and sprayed us with her concoction. Afterward, she did the same to the car before coming back over to us.

  My heart skipped a few beats as I peered into her eyes. My mind, body, and soul said, “Stay,” but I knew that I couldn’t. She pulled Jamilla to her and hugged and kissed her.

  “You save my Niya, and with you, I know she safe. God send you to my Niya. I know this. You are the angel she need. Make sure you watch her for me. You know she crazy, just like her family. Thank you, Jamilla. Te amo.”

  I watched the two women I loved embrace each other and show genuine love toward one another. When she let Jamilla go, she turned to me.

  “Oh God. Now it hard to let you go, mi amor. Come. Hug you granny.”

  I was keeping it together while she was falling apart. My heart broke in a thousand little pieces as I fell into her arms.

  “I love you, Granny. I love you more than anything in the world.”

  “I love you, mi amor. I always with you here,” she said, pointing to my heart. “Okay, you go. You go see you mommy before you leave New York, yes?”

  I smiled. Granny was going to be Granny till the end.

  “Yes, I am going to see her before I leave.”

  “Okay, now you go. Call on the phone when you get there. I love you, and you my Niya for always, okay?”

  I hugged and kissed the woman who had raised me, and I prayed that everything she was, everything she had given me, and everything she had taught me left New York with me.

  Jamilla and I got in the car, and before we left, Granny made me make one more promise. I rolled my window down.

  “Niya, you leave here, you leave all the dark here. You no look back. I know you a star. I know Jamilla know, you family know, you friends know. Now you need to know. You leave everything bad here. You will be new, so you act new. You are good only . . . no bad. You new, okay?”

  I reached through the window, took her hand, kissed it, and said, “I promise, Granny. I promise.”

  * * *

  Later that day I picked up my money from the stash house and went on to search for my mother. I drove the streets, looking for my mom. I knew where she liked to hang out, but for some reason, that night I wasn’t having much luck.

  “Man, fuck this. I tried.”

  I started to leave the block I was searching when Jamilla stopped me.

  “No, Niya. You told your granny you would see her before we leave. Just park the car, and maybe she’ll show.”

  “I don’t have time for this shit. I just wanna get out of here.”

  “Just park the car. If she doesn’t show in the next thirty minutes, we can go.”

  Just as I thought that thirty minutes would be too long of a wait, I heard her voice.

  “Fuck you. My pussy is worth way more than twenty bucks.”

  My mother had jumped out of the car that had stopped right beside us. She looked a mess, and the tantrum she was throwing in the middle of the street with a trick was worse. I jumped out of the car as my mother argued with the older black man who was sitting in the neighboring car, and grabbed her arm. I walked her to the curb, with her cursing all the way.

  “Nah, fuck that. Weak-ass mothafucka thinks he can just fuck for a dub? I don’t fucking think so.”

  I could tell that she was high out of her mind.

  “Mom, it’s me, Niya.”

  I waited until the memory of me splattered across her face.

  “Hey, cutie. You got some money Mommy can hold? I’ll pay you back.”

  I clenched my jaw in an effort to hold back my pain and anger. “Look, Ma, I just came to say good-bye. I’m leaving New York.”

  For the first time in years, my mother looked as if my presence had an impact on her.

  “But what about my mother? Who will be with her? And what about me? Won’t you miss me?”

  “Granny is the one who is making me leave. I would tell you to check in on her, but you would only cause more problems.”

  She looked as if my statement had hurt her, but I meant every word.

  “You know, Niya, I don’t want to be like this. I know that this shit is slowly killing her. I know—”

  “So stop. Get your shit together. I have been hearing the same story from you since I was a kid. Don’t you think it’s time to finally make good on all your promises? Do you want Granny to die with this shit . . . with you on her heart?”

  She said nothing. She just looked down at the ground, and slowly, pity crept in and I started to feel bad for my mother.

  “Look, I just want to make sure that you don’t go over there fuckin’ with her while I’m gone. When you think about going over there and stealing from her, just think of me. She did the job you and my pops didn’t do. She loves me the same way she loves you, and that should be enough to stop you.”

  “I know Niya. I know.”

  I stood there and watched her light a cigarette before reaching for the piece of paper I had written my number on.

  “I gotta go, Ma, but really think about what I said. Here’s my number. Call me if you or Granny needs anything. And, Ma, if you are ever really ready to change your life, I’ll be waiting for you.”

  I pulled her close and wrapped my arms around her waist.

  “I love you, Ma. Always know that.”

  For the first time in a long time, she hugged me back, and I could feel the love. I took out some cash and handed her five hundred dollars, hoping that it might keep her off the streets for a few nights.

  “I know that I don’t show it much, but I do love you,” she said.

  I told her that I knew that she loved me . . . the only way she knew how.

  “And one day, I’ll get clean, I promise.”

  As those words left her mouth, a car slowed down beside us, and she called out to the driver.

  “Okay, baby. I gotta go,” she told me.

  I shook my head as I watched her walk toward the car. She looked back at me, smiled, and seeing the light in her eyes gave me a little hope.

  “Don’t worry, baby. I’m gonna call you when I’m ready.” And just like that, she was gone.

  As I headed back to the car, flashing lights stopped me in my tracks. I stood there for a minute and called Rodney.

  “Hey, Rodney. Just wanted to let you know that I am leaving for Atlanta tonight.”

  “What? Why are you leaving so soon?”

  “Shit got hot, and Granny wants me gone. I’m not sure how this shit is gonna go, but once shit pops off, I want you and June to come through. I’m taking you niggas to the top with me.”

  “Damn, Niya. That’s crazy, but I’ll make sure to pass on the message. As soon as you’re settled, just hit me up and we’ll be o
ut there. I’m ready!”

  “I got you. Don’t worry. If it wasn’t for you and your brother, none of this shit would be poppin’ right now. But I was also calling to ask you about the tattoo shop you go to. Is the name the Tatt Shop?”

  “Yeah, that’s it. You about to get tatted?”

  I stood there, looking at the flashing sign. “I’m thinking about it. You know, something to remind me of home while I’m gone.”

  “Well that’s the best place to go. Ask for Big Mike, a big white dude. He’ll rock your shit out.”

  We said our good-byes as I headed to the car.

  “Jamilla, come with me for a minute,” I called as I got close to the car.

  She looked as if she didn’t want to get out of the car. “Where we goin’?”

  I pointed at the tattoo shop and watched as her eyes got big.

  “No,” she said as she stepped out of the car.

  “Yes,” was all that I answered.

  Chapter 69

  Jamilla

  My stomach turned as I watched the needle dig into Niya’s neck. I thought she was crazy when she told the artist that she wanted to have Brooklyn tattooed on her neck with musical notes, but when he was done, it was dope as hell.

  “I’m not done yet. I want this on my lower neck, centered.”

  I tried to read the paper that she was showing to Big Mike, but she wouldn’t let me.

  “Damn, Jamilla. You all up. Just wait and see,” she scolded.

  I sat there, racking my brain, trying to think of what crazy shit she was about to get tattooed on her neck. I watched the man change gloves and ink, and as his hand pressed the needle against her neck again, I watched each letter. J . . . A . . . M . . . I . . . L . . . L . . . A. I was in shock. She had had my name inked on her neck for all the world to see.

  “What do you think?” she asked as I just sat there, staring. I wanted to run my fingers over it but knew that I couldn’t.

  “It’s beautiful . . . just as beautiful as you,” I answered as my heart raced.

  I didn’t say much more for a short while. I just held her hand as the man added a few more musical notes and moved on to the piece on her back, which she said was for her granny. She read it out to Big Mike, and he worked his magic on the words and the portrait of Granny in her younger days.