Miriam's Secret

by Jerry S. Eicher

  Aunt Fannie rose and wrapped Miriam in a quick hug. “Yah, but it’s nothing to be concerned about. Wayne’s not like that. Trust in the Lord to watch over you and guide you.”

  Miriam didn’t appear convinced as she turned and headed slowly back to the kitchen sink.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Miriam awoke with a start. A quick glance at the alarm clock on the dresser showed the time was a little after two o’clock. What could have awakened her? Aunt Fannie’s house was still new to her, but it wasn’t known for creaks and groans like her home in Possum Valley was. And she usually enjoyed such eccentricities anyway. Something else had disturbed her. It was Sunday morning. Had the thought that she would see Wayne soon awakened her?

  Miriam frowned. She didn’t look forward to the questions Wayne’s attentions were raising. Were his overtures genuine or influenced by his knowledge that she would come to marriage with a debt-free farm? Was she being overly suspicious because of Ivan? Whatever the answer, it didn’t seem like enough to awaken her in the middle of the night. Had Shirley perhaps been disturbed by nightmares and cried out?

  Miriam pushed back the covers and tiptoed out into the hallway. Her nightgown swayed around her legs. She quietly opened Shirley’s bedroom door across the hall. She was asleep, so that couldn’t have been the cause of the disturbance. Miriam paused at the top of the stairs. At first there was no sound, but soon she heard faint noises coming from the living room. Someone was up.

  Was Aunt Fannie in labor? Miriam clutched the handrail. That must be it! Perhaps Uncle William had gone for the midwife, and buggy wheels in the driveway had awakened her. Miriam hurried back to her room and pulled on her housecoat before rushing downstairs. She’d awaken Shirley later if necessary. The birth wouldn’t happen right away, so they didn’t both need to get up so early. She came through the stair doorway to find the kitchen lit by a kerosene lamp. Aunt Fannie was pacing the living room floor in her bare feet. Pain was etched on her face.

  Looking at Miriam, Aunt Fannie asked, “Did I disturb you?”

  “You’re supposed to disturb me,” Miriam said. “Did Uncle William leave for the midwife yet?”

  “Yah, but I told him to be quiet.” Aunt Fannie moaned quietly.

  Miriam rushed to her aunt’s side. “We’re here to help no matter the hour. You should have awakened me. Now, is there anything I can do? Anything you need or want?”

  Aunt Fannie tried to smile. “Nee, I just need to walk the floor a while. You should go back to bed.”

  “But surely there’s something.” Miriam tugged on Aunt Fannie’s arm. “A water bottle for your back? Warm milk?”

  Aunt Fannie’s voice was firm. “You go back to bed. I’ll call you when I need you.”

  “You can’t climb stairs.” Miriam stated the obvious. “Besides, there’s no way I can sleep now.”

  “Then rest on the couch,” Aunt Fannie relented. She began to pace again.

  “I’ll dress first.” Miriam didn’t wait for an answer before she retreated up the stairs. She changed in her room and paused in the hallway. Should she let Shirley know? But that would mean the two of them would be downstairs, which wasn’t necessary. Better just let Shirley sleep for now. It would be good to have someone rested to help later.

  When Miriam came back downstairs, Aunt Fannie was still pacing in the kitchen. Miriam peeked in, but her aunt waved her away. “Get some sleep.”

  Miriam lay down on the couch in the living room and pulled a light quilt over her. She dozed off and on until the sound of buggy wheels awakened her. Miriam jumped up and ran to meet the midwife at the door. She was middle-aged and introduced herself as Susie.

  “Now, you must be either Miriam or Shirley, from what William told me,” she said.

  “I’m Miriam. Shirley’s upstairs asleep.”

  Aunt Fannie appeared, and Susie’s attention shifted to her. The two women disappeared into the downstairs bedroom.

  Miriam paced the living room floor like her aunt had done in the kitchen earlier. She should be busy with something other than her own problems, but what? Maybe she should make tea for Aunt Fannie? Wasn’t tea gut for pain? Oh, how little she knew about the birth of babies! Rather than tea she decided coffee was the answer. Although coffee wasn’t gut for mothers-to-be, or so she’d heard, Susie might want some. And she certainly did. The same might go for Uncle William, who must still be outside. They’d also need breakfast soon, so she should plan that. She could prepare bacon, eggs, and toast. That should hit the spot for everyone. Miriam entered the kitchen and had the coffeepot on the stove when Uncle William came in from the barn. He grinned sleepily. “Coffee, I assume. I could use some of that.”

  “It’ll be ready soon,” Miriam promised. “There won’t be much sleep for any of us now until the baby comes.”

  Uncle William sat down at the kitchen table. His hands fidgeted.

  “Aunt Fannie will be okay, I’m sure.” Miriam poured the hot water over the coffee in a filter. Moments later she set a coffee cup in front of her uncle.

  Uncle William sipped as he mused in the quiet kitchen, “It’ll be our first, you know. A boy, I’m thinkin’.”

  Miriam gave him a quick glance. “Maybe. But I’m sure you’ll be happy with a girl too.”

  “Yah, I’ll be perfectly happy. If Fannie’s okay, the rest doesn’t matter.” A concerned look flitted over Uncle William’s face.

  Miriam turned away to fill her own cup. Would someone one day love her as Uncle William loved Aunt Fannie? Would she find a man who cared for her above all else? Others had found such love, so why couldn’t she? Miriam pulled a chair out from the table to sit down and consider breakfast preparations. Uncle William would need his food, as they all would.

  “I’ll have breakfast going soon,” Miriam offered.

  He nodded but didn’t reply, a distracted look on his face. Footsteps behind them brought Uncle William to his feet in a quick bound. His chair clattered against the wall.

  Susie greeted him with, “Fannie’s fine, William. Relax! This has happened many times.”

  “But not to us!” The words burst out of Uncle William’s mouth.

  Susie didn’t appear fazed. “It’ll be okay.” She patted Uncle William’s arm. “Just stay out from underfoot. Miriam will help me when the time comes.”

  Uncle William grabbed his cup and vanished into the washroom. Moments later the outer door slammed. No doubt he’d keep himself busy with some chores, Miriam thought with a smile. Even imaginary ones, if necessary.

  Miriam began to pull together the things she’d need for breakfast. Susie looked up from her coffee and said with a wink, “You can call me when you have breakfast ready, if you don’t mind.”

  Miriam didn’t hesitate. “I certainly will. Are bacon, eggs, and toast gut enough?”

  Susie laughed. “As starved as I am, anything is enough.” With that, she returned to the bedroom and Fannie.

  Miriam busied herself with breakfast, and nearly thirty minutes later she called Susie into the kitchen.

  Susie came in and helped herself without any encouragement.

  Miriam left for the barn. When she called Uncle William’s name, he came at a run in the lantern light. Miriam stifled a smile. “No baby yet!” she called. “But breakfast is ready. Are you hungry?”

  “That I am.” Uncle William rubbed his beard as if breakfast was a foreign thought to him, but he followed her back into the house.

  Susie had already finished and put her empty plate on the counter.

  Uncle William sat down, and Miriam put the hot food on the table. He motioned for her to sit, and they bowed their heads in prayer.

  “Help Fannie, dear Lord,” Uncle William whispered at the end, just before saying “amen.”

  They ate in silence, and moments later Miriam remembered Shirley was still asleep upstairs. She wouldn’t be happy about all of this missed activity. But there would be plenty to come later in the day. With Shirley’s newfound determinati
on to help out, she could even assist in the birth. It would be a gut experience for both of them.

  “You’ll miss your first Sunday service,” Uncle William said with concern. “And seeing Wayne again, of course.”

  Miriam chuckled. “That can wait. We came out to help you and Aunt Fannie, remember?”

  Uncle William gave a wink and said, “But perhaps that’s not all. No telling what the Lord has in mind for your stay in Oklahoma.” Then he jumped to his feet and left for the barn again.

  Uncle William wasn’t gone for more than a few minutes before Susie appeared from the bedroom. “It’s time, Miriam. Do you want to call your sister?”

  Without a word Miriam raced up the stairs and woke Shirley. “Aunt Fannie’s time has come! There’s breakfast in the kitchen if you want to eat first.”

  Shirley bounded out of bed. “I’ll be right down. I’m not going to miss this.”

  Miriam left Shirley to dress and hurried back downstairs. She entered the bedroom. Susie was by Aunt Fannie’s side.

  “Come,” Susie told Miriam. “Stand by her and hold her hand. If I need help, I’ll let you know.”

  “I’ll take that job,” Shirley said from the doorway, so Miriam stayed where she was.

  Aunt Fannie’s face was red and sweaty.

  “Fan her,” Susie ordered. “And there’s cold washcloths on the tray over there.”

  Miriam brought them to Shirley, and her sister gently swabbed Aunt Fannie’s face.

  Susie whispered. “Pace yourself, Fannie, but when the contraction comes give it your best.”

  Low moans escaped Aunt Fannie as the minutes ticked slowly past.

  “Some more towels,” Susie instructed. “And push the tray closer. We’re close now.”

  Miriam noticed the focus on Susie’s face. She admired the woman’s steady and unhesitating movements, but it was a job she never wished to have. There was too much pressure involved, and a child’s life and that of the mother was at stake. Yet Susie made the process appear perfectly safe and normal.

  “Here we come!” Susie said. “You’re looking good, Fannie!”

  With a final push and a fierce gasp, Aunt Fannie gave her all.

  A moment later Susie received the wiggling form, gave it a gentle tap, and a cry filled the room. A smile crept across her face. “A healthy man-child is born!”

  Miriam held out a towel without being asked.

  Susie shook her head. “He goes on the towel on the tray. We have to snip his umbilical cord first. Wiping comes afterward.”

  “Did I hear you say it’s a boy?” Aunt Fannie’s voice was weak.

  “Yah, that he is!” Susie acknowledged.

  “He will be Jonathon,” Aunt Fannie whispered. “William picked the name himself. It’s that of his favorite uncle.”

  Susie’s smile grew broader. “We’ll have little Jonathon to you in a minute.”

  Aunt Fannie’s face had already begun to glow, and Shirley had tears in her eyes. Now Miriam was glad they’d come all the way from Possum Valley. This moment alone was worth the effort, no matter what else might happen in the future.

  The bedroom door burst open behind them, and Uncle William rushed in. He came to a stop beside the bed and reached for Fannie’s hand. Together they gazed transfixed as Susie lifted baby Jonathon. She smiled as she placed the babe in Fannie’s arms.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Miriam winced as the sound of the washing machine motor filled the basement. With the birth of baby Jonathon yesterday, Aunt Fannie ought to have peace and quiet on this Monday morning. But Uncle William had told them differently at the breakfast table.

  “Don’t be tiptoeing around the house now. Fannie wants everything to continue as normal.”

  Which meant the morning wash should be done on time. Miriam had peeked in on Aunt Fannie after Uncle William left for the greenhouse. Both baby Jonathon in his crib and Aunt Fannie on the big bed were sound asleep.

  “I’ll keep an ear open so I’ll know if they awaken,” Shirley had whispered over her shoulder.

  Miriam had glanced at Shirley. “If she can’t take the noise, you’ll let me know?”

  “Yah, I will,” Shirley had said, barely containing her excitement.

  Miriam ran the first load of wash through the wringer. Soon there would be diapers too, and washday would be more frequent than once a week. The thought of diapers caused the joy of little baby Jonathon to sweep over her again. How much greater must Aunt Fannie’s joy be? Miriam wondered. Baby Jonathon was her first child. Was this how her own mamm had felt when Miriam had been born? With the freshness, the newness, the hope of the future held in her arms?

  Miriam slipped the wash apron with its pockets full of clothespins over her head, and headed out the basement door with a load of wet wash. Somehow she couldn’t imagine that her own birth had evoked such emotions. She was just a common girl and couldn’t have made much of a splash. And yet wouldn’t she be overjoyed with the birth of her first child? Well, once she’d found love and trust with a man. She would hold her first baby in her arms and weep for joy no matter if it was a boy or a girl.

  Goosebumps rose on Miriam’s arms as she walked up the outside stairwell. Such joy, the coming of a child. And yet at this time in her life, these were indecent thoughts to have. She wasn’t even dating anyone! Still, such thoughts came unbidden with the memory of baby Jonathon’s birth yesterday still fresh in her mind. And she shouldn’t be blamed for such thoughts. Didn’t all young Amish women think of these things? Yah, they did. And even as she had witnessed what Aunt Fannie went through in labor, she knew the birth had been worth the pain. Afterward, when baby Jonathon’s cries filled the room, the biggest smile had crept over everyone’s face. Clearly the birth of a child was always worth the effort.

  The same must hold true for her if and when she gave birth, Miriam told herself. Right now she didn’t know which way was up or down, but once love settled in her heart, then she would know. A man would stand by her side someday, someone like Uncle William. And he would promise to love and hold her dear all the days of their lives no matter if she brought a farm into the marriage or not.

  Miriam approached the wash line and set the hamper on the ground. She reached for the clothespins. Yah, somehow she must trust again even though Ivan had shattered her heart when he’d chosen Laura Swartz over her. And to make matters worse, he’d planned to cut off his relationship with Laura once there was land involved. How could Ivan have been so cruel and shallow? How could she have loved a man like that in the first place? Maybe she had best seek advice from someone else when it came to choosing a boyfriend instead of following her own instinct.

  Miriam sighed. This was an academic question anyway. She hadn’t been to the church service yesterday, and already Wayne seemed like a distant memory. He did work for Uncle William, so maybe she’d see him before the next Sunday service. She decided she didn’t want to wrestle with that thought of him right now. Nor did she want to think about the farm or the money in her secret bank account. The memory of them brought up conflicting and bitter thoughts. A lot of gut money did anyone. Yah, one could buy things with money—except for the things that really mattered: home, love, trust, and a baby like Jonathon. Money couldn’t even buy fresh wash on the line put there by willing hands moved by a desire to help. Money destroyed all of that. Miriam shook her head. So why did she still have the checkbook upstairs? There were lots of people who would willingly take the money off her hands in a heartbeat.

  Miriam pondered the question. Maybe she didn’t want to pass this trouble on to someone else. But that was much too sanctified an answer. More than likely she just couldn’t let it go. Her attraction to the money was too strong. Daett had been right. Money was dangerous. It took a grip on the human heart and never let go. Wasn’t she an example of that very thing? Who else had such a secret they didn’t share with anyone? She hadn’t kept secrets before the money came. She wanted the life she used to know and the money. It was an
awful thought, but true.

  Miriam pinned one of Uncle William’s shirts on the line with two clothespins as she held a third in her mouth. She would have to work through this money stuff sometime, but not this morning. It was a little too much considering how tired she was after yesterday. And thoughts about the money and farm were stealing the joy of baby Jonathon’s birth right out of her heart. Miriam shoved the two problems away and continued until she had the last piece of this load of wash up. With the hamper in one hand, she headed back to the stairwell. At the corner of the house she glanced toward the front steps and stopped short. Wayne Yutzy was standing there ready to knock on the front door. She gasped.

  He turned, and his face lit up at the sight of her. His hand paused in midair. “There you are.”

  “What are you doing here?” The words cut through the air, and Miriam winced. She hadn’t meant to be so abrupt. She didn’t want to let her bitterness show around Wayne. Her problems weren’t his fault.

  Wayne didn’t seem to mind. He laughed. “I work here part-time, remember? I wanted to stop by and give my congratulations on baby Jonathon’s birth.”

  Wayne knew he wouldn’t talk with Aunt Fannie or see baby Jonathon so soon after the delivery, and he already knew the baby’s name, so obviously he’d spoken with Uncle William. Wayne was here for reasons other than congratulations, Miriam decided. Wayne had come to see her.

  “He’s a healthy baby boy,” Miriam announced. Hopefully nothing gave away her thoughts or how she felt right now. What an embarrassment that would be.

  “I missed you at church.” Wayne was all smiles. “Though it’s understandable with the birth and all…”

  Miriam shifted the hamper to her other hand. “Aunt Fannie needed us. We’re not going home anytime soon, so there will be other opportunities.” Now why had she said something so stupid? It sounded eager and hopeful, when she meant to convey neither sentiment.

  Wayne grinned. “That’s what William said this morning, which I’m very glad to hear. I hope you decide to make Oklahoma your home. I suppose it’s a little early for that decision. But maybe your Aunt Fannie’s healthy baby boy will help. Show you how great an effect you have on the community.”