Miriam's Secret

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “ ‘A snake,’ the son said. ‘A big snake. Thick as your arm and over eight feet long. It wiggled in the grass. I stood frozen to the ground. I couldn’t even scream.’

  “The daett laughed. ‘We don’t have such big snakes in Oklahoma. Now in Texas maybe, but not here.’”

  Soft chuckles went around the benches as Emery continued. “ ‘Well,’ the son said as he contemplated his daett’s words. ‘Maybe it was only six feet long—but it was big.’

  “The daett regarded his son with a stern face. ‘Are you sure?’

  “The son blinked. ‘Well, maybe it was as thick as my hand and four feet long.’

  “ ‘You shouldn’t tell tall tales,’ the daett reminded his son.

  “The son pondered his story again. ‘Okay. Maybe it was a little one. But he looked big!’

  “The daett slapped his son on the back. ‘Are you sure the grass didn’t blow in the wind and that was what you saw?’

  “ ‘Maybe.’ The son backed down from his tale even more. ‘It might have been something like that.’ ”

  Wry grins and cheerful laughter spread around the circle.

  “So maybe you didn’t choke on that salty lemonade?” another man added.

  “Just keep that story in mind whenever you hear tales about me.” Emery tried to look really wise, but he ended up laughing at himself. “I suppose I did have a rough time of it that hot workday.”

  “At least he ’fesses up!” Wayne slapped Emery on the back before standing up. “Time for me to head on down the road, fellows. You take care of the young women now.”

  “Isn’t it about time you took care of one yourself?” one of the men teased.

  Wayne glanced at Miriam, who turned all colors of red. He grinned. “I’ve been thinking about it, but let’s not go there today, okay?”

  Laughter followed Wayne as he left to retrieve his horse from the barn. Several of the other men also rose and headed for the barn. Shirley stood too. She reached over to nudge Miriam on the arm. “Isn’t it time for us to go too?”

  Miriam jumped, and her face got even redder. She’d been lost in thought—whatever those thoughts were. Her sister had it bad for Wayne whether she wanted to admit the fact or not. Shirley was glad. Miriam deserved a break.

  Betty spoke close to Shirley’s ear as Miriam turned to talk to the Kuntz sisters. “I’ll tell Wayne you’re ready to leave. He’ll want to help with the horse.”

  “Sounds good,” Shirley said. Why not help Miriam along in her relationship with Wayne?

  Betty hurried away, and minutes later she was waving from the barn door, a look of triumph on her face. Wayne must have agreed to help. Shirley nudged Miriam again. “Come on. Our buggy will soon be ready.”

  Turning from her conversation with Naomi, Miriam said, “What?”

  “Time to go,” Shirley told her. “Wayne’s getting Sally ready for us.”

  Miriam gasped. “Oh!”

  The Kuntz sisters smiled. “Goodbye for now. We’ll see you tonight at the hymn singing.”

  Shirley and Miriam picked up their things and walked to the barn. They greeted Betty and Wayne cheerfully. “Thank you, Wayne!” Miriam said. “But you really didn’t have to help us. We’re not the helpless Yoder sisters from Possum Valley.”

  Wayne looked at Miriam and smiled. “I was more than glad to help you.”

  Miriam smiled in return. “Thank you, Wayne. I appreciate this.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  On a Sunday evening two weeks later, Ivan was sitting on the couch in the living room at the Swartz home. Outside, the late-summer sun hung low on the horizon. Ivan drew his gaze away from the window and forced himself to focus. Sitting beside him, Laura was fidgeting with a fold in her dress. She’d been tense all day, even when her usual sunny smile was thrown his way. He could tell from clear across the room at the church service that she had an extra crease in her jawline and wariness in her eyes. But when she climbed into his buggy after the hymn singing, she chattered nonstop all the way home and was continuing to do so even now.

  “You should have been there. Aunt Martha stopped by to visit this week. She stayed for two whole hours right in the middle of corn-cutting time. At least she helped while we talked, although I’m not sure we got any more done than we would have without her. We talked about everything and anything. Aunt Martha thinks there will be plenty of weddings again this fall. She even dropped a hint about us, Ivan, although we haven’t been seeing each other that long. Aunt Martha knows that full well and understands perfectly…”

  And Ivan listened. Mostly because he expected the moment to arrive when she stopped so they could face whatever was bothering Laura. He didn’t have to think long to imagine what that might be. They had never quite settled the Miriam Yoder issue to Laura’s satisfaction.

  Ivan returned his gaze out the living room window. He could ask what was wrong, but why do that? He didn’t really want to know, and he figured Laura would get there sooner or later. Had she found out about the letter he’d written to Miriam? Miriam had never answered, so how would Laura find out? Miriam wasn’t the type of girl who would blab that kind of thing around. Or maybe Laura had learned of his visits to the Yoder place in the weeks before the two young women had left for Oklahoma. Someone might have seen him and mentioned it.

  Ivan stiffened when Laura cleared her throat. He was up to none of this. He’d bolt the house if she started in with questions about Miriam. What kept him here was Laura’s charm and her kisses, though there had been fewer of those lately. Ivan didn’t want to talk about Miriam. Surely Laura understood that.

  Her voice cut through his thoughts. “I’m sorry I talked so much on the way home.”

  “I liked it.” He looked at her. In a way it was true. Maybe not for the reasons Laura might think. He liked the sound of her voice. Also, as long as she chattered, he didn’t have to worry that she’d bring up Miriam.

  “Really?” Her face brightened.

  “Of course!” Ivan smiled. “You’re beautiful, Laura, and your voice is charming. What’s not to like about you?”

  She colored considerably. Her voice carried an edge when she spoke again. “Please don’t lie to me, Ivan. I couldn’t handle that right now.”

  “I’m not lying!” He stared out the window. The sky had darkened completely. Now would come the questions. And now he would leave—beautiful and charming though Laura was.

  “You’re not lying?”

  He heard the hesitation in her voice. “No!” He turned to face her. “Why do you think I’m still here?”

  She flinched but rallied her nerve. “Do you like the person I am? Even though I’m shallow and immature and not like Miriam?”

  “Miriam!” He made a face. “What has Miriam to do with you and me? She’s not even in Possum Valley.”

  “What if she was?” The question came quickly. “Would you still be here…with me?”

  Ivan sighed. “Yah, Laura, I would. I like you. Now can we talk about something else?”

  “Then why don’t you kiss me anymore?”

  Her face was turned up to his endearingly, he thought. “Because I’ve been trying to behave myself.” He looked away. “We have been going pretty fast, you know.”

  Her lips trembled. “Is that the only reason?”

  “Of course!” He didn’t try to keep the irritation out of his voice.

  “Then you do love me?” Her arm slipped into his.

  He forced himself to relax. “More than you’ll ever know, Laura.”

  She beamed and drew closer. “Oh, Ivan! You don’t know what it does to me to hear you say it. I was beginning to think you…you…” She stopped mid-sentence. “But I won’t think such things! Not about you. I can trust you, right?”

  “I’ll always like you, Laura.” His arm tightened on hers. “There’s no question about that.”

  She frowned. “Even though I’m not like Miriam?”

  “I’m not talking about Miriam.” The edge was
back in his voice.

  She sighed and leaned against him. “And neither do I want to talk about Miriam. I’m going to forget about her completely and only think of us.”

  “Suits me fine.” His hand sought hers.

  She looked up at him. “Did you hear what I said about what Aunt Martha said about us?”

  His smile widened. “About our wedding this fall?”

  The words rushed out. “Of course Aunt Martha wasn’t serious, and there really isn’t a wedding yet.”

  He reached over to touch her lips. “That’s why we have to take it slow, Laura. I’d love to kiss you…even right now…but we’d better not.”

  The heat burned on her cheeks. “You’re so noble and true, Ivan. How can I ever be worthy of you? I’ll never be in a million years.”

  He smiled wryly. “I’m no saint, dear.”

  “Oh, Ivan!” She clung to his arm. “You’ve never called me ‘dear’ before! Will you always call me ‘dear’? Even when I get all old and wrinkled and have borne a dozen children?”

  His laugh rang through the room. “That’s getting a little ahead of ourselves, isn’t it?”

  She snuggled against him. “I can’t help thinking about such things. You’ll be such a wunderbah daett to our children. I can’t imagine one of them ever leaving the faith, or even going astray slightly. You might even be a minister someday, Ivan. I’m sure Aunt Martha would cast her vote for you.”

  Now his face had turned bright red. Yet her praise and confidence comforted him. Miriam would never say such things, not in a hundred years.

  Her fingers stroked his face. “You’ll look so gut in a beard, Ivan. You’re handsome now, but the maturity of a beard will add so much. Every girl in the community will wish then they had put forth more effort to snag you.”

  He chuckled. “I’m sure you have to look long and hard to see much gut in me.”

  Her laugh was soft. “You’re so modest and humble, Ivan. And so sweet. I can’t imagine what was wrong with Miriam that she couldn’t see it.”

  He stiffened beside her. “Who says I care about what Miriam thinks?”

  Her fingers stroked his arm. “You don’t have to deny your admiration for Miriam, Ivan. I’m just glad you picked me. I feel honored you changed your mind.”

  “It’s not what you think,” he managed. Words rose to his lips, but he held them in. There would be no benefit in a disclosure of where his wanderings had taken him with Miriam, and from the sound of things Laura already suspected. And why should he mention that Miriam had rejected his advances?

  Her voice interrupted his thoughts. “You don’t have to be worried about me. I understand. I want you to love me, and I want to love you. We’re made for each other. We’ve always been. It just took a while for you to see it.”

  He glanced away. “You’re much too nice, Laura. You really are.”

  “Then we’re perfectly suited for each other.” She pulled his arm tight into hers. “Kiss me, Ivan. Just once tonight.”

  He hesitated only a moment before he pulled her close. She lifted her face to his and threw her arms around his neck. Long seconds later he pulled back for a breath as she clung to him. He whispered, “We shouldn’t kiss anymore, Laura. We really shouldn’t.”

  “But I love Ivan. I love him so much.” She pulled his head down so she could kiss him again.

  Ivan gave in for a moment, but he sat up straight when a door hinge squeaked somewhere. How embarrassing if Laura’s parents came in. It was no scandal to be kissing, but still he knew it would bother him. They’d gone far enough, and Laura knew it. That was why she was keeping on, no doubt. The girl wanted to extract a proposal of marriage from him.

  “There’s no one around,” Laura whispered in his ear. “Don’t stop now.”

  “Nee, that’s enough.” He pulled away as her suggestion burned through his mind. Why couldn’t they marry this fall? Laura had dropped many hints, but she couldn’t come right out and ask the question herself. He needed to do it, and this was probably her way of helping him do so.

  “Oh, Ivan!” She held his arm and put her head against his shoulder. “I can never get enough of you or your kisses.”

  In the silence Ivan’s mind continued to spin. Perhaps this was a blessing in disguise. He didn’t deserve Laura’s love, but here it was offered to him on a silver platter. Sure, there would be great responsibilities that came with marriage—a house to find and a wedding to plan. But Laura would do most of that. All that was required of him was to ask the question. Laura was clearly leading him in that direction…and had been for a long time. She knew he would give in. She wouldn’t have thrown herself at him so freely otherwise. He would ask her tonight. He saw the matter with the clarity of bright daylight. She was waiting even now with her head tightly against his shoulder. She waited with confidence because she knew him well. What more could he ask for or expect in a frau?

  Was this not the Lord’s will? He’d done much in the past months he shouldn’t have. What better way to cleanse his soul then to accept the responsibility of marriage. He would be a daett soon after, no doubt. Laura would bear him many children, and they would grow old together with love in their hearts. How could things be otherwise with the way they understood each other? Laura would always love him, and he would never tire of her affections. There was no doubt in his mind on that subject.

  This would also be his way of atoning for his dishonesty with Miriam. How had he even dared think he could marry a girl just to get a farm—even if it was the best one in the county? The corruption that had been in his heart took his breath away. Laura must have known this, yet still she loved him.

  He had arrived at the moment. He reached over to stroke a wisp of hair that had escaped from under her kapp. “Will you marry me, Laura? Even this fall?”

  Her face turned up as she looked into his eyes. “You know the answer, my love. My heart would have no greater joy.”

  “But how can you love me? I’m not a gut man. I have many flaws.” His fingers moved the hair across her forehead.

  Her gaze burned into his face. “Yah, I know you, Ivan. And I have always loved you from the moment our family moved back to Possum Valley. I know your failings, but I also know your strengths. I love you.”

  He lowered his head for a kiss, but she sat up. “We have lots of plans to make, so we’d better get started.”

  “I thought I’d get a few kisses after proposing,” he said as his hand reached for hers.

  A smile played on her face. “You’ve already had kisses tonight, my Ivan. But don’t worry—there will be many more. Right now I want to think about the plans we must make. Oh, I can hardly believe it! You did ask me, didn’t you? I can’t believe it!”

  “Yah, I did!” He smiled. “I did. And I still want your acceptance kiss.”

  “Just one.” She moved closer. “And then we must plan things.”

  He held her for a long time, and she didn’t object.

  “We must invite Miriam to the wedding,” she whispered when he let her go.

  His face fell. “Why? I don’t want her near my wedding.”

  “She might not even come.” Her hand stroked his. “But we have to invite her. She’s part of our young people’s group, and it wouldn’t be right not to. And if we don’t, the community will talk. There’s no reason not to invite her.”

  “I guess there isn’t,” he said hesitantly.

  Her hand touched his face, and he pulled her close again.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  The following Monday evening Miriam was in her room upstairs with a letter from Mamm in her hands. There was nothing secret about the letter—both Shirley and Aunt Fannie had read it when it arrived earlier in the day. Miriam just wanted to be alone while she wrote her response. Shirley could write letters with people around her, but Miriam needed privacy.

  She unfolded the letter and read the first paragraph again.

  Greetings, my dear girls.

  I was so glad to hear
that things are going well with both of you in Oklahoma. Not that I expected otherwise, but the place seems so far away. I think of you so often. We are all doing well here in Possum Valley. Today Daett and boys worked on Mr. Bland’s farm. They’ll be back soon for supper…

  Miriam laid the letter on the bed. The news that followed brought back the warmth of home. She should be homesick about now, but she wasn’t. That was the surprising part. Yesterday had been another wunderbah day with the Clarita community’s young people. The joy in her heart was still fresh. Wayne had given her the nicest smile yet, if such a thing was possible. All of his smiles were so wunderbah. Whether she wanted to accept them—that had always been the question. But now she knew she wanted to. That was the amazing thing. The Lord had opened up the path, but how it had all happened, she wasn’t sure. She still had Ivan’s letter in the bottom of her dresser drawer, right beside the five hundred and twenty dollars in cash.

  Miriam squeezed her eyes shut. She wouldn’t think of either Ivan or the money right now. Ivan was in the past, and she still couldn’t figure out what she should do with the money. She couldn’t spend it here without questions being raised, and there had been no opportunity so far to give the money away. So she would wait and trust the Lord to lead her. He always had before, and there was no reason to think He wouldn’t now. Hadn’t He brought her to a community in which she could find peace and the promise of new life—perhaps even true and lasting love?

  The image of Wayne rose in Miriam’s mind, and she allowed a smile to cross her face. The man loved her. There was no doubt about that. She would never think to question his heart now. Not after she’d been here these weeks and had been exposed to his sincerity and honesty. Wayne was the real thing. This time she wasn’t mistaken. Not like she’d been with Ivan. Wayne would soon ask her home from the hymn singing for a Sunday evening date. She was sure of that. He’d almost asked her yesterday afternoon.