Miriam's Secret

by Jerry S. Eicher

  “But it won’t change us?”

  In the moonlight his smile was genuine. “We’ll have to pray that it doesn’t. And we can ask for the Lord’s grace each and every day.”

  “Thank you, Wayne,” Miriam whispered. If he’d given her wild assurances that nothing would change, she would have doubted him—but he hadn’t. She smiled. “Now, I’d best entertain you inside the house before you starve to death. Let’s go in.”

  Wayne chuckled. “I was about ready to think I’d never get to eat pie tonight.”

  Miriam took a quick step forward. “Come inside then!”

  His hand found hers. “Miriam, I was teasing, but pie does sound good.”

  She clung to his hand on the short walk. They let go only when they reached the front door. Her heart right now could barely be contained. Floods of relief and joy, happiness and love were rushing through her. She thought she might be in danger of floating away for all the wunderbah emotions she was experiencing. And Wayne must be feeling some of the same things because his face was glowing!

  She left him seated on the living room couch while she went into the kitchen. Minutes later she returned with two bowls of homemade vanilla ice cream on two slices of cherry pie, the delicious fruit oozing out the sides exactly like cherry pie was supposed to. Wayne took all of it in and smiled his approval. “It looks like you’re quite some cook.”

  “How do you know I made it?” she teased.

  His smile didn’t dim. “Because I know you.”

  “Sounds like you have me all figured out.” Miriam sat beside him and offered a silent prayer: “Thank You, dear Lord. Just thank You.”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Miriam set a brisk pace as she walked toward the community’s little one-room schoolhouse. The sun had barely peeked above the horizon, and the cool morning air hung low to the ground. What a wunderbah day this Saturday was! The morning felt fashioned just for her and this blessed time in her life. She was so unworthy of all the Lord was bestowing on her.

  Ezra Mullet’s niece, Sarah, had shown her the schoolhouse on Wednesday. And Miriam now had a special dress—a dark-blue one she’d finished last week—for the opening day of school hanging in her closet at home. Her thoughts should be on focused on schoolbooks and lesson plans, Miriam reminded herself, but this morning Wayne was the brightest thing on her mind. Thoughts of him crept in everywhere she went. They’d had two official dates now, and she’d seen glimpses of him all week at the greenhouse. During work hours they’d spoken only briefly—mostly “gut mornings” shared with warm smiles. Wayne had stayed true to his word these past two weeks and hadn’t once brought up the matter of the inheritance.

  It was still hard not to doubt the man at times—the possibility that he really was like he said he was so boggled her mind. And yet it seemed to be true. Wayne wasn’t influenced in any way by her wealth, and his attitude fit perfectly with his wunderbah character. Thoughts of him towered over her head like Mount Everest in those stories of faraway lands she enjoyed. She had to admit that Wayne loved her for herself, even though she found it hard to believe.

  The memory of Wayne’s words from last Sunday evening stirred in her mind. “I really want to make it clear, Miriam, how blessed I am that the Lord has brought you into my life. I mean, what were the chances that you’d find your way out to Oklahoma from Possum Valley? And that you’d like it here once you arrived?” His smile had lit up his whole face. She hadn’t known what to say so she’d murmured something that she couldn’t remember now.

  She’d accept all this eventually, Miriam told herself. Wayne was no Ivan Mast. She mustn’t allow the negative character of one man to color her perceptions of all the others who touched her life.

  Sunday evening she’d wanted desperately to give Wayne a kiss. That was a thought that took her breath away. Why had such a desire risen up inside of her? Never had she felt that way with Ivan, even with all the smiles and glances they’d shared.

  Miriam turned onto the side road leading to the schoolhouse and began to walk even faster. She must not think about kissing Wayne. With his quality character, he probably wouldn’t kiss her until after they’d said wedding vows. And here she was with thoughts of her wedding this morning when they’d only had two dates! They would have another one tomorrow evening, but that was still only three. Miriam slowed her quick steps. Just because Wayne was the perfect man didn’t mean she should think of kisses and saying wedding vows with him without due consideration.

  She knew Shirley had kissed a man—Jonas. But Miriam wouldn’t cheapen her relationship with Wayne by giving in to hasty kisses. She would enjoy each step of the way, savoring each moment. Things would progress fast enough.

  Miriam slowed down even more as she approached the front door. She entered the schoolhouse and paused for a moment to catch her breath. Her gaze took in the high ceiling, the rows of desks, and the smell of books and ink. This was her schoolhouse for the term. The community’s children would be entrusted to her care. What a great honor this was, and one she hadn’t looked for or even expected in her wildest dreams. What a wunderbah work the Lord had done for her—not only in Wayne’s heart, but in the community as well. Coming to Oklahoma had certainly been the right choice for her. It was true that things were always the darkest before dawn. She would have to remember that in the future when trouble knocked on her door.

  Miriam frowned as she thought of Shirley. There had been no letter or any news beyond a brief call to the phone shack to let them know Shirley had arrived safely home. No doubt Shirley was still struggling to find her place in life. She was probably still disappointed she hadn’t found her happiness in Oklahoma.

  Miriam stared out one of the schoolhouse windows. Was Shirley back with Jonas? The question had come to her last night, but she’d pushed it away. Shirley knew better than to give in to that temptation. Hadn’t she said emphatically that she knew Jonas wasn’t the right man for her? Hadn’t she made a serious effort to change the course of her life? Yah, Shirley had. Perhaps those attempts wouldn’t all be in vain. But how easily one could slip back into the old ways. Shirley had always struggled to keep her promises, even though she usually had the best of intentions.

  A rattle of buggy wheels interrupted Miriam’s thoughts. She walked to the window, pushed aside the drapes, and peered into the yard. She exhaled suddenly when she saw Wayne climbing out of his buggy. She heard his clear voice calling to his horse, “Steady, boy. Stay right here.”

  The reins hung straight down as Wayne walked toward the schoolhouse door with sure steps.

  Why was he here? Miriam wondered. Surely, there wasn’t trouble at Uncle William and Aunt Fannie’s place. And how did Wayne even know she was here? He was supposed to be at work getting ready for another busy Saturday morning.

  His knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts. She rushed forward, watching Wayne’s face as he peered through the door window. Miriam paused to catch her breath before she opened the door.

  “I figured you’d be here.” A smile lit up Wayne’s handsome features.

  “Surely there’s nothing wrong?” Miriam clung to the doorknob.

  “Nee.” He glanced at her white knuckles. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  Miriam heaved a sigh of relief. “I’m glad everything is okay. I wasn’t expecting you, so I wasn’t sure what to think.”

  “I won’t stay long,” he said. “May I come in?”

  Miriam opened the door wider. “Of course!”

  Wayne entered and glanced around. “You have quite a responsibility here—molding the minds of the community’s young children. I’d swoon if I had to do this.”

  “You wouldn’t!” Miriam giggled. “I’m sure you’d be much better at this than I will be.”

  “Don’t underestimate yourself.” His smile was warm. “May I sit at one of the desks?”

  He’s so cute, Miriam thought as she watched Wayne squeeze his lengthy frame on the small bench behind a de
sk that was looking smaller and smaller. His legs stuck out into the aisle. Miriam laughed.

  Wayne gave her a mock glare. “Is that the proper attitude for a teacher to show one of her students?”

  “You’re not a student,” Miriam corrected and laughed even louder. She slid into the desk chair next to him.

  Wayne looked approvingly her way. “Now that’s how a teacher should act.”

  Miriam let the moment wash over her. She felt almost giddy—something that seemed more like Shirley than her. It was a delicious feeling all the same.

  “Ah, the times of a youngster.” Wayne leaned back as much as he could in the little school seat. “So innocent and with the entire world in front of you. How great those days were.”

  “You make it sound like you’re absolutely ancient,” Miriam chided.

  He grinned. “Old and withered before my time. That’s me and mine.”

  “Don’t include me in the old part!” Miriam teasingly snapped at him. She felt goose bumps come as his gaze settled on her.

  Nervous now, Miriam stood and was about to say something when a pile of books on the front desk toppled to the floor. She rushed to retrieve them, but Wayne stopped her with an upraised hand.

  “Allow me, please.” He unwrapped himself from the desk.

  “I’m such a klutz!” Miriam’s words came out a shriek.

  His look said everything she needed to hear. No you’re not. I understand why you acted like that, and I love it.

  Her knees were weak, so Miriam sank back into another chair so she wouldn’t fall into a heap on the schoolhouse floor.

  After Wayne picked up the last book and placed it back on the desk, he said, “I think I’d better get to work.”

  Miriam rose and followed him to the door.

  Wayne turned back, gave her hand a quick squeeze, and then turned and headed to his buggy.

  Miriam watched him go as her heart pounded. The place on her arm where he’d touched her seemed deliciously warm and stayed that way long after Wayne’s buggy was out of sight. It took a few minutes for her to get down to business. What a wunderbah surprise, Wayne’s visit. They were two people in love…

  The desk where Wayne had sat stood askew, so Miriam straightened it. Her hand moved over the surface where moments before his arms had rested. Wayne, the man of her dreams. And what a man he was—able to handle her secret and still focus on and love only her. What a great gift the Lord had given her! In a thousand years she’d never be able to thank Him enough.

  If Wayne asked her to marry him on any Sunday evening, she would say yah without hesitation. It was a little too soon to expect that, and Wayne would do what was appropriate. She could wait. She could wait for a year, or two years, or three years. She’d wait until Wayne thought the time was right. And then she would wed him back in Possum Valley. They would live together for whatever time the Lord saw fit to give them, and they would be thankful the whole time—in sickness, in health, in the gut times and the bad.

  Miriam took a deep breath and focused. She had to stop thinking about Wayne so she could prepare the school lessons. With great effort Miriam forced herself to get out the tablet she’d found in a desk drawer and start writing. She wrote the first sentence in bold letters: “Lesson plans for the new term.” But where to go from here? What she needed was something fresh and imaginative to grab the students’ attention. She’d want their full cooperation, and that meant not having any boring, dull moments. Already she could envision the students with their heads bent over their desks busily doing their schoolwork. She’d teach like Alma Beachy had done back in Possum Valley. How Miriam had loved those student days. Now she was the teacher!

  With a sigh, Miriam swiveled in the teacher’s chair behind the front desk. The truth was that she was sure she wouldn’t be half the teacher Alma Beachy had been or even Sarah Mullet. Maybe after many years she could be, but the first year she shouldn’t expect to do too much innovation. In fact, she would primarily use the outline Sarah had left her. She retrieved Sarah’s lesson plan and schedule from the bottom desk drawer and scanned the pages. Yah, this would work fine.

  Now she could finish and go home to catch another glimpse of Wayne out in the greenhouse. There might even be time this afternoon to help out a little. Perhaps they could speak a few words together. She was hopelessly in love, Miriam admitted with a smile. And she was so very happy about it.

  Chapter Forty

  Aunt Fannie came into the living room with baby Jonathon in her arms. “Any news from Possum Valley I should know about?”

  Miriam glanced up from the letter that had come this morning. “Not really, but you’re welcome to read it when I’m done. And you could have opened the envelope when it arrived, you know. You didn’t have to wait for me to get home from teaching school.” She handed over the handwritten pages from Mamm.

  Aunt Fannie placed Jonathon on his blanket on the floor and settled in her rocker, but not before giving Miriam a stern look. “One should never open anyone else’s mail. You know that.”

  “But it’s okay with me,” Miriam protested. “Mamm is your sister, and I’m staying at your place.”

  Aunt Fannie just shook her head and then read the letter silently. Mamm had written news about baby Anna. The baby had developed colic, which Mamm hadn’t expected. Colic mostly occurred in first or second born, she said. Not an eleventh child. Aunt Fannie nodded. She was of the same opinion. Amish women generally agreed on such common ideas. Yet here was baby Jonathon, their first child, sleeping through the night with hardly a peep, while Mamm wrote of hours spent walking the floor with baby Anna. Mamm also mentioned she was thrilled to have Shirley home—that the Lord must have moved on Shirley’s heart to return.

  Miriam wasn’t so sure about that. Still, Mamm wouldn’t say something she didn’t believe. So perhaps it had been for the best. Maybe Shirley had retained the lessons she learned here in the Clarita community. Hopefully she was now putting them to gut use at home. From what Mamm wrote, Shirley was taking her turns caring for Anna right along with fourteen-year-old Naomi.

  Miriam turned her attention to the other letter that had arrived in the day’s mail. It was from Shirley and would likely be more forthcoming about news than Mamm’s letter had been. But did Miriam really want to know what troubles Shirley might be in already? There might be news of her renewing contact with Jonas Beachy. That would definitely put a damper on Miriam’s good mood.

  So far the day had been a good one—as had all three days of the new school term. That left only one more day this week, and what could go wrong in that amount of time? Didn’t the rough things come to pass on the first day of school or maybe the following one? Friday should be a breeze. She’d survived so far with no calamities. Teaching school suited her much more than she’d imagined.

  Only Wayne brought her more happiness right now—and the Lord, of course. She couldn’t live without Him and His blessings. She wouldn’t even be in Oklahoma to experience Wayne’s love and the community’s acceptance if the Lord hadn’t led her here. Wayne was going to pick her up later tonight for a young folks’ gathering—sweet-corn husking at Deacon Phillip’s place. She didn’t want anything to spoil her evening. Especially something Shirley might have written in her letter. Perhaps she should put the letter away until she got home tonight? Nee, Shirley might have gut news to share. Miriam mentally shook herself. Why did she always expect the worst? She glanced at Aunt Fannie, who still had her head bent over Mamm’s letter. Miriam picked up the envelope. A quick cut with the letter opener was all it took, and the letter was in her hand. She unfolded the first of two pages.

  Dear Miriam,

  I know you already know I’m at home, and that we are in the midst of dealing with a colicky baby Anna. She’s the sweetest thing, but I sometimes have serious doubts at midnight when she’s crying full bore on my shoulder. I suppose it’s for the best, and trials come as we need to grow. I know I need plenty, as they say, since temptations abound on all s
ides of me.

  I snuck out to call Jonas the other evening. I suspect you already figured I would, so there’s no sense in keeping it from you. I also trust that you won’t tell anyone. I know I shouldn’t keep secrets from Mamm and Daett, but I can’t seem to help myself. And I’ve told you now.

  All the gut things I learned in Oklahoma now seem faraway and unreal. Why I didn’t stay out there, I don’t know. Well, that’s not entirely true. I intended to stick it out there, and many things had been going so well. Maybe that’s why it caught me by surprise—the sudden urge to go home. So when the face-saving opportunity of baby Anna’s birth came, I jumped at the chance. I probably shouldn’t have left, but that’s always been one of my problems—wanting to look good to others and win their praise, which wasn’t going so well in Clarita.

  So now I’m back in Possum Valley, and everything’s the same again. I still have “the touch,” shall we say? Is it my fault that unmarried Ohio men pay me attention? I don’t think so. They’re supposed to, and I like it. But I’m not the happiest, to tell you the truth. Sure, while I’m with the Possum Valley youth group and everyone’s having a good time, I’m happy, but afterward I feel kind of empty inside. The trial of baby Anna’s health is my saving grace, I think. It keeps me occupied and tired out. I sure hope I didn’t bring this on the family because of faults and sins. Maybe they need cleansing? I wonder sometimes, and I feel horrible about it. But what can I do? I had my chance in Oklahoma but couldn’t stick it out. Oh, for resolutions that could be kept! I think I’d be in heaven itself if such a thing would happen. Truthfully, though, I think at times it will never happen until I get there…which I’m hoping to make it to after a very long life lived with this sorrow and pain.

  But I suppose you’re busting with impatience on how the phone call went with Jonas. He was sweet like usual, but he didn’t invite me over or anything. I didn’t bring it up either. I didn’t want to stoop that low. Jonas wasn’t offended that I called out of the blue. I wonder if he’s dating someone else? There was a girl’s voice in the background, but he has sisters so I’m hoping it was one of them. Why I care, I don’t know. I realize I can’t date him again. We’re not made for each other. I don’t fit into his world. Not really. Nor do I want to. I will just have to do better and remember the lessons I learned in Oklahoma.