by T. K. Rapp
“No, actually I can’t. Drew and I have plans.”
“But you’re not dating?” I shook my head. “And he’s dating Sage?” I nod. “So cancel and go out with me,” he said with a lopsided grin.
“I’m sorry, I really can’t. Maybe another time.”
“Okay, then Saturday. Are you free on Saturday?” I knew I had made plans for the whole weekend with Drew, but if I said no again, the rumor mill would be working overtime and I needed to make sure there was a visible line.
“I’m free.”
“Alright then, I’ll pick you up at six,” he said before turning on his heels and running in the opposite direction. When I called Drew that afternoon to cancel our Saturday night movie marathon, he was pretty pissed, but not about me canceling on him. No, he was pissed that I was going out with Rhen.
“Cass, I’ve known the guy for a long time. He’s a dick. You know his reputation and you’re still going out with him?”
“I know you’re reputation, too, but I love you anyway so just give me a little credit. I’m not some naïve girl head over heels with some douche. It’s a date, no big deal,” I said as plain as I could. “If he’s a jerk or tries anything, you’ll be the first person I call, okay?”
It was laughable that Drew was pointing the finger at anyone with his supposed whoring ways. No doubt everyone had thought I was always in his bed, which I wasn’t, except to watch a movie from time to time. I doubt he ever corrected anyone when they assumed things about us, because that would clash with his bad boy reputation. He and Nev were as close to family as I could get, so I never would let anyone say a disparaging thing about either one of them. Thing is, Drew was anything but a bad boy because Momma Alexander would never allow it, but he was very good at keeping up the façade.
I never planned on being that girl, you know, the one who pretty much dumps everyone for a guy, but that’s who I turned into. Once I started dating Rhen, Drew was no longer taking me to school, because it was something a boyfriend did and Rhen was my boyfriend. Then there was the lunch situation because Drew, Nev and I always ate together, but after about a month or so, I was so glued to Rhen that, even though we would sit at the same table, we barely spoke two words to each other. He had Sage who was fawning all over him, and I had Rhen. The guy was cocky and arrogant in front of people, but with me, he was just a laid back guy I liked to be with.
I knew that Drew was put off by the fact that we didn’t hang out much anymore, not because he told me, but the way he acted around Rhen. I knew the two had grown up together, and at one point were close, but he had his guard up where Rhen was concerned. When I tried to talk to him about it once, he just said, “It’s not my place to say anything. You’re a big girl.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, you know what people say about him and you choose to overlook it. It’s one of the things I love about you. Just don’t be stupid, okay?”
That was it, the extent of our conversation about why Rhen was bad for me. Yet, he overlooked the complete mess that Sage was. I knew that she was insecure around me, but I made my best effort to let her know that I didn’t want anything from Drew other than his friendship. Yet, when I walked into a room, she would move to face Drew and lavish him with hugs and kisses, always making sure some part of her was touching some part of him, and it was never subtle. It was like she was staking some kind of claim, telling other girls to back the fuck off. But I had no doubt that my friend loved the attention because he would inevitably keep up his end of the conversation while holding her close. I tried to befriend her for Drew’s sake, but she pretty much verbally bitch-slapped me and walked off.
“You and Drew make a cute couple, Sage,” I offered when Drew had walked away to get a drink, leaving the two of us alone.
“Yea, he’s really into me, but you know it’s a little pathetic the way you’re always around him, I mean, you realize he doesn’t want you, right? Maybe you should spend a little more time making your boyfriend happy, than calling mine all the time.” I opened my mouth to speak, but Drew walked over and pulled Sage into a hug before looking at me. He seemed happy, and I didn’t want to ruin it for him by telling him what a conniving bitch he was dating. I had to hand it to her, that girl had the dumb act down to a science. Who knew she had more to say than gossiping about who was dating and what people were wearing. Wanting my friend to be happy, I kept my distance when she was around, but still talked to him often.
When I did talk to him, I limited our conversations about our significant others to light pleasantries, because I already knew how he felt about Rhen and I, even though he had no clue what he was dating. I couldn’t tell him that a couple of months into dating Rhen, things had deteriorated to a pretty bad state, because I knew that Drew would try to swoop in and save me, and I didn’t need saving. When I had the misfortune of being around Sage, she would often make nasty remarks about my relationship at my expense and I would try to blow them off. But after listening to her bullshit for weeks on end, I decided that I’d had enough. If she thought I was such a bitch, I’d show her what kind of nasty bitch I could be. From that point on, I messed with her every chance I could. I knew it wasn’t right, but I just couldn’t help myself.
I got my chance to mess with her one weekend when Rhen’s parents had gone out of town. His dad traveled for work, and if the location was nice enough, his mom would tagalong, leaving him with a fully stocked house and nothing to do. So when he decided to throw yet another party I was sure I would end up in my usual spot of hanging in the kitchen watching as my boyfriend entertained the masses. Drew would tease me and call me a wallflower, which I couldn’t deny. I was out of my element at those things, and luckily he or Nev would take pity on and hangout with me for a while.
The day of the party, I called Drew to see what his plans were, “You and Sage going to Rhen’s tonight?”
“I think so. I guess I can assume you’ll be there too,” he wasn’t asking, just stating the obvious. During the three months that we had been dating, Rhen had thrown at least five parties, all of which I attended for my boyfriend, against my better judgment.
“Yeah, but I was wondering, would you mind picking me up? I hate showing up alone because Rhen’s always drunk by the time I get there and I’m stuck waiting for you guys to show up.”
“Sure, no problem, I’ll come by and get you after I pick up Sage.”
“I love you! You’re awesome. Are you sure she won’t mind?” I knew I was being a bitch. Of course she would mind, at least based on our previous conversation. But if she wanted to bring out the claws, by all means, I could do it too.
Ever the gentleman, Drew went to my front door to let me know he was waiting. As we walked out I saw Sage was sitting in the front seat with her arms crossed over her chest while she faced the window. Score! She was seething. I knew it was mean to intentionally piss her off but come on she was a vicious hag.
“I’ll ask Sage to climb in the back, I know how you get sick in the back seat,” he said as we strolled to his car.
“No, it’s fine. It’s a short drive, I’m sure I’ll be fine,” I got car sick one time, and ever since, Drew makes sure I sit in the front so it doesn’t happen again.
“It’s a short drive, but if you get sick, it’ll ruin the rest of the night,” he countered.
I knew this was going to cause issues for him, and on one hand, I felt bad, but on the other, I just couldn’t stand the girl. “Hey, I forgot my purse,” I headed back to my front door, “I’ll be right back.”
When I came back out, I noticed that Sage was now in the backseat, even more pissed than before. He saw my look and just shrugged, letting me know that he was fine. I climbed in to the passenger seat of Drew’s Accord and plastered on my most sincere smile. The temperature seemed to have dropped the second I closed the door, which just made me smile more. “Thank you much for picking me up! I really do appreciate it. I owe you, D.”
“It’s no
problem, you were on the way,” he said, looking pointedly at Sage through the rearview mirror.
“So what have y'all been up to today?” I asked them both, but she just sat in the back stewing, which was just fine with me, I was only asking to be polite.
“Not much, Logan and I had to work in the yard for a bit before mom and dad would let us out of the house. I’m still a little tired, but there’s no way I was going to miss this party. What about you?”
I knew that it was only a matter of time before Sage showed Drew her true colors. He hated irrational girls, and more than that, he hated jealous girls and Sage was that and so much more.
“Not much, finished another book,” I was going to continue, but his music was throwing me off. “What the hell is crap you’re listening to? My god Drew, this is awful! Since when do you listen to rap?”
“It’s not rap,” he protested with a laugh, “just because it’s not that indie crap you like doesn’t mean it’s not good.”
“Whatever, my taste is far superior to yours and I would show you a thing or two, but I need to get inside,” I told him as we pulled into Rhen’s driveway. I leaned over the seat and gave Drew a quick hug and thanked him for the ride before jumping out of the car as quick as I could. Poor guy, he was no doubt going to get an earful.
I should have known better than to mess around because karma was a bitch, and today her name was Kara. When I walked into the room, I see her fawning all over my boyfriend and he seemed to be eating it up. She knew that Rhen and I were together, but she was just sucked in by his charming personality and looks. Who could blame her?
I walked over to stand next to him and took notice of his inebriated state before making my presence known, “Should I come back later?”
Clearly startled he moved away from Kara and recovered quickly with a line that, under other circumstances, I would have laughed at. “There’s my gurrrll,” he said as he tried to stand up. When he didn’t have the coordination to stand, he wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me in for a sloppy kiss.
“Rhen, stop. You reek of beer and cigarettes. Were you smoking?” I couldn’t keep the contempt out of my tone while waiting for his answer.
“Don’t be like that,” he cooed, attempting to pull me against him. “C’mon,” he slurred, “let’s go to my room so we can talk.” He took my wrist in his hand and dragged me toward his room. We were bumping into the wall and hoards of people making out before we reached his room. He was still holding my hand when he closed the door and walked to sit on his bed. He yanked me into his lap to kiss me again, but it was sloppy and gross and I just wanted him to stop.
“Wait. You need to answer something for me. What was that with you and Kara?” He didn’t answer my question right away, instead bringing his lips to my neck and kissing his way to my ear.
“There’s nothing with Kara. I just want you,” he tried to say seductively, but it wasn’t working. I was too annoyed.
“You want me?” I repeated. “You’re drunk and you think my first time is going to be right now, at a party, while you’re drunk?” I shoved myself off his lap, “think again.” He pulled me back to him, both of us falling onto the bed.
“Don’t be like that,” he said against my mouth before kissing me again. “You know how I feel about you,”
I pushed at his chest, allowing myself distance, “actually I don’t.” I stood up and attempted to fix my mussed shirt. “And if you want to tell me how you feel right now, chances are I won’t believe you anyway because you’re drunk.”
“Would you believe Drew?”
“What? Where is that coming from?” I was thoroughly perplexed. “What does Drew have to do with what’s going on in here?” I protested in confusion. He just laughed at me and started talking to me like I was idiot.
“Are you that dense, Cass? He’s got a thing for you, everyone sees it.”
“Even if he did, which he doesn’t, what would it matter? I’m with you, asshole.”
“Why are you with me? I mean, you won’t be with me, so what are we doing? I feel like a fuckin’ place holder, something to fill the void until you and Drew are ready!” When he looked at me, the loathing on his face was apparent.
“Nothing, Rhen.” I said as I headed to toward his door. “We are obviously doing nothing. Ever.” I slammed the door behind me and headed to the living room, only to see Drew walking through the front door alone, unhappy. He said hi to a few people before turning around to go back outside. I knew the chances of me being stuck at Rhen’s were high unless I begged Drew to take me home. I stepped onto the patio to see Drew sitting alone in the middle of the swing that hung from the ceiling. He barely looked up when I walked over to him. “Hey,” I said plainly, “scoot.”
He numbly moved over, giving me space on the other side of the swing but still didn’t say a word.
“Everything okay?” I asked looking at him with curiosity. I knew something was up, and I also knew that I’m the one who stirred the hornet’s nest. I felt like a complete asshole. I was no better than Kara.
“Yea, it’s fine,” he answered still not giving more away.
“Jeez Drew, you look like shit and you never keep anything from me, so what’s going on?”
He shifted his position on the swing, giving himself even more space, clearly sending me a message that he didn’t want me around. But he knew better, I wasn’t going anywhere, so I made myself comfortable, leaning against the seat of the swing.
“Nothing, okay?” He stunned me with the anger in his tone. “Look, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to yell at you; I’m just having a shitty night.”
“That makes two of us,” I said as leaned over and put my head on his shoulder. That time, he didn’t move away. “Where’d Sage go?”
“We had a fight and she dumped me.” He stated curtly, not wanting to go into the details of the fight.
I just nodded, “Guess it’s a full moon or something. Rhen was being an ass and hugging up on Kara and I got pissed. I’m not even mad at her, it’s not like she knows the shit he’s been saying to me lately.” I knew I said too much because I felt his entire body stiffen at the mention of Rhen being a dick. I quickly jumped to diffuse the situation because my hero would try to save me from something he had no clue about if I didn’t stop him.
“It’s okay Drew, I’ve taken care of it,” I said in a calm tone, trying to cool him down. It wasn’t like he could do anything to Rhen anyway because I’d never tolerate it.
“Taken care of what, exactly?” He asked as he turned to face me for the first time since I came out.
I exhaled a breath and rolled my eyes because I knew the only way to get him to back off would be to tell him everything. “It’s no big deal, he’s just been pressuring me a lot lately.” He just raised his eyebrows silently asking for clarification, “Yeah, sex. I’m just not there with him yet and I’ve been up front with him from the beginning. Anyway, he’s gotten really impatient and I’m just getting pissed off. Then when I walked in earlier, he was hugging on and flirting with Kara. Then the asshole tried to take me to his bedroom just before giving me shit about my relationship with you.” I turned to face him again before continuing, “Drew?” I paused for a second, “am I a tease?”
“Why would you ask that?” he asked concerned.
“It’s just that, Rhen says everyone thinks I act one way in public, but it is nothing like how I am when it’s just the two of us.” I don’t usually care what people think, but the way he said it, implied that it’s been the topic of discussion amongst many people.
“Cass, ‘Who gives a fuck what people think about you,’ isn’t that what you remind me when you hear the shit people say about me?” he asked, using my words against me. “You are not a tease. I mean, not that I would know, but what I do know is that you never pretend to be anything you’re not, and you don’t do anything you don’t want to do. He wants a piece of ass and you need to figure out what it is that you want, and go from there.” There
was nothing I could say, because he made sense. There was going to be nothing between Rhen and me, because I left that relationship behind when I shut the door behind me.
“You know,” I said, sounding conspiratorial, “we should give them something to be pissed about.” I said with a laugh, but the way that Drew looked at me was something I hadn’t seen since the night of the Gala almost two years ago. I knew then that there might have been a grain of truth to what Rhen said in his room. I needed to lighten the mood so I did my usual.
“I love you, Drew. You’re the best,” I said dramatically before throwing my arms around his neck to hug him; only this time, he held me a little longer and a little closer that he normally would.
Half Truths
After my lunch with Nev, I spent the remainder of my workday trying to catch up on the stuff I neglected yesterday, and trying to get ahead for the weekend. I knew that she would give me hell if I even thought of bringing a manuscript with me, so I was making damn sure I got everything finished, or as close to finished as possible. Three hours later, I think I have a better handle on everything and maybe if I work on the rest at home tonight, I’ll be all set for a relaxing weekend.
“Have a nice weekend,” My boss says as he passes my office.
“Mr. Marx, can I speak with you for a second?”
“Can this wait? My wife is expecting me to actually attend my son’s game tonight,” he responds as he reluctantly takes a seat.
“I’m sorry, I’ll make it fast,” I assure him. I don’t want to drag it out anyway. “As you know I’m leaving tomorrow for a vacation, and then I’ll be back to work on Tuesday. But, I’m going to be taking some sick days because things are not well.”
He looks concerned as he sits up, “Is everything okay?” Just asking the question has tears forming, again.
I really need to get a handle on the emotions that don’t want to stay contained within me.
“I just found out that I have breast cancer and I start treatments next week,” I sob before telling him what my doctor shared. When I’m done, he looks to be at a loss for words, and that’s just fine because there isn’t anything he could say to make it any better or worse anyway.