by T. K. Rapp
Scratch that. His next question leaves me in a puddle of my own tears. “Is someone going to be taking you to your appointments?”
As much as I know my parent’s want to be there for me, they are much too emotional, but there’s no way I would keep them away. The brief conversation leaves me with so many things to think about, but I just push it away and pretend it doesn’t exist…at least for this weekend.
When I finally arrive back to the safe confines of my condo, I head to my room to pack everything for tomorrow when my phone chimes. I look and see that I have a text, but I have no idea who it is until I open to read the message.
Drew: So I guess u didn’t change ur mind?
Me: Who is this?
Drew: D
Me: How did u get my number?
Drew: I have my ways
A strange chill runs down my spine. Regardless of everything that’s happened between us, I’ve never been afraid of Drew, but something about that text had me alarmed.
Drew: You have it listed on FB. Didn’t u know that?
Me: Clearly I need to fix some things
Drew: When do u head out for ur trip?
Me: Why r u txting me?
Drew: Can’t a friend check on another friend?
Me: We haven’t been that in a long time
Drew: Sorry 2 hear that. I do miss you. I hope you have a good trip
Me: Thanks
I remain seated, staring at my phone and the messages we have exchanged. I feel bad, maybe I should have said more; so I do.
Me: I miss you sometimes too
The next morning Nevaeh shows up at my place at eight o’clock in her brand new silver MDX to pick me up. The SUV was a gift to herself for taking on the new position at the ad firm she works at. This was her dream car, and I have to admit, it suits her well.
“You have everything you need?” she asks as we put the last of my bags in the back.
“Yep, I’m all set. What time can we check in?” I close the back and round the passenger side to have a sit on the tan leather seats.
As she closes the door she gives me that look that says relax, but she knows I need an answer. “We can get in as soon as we get there. I have the code to get the key, so we’re good to go.”
“Not completely, I need coffee. Now,” I demand with a smile.
Once I got my coffee, everything looked better and the ride to Canyon Lake started out quiet enough. I didn't sleep too well last night after my brief texting session with Drew, which then had me calling my mom and talking to her for an hour about him, my appointment and the trip. When we got off the phone, I was desperate to keep my mind off of anything having to do with next week’s appointment, so I pulled the box of pictures back out and started going through the rest that I hadn’t looked at. I gave myself a mission to find pictures of Nev and myself with friends I suspected would be there this weekend, and of course that meant that Drew was in most of the pictures as well. I was the glue that held our odd grouping together, as evidence in the pictures, but somehow it worked.
Ever since he messaged me the other night, I can't seem to stop thinking about him. In the five years since I’ve seen him, I haven’t felt the need to reach out to him, but I have missed his presence in my life and his friendship so much; it had been such a huge part of my life. I sometimes feel bad for the way it ended, but there was no way it could have ended, and I just have to live with that. The pictures under my bed are there for a reason; I don’t want to think about him, yet, he bursts back in like the last five years didn’t exist and that pisses me off more than anything.
Nev has never been one to sit in silence, so I can't help but notice how long she has kept quiet, which means something, must be up. I start to look at her out of the corner of my eye and her body stiffens. Oh yeah, something is most definitely up.
"So, are you going to tell me?" I position my body to look at her dead on. She tries to plaster an innocent face, which just makes her look guiltier. "What?"
“You can’t fool me, we’ve been friends for too long, so don't even try. Spill it. Now,” I demand in a stern tone.
“There's nothing to spill,” she counters unconvincingly.
“Puh-lease!” I start as I introduce a list of things that justify why I know something is up. “You haven't said anything since you picked me up and we both know how you love to talk! You’ve been acting weird since the other night and I just know there is something you aren’t telling me."
She just shrugs, as if that's her answer, but there’s no way I am letting this go. Not with how evasive she’s being. I guess I’ll have to try another tactic.
“Fine, then tell me about Luke.” The moment I mention his name, her eyes grow a bit wider for a moment, but she covers quickly and gets a gushy smile on her face.
What the hell is it?
“Cass, he is awesome. I really like this guy,” she says with a distracted look on her face.
“That’s interesting, especially because my best friend is so fickle about guys. Too tall, too short, too good looking, too perfect, whatever other ‘too’ you can think of. So what kind of ‘too’ is he?” If she can categorize him, she will and Nevaeh actually animated over a guy is something different altogether. Hell, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so hung up on a guy, and it’s only been a month.
“He’s just ‘too,’” she swoons with a ridiculous smile on her face.
“So tell me about him. How did you meet?” I press, wanting to know what it is about this guy that has my relationship-shy bestie so giddy.
“It's a pretty stupid story. I was meeting Jaqi after work to have a few drinks and I saw him sitting at the bar,” she smiles coyly. “I had seen him sitting there and tried to get his attention a few times, but nothing worked. I was about to give up when I saw him look up at the entrance. There was a beautiful girl, only he looked pissed or annoyed, I'm not sure which.” I smile because I know what came next. It was something that Nev was well versed in, the art of the pick-up.
“I watched as this girl approached and sat next to him, but he just looked like he couldn’t be bothered; he barely even acknowledged her. So I started walking toward him and when I reached him, his eye caught mine and I just went with it. I wrapped my arms around his neck and whispered in his ear, ‘Need some help?’ and he nodded before wrapping his arms around my waist. The chick got pissed and the rest is history.”
She somehow always manages to let the guy think he picked her up, when in reality, she sees her prey long before they ever spot her. All she ever needed was to get into his line of sight and it was game over. Poor fool never stood a chance. Watching her perfect this art form over the years has been so much fun to witness.
She may have the occasional eccentric hair color and tattoos that are hidden well by day under her work attire, but beneath it all she is still very much the girl next door. At just less than five feet eight inches tall, her curvy figure and long hair isn’t the first thing a guy notices. No, that would be her legs. I’ve always been jealous because she has great legs and she flaunts the hell out them.
“Wow Nev, and does he realize how it is that you caught him?” I tease.
“Hell no, you know how fragile men’s egos are!” We both laugh hard, and it feels good. I need to laugh. I need to take my mind off of the things that will not stay out of my head.
“Ok,” she points at me, “what's up? You are not acting like yourself.”
Now it's my turn to be evasive, so I plaster my brightest smile and assume innocence. I just need to keep it up for the weekend, and then I will tell her everything. "I'm totally acting like myself," I say with a little too much exaggeration.
“No, there has been something off since I talked to you the other day. First you said you wanted to go on this trip, which we both know you normally fight like crazy and then you are just being, well… cheerful.” She shudders as if it made her physically react.
I frown at her, “I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was suppo
sed to be un-cheerful? Is that even a word?”
“See! That, right there! You are serious, like all the time. This, whatever this is,” she waves her hand over my very existence, “is not you! You’re acting weird and I don’t like it.”
I am totally confused, is she saying I'm boring?
“What in the hell are you talking about? What is it that I am supposed to be, exactly,” I’m getting pretty annoyed with this conversation.
“Honest. How about you are just honest with me?” Before I have time to react she whips the car to the shoulder, throwing debris behind us as she comes to a stop. She throws the car into park and turns to face me with a serious look, prompting me to answer her.
“What?” I ask, in total exasperation.
“’Fess up,” she demands. “What are you not telling me?”
I know my body language gives me away when I sink into my seat. Keeping a secret from Nevaeh is pointless, because she won’t give up until she gets what she wants. If I don't give her something, she will watch me like a hawk all weekend waiting for some indication of what I’m hiding and we cannot have that. She raises her eyebrows expectantly and I’m forced to say something.
“Fiiiiine!” That’s not what I wanted to say, but it’s what comes out, so I take a moment to compose myself. Just breathe, Cass, I think to myself.
This weekend is not about crying or anything else, it's about having fun and enjoying my friends. If she knows everything, it will put a damper on the getaway, and that’s the last thing that I want. So I have to tell her parts of what’s happening without giving it all away.
“When you called the other day, I had just finished at the doctor. He wants to run tests because I had found a lump, so I’m having it checked when we get back." I say it all in almost one breath because I’m trying to make light of it. I can’t tell her that I have already had a second opinion. I can’t tell her that I have cancer, because it will make it that much more real for me. Despite how bad I feel for not telling her everything, I’m just not ready to deal with all that comes with revealing it now, and I hope this tidbit will be enough to hold her for a while.
Her eyes are so worried, and I know she's trying to sift through the bits I just shared. “So do they think it’s cancer?”
“They don't want to speculate anything, so we’ll get more tests when I get back and go from there,” I say nonchalantly, even though I just had my breakdown last night because I do know the results.
She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. I just nod, because I know what she's asking, and I give her what she needs. "I'm fine, I promise. I'm not going to worry about it right now. I am on a road trip, with my best friend. What more could a gal ask for?" And it's the truth, because I already know what waits when I get back, and until then, there isn’t anything I can do anyway.
She nods in agreement and reaches over to pull me into a big hug. Well, as big of a hug as you can receive over an SUV console. Nev takes a deep breath as she sits back in her seat. Slowly easing back on to the road, she drives toward our destination, but she looks lost and I want to snap her out of it. “Penny for your thoughts?” I ask warily. A smile appears. A smiling Nev is what I want to see right now.
“Oh, you know me, it’ll cost more than a penny,” she winks before adding, “I was just thinking we are going to make this the best trip ever.”
“Let me tell you, I plan on having a helluva time!”
“Am I going to have to keep an eye on you?” She eyes me sideways, knowing I am the least likely to ruffle any feathers. So I just sit back with a Cheshire smile on my face foreshadowing the mischief we both know I will never get into. The radio is low in the background and I hear my favorite song playing so I lean over to turn the song up, but decide to ask one more thing.
“So tell me about Luke’s friend, what’s he like?” I’m interested, and it’s my way to show Nev that everything will be fine and life will go on. Besides, maybe he can keep me company.
“Well,” she trails, “I don’t know, actually, I haven’t met the guy.”
“I’m sure Luke has told you something about him?”
“I know that he owns his own business, but I’m not sure what type and that he lives in The Woodlands area. Luke says he was dating some girl for a while, but they broke up about two months ago. That’s about all I know,” she says with finality.
“Did you tell me his name?” I’m curious about this guy; I haven’t dated much since Seth, which was a few months ago, not that I’m looking. Right when she looks like she is about to answer my question, my phone buzzes in my hand, and of course it had to be my mom. She’s still worried about me and keeps texting to check on me and see how I’m holding up. I decide to take the call and put her mind at ease, even if just for a little while.
“Hi mom,” I answer.
“Hi baby, how are you feeling?”
“Great! Just sitting here with Nev, talking about her new man,” I glance at my friend trying to tease her. I hate how worried my mom is and I wish there were something I could say to take some of that from her.
“You didn’t tell her everything did you?” Thank God she picked up on my not so subtle voice cues.
“No, just a little longer, but we’re having a good time,” I look over and smile at my best friend who is drumming her hand on the steering wheel to the song. “Hey mom, can I call you when we get there?”
“Sure, sweetie. I love you, have fun.”
“I love you too, mom, talk soon.” When I hang up, I feel a tightness in my chest, but I don’t want to think about it right now, or the rest of the vacation, for that matter.
I decide to get back to my questions about Nevaeh’s new boyfriend, but before I can ask anymore, she starts to sing to the song on the radio; badly. I try to stifle my laughter, but it just comes out anyway so she swats her hand at me and in that moment, I decide to join in on the bad car karaoke. But I can’t help the yawn that escapes as the song finishes so she turns the volume down, no doubt wanting to talk more.
“So,” I drag out, “Drew texted me last night,” I confess.
“I didn’t realize that he had your phone number,” she questions.
“I didn’t either, it’s on Facebook for the world to see,” I admit, somewhat perplexed that my information was that available to him or anyone else.
“What did he have to say?”
“Not much. He asked me again to meet up with him, but I still didn’t think it was a good idea, so I opted out.” She doesn’t say anything so I finish with the words he left me with, “he said he misses me.”
She’s like a high school gossip that just found out a juicy tidbit to share with the world, “Really? What did you say?”
“Nothing. At first…but then, I texted him back and told him that I missed him too sometimes and that was it.”
Just when I think she’s going to jump on my words and make me face things I have long since pushed down, she surprises me with her suggestion that I sleep. “We should be there in about forty-five minutes,” she notes, looking at the mile marker we just passed, “besides, you look like hell.”
“Gee, thanks,” it’s my turn to swing at her. She dodges and laughs briefly before turning to me in complete seriousness.
“Cass, are you sure everything is okay? You would tell me wouldn’t you…if something was wrong?”
“I’m good,” I assure her. I don’t want to stress her out, and if she keeps pushing, I may end up revealing more than I want to.
“You’re right, I am tired.” I check out my watch to give myself a distraction, “Forty-five minutes, huh? Wake me when we get there?” She looks to face the road and nods. I hate lying to her, but it’s just something I have to do for now.
Fortunately, my best friend doesn’t press me any further, and I appreciate it. I slink down into my seat, and once I get comfortable, I close my eyes and wait for sleepiness to overcome me. When I start to drift, Drew comes to mind again and I remember the graduation party th
at changed, almost, everything.
The Past: Graduation Affairs
In the months that followed the infamous party at Rhen’s, I did my best to ignore the rumors about that night and the feelings that Drew seemed to have had for me. Things were still as normal as always, so I figured it was just Rhen putting his own insecurities out there, because it was all unfounded until graduation night. Rhen was throwing yet, another party, and this was the big one. Everyone had their own to do with their families, but the Class of ’07 was supposed to meet up for one last hurrah. I couldn’t have cared less about going, but Drew and Nev did. He called me that morning to make sure I wasn’t bailing out.
“Cass,” he said in a warning tone, “You are going.”
“Drew...” I huffed out in aggravation; “I don't want to go to Rhen’s party tonight.” I had no idea why it was so important for him that I show up. “No one will miss me if I skip it,” I reminded him, trying to convince him to let me out.
“I’ll miss you if you don’t go. Come for me.”
“I haven’t done anything to those people, but they think I’m a bitch thanks to Rhen, and I still have no clue why.”
“Why? Seriously!” he raised his voice before verbally eviscerating me. “I don't know, maybe because you used to hang around these people before the breakup and never even tried to set the record straight about what happened. You never go around, so what should they believe? You act like you’re better than everyone else, or just maybe it is because you seem to have a perpetual stick up your ass. Take your pick.”
“You can be such a dick sometimes, you know that?” I knew what he was up to; he figured if he pissed me off enough, I would go just to prove everyone wrong. What he didn’t realize is that I just didn’t care anymore. High school was over and I was heading off to Texas A&M where a new world would open up for me.