by T. K. Rapp
“What, do you want me to sugarcoat it for you? Besides, it's not like I'm saying anything you don't already know.”
“And why would I want to go, again? You just proved my point.” I reminded him in a condescending tone.
“Because, today we graduate, and this party will be the last time you see most of these people. Go for me,” he pleaded. “Go for Nevaeh, she really wants to go, too.”
“Fine, but I am not taking care of your drunk ass, so figure out who our DD is or we have to stay there,” I said exasperated because there was no way I was staying at Rhen’s.
“Alright, I'll pick you up at nine and then we'll get Nev.”
I was quiet for a second before I finally spoke up with a stern warning. “Don't make me regret this, D,” I paused again and huffed, "I'll see you at nine." I knew it bugged him when I called him by that stupid name and only used it to irritate the shit out of him. I had given him the name because even though I had insisted that he called me Cassi when we met, his favorite name for me was Pia because it drove me equally as nuts as when I called him D.
“See you at nine, Pee-ah,” he spat out. I groaned as he hung up the phone, but I think I heard him laugh.
After the ceremony, mom and dad had a few people over for a small graduation party, but they kept it short because they knew I had other plans. Mom said she knew I was going to Rhen’s party and the only reason she didn’t give me hell about it was because I was going with Nev and Drew. Lucky for us, Drew’s younger brother Logan was going to be our designated driver for the night. I’m sure he was more than happy to comply because, not only would he be driving Drew’s new pickup, but also he’d get to be Nev’s chauffeur and he was head over heals for her.
Nevaeh and I decided to get ready at my house since it was on the way. I figured we’d be dressed in a hurry, but a momentary lapse in memory had me forgetting that Nev was all about the arrival. She fixed herself up in a pair of tight jeans and a sleeveless black halter-top and looked fabulous, as always. She demanded that I wear something equally sexy, but since I was going under duress, I protested by wearing my sexy jeans and a fitted t-shirt. I wasn’t out to impress anyone there. She was aggravated with my attitude, so she insisted on at least doing my hair and makeup.
Two hours later, we walked down the stairs and spotted a relieved Drew, silently thanking us for bailing him out of the conversation he was having with my dad. Since Drew was heading to UT, I’m sure my dad was asking about what programs they offered and warning him against becoming another drone. I received the same lecture the day my acceptance letter came in from A&M.
“Your dad is intense when he wants to be,” Drew said as we got into his truck.
“How long have you known me? I’ve told you a million times, don’t talk politics, religion or education with the man to make it work.”
“What does where I’m going to college have to do with the others?” he asked incredulously.
“C’mon, it’s not hard to follow his strange line of thinking,” I offered, waiting for the bulb to go off, but when it was clear he was lost, I sighed to enlighten him on how my dad’s crazy mind works. “State school…in the state’s capitol.”
He just shook his head and chuckled as we drove off. “It’s amazing you’re as normal as you are, and we both know that’s not all that normal.”
The three of us talked about the get together we had each had at our parent’s homes and whom we wanted to see at the party. It seemed none of us were eager to see anyone in particular, but we did have a rather vast list of those we wanted to avoid like the plague. When we arrived at the party, we tried to come up with a game plan, but it was drowned out by the music that was blasting across the house. Drinking games were in full swing and people had turned just about any open area into a dance floor. Drew grabbed our hands and dragged us toward the backdoor.
“The keg's out back,” he yelled over the music, but I tugged my hand, stopping him from continuing further. I stopped at the dining room table that was completely covered in booze of all varieties, so I made myself and Nev a long island iced tea before letting him drag us out the doors. Unfortunately we didn’t make it too far because just as we made our way past the kitchen a drunken Rhen started on some incoherent rant. I froze in place, hearing the shit he was spewing while Drew was impatiently trying to catch on.
“Excuse me?” I said, dropping Drew’s hand and walking over to Rhen. If I could shoot daggers at anyone, my ex would most definitely be on the receiving end. When I left his room that night, ending things with him, it went from bad to worse. He made it his mission to drag my name through the mud, even saying some of it to my face. Drew had wanted to know what happened, but I kept the details to myself because it didn’t change anything.
Rhen walked over to me with a drunken smirk that made my stomach turn. He leaned right into my face, invading my comfort zone before repeating, "I said, 'Who invited the tease?'"
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Drew’s jaw clench and I immediately stepped in between he and Rhen, putting distance between the two of them. "All right Rhen, back off," Drew said in a threatening tone.
“What,” he said, gesturing with his hands up in a defensive stance, “I’m just surprised she returned to the scene of crime. You remember the last time you were here, don’t you,” he asked with pride.
“Actually I do,” I spat. “I’m sure your memory is hazy at best. Do you need me to remind you how it went?”
“Whatever, once a tease, always a tease,” he said to me before looking to Drew. “I’m surprised she’s here since she seems to think she’s better than everyone.”
“No, I’m not better than everyone, just too good for you,” I spat with disgust.
When he heard his buddies razzing him, he righted his position, “how would you know?” Then he turned to Drew and gave him a warning, “watch out for that one,” he nodded over to me, “she’s not as innocent as you think.”
Just when I was going to level him with a healthy dose of bitch, Nevaeh grabbed my arm and dragged me toward the backdoor. “C'mon, let's take these drinks out back. If I have to listen to another minute of his bullshit, I may grow my own set of balls and kick his ass,” she said as she pushed past Rhen.
“You’re right,” I said as I yanked my arm away. “He’s just pissed he couldn’t close the deal.” I turned around to see a stunned Drew standing behind me with a murderous look on his face. “Let’s go Drew,” I said, holding my hand to him. He just shook his head and wouldn’t even look at me.
“You go ahead, I’ll be there in a bit,” he said, still never looking at me. I just turned around and left him behind, hurt that he would rather stand there and talk with the asshole that publicly humiliated me, not once, but over and over again. He was always so concerned with what people thought of him, that it sometimes made me doubt how good of a friend he really was. That pissed me off more, which led me to chug the contents of the red cup in my hand on the way out. As we walked to a table on the other side of the yard, I grabbed another drink and started on it.
“Whoa!” Nev said, trying to take the cup from my hand, “slow down or it’s going to be a short night for you.”
“Did you see that?” I yelled. “He stayed there with Rhen, after everything he said to me. Drew doesn’t even know the things he said the night I broke up with him.”
“Well, whose fault is that?” She asked, taking a seat next to me. “Besides, you need to take it down a notch. You’re assuming the worst in your friend right now, maybe he’s kicking Rhen’s ass as we speak.”
“He would never do that. Not that I want him to, but I’m a friend of convenience, those are the people he’s been friends with forever, he’ll always defend them. Besides, if he really cared, he’d be out here with us right now.”
Nev knew better than to argue with me when I was worked up like that, so she sat with me while I continued to drink, despite her protests. We made small talk with a few classmates who wandered ov
er, and wished everyone good luck as they walked away. Three drinks and an hour later, Drew decided to rejoin us, but the damage was done, as far as my liquored up brain was concerned. I was having a good time until I spotted him approaching our table and I couldn’t be bothered to hide my irritation.
“Go away Drew,” I said turning to face him.
“What’s wrong?” He asked in confusion as he sat down near me.
“Nothing’s wrong, why don’t you just go away and hang out with your friends,” sober, I would never sound so ridiculous, but there I was, saying things I had kept to myself for a long time.
“I’m trying to hang out with my friends right now, but one is being a bitch. Care to explain what I did to deserve it?”
“You did nothing, Drew. As usual. Always worried about what everyone thinks of you, why are you here? Someone might see you talking to us. Oh wait, maybe they’ll think you’re a nice guy talking to the losers. You bailed on us to be with people you think matter and I'm so over it." I slurred at him.
“What in the hell are you even talking about right now? That sounded like too many fucking stupid tiny rants combined into one and I don’t even know where to start,” he stated with an easy tone.
“Just leave, or I’m going to get Logan to take me home,” I said, turning away from him.
“How much have you had to drink?” he questioned as he picked up my drink from the table.
“Fuck you! It’s none of your business,” I bite back in anger.
“That's a Long Island iced tea,” Nev said as though she were speaking to a two year old. She continued in the same tone, "Since you’ve been inside, she’s had two, that one in your hand is her third.”
The light must have switched on because he changed tactics and put on his caretaker cap, which just added to my drunken anger. “Hey,” he said reaching for my hand. “Why don't we get you something to eat?”
“I’m fine, I don’t need to eat,” was all I said in response. Even drunk, I knew I was being pretty mean, but it’s not like I wanted to be there anyway. “Just go and enjoy the party, we’ll see you when it’s time to go.”
“No, we came here to have fun,” he said, stepping into my space before finishing angrily. “I don't know about you, but I'm having a fucking awesome time!”
Nev looked at Drew with raised brows, some unspoken command followed her words, “Give us a few minutes, we'll come find you.”
“Fine,” he said as he started to walk off.
Once he was out of earshot, Nevaeh turned on me, something she rarely did. “I love you, but you are acting like a bitch. Drew didn’t do anything wrong and you didn’t even give him a chance to say where he’d been. Just because you didn’t want to come, doesn’t mean you have to ruin it for everyone. Rhen was being an asshole, I’ll give you that, but you need to let it go.”
“Whatever. Why don’t you go and enjoy yourself. I’m fine hanging out here.” I knew it sounded pitiful, but I just didn’t care anymore.
“Bullshit! Get your ass up, we’re going inside,” she demanded as she pulled me to my feet. “Walk!” I followed her through the screen doors and where she spotted Drew playing a round of beer pong. I tripped over the door guide when Nev grabbed me by my arm to save me from completely falling on my ass, when he rushed over to help me. It was clear that Nev had had enough of me because she shoved me into his arms and said, “Your turn,” before walking away.
Drew tried to put his arm around my waist to lead me back outside. He was persistent with his grip, so I just stopped resisting, and when a song I liked came over the speakers I was ready to dance. In a snap I was in a good mood, forgetting why it was that I was even mad at my best friend in the first place. I just wanted to dance, so I dragged him into the living room to dance with me. I know it was a rare sight that I was drunk, but even more so that my guard was down so much that I was really enjoying myself. Fortunately for me, Drew was an excellent partner, mirroring my movements with his own. I just let the music move me anyway I wanted, and not realizing I had an audience whispering around me, I turned to face Drew and wrapped my arms around his neck. I continued moving against him, prodding him to follow my lead, which he seemed to do well enough. We remained dancing for several songs and I was starting to sweat a little too much, so when the last song ended, I moved toward the front door to get some air. Just as we were exiting the masses, a slow song came on. He tightened his grip on my hand and pulled me back to dance a little longer.
I was a willing partner and as he wrapped his hands around my waist as I placed my head against his chest while James Morrison’s, Pieces Don’t Fit Anymore, played. I loved that song, so painful and beautiful at the same time, and I was content being in his arms. Then again, maybe it was just the alcohol, but at that moment, I just I had no desire to move away.
He caught me off guard when he lifted my chin so that my eyes met his, and with no regard for the people who could have seen us, he kissed me. My thoughts went from what the hell to holy hell in a flash. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to feel something that I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge up until that very moment. My hand left his neck and trailed down his arm as I reached for his hand. I kissed him back with feeling; not knowing this is why I was mad. When separated, he looked into my eyes, silently begging me to hear him, “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I responded in the same way I said every time we spoke those words. Platonically. But I knew it was more.
He shook his head and repeated the words, spelling out exactly what he meant, “Cass, I am in love with you.”
Once outside, the fresh evening air quickly diffused the smell of sweat and alcohol and was replaced by the scent of Drew as he pushed me against the siding, his hand grazing my arm. He started kissing me again and I was absolutely into it until clarity hit me and I pushed him away. I tried to compose my thoughts, but in my drunken state, nothing was forming, so rather than wait for my words to come, he led me to the patio. Despite my desire to sit on the swing, he insisted on sitting on the steps because alcohol and a moving object would only spell disaster, or vomit, at the very least.
“Careful, I don't want you to get sick,” he said helping me down.
I tried to get some much-needed distance by leaning on the railing, but it was hard and uncomfortable, so I leaned my head on Drew’s shoulder.
“Drew,” I slurred, very unsexy. “You suck.”
“Why,” he asked me in a whisper.
“Because, we can’t do this. I’m not right for you,” I whined.
“How do you figure?”
“Because I don’t fit the same mold as you and we both know this. You’re outgoing and popular while I’m self-conscious and neurotic. You need someone who’s a better fit for you.”
He moved me off of his shoulder and lifted my chin to look at him again. “In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not big on molds or anything resembling perfection.”
I raised an eyebrow, not believing him outright, “Yes, you are.”
“Fine, believe whatever you want,” he finished impatiently.
“You've always been so concerned with what everyone thinks. I mean, why did you even bring me here?”
“Jeez Cass, you just don't get it do you? You are my best friend! I wanted my best friend to go with me to the last party of the year. And for whatever reason, you think I'm embarrassed of you. I never have been and never will be! And this self-pitying thing you have going on is a very unappealing side of you.”
Where did that come from? Drew never yelled at me, at least not when he was actually mad and he didn't stop there. He was on a roll, “You are so self-absorbed sometimes. You think I'm the one concerned with what people think? You didn't even want to come tonight because you said people think you're a ‘bitch.’ Well, you're acting like one now.”
Tears started to well in my eyes and in a shaky voice I spoke, “Well, don't hold back Drew! What else do you have to say?”
“No! Don't start that. You have
been treating me like shit all night and when I get up the nerve to say something, you look at me like I’m the biggest jackass. You want to know what people around here think of you? They do think you are a stuck-up bitch. You turn your nose to everyone and make it impossible for anyone to get to know you.” He lowered his voice, trying to calm himself, “What they don't know is that it's just your defense. I know you, Cass. You are scared to let anyone in, but once you finally do, you are the most amazing person, and I’m so glad you allowed me in. You are smart and beautiful and my best friend and I'm going to miss you like hell in the fall.”
“Where is all of this coming from?” I asked through my tears.
He touched my cheek and I knew what was coming, “I’m going to say it again; I love you, Cass. I'm in love with you, but you've never noticed.”
“What? Are you serious? Why now? You can’t do this now,” I ranted incoherently, trying to find the answer.
“When Cass? When should I do this? Tomorrow? Or how about in three months when we leave for college? Or how about six months ago, when I first knew it? When would be a convenient time for you to hear that I am fucking in love with you?”
“Not now. Not when we’ve been arguing and had way too much to drink,” I calmed down slightly. “Can we just talk about all of this tomorrow?”
“No.” It was all he said before pulling me to his lap and crushing his lips to mine once more. I hated him and I loved him for doing it, because I never allowed myself to think of us in that way, but being in his arms felt right. I held his face in my hands, returning his kiss with equal passion, not wanting to break the connection we had fought for so long.
“Well, I didn’t see that coming,” I said when we finally separated. He laughed, leaning his forehead to mine. It was the drunkest, sloppiest kiss I’d ever experienced and it was perfect.
“I didn’t either,” a voice said sarcastically behind us. We looked over to see Sage with an all-knowing smirk on her face.
“Maybe we should talk later,” I said to Drew pulling myself off of his lap, even though he was tugging at me to stay. I needed space and if it came in the form of Sage, that was fine with me.