Being There

by T. K. Rapp

  “And, this is your room.” He was stating the obvious as he walked in and checked it out. He'd never seen my room when I lived at home, so I felt a little exposed. He walked over and jumped backward onto my bed with a loud grunt. "What the hell! Do you sleep on bricks, or what?" He said hitting the mattress to add emphasis. I couldn’t help but laugh, because it wasn’t the most comfortable bed by any stretch, but I did like it.

  “It's not so bad, you'll get used to it,” I said casually.

  His eye widened in surprise at my statement. “Get used to it? What do you mean?”

  “Don't be a jackass, where did you think you were going to sleep?”

  “The couch?” He furrows his brows and looked puzzled.

  “Oh good grief, Drew! Don't be stupid, it's not a big deal.” I reprimanded him playfully.

  However it was a big deal. I knew nothing was going to happen, but we had never shared any space. Ever. And after everything this summer, I knew what I wanted, but I also knew that it was not in the cards for us. I did a bang up job making sure that he knew how I felt. So the sleeping arrangement was safe. Perfectly safe.

  “Ok. Ok,” he said throwing his hands up in surrender, “I was just checking. Wouldn’t want you get any ideas.”

  “You wish.” It was all I could say back. But yeah, I had ideas and it was me that was wishing.

  True to his word, we spent that night in so that he could study and I decided to use the opportunity to get started on my paper. The amount of reading that had been required was beyond reasonable, so I guess it was good Drew came out to visit because I got quite a bit done. Who would have thought he would be a good influence on me? He was finally growing up, and that just made me want him even more. Damn it.

  He was looking intently at his notes and that’s when I noticed he was wearing glasses. “When did you get those?”

  “Get what?” he asked me, confused by my lack of clarity before I point to the glasses. He looked a little embarrassed when he took them off to inspect them. “A few months ago.” He puts them back on and striking a pose, “whatcha think?”

  Damn! - That’s what I think. “Looks good,” I tried saying nonchalantly as I turned my eyes back to my book hoping to get my thoughts off of my hot best friend.

  We stayed up until two in the morning studying and at some point, there was no way the material we were studying was actually sticking. I must have read the same paragraph half a dozen times and I realized delirium set in. It started with me laughing at myself over nothing. It must have been contagious because Drew looked over at me and started chuckling before it turned to full out laughter. It became apparent we had the giggles over nothing in particular, which made the laughter all the more ridiculous.

  “What the hell is wrong with us?” He was trying to catch his breath.

  “I’m just laughing,” I said between snorts. Very ladylike.

  “Well then,” he started as he lunged at me.

  “No!” I yelled, attempting to run away, but I was laughing too hard, and he quickly caught me when he grabbed my ankle. I tripped and fell to the floor still laughing as tears were streaming down my face. I tried to catch my breath because my stomach was aching from the hilarity when he fell next to me. We were laying on our backs attempting to control the insanity when I rolled to my side and looked down at him.

  “I really miss you, you know?” I admitted between laughs.

  “I know,” he sighed as he relaxed still laughing lightly, “I miss you too.”

  We stared for a moment too long. It was one of those will-they-or-won't-they moments and I had no idea what was coming next. Rather than wait, I laid my head on his shoulder and he wrapped his arm around me.

  “Why did you have to go to TU?” I muttered under my breath.

  “UT,” he corrected, before giving me a tight squeeze.

  “Whatever. Why did you have to go there? I mean, seriously, what in the hell were you thinking? Thanksgiving is going to cause all sorts of issues when we play against each other, and then of course you’re going to be all upset when we beat the hell outta…well, you.”

  “Do you even watch football, Cass? Tradition shows y’all lose to use more than you win. Just sayin’. Besides, y’all don’t even have cheerleaders,” he teased knowing that he was going to get me worked up.

  “They’re Yell Leaders, ass, and you don’t even know anything about tradition, ‘From the outside-”

  “So help me, if you finish that… don’t say that damn quote. You know how much I hate it.”

  “’Cause you’re jealous. Besides, you could have been here with Nev and me having a great time. Now we're just going to grow further and further apart until we don't even talk anymore. Then years down the road, we'll pass each other somewhere and won't even recognize each other." I know I sounded like a whiney brat, but apparently being delirious is almost like being drunk, I couldn’t control the things coming out of my mouth.

  “Nah, that'll never happen. I'll be there on your wedding day, watching the son of a bitch that gets to marry you. Hell, I may even have to give you away. I'm sure your dad won't mind.” He smirked because he knew that my dad would be a blubbering fool. I stayed quiet because I knew my scenario was closer to reality and that only made me sad.

  He abruptly got off the floor and turned up my speaker because James Morrison’s You Make it Real was playing on my iPod. He walked back over to me and held a hand out for me.

  “What?” I asked looking at his hand like it was going to bite me.

  “C’mon, let’s dance,” he said with a shrug.

  “Are you serious?”

  “Get your ass up and dance with me.”

  I got up, but not without more protesting, “This is so stupid.”

  “Shut up,” he said as he hugged me into his arms. “Dance.”

  It was nice being there against him; I felt safe. I tried not to read into the words of the song we swayed to because I couldn’t let myself go there. I had my chance, so I was just going to enjoy being here with my best friend dancing to a song that would always make me think of him. When the song ended, he looked down at me and looked like he was thinking about something.

  “What? Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something on my face?” I asked wiping at one cheek and then the other. I knew it was fine, but I had to make a joke, anything to lighten the mood.

  “I have an idea,” he straightened up and walked to my bed. “Do you have plans for spring break?

  “Nope, I was just going to go home for the week.”

  “Not anymore,” he said as he grabbed my laptop that was sitting next to him. “We are gonna take a road trip. Where do you want to go?”

  I thought about it and threw the first thing that came to mind.

  “Graceland!” I said to his back.

  He slowly turned to face me. “Only you,” he said, shaking his head.

  “What’s wrong with Graceland?”

  He pretended to think before making a suggestion, “How about we get tattoos? It’s less painful!”

  I mimicked his look before answering, “Nah, I don’t do needles.”

  “C'mon,” he teased, “it won't be so bad. I'll pick yours and you pick mine. That way I know you’ll never forget me. I nice rendering of my sexy mug on your arm will make sure you always remember. See, it’s a win-win.”

  I wrinkled my nose, dismissing his fabulous idea. “Nah, besides, I don’t think you’d like what I pick for you,” I said while waving my finger at him in warning. “You know, The King makes an excellent permanent mark. You would never forget me then, either.”

  “First off, no Elvis tattoos for me. Second, I’m telling you right now, there is no way in a million years that I will ever forget you. And third,” he cocked his head and thought for a moment, “fine, Graceland, it is.” He conceded, and I knew he was only doing it for me. He hated my Elvis obsession.

  I started jumping up and down like I won the lottery because that was someplace I
always wanted to go. The gaudy décor and seeing where Elvis once lived fascinated me.

  “Nevaeh is gonna shit! She’s been dying to go too!”

  “Happy to make your lame-ass dreams come true,” he said monotone while searching for hotels. I knelt on the bed and hugged him tight from behind to thank him for the trip.

  “It’s no big deal,” he said with a shrug.

  “It is, but that’s not what I’m thanking you for,” he raised his eyes to look at me as I continued, “I really needed you here, with me. I know you have a test, but you’re here and I love you for coming out and hanging with me. So thank you for being the most awesome best friend a girl could have.” He reached for my hand and quirked the side of his lips, “You know, there is no place I would rather be.”

  I believed it, there was nothing he wouldn’t do for me. But I had to remind myself that it was only because we were friends. But then, he held my gaze a little too long and ideas swarmed in my drowsy head. But when I saw him look at my lips, I knew he was thinking the same thing as me. A small smile crossed my lips, because there was nothing else I could think of at that moment than kissing him. Of course I wanted to kiss him. I had only been thinking about it since Rhen’s party.

  My stomach was in knots, hoping that I wasn’t imagining this moment until he started to move his lips to mine. I could feel his breath inches from my lips and I knew it was real. His lips briefly brushed mine before he deepened the kiss. I felt that kiss over my entire body and I started to move my hands around his neck, but just as it started to become something more, our moment was interrupted.

  “Cass? Do you have a boy in your room?” Nev slurred, trying to sound sexy. I heard her bump into the kitchen table and snort as she laughed at herself. “Where’s fucker at?” she yelled as the closed the door behind her.

  “In here, Fubar” he yelled back, before he leaned his forehead against mine and let out a soft sigh. “Later,” he whispered, as he kissed my head when he stood up to leave the room.

  “Yeah, later.” I muttered to myself when he exited. The moment I’d been waiting for came and went, and I knew there wouldn’t be a later. I exhaled loudly and fell back onto my bed, even more frustrated and determined to kill Nev.

  Upon Arrival

  Part of me is happy to see Drew, and the other part is mad as hell because I’m the last to know about this. It’s obvious that the three of them have talked, but Nev has never mentioned that she’s seen or talked to him, and in fact, lied earlier when she said she hadn’t met Luke’s friend. All three of them are staring at me, waiting for a reaction when I finally decide to get out of the hot tub. I wish I had been blessed with grace, but no, because as I step out, I start to lose my balance and Drew rushes to my side to help me out. I have no choice but to hold onto his shoulders, otherwise, I’m likely to bust my ass while trying to storm off.

  I realize that I’m standing in my bikini, in front of my once-crush and his best friend, and I feel a little too exposed. I yank my towel off the ledge and wrap it around my body; thankful I remembered to bring it out in the first place. At least I feel a little more at ease, despite my surprise. “Hey,” I finally say with a fleeting smile.

  “Hey yourself,” he says, attempting to hug me. “Should’ve changed your mind,” he grins.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “When we were messaging the other night, I had just found out about Nev and Luke. That’s why I asked if you wanted to meet,” he explains.

  “I’m sorry, I’m not sure what to do with this right now,” I remove myself from his grasp. “I’m just gonna change and take a walk. I’ll catch up with y’all later,” I say the last part over my shoulder as I head to my room, but I hear Nev excuse herself to follow me.

  “Wait up. We need to talk,” she calls out from behind me.

  “No,” I argue as I walk into my room. She shuts the door behind her and I turn to tell her exactly what I think. “Talking is what you should have done the day you told me that Luke was coming with a ‘friend.’ What were you thinking?”

  “Look, I know you’re pissed, but you were just saying on the ride over that you missed him,” she tries using my words to defend herself.

  My yank my t-shirt over my head and spin around pointing a finger at her. “Don’t do that, Nevaeh. Do not turn my words around to mean something we both know they didn’t. That was a shitty move on your part and I’m too mad to talk right now,” I yell, not even trying to contain myself. “I’m going to take a walk and cool down. I’ll see you in a little.” I zip my shorts and throw my shoes on before heading to the door.

  “I’ll come with you,” she offers quickly, following me before I turn around to stop her.

  “I’m sorry, but right now, you are the last person I want to be around. Well, except maybe Drew. I’ll be back in an hour,” I turn back to the door and secure my sunglasses on my face. “I have my phone if you need to get a hold me.”

  I leave her behind with her jaw dropped open because being so demanding has never been my thing. But then again, she’s never so blatantly deceived me either. My blood pressure is rising the more I think of how this whole thing went down. Why would she think it’s okay to blindside me with having the one person around that hurt me the most? There’s a reason I haven’t talked to him in five years, and she knows it as well as I do; yet she thinks it’s okay to screw me over, just so that her new boyfriend can come on the trip too. No wonder she never told me more about him, I wonder when the two of them figured it all out. I was looking forward to nice weekend to have fun before my appointment next week, but that went out the window the moment I saw him standing there.

  But hell if he isn’t fucking gorgeous! Why do guys always get better looking with age? Assholes should not be afforded that luxury because it only plays to their favor. His six-foot height was the first thing I had noticed about him when we first started hanging out, but he was somewhat skinny. The twenty-five year old version has filled out quite nicely. He isn’t bulky, but his toned arms look to be earned from hard work, and not gym visits. His dark brown hair is slightly longer than it was in college, and a little messier too, which only adds to the appeal. In that stupid moment when I fell into his arms our eyes locked and I remembered well how I once believed those beautiful brown eyes were meant for me. If he really had to show up today, why couldn’t he have been unattractive and not the sexy athletic man that he apparently is?

  As if on cue, my phone rings in my pocket, but I ignore it, opting to stay well into my current angry state. What the hell was she thinking not telling me that he was going to be here?

  My phone alerts to a voicemail, but I don’t care to hear Nev tell me how sorry she is, but when I go to delete it, I see that it’s not Nev, which leaves me to assume it’s Drew. I delete it anyway, before putting the phone back in my pocket.

  I continue walking for a bit longer, trying to figure what angered me the most. The fact that he was here, that my best friend kept me in the dark or that I was actually happy to see him.

  I hear my phone chime in my back pocket again, so I pull it out to face whoever is on the other end.

  Drew: Why did u leave so fast?

  Me: You know why.

  Drew: It’s been 5 yrs. Can we put it behind us?

  Me: I’m sure it was much easier for you.

  Drew: Easy? No. But what choice did I have?

  Me: Txting me about this. Really?

  Drew: Is it really that bad seeing me?

  Me: It’s no picnic.

  Drew: I don’t want u feeling weird. I’ll leave 2nite

  Is that what I want, for Drew to leave? Five years is a long time and so much has happened since the last time I saw him, that maybe I’m just holding on to the anger for no reason. We were basically kids who had fucked up ways of dealing with things. Is it fair for me to hold any of it against him? If he stays, maybe we’ll get a chance to talk and catch up because, regardless of what happened between us, he was my friend firs
t and I loved him dearly for that reason alone. But if he decides to leave, I’m pretty sure that I will never get the chance to speak to him again and with everything I have on my plate right now, I need all the support I can get.

  Me: Don’t leave. I’ll be back soon

  I shove my phone back into my pocket and give myself a few more minutes of solitude before facing him again. Somehow I’ll make it through this visit, I just have to keep reminding myself of this.

  When I finally make my way back up the gravel driveway, Nev is sitting on the top step of the patio with her elbows on her knees deep in thought. She has a nervous habit of playing with her ponytail, so I know she’s worried I’m going to ruin everything this weekend. Her knee is bouncing at a rapid pace when she lifts her head and spots me. She runs over to me with her arms out to hug me, but drops them, unsure if I would let her that close. “I’m so sorry, Cass. I don’t know what I was thinking, it really did seem like a good idea at the time.”

  “Don’t worry about it, I’ll behave,” I assure her marking a cross over my heart with my finger. “He sent me a text and offered to leave, but I told him it would be fine. I mean, we were friends, once. Right?”

  She puts her arm over my shoulder as we walk back to the house, “You two were more than friends, hon. I think that was the problem. You never saw what was going on until it was too late.”

  “It just wasn’t meant to be for us. We were very good at being friends who flirted from time to time, but you add in actual feelings, and it was a mess. We weren’t good for each other.”

  “I knew from the first time I met him that he had a thing for you, and you, well, being you, were too stubborn to admit that you liked him just as much.”

  “That’s not true. I really didn’t see us as anything other than friends. Jeez, I dated other people, he dated other people, how much more obvious could it be?”

  “What about Graceland?” Her eyes widen as though she’s made her point.

  “What about it?” I ask, taken aback that she would bring up that trip.

  “He didn’t go there because that’s where he wanted to go. He knew it would make you happy, so he planned to take us, even though I had no desire to go. Did you know he came to me before y’all went on that trip?”