Give Me Love

by Kate McCarthy

  I looked up in a panic as I listened, searching for Coby. He was standing near the edge of the stage, ten feet away, on his phone, pacing. Travis next him, on his phone too and looking on edge. Shit was going down.

  “We’ve located Jimmy. I can’t talk now. I’ll have to call you back later.”

  The message ended and I tossed my phone to Mac as I made a fast beeline for Coby and Travis, feeling myself hyperventilate at the thought of Jimmy shooting at Jared right this very moment.

  “Now?” Mac yelled again after I filled her and Henry in on the brief message when they followed behind me. “You fall apart and this shit goes down tonight of all nights?”

  It was now Mac’s turn to look like she was ready to toss her cookies. I watched in fascination as she sucked the panic deep inside until her outer layers appeared calm and unruffled. It was fascinating to watch, and I constantly wondered how she did it. The transformation complete, she grabbed me by the arm and muscled me all the way back to the dressing room where Jake, Cooper, and Frog were still in various states of undress.

  She eyed the Rice Bubbles in disbelief, and I had a passing moment of reprieve with her wrath focused elsewhere. “You three lazy assheads aren’t ready?”

  Jake paused in the act of pulling on his shirt as he copped an eyeful of my wrecked face. “Sandwich, honey, you okay?”

  I sniffled a little because I was being offered a sympathetic ear.

  “She’s fine,” Mac announced before I could open my mouth. “You all just get out there. You’re on in like a minute.”

  Frog and Cooper finished dressing and hustled out the door, but Jake paused for a moment, his concern for me warring with his need to get far away from Mac.

  My eyes urged him to save himself. “I’m fine, Jake,” I offered. “I’ll see you out there.”

  He acknowledged my communication with a nod, and he turned and left.

  Mac, her lips tight, worked quickly and silently on my face.

  “Mac?”

  Her eyes found mine and softened slightly. “This is his job, Evie. He’s gonna be okay. Now your job on the other hand…”

  “I can do this,” I lied with fierce determination.

  “You can.” She gave my head an affectionate pat and plopped the mascara back in the bag with a loud clack. “You’re like the little engine that could.”

  “Do you think―”

  “Yes I do,” she interrupted. “He adores you, Evie. He won’t give up on you. Just…” she paused for a moment “...don’t you give up on him either, okay? Now, you, us, this whole thing, it’s huge. One day, Sandwich, we’ll look back and...” Mac’s voice hitched and she sucked in a breath.

  With her arms folded and eyes on the floor she looked so vulnerable that I stood up and pulled her in for a hug. “Oh, Mac.”

  Taking deep breaths, Mac stood back and smoothed a hand over the slinky gold satin bodice of her corset top. “Right, enough of the emotional retardedness, Sandwich. Let’s pack it all away for another day. Everyone’s mother and their hot son are out there waiting for us, well, for you.”

  I stood up. “How do I look?”

  She grabbed the super-hold hairspray and gave my strands a once over, ensuring my waves, big enough to rival Optimus Prime in impressiveness, weren’t planning a disappearing act and gave me the critical once over.

  “You look like a goddamn rockstar.” She gave me a shove. “Now get out there and act like one.”

  “You want me to act like a rockstar, Mactard, and I assure you there won’t be any liking it on your part,” I warned as we walked through the dressing room door.

  Matt pulled me up short by standing in my way, and Mac glared. It was obvious that whatever respect Mac had for Matt, which was pretty high with him being almost as big as Lady GaGa, was now lower than the crust of the earth. The mighty had fallen in Mac’s book of mighty people, and once again, I felt bad for being the instigator of really bad things.

  “Now?” She growled at him. “You have to do this now?”

  I was in agreement on that one. I couldn’t even begin to describe the many ways that made this a really bad time, not to mention there was a crowd big enough to rival a Boxing Day sale riot waiting for me to get out there and give them everything I had, which right now, honestly didn’t feel like much. I’d avoided Matt since the whole PunchGate incident and feeling bad, I knew I needed to apologise but I had yet to figure out what to say.

  I asked Mac to give us a minute, and she offered a final glare before stalking away fiercely.

  I turned back to Matt in the awkward silence. “So…” I muttered, trying and failing at not giving him the once over. His clothes held the perfect amount of worn-ness required to look like it was something he’d sat around in for three days straight and still looked sexy at the same time.

  “Evie,” he muttered back, returning the once over and finishing at my hair with widened eyes. “You look ahh…”

  “Thirty seconds!” Mac yelled from somewhere far away.

  I felt a slap and grab hit my ass as Ethan, Sins of Descent’s lead singer, rushed by. “Good luck, sexy ass,” he said over his shoulder with a wink, disappearing before I could form an irritated response.

  I rolled my eyes at Matt and he responded with a grin. “Matt, I’m so sorry.”

  His gaze turned rueful. “You’re sorry? Me and my big fat mouth. I was looking out for you, Evie, and I took that way too far. It’s just… I wished someone warned me back when, you know? Now, I’ve screwed shit up for you, haven’t I?”

  “You? I hold the Oscar for screwing shit up, Matt.”

  He laughed and scratched the back of his head. “Alright.” He held out his hand. “Friends?”

  I took the hand with a smile. “If you’re lucky.”

  “Sandwich!” I heard screeched.

  I let go and Matt offered a good luck along with a back slap and headed off in the opposite direction. I met Mac and the boys at the side of the stage. My eyes found Coby and Travis next to the huddle. Coby gave me a simple nod to let me know all was okay, at least for now, so I straightened my back and joined the huddle.

  “Right, time for a pre-show pep talk, girls.” I went around the huddle and eyed each and every one of them. “I hope you’re all wearing your big girl panties tonight.”

  “Who needs underwear?” Cooper threw out with a wink which caused all our eyes to widen.

  Cooper thrust his chin out. “Have you seen the chicks out there? Who wants to waste time with that?”

  I barked out a laugh when I saw his shirt. It was white and as tight as Henry’s. A rainbow coloured arrow wound its way down until it was pointed directly at his crotch, with big letters saying “Let’s all go to Candyland.”

  I grinned. “Cooper, your shirt is the shit!”

  Henry gave me a dirty look. “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  I shrugged.

  “Right. Can everyone hear that crowd out there?”

  We all paused nervously for a moment to take in the thunderous roar made from tens of thousands of eager fans waiting impatiently for something, anything, to happen.

  “That is the sound of victory, my young grasshoppers. That is the―” I gagged a little. “Shit, I think I’m gonna ralph.”

  Mac grasped my shoulder in the huddle, her fingers digging in tightly.

  “Deep breaths, Sandwich, and hurry it the fuck up.”

  I sucked a few in as I looked around the group, watching the boys all looking a little green and doing the same thing. Knowing that they felt the same way, that we were all in this together, calmed me a little.

  “Okay, I had a big fabulous big speech all planned.” I didn’t really but it made me sound good. “But there’s no time for grand words right now. This might feel like right now is our moment, but we’ve had a million of these moments, just smaller crowds, stepping stones to bigger things. This is just another stone along the paved pathway to greatness.”

  “Evie!” Mac shouted impatientl
y. “You’re rambling.”

  “Right,” I muttered and wrapped it up. “Let’s go kick ass.”

  We made our way up the side steps of the stage and walked out to the thunderous roar. While the lights were bright enough to singe your retinas, it hadn’t quite gone dark, so the thousands upon thousands of people were still easily visible and seemingly eager to get the music happening. Behind me, my boys took their places, and three giant screens formed a half circle behind them. The two on each side had a giant photo from our photo shoot: my naked body plastered all over Henry, the boys all looking sexy and shirtless. The middle screen was showing current video feed, and I could see myself, larger than I would have ever wanted to, moving towards the microphone in the middle of the stage.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Mac’s eyes, panicked and worried, met mine as I made my way off stage for a quick breather between sets.

  It was Jared. I just knew. My steps faltered and I moved towards her feeling like I was wading through mud until I stood before her, not breathing, just waiting.

  “Jared’s been shot,” was her words.

  I let out a shaky breath and seemingly on autopilot, I shifted away and began searching the side of the stage for my phone.

  “Did you hear me? What are you doing?”

  “Where’s my phone?” I muttered.

  “Evie!”

  I stood and yelled at her. “Where’s my goddamn phone?”

  Mac, never one to put up with any lip from me, silently pulled my phone from her pocket and handed it over.

  I slid the unlock key and ignoring the messages that still flooded the screen after having it switched off for twenty-four hours, I began dialling Jared’s number.

  No answer.

  “Talk to me Mac. Where’s Travis and Coby?”

  “I don’t freaking know anything,” she replied with a voice full of worry.

  Mac grabbed my hand and tugged me back towards the stage.

  “What are you doing?”

  She stopped to face me. “Evie, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you, but how could I keep it from you? And now you have to get back up there. You were only supposed to be off for a couple of minutes.”

  “Are you high? I can’t get up there. I need to get on a plane. I need to get home.”

  My phone beeped a message and I clutched it in my hands like a lifeline.

  I can only hope he lives long enough to see you die first.

  I felt my face drain of colour, and Mac snatched the phone out of my hand.

  “Fuck!” she shouted so loud several people stopped and stared. “Fuck!” she shouted again, not caring about said people staring. “We need to find Travis and Coby. Scratch that. I need to find them. You get back out on stage.”

  “Mac―”

  “No, Sandwich. Right now there is nothing we can do until we know something, so get back out there until we do.”

  I reluctantly did what I was told, and after what felt like two years had passed, we wrapped up our set. I remained backstage while the stage hands scurried around to take down our equipment and setup for Sins of Descent.

  By that time, Coby and Travis had returned, so I made a beeline straight for my brother. He picked me up until my feet left the ground and squeezed hard enough to bruise a rib or two. “Evie, you were amazing!”

  “Coby,” I wheezed out and he let go. “Jared?”

  “Fine. He’s fine,” Coby reassured me and I sucked in what felt like my first real breath in an hour. “Just winged on the arm, couple of stitches.”

  The relief had me giddy, but it wouldn’t stop the worry until I could see the damage for myself. “Did Mac show you the message? What about Jimmy?”

  Coby shook his head in frustration and my heart sank.

  “Foiled again? Who does this guy think he is? I can’t believe it! How does this happen?”

  The man must have made an alliance with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and was hiding out somewhere in the sewers, popping up just long enough to send me his sinister little messages or take pot shots at us.

  I didn’t wait for an answer from Coby because I was too pissed off to be patient and also because I didn’t really think he could provide one. Instead, I got my phone back off Mac and sent Jared a message.

  E: What, still applying for Wolverine status?

  To my relief, the reply was immediate.

  J: Anything is worth keeping you safe.

  Not anything. It’s not worth your life Jared, I thought to myself. I typed out a reply.

  E: Are you okay?

  J: Be better when you’re home.

  E: Come to our Sydney show?

  J: Wild horses, baby.

  His words released the tension that had held my body tight and left me thinking that maybe things between us might actually be okay.

  * * *

  We kicked off the tour, and it was the busiest and most exhausting time of my entire life. Between sound checks, performing, promotional interviews, after parties, and catching sleep wherever possible, I’d realised it was a blessing in disguise. The attachment I’d formed to Jared was more powerful than I could have imagined, and the whirlwind of the tour left me with no time to wallow.

  We still managed to do what we did best, which was message each other every day. On our trip to the city of Brisbane, Mac snapped a photo on my phone of Henry and I on stage, the crowd cheering behind us, and I messaged it to Jared.

  E: The tough life of a rockstar.

  J: You look hot, babe. Next time send video so I can hear your voice.

  Two days later, I got a photo of Jared and Peter sitting on his couch at the loft, white stuffing suspiciously hanging out the side of Peter’s mouth.

  J: Good news is that Peter is now hanging with me. Bad news is I need to go shopping for new couch cushions.

  I laughed, feeling light and happy, and set the photo as the background on my phone.

  A week later, we hit Melbourne’s Etihad Stadium for a record crowd capacity of over fifty-eight thousand people. This was our home city before moving to Sydney, so we had plenty of supporters and fans backing us for the two shows we performed there.

  Uploaded onto YouTube was a video of one of our songs played at Melbourne’s Etihad, so I messaged Jared the link to it.

  E: Here’s your video.

  Ten minutes later.

  J: How did you know that song is my favourite?

  I knew because I’d seen his eyes darken intently when I’d played it the night we’d had our scout.

  Four days later, we landed back in Sydney and went straight into sound check, then directly to our dressing room, where it took an hour to get my Rockstar Goddess face on because my hands shook with the thought of seeing Jared that night.

  By the time I’d slipped on the outfit I’d first worn at the Florence Bar, courtesy of Mac, he hadn't arrived. By the time I hit the stage, he still wasn't there. Eventually, I gave up craning my neck towards the right side of the stage because it was likely the audience would start thinking I was having a stroke. Just as I drew in a deep breath to begin crooning our final song of the night, I succumbed, peeked over, and there he stood. He was watching me with a faint smile on his face, arms folded as he leaned casually against the panelled wall.

  I missed my cue and if you saw how good he looked and knew the instant feeling of being complete after two weeks of feeling slightly disconnected from reality, you wouldn’t blame me. I twirled my finger at the band to indicate they should keep up an instrumental until I found my place.

  Henry meandered close as he plucked at his guitar, and I held the microphone down and threw an apology his way as he glanced at me questioningly. I nodded towards the side of the stage, and Henry followed my gaze. Understanding and relief filled his face, and he stepped back, fingers still moving like lightening up and down the strings without missing a beat.

  Not missing my cue a second time, I crooned out our final song. When the final note rang out, security detail flippe
d out when I jammed the microphone back in the stand and jumped off the front of the stage. I stood in the gated area that had formed a barrier between us and the masses, and the crowd squealed when I reached out for hands, chatted to locals, and got my photo taken numerous times. The band followed suit, and our posse of security did not look pleased. Soon after, a strong muscled pair of arms encircled me from behind, lifted me up to the cheers of the crowd, and walked me over to the back area of the stage.

  I was set down gently but still in their grasp, so I twisted around, and if possible, Jared’s arms circled me tighter when my eyes hit his. The connection in that moment was immediate, and I knew, after all this time, I finally knew there was no more avoiding and no more lying to myself or anyone else. I really did love this man, belonged to him like no other, and no matter what that meant for my future, whatever we had in the now would remain with me all of my life.

  “Evie,” he whispered and tucked that rogue curl behind my ear in a gesture so familiar, so loving, tears pricked my eyes.

  I palmed his cheek, brushing my thumb softly across his bottom lip.

  “Jared,” I whispered in return, my lips now mere inches from his own.

  He closed the gap and his lips pressed against mine, soft and hesitant at first. I gripped both sides of his head and mashed my lips hard against his, wanting to get closer because it wasn’t enough. He groaned at my impatience, and his mouth opened under the pressure, our tongues swirling together until completely immersed in his touch, I forgot where I was.

  When he pulled away I would have stumbled had I not been held so tightly in his arms. “Sorry I didn’t get here sooner.”