Heart Of A Cowboy

by Margaret Daley

  “Ian is starting his second math group involving algebra for homeschoolers next week. We have a medical doctor in this group who teaches a different science course every three months—human anatomy starts in September, too. Those courses are part of the co-op classes some of the kids tap into.”

  “So I don’t have to teach every subject? Because there are a few I’m not good at.”

  “No one is. If you have some kind of expertise, you might want to offer a course for the group, but it’s not a requirement.”

  “My job is a computer graphic designer. It might be fun doing something with that. I’ll have to think about it.”

  “Let me introduce you to Nancy before the meeting begins.” Alexa searched the large room. “Ah, I see her talking to Ian and Zachary.” The young woman started for them.

  Jordan braced herself with a deep breath and followed Alexa. Maybe no one else sensed the tension flowing from Zachary as she and Alexa joined the small group with Ian and Nancy, but Jordan did. That tic in Zachary’s jawline jerked.

  “This is Jordan, Nancy. She’s thinking about homeschooling her son.” Alexa stepped next to Ian, who slipped his arm around her shoulder.

  Nancy shook Jordan’s hand. “Great. If you need any help, there are plenty of us to ask.”

  “I wondered if I could come look at your materials. Nicholas needs a lot of enrichment, and I want to make sure I can give it to him.” Jordan shifted from one foot to the other, conscious of Zachary next to her. Only inches from him, her arm prickled as though there was a physical connection.

  “Fine. How about we set up a time to talk, and then you can look through the resources? Say tomorrow morning at eleven?”

  “I appreciate that. I don’t want the situation at school to go on too long.”

  “Then I’ll see you at eleven. Now if you all will excuse me, I need to get this meeting started. We’ve got an HHH Junior Rodeo Event to plan for in October.” Nancy walked toward the front of the room.

  “What’s going on at school?” Zachary’s deep voice, with a husky edge, broke the momentary silence.

  Suddenly Jordan faced him alone because Ian and Alexa moved off to sit in a row not far away. “He’s teased a lot because he’s smart. He has trouble socializing with some of the kids his age. But mainly Nicholas isn’t being challenged enough in school.” She didn’t want to go into too much detail. That could lead to questions she wasn’t prepared to answer.

  He scanned the group of children filing into the room off the main one. “It looks like he’s getting along great with Randy.” He gestured toward Nicholas, who was laughing and talking with the boy as they trailed behind the group of kids. “I know that Randy wanted to learn to ride as much as your son did. Nicholas will be a good addition to the Saturday riding group. They both have a fascination with the rodeo.”

  “Nicholas said something to you about that?”

  “Yes, he wanted me to teach him to ride a bronco.”

  “That’s not gonna happen.”

  “He could learn some of the less risky activities like barrel racing.”

  Racing! Falling off a horse going fast! She ground her teeth and kept those thoughts to herself. As Nancy started the meeting, Jordan realized they were the only two not sitting. Two chairs nearby seemed the logical choice for them to sit in, but she didn’t want to be seated next to Zachary. How in the world was she going to handle him being in Nicholas’s life as his father?

  Chapter Four

  Why was he sitting next to Jordan at this meeting? The question needled Zachary with pinpricks of awareness of the woman who was only inches away from him. The hair on his arm near hers actually stood up as though at attention. He’d suffered through the past hour while the group planned the HHH Junior Rodeo activities scheduled to be at his ranch, but he’d hardly heard what had been said. The turmoil in his mind drowned out the voices. Worse, when he’d been called on to give his opinion, he’d barely been able to manage a coherent sentence in answer.

  Since he saw her on Saturday, he hadn’t been able to get the blonde dynamo out of his thoughts. She’d plagued his awakened moments and his sleep until exhaustion clung to him like sweat on a hard-ridden horse. She had no right to turn those dark brown eyes on him as though they hadn’t parted ways after a nasty fight that had left him reeling eleven years ago. She’d been angry when she’d seen him in the corral a few days ago, as if he’d been the one who’d fled Tallgrass and hadn’t looked back. He’d stayed around two months waiting for her to come to her senses. But not a word from her.

  If his dream had been fulfilled, they would have been married, possibly with two or three kids by now. He hadn’t wanted children right away, but he’d always wanted to be a father someday. But instead he’d decided to get as far away as possible from Tallgrass because of the constant reminders of what he and Jordan could have had.

  After nine years he’d returned home, ready to put his life back together. He was through running from the home he’d loved and needed to put down roots. He was ready to complete one of his dreams—to own a ranch and raise horses, some of which were used in the rodeo. That was about the only way he was going to participate in the sport he’d loved after his injury in a bull trampling two years ago.

  Suddenly, he noticed the people surrounding him and Jordan rising. The meeting was over? He blinked, wondering where the time had gone and what he’d agreed to as far as the HHH Junior Rodeo.

  Zachary shot to his feet, needing to escape before Jordan totally befuddled him. He started to hurry away when her hand clamped on his arm and that tingling awareness became a flash through his body. Sweat beaded his brow. She’d always had that effect on him.

  “I need to talk to you. Can we get together sometime soon?”

  Her question threw him off-kilter. Talk to him? Get together? Why? He wanted to stay far away from her until he could tamp down the lingering feelings he had for her. Because being rejected by her once was enough. “I’m busy.” For a second his gaze clung to her full lips—lips that he’d one time loved to kiss.

  “This is important.”

  He dragged his focus to her chocolate-brown eyes, concern in their depths that tried to wheedle its way into his heart. “Is this about Nicholas?”

  She blinked, her face going white. “Yes, how did you know?”

  “Let me assure you I meant what I said on Saturday. He can still take riding lessons even if you don’t decide to join this group. I don’t go back on my word.” Realizing she still clasped his arm, he shook it free. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go.”

  “But…”

  He didn’t wait for her to say anything else. Quickening his step, he escaped outside and drew in deep breaths of the hot summer air. The light breeze cooled his cheeks.

  Nicholas. The boy’s name flitted through his mind. She’d moved on without him, had another man’s son—loved another man. He’d tried to move on and for a short time had even become engaged to a girl after he’d been on the rodeo circuit a few years. After his bull riding accident, she’d left him. Audrey had wanted to have children, and he wouldn’t be able to give her any. No, he’d decided not feeling anything was so much better for him. He had his ranch and was doing what he loved to do, raising horses. That was his life now, and he wasn’t going to let Jordan’s return change his plans nor the memories of their good times together.

  Jordan looked up from working on her laptop to see her sister come into the kitchen. “Have you been hiding from me?” She clasped the edge of the table.

  Rachel poured herself some coffee and sank into the chair next to Jordan. “Granny told me I’d better come down or you were going to send out a search party.”

  “Yeah, I have a beef with you. You sent me to Zachary’s ranch last Saturday and now I’m stuck taking Nicholas there tomorrow. What were you thinking?” She couldn’t keep her rising ire from resonating in her voice.

  “That you two needed to work the past out.”

  �
��Have I interfered with your life?” Rachel had never been able to resist meddling.

  “Only because you’ve been in South Carolina until four weeks ago. In time you’ll be right in the middle like you were as a child.”

  “Me? Telling you what you should do? You’ve always done that. Don’t. I can live my own life now.” The words exploded from Jordan’s mouth like compressed soda in a shaken bottle.

  “I’ll always care about you. I can’t stop being your big sis.”

  “Sister, not mother.”

  Rachel’s gaze connected with Jordan’s. “I’m sorry.”

  Her apology deflated Jordan’s annoyance. She couldn’t stay mad at her sister for long. Growing up, Rachel had protected her. She’d listened to her. She’d been there through the pain of her breakup. “I know,” she murmured, her tone a ragged stream.

  Rachel took a sip from her mug. “Hmm. Your coffee is so much better than Mom’s.”

  “How do you know I made that?” After Jordan closed down the program she was working on, she pushed her laptop to the side and lifted her mug to take a drink.

  “Because you got Granny’s cooking genes. Mom didn’t. I didn’t.”

  “Speaking of Granny, who is this Doug person?”

  “A sweet man who is seventy and taken with our grandmother.”

  “Seventy! She’s robbing the cradle.”

  Rachel raised her forefinger to her lips. “Shh. Don’t let her hear you say that. She’ll probably outlast Doug by years.”

  She wished she were as together as her sister or Granny. “Rachel, I need help. What am I gonna do?”

  “Tell Zachary about Nicholas?”

  “Do you know what that will do to me?” Jordan bit down on her thumbnail, then suddenly realized she’d reverted to a bad habit and said, “See what I’m doing just thinking about the havoc that will cause in my life. It took me years to break myself of biting my fingernails. Now I’m doing it again. Home less than a month.”

  “Zachary has a right to know whether he wants to be in Nicholas’s life or not. It’s his choice. Not yours. I told you years ago that you needed to get in touch with him.”

  “I know I need to do it. I just don’t know how. I can’t march up to him and say ‘Nicholas is your son.’”

  Rachel winced. “No, you need to cushion the news a little.”

  “Like you did when you told me Zachary owned the ranch?” The urge to chew on her fingernails inundated her. Jordan sat on her hands instead.

  “Just do it. The longer you think about it the more upset you’re going to be. Quit analyzing the problem to death.”

  “I can’t change who I am.”

  “Oh, but you have. You used to take risks. Now you think everything to death.”

  “Yeah, well, finding out you’re pregnant with a child whose father doesn’t want to have anything to do with you can go a long way to curing you of taking risks.”

  Rising, Rachel finished her last swallow of coffee and strolled to the sink to set her mug in it. “I’m going back into hiding. Let me know when you tell him.”

  “If I tell him,” Jordan couldn’t resist saying to her older sister’s back as she left the room.

  Jordan slid into the pew at the Tallgrass Community Church between Nicholas and her sister.

  “I’m glad you could make it,” Rachel whispered.

  She smiled sweetly at her only sibling. “With the move I’ve been swamped, but I’m working to strengthen my faith. I’ll admit I let life interfere in South Carolina.”

  “Did you tell him yesterday when you went to the ranch for Nicholas’s lesson?”

  With a glance at her son, she bent toward Rachel and lowered her voice to the barest level. “No and don’t bring it up.”

  At that moment the music began to play, signaling the service would begin in a few minutes. Jordan bowed her head and folded her hands together in her lap.

  Lord, I’m here like I promised, but I’m still clueless what to do. Yesterday I couldn’t have gotten the words out to say anything to Zachary if my life depended on it. Where do I start? How do I do it? Please help me. Amen.

  A commotion behind her drew her attention. First Becca then Ashley, Mike and Cal entered the pew. Next came Becca’s husband, Paul, with Zachary on the end, right behind Nicholas.

  Her son twisted around and grinned at Zachary, waving his hand. “Howdy.”

  Howdy? Her son had never said that word in his whole life. She groaned and kept her gaze focused straight ahead. But the hairs on her nape tingled.

  “Mom, Zachary is behind us.”

  Every nerve ending was acutely aware of that fact. “Shh, hon. Church is about to start.” Which thankfully it did with the choir marching in singing “Onward, Christian Soldiers.”

  Zachary rose as the rest of the congregation did to sing the opening hymn, but he could hardly concentrate on the words of the song. Not with Jordan standing within arm’s length of him. So close he could tug her into an embrace. That thought sent panic coursing through him. He should have expected her to show up at church with her family attending the same one as he did and prepared himself better—hardened his defenses against Jordan, who had always managed to get under his skin like a burr in a saddle blanket.

  After seeing Jordan with Nicholas yesterday at his ranch, he didn’t know if he could continue teaching her son how to ride. The boy reminded him of Jordan. He liked him a lot—probably too much.

  When he looked at Nicholas, all he could think about was the child he never would have. The boy should have been his with Jordan. That had been his plan all those years ago. They would marry. He would make his living on the rodeo circuit until he had enough money for a ranch. Then they could start a family. He had his ranch thanks to a fruitful career on the rodeo circuit for five years. But now he couldn’t have any kids—not since the accident in the National Finals in bull riding. It had left him lame and unable to father the children he’d always wanted.

  He sat again after the song, his hands clenched at his sides. There were a few days imprinted in his mind forever—when he first met Jordan, when they broke up and when he’d nearly died in the ring, riding a two-thousand-pound bull.

  The longer he stayed in the pew behind Jordan the tenser he became. When the service ended an hour later, his muscles ached like they did when he was trying to rein in an untrained horse.

  Nicholas turned toward him. “I didn’t know you go to this church. That’s neat. I had a great time yesterday.”

  “I’m glad. Before long you’re gonna be riding rings around the others.” There was no way he couldn’t teach the boy how to ride. He had to find a way to stay away from Jordan and still help Nicholas. But he was beginning to think that would be impossible.

  Nicholas beamed. “I want to be the best.”

  Jordan angled toward her son. “The best what?”

  “Rider. I hope to participate in barrel racing at the HHH Junior Rodeo.”

  Jordan’s eyes grew round. “You do?” Then her mouth firmed into a thin line.

  “Yes. If I’m good, Mom, then you won’t worry about me.”

  “Hey, Nicholas, want to join us?” Randy called from the aisle.

  “Okay, Mom?”

  “Fine. We’ll be in the rec hall,” Jordan said while the rest of her family filed out the other end of the pew.

  Leaving Zachary practically alone with Jordan. Even his own family had abandoned him. He faced her, the muscles in his neck tightening even more than before until he didn’t know if he could speak, which reminded him of the time years ago when they had first talked. He’d been sweaty, tired and tongue-tied, but he’d needed to make sure she was okay after her fall while cheerleading at the game.

  “All the way home yesterday Nicholas couldn’t stop talking about his lesson. I wish I had stayed to watch it. I had an errand to run, but I’ll stay next week.”

  “Don’t,” slipped out of his mouth before he could stop the word.

  Her forehead crea
sed. “What do you mean?”

  “I think the less we’re around each other the better it is. Let’s face it. The time when we were friends is past. You go your way. I’ll go mine.” There was a part of him—a desperate part that couldn’t believe he was saying that to her. But it was true. Their time together was in the past. “But Nicholas—”

  “He’s a joy to teach. He’s welcome to come for the riding lessons. But I want you to drop him off and come back to pick him up.” Because if she stood around watching, that would be all he would focus on. And he needed to concentrate on working with the kids, not on Jordan. She distracted him more than he wished. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to find my family.”

  Striding away before she wanted to talk more, he scanned the near-empty sanctuary, surprised that most of the churchgoers had left. That was Jordan’s effect on him. She had the ability to wipe away his common sense. He could still remember that time years ago when he had been competing at a rodeo and Jordan had been late arriving to watch him. When he saw her sit in the stands, he kept his attention on her a few seconds longer than he should have. He ended up on the ground, his arm broken, berating himself for losing his concentration. He wouldn’t let her get close enough to do that again. Too dangerous.

  On the following Tuesday Jordan parked in front of the barn in nearly the same place as she had on Saturday for her son’s second riding lesson. This time Nicholas wasn’t with her. This time she was on a mission: to find Zachary, get him alone and tell him about his son.

  She knew she had to and waiting would only make it worse. Knots riddled her stomach, and she hadn’t eaten much in the past twenty-four hours. For a moment at church on Sunday, she’d contemplated telling him then, but he’d hightailed it out of the sanctuary so fast she hadn’t had a chance. It probably hadn’t been the best place anyway. They needed to be totally alone.

  She saw the same black pickup as she had Saturday. She hoped that meant he was inside. Trudging toward the entrance, she surveyed the ranch. Several corrals with some horses surrounded the black barn. A little farther away were green pastures with groups of horses, some with colts and fillies. His place had a well-tended look about it, which didn’t surprise her because that was the kind of person she’d known as a teenager. He took care of his own.