Heart Of A Cowboy

by Margaret Daley

  Jordan shut down her laptop, her sister’s advice nibbling at her defenses. “I think I’ll pick Nicholas up at the ranch before anatomy class. Maybe by then, I’ll know if I can forgive her and what to say.”

  Rising, her sister hugged her then took her mug to the sink. “I know you’ll do the right thing.”

  With her chin cupped in her hand, Jordan stared at a spot across the kitchen as Rachel left. Lord, I don’t have to ask You what You think I should do. I know, but I don’t know if I can do it. Please give me the strength and words to forgive Zachary’s mother.

  Later after Jordan called Zachary to let him know she would pick up Nicholas, she headed out to the ranch early, hoping to catch his mother at Becca’s. She took Tucker. Her son’s pet had been missing him and moping around. When she parked behind the Rutgerses’ car with an Arizona license plate, she kept the car windows down enough for Tucker to poke his nose out. Then, climbing from the Camaro, she fortified herself with a deep, cleansing breath and mounted the steps to the porch.

  Becca answered her knock. Moving to the side to allow Jordan inside, Zachary’s sister welcomed her with a smile. “Nicholas is at the barn with Zachary.”

  “I’m here to see your mother.”

  Her grin vanishing, Becca glanced toward the kitchen. “She’s in there doing her daily crossword puzzle. Should I referee?”

  “No. Your mom and I need to come to an understanding.”

  “Agreed.” Again Becca made another quick look toward the kitchen. “She was thrilled to meet Nicholas yesterday evening. They’re planning on staying the whole week and hope to spend as much time with him as possible. Dad’s down at the barn with him and Zachary.”

  Jordan slowed her steps the closer she came to the kitchen. She wasn’t sure how to begin a conversation with Zachary’s mom. When she entered, the older woman looked up. Her sixty-plus years carved deep lines into her face. Lines at the moment that stressed her ire.

  “You’re early. Nicholas is at the barn.” Putting her pencil down on the newspaper, Mrs. Rutgers pinched her lips even tighter together.

  The cold thread that ran through her voice chilled Jordan, but she was determined to have this meeting with Zachary’s mother. Before she’d left home, she’d read several passages in her Bible on forgiveness, trying to shore up her fledgling resolve to do what was right in the eyes of the Lord. “I know he’s at the barn. I came early to talk to you.”

  “Why?”

  Jordan sank onto the chair across from Mrs. Rutgers. “Don’t you think we should talk with all that has happened? We owe it to Nicholas and Zachary.”

  Her eyebrows beetling together, she stared down at the crossword puzzle. “I suppose so. You kept our grandson from us for ten years. That was so wrong.” Her voice strengthened its forceful tone as she spoke.

  “And it wasn’t wrong that you kept my calls from Zachary? If you had told him, you would have known.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me that day why you were calling?”

  Her words hit her like icicles piercing her flesh. “I wanted Zachary to be the first to know. I owed him that.”

  “Something you didn’t do. Did you?”

  She sucked in a deep breath, the hammering tap of her heartbeat pulsating against her rib cage. “I thought I was. I didn’t know you wouldn’t pass the message on. After you went on and on about him being engaged and then he didn’t call, I thought he didn’t want to talk to me.” Remembering the pain and conflict that assaulted her at that time brought tears to her eyes. She might forgive Mrs. Rutgers, but she didn’t want to break down and cry in front of the woman.

  “You should have known he would want to know about his child.”

  “There was a part of me so hurt by his rejection that I convinced myself he wouldn’t want to know.” When Mrs. Rutgers started to say something to that last statement, Jordan held up her hand. “But there was a part of me that knew he would and couldn’t bring myself to tell him. I’m sorry for what happened here, and I hope we can get past this for Nicholas’s sake.” And mine. I’m tired of past events dictating my future.

  Mrs. Rutgers snorted. “I’ll be civil to you when my grandson is around, but that’s all I can promise.” Bending over the puzzle, she picked up the pencil and jotted down some letters in the squares.

  Jordan stared at the top of her silver hair. Rising, she clutched the back of the chair. “I forgive you for not telling Zachary about my calls, for lying to me about him being engaged. That’s what I came to tell you. I can understand you wanting to protect your son. That’s how I feel about Nicholas. Good day.” Her rehearsed apology rolled from her lips like tumbleweed on a deserted road.

  She marched toward the front of the house, not stopping to say anything to Becca. Tears burned her eyes, and she needed to get outside before she cried. On the porch the late-September air cooled her heated cheeks. The scent of honeysuckle along the front of the house floated to Jordan, reminding her of Granny’s favorite fragrance. Thinking of her grandmother’s parting words from Ephesians calmed her nerves. And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.

  She’d done what she’d come to do, and now she would pick up Nicholas and take him to his anatomy class. Peace settled in her heart as she headed to her car and drove toward the barn.

  Nicholas stood on a fence slat, leaning against the top rail. He watched Zachary in the corral getting ready to mount a chestnut horse with Mr. Rutgers holding the animal by the halter. Jordan parked next to Zachary’s black truck and approached her son.

  Nicholas peered at her, saw Tucker following her and hopped down. He stooped to pet his dog. Its tail wagged against his leg. “Dad’s riding this horse for the first time. He’s been working with the gelding getting him used to him being around the saddle, but he’s still a bit skittish.”

  Jordan peered at Zachary in the ring. He talked to the animal in a soft, soothing tone as he held the reins in his left hand tightly. After putting his foot in the stirrup, he swung up onto the gelding’s back in one fluid motion, putting his weight in the center of the horse’s back. His father had backed off toward the fence where she and Nicholas stood on the other side while Zachary continued to murmur to the animal. The gelding pranced back for a few steps then settled down.

  Tucker barked. Zachary glanced toward them, zeroing in on Jordan. For a few seconds their gazes locked.

  Suddenly the dog slipped from Nicholas’s grasp and darted into the corral, yelping. He crossed the paddock, heading near the gelding and Zachary in his pursuit of a cat that raced from the barn toward a large oak shading part of the paddock.

  The horse jumped and sidestepped, then began bucking. In a split second, Zachary flew off the animal’s back and landed with a thud on the dirt ground a few feet from the gelding. Jordan gasped. Tucker yapped at the bottom of the tree where the cat had disappeared. The loud sound echoed through the yard. The horse reared up and his hooves came down toward Zachary. He rolled, but one hoof clipped him on the leg.

  Nicholas started to climb through the slats to get to his father while Nicholas’s grandfather hurried out to the middle.

  “Stay put,” she said to her son and rushed to the gate into the corral. “Don’t come in here. Get Tucker. Calm him down.”

  With her heart pounding, she dashed to Zachary while his father approached the horse cautiously. “Are you all right?”

  “Yeah,” he said, pain etched into his tanned features. “Don’t, Dad. I’ll take care of it. Leave him to me.” Zachary rubbed the calf of his leg then struggled to stand.

  Jordan put her arm around his middle to help him. He allowed her to for a second, then shrugged from her.

  “Keep Nicholas out. You get out. And keep Tucker quiet.” He hobbled toward the frightened gelding.

  Jordan moved to the gate, but her attention focused fully on the scene in the corral. The horse’s nostrils widened, pupils dilated. Out of the corner of her e
ye Jordan noticed Nicholas scoop Tucker up into his arms and quickly walk away from the oak. Blissful quiet reigned again except for the horse’s snorts.

  With his arms out in front of him, his hands up, palms outward, Zachary slowed his steps, saying, “Easy. Everything’s okay. Easy. No one is gonna hurt you.”

  Jordan pictured again that time Zachary had fallen off the horse in the rodeo and broken his arm. It could have happened today, or if she hadn’t been here, Nicholas could have been out in the middle of the corral before his father noticed. The gelding could have charged….

  Don’t go there. It didn’t happen. Lord, how do I turn control over to You and stop getting so worked up over anything out of my control?

  She splayed her hand over her chest as she inhaled then exhaled.

  Finally Zachary led the gelding toward the gate. Jordan backed away with Nicholas plastered against her side. Her gaze never left the horse as Zachary limped toward the barn with his dad next to him.

  “Did you see Dad? Nothing scares him.”

  These past six weeks she’d felt as though she’d had no say in what was going on around her. She wasn’t even sure her homeschooling with Nicholas was working out. Was she doing it right? What if her son lost ground in his education because of her?

  Nicholas started forward.

  “Where are you going?”

  “To make sure Dad’s okay.”

  “First let’s put Tucker in the car. We don’t want any more problems.”

  Nicholas slumped toward the Camaro and settled his dog in the front seat. “He didn’t mean to cause trouble.”

  “I know, hon. I shouldn’t have let him out, but he was so lonely for you.” She strode toward the barn, keeping a grasp on her son’s shoulder.

  Zachary released the gelding into a pasture with other horses, and he immediately ran off. His father said something to Zachary, then hurried away, nodding to her and Nicholas as he passed.

  “I’m sorry about Tucker,” Jordan said when she reached Zachary.

  “Bad timing. It happens. No problem.” He took a step and winced.

  “You’re hurt.”

  “I’ve been hurt worse before, and I doubt it will be the last time. This is nothing. A cowboy is used to bumps and bruises.”

  Nicholas puffed out his chest. “Yeah, Mom. I fell off a horse and hurt my bottom. I was sore a few days, but it was no big deal.”

  “You fell off a horse?”

  “Yeah. Didn’t I tell you about it? It was last week. I was trying to open the gate to ride through it. I held on to it too long while Chief went on into the field.”

  “No, you two neglected to mention that.”

  Zachary compressed his lips, his nostrils flaring like the agitated gelding. “For this very reason. Nicholas is okay and learned a valuable lesson.”

  “It was one thing that it happened and an entirely different thing when I’m not kept informed.”

  Nicholas took his dad’s hand. “I didn’t want to worry you. You worry too much.”

  Father and son strolled toward the barn, leaving Jordan to stare at them. Her heart constricted at the thought she was losing her child. He might be her only one, because no matter how much she tried to move on after Zachary she hadn’t been able to and now she knew the impossibility of that relationship.

  She hurriedly followed the pair into the barn, catching Nicholas before he went into a stall. “We have to get going. You have a class today.”

  Her son’s face brightened. “I almost forgot and I really want to hear what Dr. Reynolds has to say about the heart.”

  She wouldn’t be half-surprised if Nicholas already knew most of what the doctor would impart to the students today. When he’d discovered what was wrong with him, he’d delved into everything he could get his hands on concerning his heart. If it had been too hard for him to read, she had read aloud for her son. It hadn’t taken him long before she didn’t have to.

  Nicholas started for the double doors.

  Zachary chuckled. “I once asked him to tell me about his heart defect, and it took all my willpower to keep my eyes from glazing over as he explained.”

  “Dr. Reynolds has been particularly patient with all Nicholas’s questions during class.”

  “Do you stay?”

  “No, I run errands, but I can tell by what he and Nicholas have said that he asks a lot of questions.”

  Nicholas placed his hand on his hip. “Mom, we’re going to be late.”

  “At least I feel good about his math and science. The rest of the subjects I’m not so sure about.” She strode away before Zachary had a chance to ask what she meant. She shouldn’t have confessed her doubts about homeschooling Nicholas. Doubts she had to work through.

  “How was class today? Did you learn anything more about the heart?” Jordan asked as she picked up Nicholas at the doctor’s office where he held the biweekly classes.

  “Yeah, a couple of things. Class got me to thinking. I need to be studying the anatomy of the different animals to help prepare me to be a veterinarian. There’ll be similarities but also differences between species. When I’m older, I can help out at a vet’s office. What do you think?”

  “You’ve got some time before that.”

  “Dad said he would introduce me to his vet. I hope I can start taking college courses by age fifteen. You can help me plan that. Now that I’m being homeschooled, I can go at my own rate. I don’t have to hold back.”

  “You’ve been holding back?”

  “Some. I didn’t like the other kids making fun of what I knew. I never felt like I could be myself around my classmates.”

  After pulling into the driveway at her childhood home, Jordan shifted toward her son and took in his serious expression. “Hon, it’s okay if you’re a kid and you have fun.”

  “I am. I love going to the ranch, helping Dad with the horses. One day I’ll be able to do what he does.”

  “Fall off a horse? Didn’t you already?”

  “Dad’s like a horse whisperer. I want that kind of connection. I’ve been working with Tucker on that.”

  College in five years? Her son had his whole life mapped out while she was still struggling with hers. “Oh, I almost forgot to tell you, I got you signed up for art lessons.”

  “Do you think a cowboy would draw?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Maybe I should do photography or learn how to play the harmonica.”

  “I thought you liked to draw and wanted to learn more.”

  “That was last month. Do you know that Dad plays the fiddle?”

  “A violin?”

  “No, it’s called a fiddle. He took it up when he was on the rodeo circuit. Some of the guys had an informal little band.” Nicholas tapped the side of his chin. “Yep, I’m thinking the harmonica would complement a fiddle. I’ll ask Dad.”

  Had her son been watching a lot of old Western movies or something like that? Before she could say another word, he pushed open the car door and raced for the porch. She felt as though a tornado had flattened her. Her child was changing into someone she didn’t know. Becoming more like Zachary.

  Her stomach knotted as she trudged toward the house. Scratch the drawing lessons. Where could she find someone to teach her son the harmonica? Maybe photography would be a better choice. It would be easier to find a class for that.

  When she entered the foyer, she called out to Nicholas. He came to the top of the stairs and peered over the banister.

  “We need to get to work. I’ll be up there in a minute. This week’s essay is an expository one.” Nicholas groaned.

  “You’ll need to pick a topic and explain in detail about a certain event or situation. No editorial comments. Facts and other people’s views.”

  “Anything I wish?”

  “Yes, if it fits the type of essay.”

  “Great!” He fled down the upstairs hallway, the sound of his pounding footsteps resonating through the house. The words great and writing never wen
t hand in hand with Nicholas. She strode into the den where Granny usually was at this time of day to let her know they were home—which obviously she’d already heard—and see if she was okay. Granny had had a headache earlier, and when she’d left for the ranch, her grandmother was lying down in her bedroom.

  Five minutes later Jordan entered Nicholas’s room and came to an abrupt halt. A video clip of Zachary on the back of a bull at a rodeo bombarded her. When she saw him tumble to the ground as the horn sounded, the next few seconds snatched her breath.

  Chapter Twelve

  Nicholas glanced back at Jordan, then quickly clicked off the video.

  She held up a trembling hand and pointed at the computer. “Where did you get that?”

  “I found it online. I have all the rodeo clips of Dad, at least the ones I could find.”

  The image of the bull trampling Zachary shook her as though she had been there and seen the horrific sight of his battered body lying in the dirt. “I don’t want you watching that or any ones like it.”

  “My essay is going to be about the rodeo. I was doing research.” Nicholas turned totally around in his desk chair and faced her.

  She folded her arms across her chest. She couldn’t shake the picture from her mind. Zachary hurt. Not moving. “Find another topic.”

  “I know what happened to Dad that last time he rode. He told me about it. I’m not a baby. Quit trying to protect me.”

  Remain calm. Yes, she’d known an accident had caused Zachary’s limp, but she’d never thought it had been as bad as what she’d seen. She waited half a minute to answer her son. “What do you suggest I do? Let you do whatever you want?”

  He straightened his shoulders. “What are you afraid of? That I’ll go out the first chance I get and ride a bull like Dad? I love riding horses, but I know I don’t have what it takes to ride a bull. I don’t want to learn. You can quit worrying about that. But I want to learn everything about something my father loves. He spent many years participating in the rodeo. A lot of the horses he raises end up in the rodeo. So what are you afraid of?”