Body on the Stage

by Bev Robitai

  “Just planning for all eventualities,” she assured him blithely. “You can never be too careful, especially with irreplaceable costumes. Really, I’m quite surprised Adam is letting them go out on the street, but I suppose the draw value of the outfits overshadowed the risk.” She sniffed. “But it’s not him who’ll have to deal with mending them if anything gets damaged.”

  “OK then,” Dennis shrugged. “I guess I can play the heavy if it comes down to it.” He nudged Cathy. “Pity they didn’t mention this when I was heavy – I could have saved myself all that effort.” He dodged her playful slap on the arm.

  Jessica breezed into the Green Room waving a champagne bottle. “Righto chaps, there’s a stonking great stretch limo out front awaiting your lovely bodies. Off we go!”

  Clara-Jane burst into applause. “Well done Jessica! That dress looks a million bucks. You scrub up quite well when you make the effort, don’t you?”

  Jessica tried a curtsey on high heels but gave it up as a bad job. “Thanks for your help, oh Mistress of the Wardrobe, I couldn’t have done it without you.” She looked around. “Nice job on these two as well. A suave minder and a glammed-up groupie – perfect.” She thrust the bottle at Cathy. “Just a bottle from the props room filled with lemonade. Oh and it’s diet lemonade in your honour. Splash it round to best effect when you’re being seen, OK?”

  “But not on the costumes,” pleaded Clara-Jane.

  Her request fell on deaf ears as the group made their way from the Green Room down the corridor to the front door where the promised white limousine was waiting. Jessica and Cathy joined the guys in the back and Dennis got in behind the wheel. The car pulled away smoothly and they headed for their first destination.

  Dennis felt a brief flutter of nerves as they walked towards the door of the bar at the top end of town. This was something completely outside his experience. What if he got it wrong? He felt Cathy squeeze his arm.

  “Don’t look so worried, love. This is just play-acting. Imagine you’re a character in a movie and just pretend – it’ll be fun. You’ll do fine.”

  “Who should I be, do you think?”

  “Um, how about Matt Damon in The Bourne Ultimatum? He’s tough on the outside and sweet on the inside just like you.”

  Dennis’s grin was a mile wide.

  Jessica spoke to the four actors. “Walk through the bar, try to make eye contact with all the women. Hand out the flyers, and if you see a really shy-looking girl give them a ticket. Just one, that way they’ll bring a friend or two. OK, lady-killers, go do your stuff!”

  Dennis watched the four men assume their roles, standing taller, smiling and turning on the charm as they went to meet their public.

  Inside the bar all heads turned as the jewelled jackets were noticed. Jessica held up a sheaf of flyers.

  “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We thought we’d introduce you to the latest hot talent to parade on the Regent Theatre stage. These are the guys from Ladies Night, the show that opens in two week’s time, and ladies, you won’t want to miss seeing this show.” She handed out flyers to everyone she could reach as they walked through. “Guys, you’ll be able to pick up a few tricks to entertain your girlfriends if you come along. And girls, you’ll be able to meet the actors in person after every performance so make sure you bring something they can sign.”

  There were squeals of delight from a table of girls in the corner. Warwick gave them a dazzling smile in return.

  Once they’d completed their tour of the bar they regrouped outside and walked along to the next hotel a little way up the street where the pattern was repeated. Dennis found he was enjoying playing a role. He started acting more and more like a minder as the evening went on.

  It wasn’t until he saw two familiar and menacing shapes in the distance that the reality of his situation hit home. The tall blond man and heavy-set red-haired man were standing in the half-shadow of a narrow alley watching them, their faces pale in the orange streetlight. Dennis edged towards Jessica and murmured quietly in her ear.

  “I think we have unwanted company.”

  She followed his gaze. “OK, I’ll call in the cavalry. No sense in taking risks.” She pulled out her cellphone and held it clearly in view as she pressed the keys, then spoke loudly enough for the two watchers to hear. “Detective Senior Sergeant Matherson, please. We’re at the corner of Bridge Street and Diana Drive and those suspects you were interested in are right in front of us. Yes, OK, understood.” As she put away her phone the two men melted into the shadows and disappeared.

  “Shouldn’t we have kept them under observation rather than frightened them off?” said Dennis. “By the time Jack gets here they’ll be long gone and he’ll have a wasted trip.”

  “That’s why I didn’t actually call him,” she said softly. “It was just a bluff to get rid of them. We’ve got a promo tour to complete and I didn’t want to spend the rest of the evening answering questions about those two loons.”

  Dennis’s rosy glow of security was replaced by a chill of apprehension. “Suppose they come back? They could still be watching us from a distance and they’ll see that no police cars turn up.”

  “Then we’ll make a genuine call and they’ll be arrested, or questioned, or whatever Jack has to do to keep them out of our hair.” She patted his shoulder. “Stop worrying, Dennis, it’ll be fine. Cathy, your gym does martial arts classes, doesn’t it? You’ll be able to deal out a few swift kicks to soft places if push comes to shove, won’t you?”

  Cathy waggled a hand to signify only partial agreement. “I know the moves, but our combat classes don’t actually involve direct contact with an opponent. Still, I might be able to threaten enough to frighten them off. And if that fails, just hand Dennis a towel.”

  He shot her a horrified look. To his relief Jessica was too distracted to question her further and pushed them towards the car.

  “Come on then, back to the limo and off to our next destination, my happy band of thespians and associates.”

  For the rest of the evening Dennis kept an anxious lookout, wishing he really was a minder with an earpiece and a hefty colleague within range to help out. They visited several more bars and hotels and his heart was in his mouth every time, but they didn’t see the two heavies again. At last, when the actors and costumes were safely back at the theatre, Dennis was able to relax.

  His dreams that night were fragmented and frightening, causing him to wake sweating several times. He hoped it was from the low-carb, high protein diet Cathy had given him in his final week of training, but the reality of Vincenzo’s murder and the threat from the two thugs kept intruding on his thoughts.

  Rehearsals stepped up in both frequency and intensity. Dennis found himself wishing he wasn’t in the last week of a major physical challenge at the same time as trying to help a show in its final stages of production, as the demands on his time and strength were almost overwhelming. He was cutting back on water to dehydrate for the photo shoot and it was already making him cranky. He was lifting the heaviest weights he’d ever imagined possible and it was making him sore. If he had to eat one more steamed chicken breast he was going to follow it with a Big Mac and an entire cheesecake. Food plan be damned! And on top of that was the worry about Cathy’s financial problems and all the troubles at the gym. He almost wished he was still leading his quiet, uneventful life as a housebound slob.

  Tech week. Dennis had heard the words spoken in tones of dire foreboding for the previous few days but had no idea what the fuss was about. It was just another week of getting through work and training and rehearsals as far as he was concerned. And feeling the way he did he’d be lucky if he lasted as far as opening night, especially as it was the day of his after photo shoot.

  Monday night was normal enough, though there was a tension in the air that even Dennis could pick up. The actors seemed edgy, almost worried. Thankfully they weren’t flying into rages any more and there had been no tantrums or walkouts, but he thought the
y looked, well, nervous. He supposed that was a natural part of performing in public, and was relieved he wouldn’t be in the line-up that would soon be strutting their bare-assed stuff on stage. He had more than enough to cope with, thank you very much. Adam had used him a few times during rehearsals but Dennis was just as happy to help with other stage crew duties and had shown an aptitude for scenery changing and retrieving the strippers’ scattered clothing from the stage during blackouts.

  The Green Room had sprouted curtains and partitions to make dressing rooms, and a long table appeared covered with plain white newsprint paper, where an array of props was set out. A whole lot of people Dennis had never seen before turned up and seemed to be very much at home, making him feel faintly resentful. Where had they been during the long preparations for the show? How come they were greeted with as much warmth and friendliness as he was when he’d been working his tail off for weeks and they’d only waltzed in at the last minute? In a rare moment when she was standing still, holding a coffee, he asked Jessica about it.

  “We need experienced people for some of the staging jobs,” she explained, pointing them out. “They might not be able to commit to the entire production run but they can do a couple of weeks during the show. Those guys over there go up on the fly floor and lift the backdrops, she does follow-spot, that’s the Front of House manager, and this…” she reached out to grab the arm of a short dark-haired man who was walking past, “this is Gerry the fireman. He keeps this old wooden box safe for us.”

  “Ah,” said Dennis, “I’ve heard of you, Gerry. You’re the one who’ll be helping me with all the fainting women in the audience, apparently.”

  Gerry looked down at his own slight frame then at Dennis. “I think you’ve got more than enough muscles for the job, mate. You’re on your own there!”

  In this final week the crowd was even bigger as the actors had their girlfriends backstage to help with their personal grooming and presentation. It was Adam’s idea, but Dennis wondered if the extra tension it generated was worth it.

  “Stand still, will you?” Leonie complained to Warwick as she rubbed tanning foam onto his back and smoothed it out. “I can’t get this even if you keep wandering off.”

  “I need a pee. Just give me two minutes,” he snapped back.

  “Well fine, if you don’t mind looking all blotchy. Don’t blame me if it dries out while you’re in there. I can’t fix that.” She stood looking after him with the tan bottle in her hand.

  Sherry was quiet and subdued as she helped Mark to get into his spy costume. They were polite to each other but Dennis sensed a restraint below the surface. Both of them seemed to be going through the motions while worrying about something else entirely.

  Ricky had a bouncy little blonde in tow who was having the time of her life rubbing him with oil and checking him for zits. Her attentions kept him happily occupied and for once he had no complaints to make.

  Simon and Jayden hadn’t supplied their own entourage so girls from the stage crew were cheerfully doing what was necessary to complete their presentation.

  “Oh I do love the theatre,” said one happily as she smeared fake tanning lotion over Simon’s broad shoulders.

  “Yes, it’s fun, isn’t it?” agreed the other as she carefully checked around the edges of Jayden’s G-string for errant curls.

  Adam breezed into the bustling Green Room. “Full costumes all this week, please, or as much as possible if some items aren’t quite ready. Clara-Jane, do you need any more help to finish things off?”

  “No thanks Adam. I’ll get the last of the Velcro sewn on tonight and everything will be ready tomorrow. Barring the usual rips and tears, of course.” She eyed the actors. “I know you guys will be careful, and I do expect a bit of wear and tear as you whip things off during a performance. Just make sure you don’t lose any items that aren’t giveaways, OK?”

  There was a chorus of agreement at varying levels of enthusiasm.

  “Right, my lovelies, can we get into position for opening, please? Curtain up in two minutes.” Adam headed for the stage door and there was a hurried finishing of drinks as actors and crew scurried to get where they needed to be.

  Dennis took up position on the OP side ready to make the first scene change which was when the truck with the veranda was wheeled on and a few pieces of set furnishings were put into place. He’d had to ask Tony why it was called the OP side after puzzling over it for days.

  “It stands for Opposite Prompt,” Tony had told him. “The prompt sits over there, up in the prompt box, so over here is Opposite Prompt. Saves confusion between left and right.” He’d launched into a spiel about how prompts were always on the actor’s left side of the stage in theatres around the world, but Dennis had stopped listening by then.

  His focus was on the stage, here and now. The usual show music started playing, the house lights dimmed, and the actors made their entrance close beside him, laughing and arguing in their opening lines. It all sounded a bit stale and flat after hundreds of repetitions. Dennis thought he’d be glad never to hear the too-familiar lines again as the scene unfolded just the way it had before, over and over. He waited patiently until the actors finished their lines and came offstage.

  He jerked into action as the scene change music started – “I’m Sexy and I Know It” by LMFAO. He and Tony put their shoulders to the edge of the truck and heaved it into position then locked the wheels. They picked up the battered sofa and carried it on, and then a props girl ran in to take the beer crate and sundry items off it, placing them carefully for the actors to use.

  “You’ll need to be quicker than that!” called Adam. “I don’t like long scene changes. Let’s tighten it up. You can practise it afterwards.”

  The music faded down and the next scene began. Dennis felt a bit stung by the criticism but shrugged it off and vowed to do better next time.

  Fortunately the next change was a simple one. The truck and assorted bits went off as quickly as they could move them, then the fly crew lowered in a shiny foil backdrop and Dennis put a single chair over towards the side of the stage.

  “Better,” was Adam’s verdict from the darkened auditorium.

  Phew, thought Dennis, feeling as if he was getting to grips with things at last.

  It was difficult to see what they were doing in the dim light of the blackout as there was only a dull glow from the safety lights in the wings. It took a few moments for their eyes to adjust after the bright working lights went off, so he tried covering one eye for a minute or two before the next scene change to give himself better vision. It worked well, and he was able to move more confidently to put in place the many items of gym equipment specified in the script.

  At the interval there was a scrum at the stage door as every member of the cast and crew attempted to reach the Green Room supper table first. Erica presided over the kitchen, handing out mugs of tea and coffee to actors first then crew. Dennis hung back until everyone else had been served then went in search of Tony to pass on his new-found tip about night vision.

  “Oh yeah, I should have told you about that,” said Tony. “We close our eyes for the last few lines of each scene so we’re ready when the lights go out. Sorry, mate. Good on you for thinking of it though. We’ll make a crewman of you yet.”

  Once the play part of the show had run its course and the strip routines had begun, Dennis had to be on his toes watching from the wings as the various items of clothing landed across the stage. It seemed as if none of the actors could hit the same spot twice, with anything. He had to memorise what went where and plan a run to pick them all up as efficiently as possible during the blackout. He had a mortal fear of being caught on stage like a rabbit in the headlights if the lights came up while he was still scrambling after a pair of undies. It was a while before he realised the stage manager was watching for his return and cueing the lights once all was clear.

  They got through the rehearsal smoothly and Adam declared himself pleased…so far.


  “Some room for improvement,” he said, “but let’s get the technical out of the way before we put a final polish on things.” There were stifled sighs all round. “Bright and early tomorrow night, please, and be ready for a long night of it. Gazza will be rigging the lights during the day; we’ll go through levels and cues with a few volunteers, then straight into a full technical rehearsal in the evening. Bring something to eat and drink before you start just to keep those energy levels up, yes?”

  The assembled company nodded and murmured agreement before dispersing for the night.

  It was a nightmare. The worst a technical run could be, with the added pressure of Jack Matherson walking in part-way through and sitting in the audience. Dennis saw him leaning over and talking to Cathy and was in a fever of worry about it.

  It seemed everything that could go wrong did go wrong, stopping the show in its tracks while gels were replaced, drops levelled, lights re-pointed, and speakers re-wired. The smoke machine had arrived without any fluid so couldn’t be used until supplies were arranged.

  After the tenth technical break the actors began losing focus, and Mark in particular had difficulty in remembering lines he’d delivered a hundred times before. Dennis watched as he grew pale and sweaty, pausing in agonising silence while his brain struggled to recall the elusive words. After the prompt had to give him his line for the third time, Adam beckoned him down into the auditorium for a quiet talk. Jack Matherson joined them. A few minutes later Adam called out to the company.

  “Mark isn’t well so I’m standing him down for the night. Our understudy Jayden will take over his part for the rest of this rehearsal. Dennis, can you take over Jayden’s part introducing the strips, just for tonight please, so he has time to get changed between the end of the final scene and the first appearance of our MC? You’ve watched him before, haven’t you?”