HeartWorks

by Charmaine Gordon

  She bit down on her thin lip and looked back at Ruby. Ruby ran to her side and took her hand. My mother looked at her with a sad face for a moment and then forced a smile as she looked back at me.

  “Ruby keeps me going.” My mother said. “Normally I wouldn’t talk to a child, the way that I talk to Ruby, but she chose to be a child when she entered this level of life. I know that may be confusing but when you are here, especially when entering as a baby, you can choose any age that you would like to be. Typically most stay the age that they were in first level so that their families will recognize them once they come here. That’s what I did, can you tell?”

  I looked at her silently for a moment and then nodded my head. It may seem crazy I thought to myself, but I was beginning to believe her story. My heart felt weird, like it was about to crumble and break away. I had missed my mother so much. I thought about her every night since her death, if not more often, always telling myself that it was okay and that she was out of pain. It felt so weird to actually see her now and for her to appear as I had always imagined. I had never once thought that I would see her out of the pain of her cancer but still feeling some pain from my father’s second marriage.

  “It was a while after you died that he met her mom.” I forced myself to say. “They were just married two years ago. You have been dead for over four years. He didn’t know Farrah when you were still around. He did it the right way, he asked Jack and I for our approval before she moved in, I’m sorry if her moving in hurt you in any way.”

  My mother looked over at me without saying anything for a moment. For a second I thought she was going to fade away or disappear, but she didn’t. She sat thinking about what I had said and I used that time to think about what was going on here. I had felt her, I could see my scratch. This was all very real and very bizarre.

  “I guess that time seems like it goes much slower for us in our level than it does for you in yours.” She said, sighing and glancing at the wall. “It’s kind of like watching a television show on our side, but instead we are watching over the lives of our loved ones and walking through this shared space with them. I suppose that it was a sufficient amount of time to allow oneself to love again. I’m not saying that I can blame him, I just never thought that it would get that serious and that he would marry again.”

  My mother allowed her shoulders to drop slightly in sadness as she looked at me. I didn’t know what to do, I glanced at Ruby for help and she raised her eyebrows at me, as if to tell me that I had better do something.

  “He doesn’t love her like he loved you.” I finally said, fighting the urge to go over and console her.

  While I believed that she could very well be my mother, I hadn’t quite adapted to the whole idea of this level of life and of her. I stared at Ruby, realizing that the dress she wore, was one that I had tried on in the attic as a young girl. When I got back to my side, I told myself that I would check for it and see if it was there, or if it had disappeared as the mirror had.

  “You don’t need to explain sweetheart.” My mother said as she shook her head. “I’m just so happy to hear you call me mom again. I didn’t think that day would ever come, well not until you were meant to be here anyway.”

  Ruby smiled at me, her cheeks blushed slightly, just as mine did when I was happy. How did this work I wondered. Did she learn my facial expressions from watching me? I thought over what my mom had said and found it interesting that if she had chosen her age when she got here, how she had managed to pick the age that would make her just younger than Jack when I got here for this very visit.

  I wondered what age I would choose when it was my time and if my mom would be there to help me pick, or if I should I choose an age where my mom would recognize me. Then I smiled, remembering that she would have to recognize me, because she would have been watching over me for my whole life, just as she said. Suddenly I became worried and tried to remember the things that I had said when I thought that I was alone in my room. I hoped that they hadn’t heard the angry conversations that I’d had myself when I liked Michael, a boy at my school, who later ended up admitting to me that he had a crush on one of my best friends. I blushed in embarrassment from the thought. How could this be? How could another world exist within our own? I wondered silently.

  “Mom, does this mean that everyone who has died, or those who existed but were never born, have made it here to this second level of life?” I asked.

  “Not everyone has made it here.” My mother explained. “Only those who had genuine love in their hearts for those around them and for God have been brought here. Even for example, in Ruby’s case, many of the unborn who felt their parents love and who loved their parents back from inside of the womb were allowed to come. In fact there are quite a few unborn here. Most of them chose to be about the same age that Ruby did.”

  I nodded my head and smiled at Ruby.

  “There are not many that ever choose to change their age once they are here and it would be silly for any of them to choose to be a baby, because then they would need someone to look after them while they are waiting for their loved ones.” My mother said. “They wouldn’t be able to wonder about or make decisions like the rest of us do.”

  Ruby stepped forward and glanced at our mother as if to ask permission to talk. When my mother nodded her head Ruby jumped in.

  “There is always a life keeper who meets you when you enter this level and who helps you decide on the age that you will be.” Ruby said. “We can also decide when we enter if we want to stay here and wait around, or continue on to other levels.”

  My mother glanced from me to Ruby. Ruby nodded and my mother focused back on me before continuing.

  Chapter Four

  “Our plans are that when you and Jack are ready to join us, we will go on with you, if you are ready. “The only foreseeable delay would be if you marry before then and have children of your own, then we might decide to wait with you, or we may see what there is in level three. Sometimes it gets crowded here because there are a lot of families that wait, longer and longer based on the fact that they are waiting around for other members. Their groups just get bigger and bigger as they wait. You see since none of us know your fate, it is like a waiting game for us. Sometimes those with large families go to visit the first level in a large group, so that they can produce more energy and send a sign to their loved ones.”

  Ruby and my mother both smiled widely at the thought.

  “What happens when they do that?” I asked.

  My mother and Ruby exchanged glances and laughed lightly.

  “Well, for example they could produce a cold air across their body, or move a curtain ever so slightly.” My mother said. “Normally we don’t try to shake things up too much because we don’t want to scare you, but there are those people who find it amusing when they do.”

  My mother looked as if she was about to laugh uncontrollably as she thought of a situation as an example.

  “Roman Aguilar managed to spin his daughter’s radio tuner with the help of his grandmother and aunts, but never did it again when he saw how much it scared her.” My mother blurted out.

  Ruby and my Mother laughed for a while before regaining their composure. I smiled as I watched the two of them. My mother was beautiful. I loved that I could see her happy. That’s what I remembered that I loved and missed most about her. My mother’s smile could light up a room. The last three months before her death, she seemed to live in agony. Her death seemed to be such a painful process and it was good to see her happy. My mother cleared her throat as I stared at her.

  “Mrs. Miller, who is basically in charge of this house as her families been here the longest, is waiting for her Husband.” My mother explained. “He’s almost here. Then the two of them can decide together whether they want to stay or move on. They have two children. The children are grown up now and have grandchildren of their own. They don’t do much for Mr. Miller and I’m guessing that she won’t wait around for them. Mr. Mil
ler lives in a nursing home and their children rarely go to visit with him even though they are very capable of doing so. He is a very sad man in his current life. Mr. Miller is almost ninety four, but in our realm Mrs. Miller chose to be twenty four, the age that she was when the two of them were married. It will be interesting to see what age he decides to be when he gets here.”

  My mother sighed in anxiety and looked around the room before continuing.

  “The only bad thing with this level is that sometimes those whose hearts were lost along the way in the first level come to ours and try to shake things up.” My mother said. “They can’t hurt us, but they try to get to our loved ones. It can be a little scary at times, isn’t that right Ruby?”

  Ruby nodded her head in response to us as a light suddenly showed from the room downstairs. I turned to look down the stairway at a young boy who stood there watching us. He was a young black boy, about her Ruby’s age with a blue t-shirt, jeans and high top gym shoes. He stood at the foot of the stairs listening to us as he leaned against the wall, seemingly upset.

  “His name is Charles, his mother is here too.” Ruby said as she nodded down at him.

  Charles ran from the stairwell slamming the door behind him. “He’s waiting for his father.”

  “We’ve never seen anyone cross over from first level before.” My mother explained. “This is generally the entrance that we all use to get to the first level to check on our loved ones. No one has gone across today since its Sunday. Generally we don’t cross on Sunday, unless we know there is a major event taking place that we want to be a part of. Charles has been debating on crossing over to see if his father is ready, but still hasn’t gone. His father’s in the hospital and sometimes when they are getting ready to cross over, they can see us. He doesn’t want to alarm him or anyone else in the family that is there with him.”

  She paused again before continuing.

  “I wonder if it is only you that can cross over, or if others can cross over with you.” She shook her head at the thought. “I was just thinking of how nice it would be to hold Jack again.”

  “Should I go get Jack and then we can give it a try?” I asked hesitantly, glancing from my Mother to Ruby.

  Ruby had a sparkle in her eye. I could tell that she wanted to try it.

  “No, that’s fine dear.” My mother quickly replied. “I just want to enjoy you for a bit. You might not be able to come back to us. This might just be some type of glitch in the levels. Would you like to come down and meet the others that are here with us? There are quite a few of us that live here, in this house. In your house, just on the other level.”

  I shook my head knowing that as much as I was tempted, the thought of meeting anyone else in their level scared me.

  “No, I’m fine.” I said. “I’m just really confused right now.”

  My mother looked down at her hands as if she was embarrassed for asking.

  “How many people live here anyway?” I asked.

  My mother looked up and smiled warmly.

  “There are about ten families right now.” She replied. “Katie and Mr. Barr just left. They decided to move on to the next level just after Mr. Barr arrived. There were twelve families last week and there was one time that we had as many as fifteen families living here. That might seem like it was a little nuts, but everything is different here, there’s no need to sleep or shower and our lives in this level revolve around our families, so that’s pretty much what we do all day. Watch over them.”

  “How many levels are there?” I asked.

  “No one knows for sure.” My mother said quickly. “No one has ever come back to tell us. Once they’re gone, they are just gone. There are also other houses with entrances and tons of families as well. So unless they come back to our house, we don’t see them. Generally people choose a house that is close to our families. I was lucky because ours had an entrance to the other side.”

  “Wow.” I replied. “Was grandma and grandpa here when you arrived?”

  My mother shook her head sadly.

  “When I got here Ruby was the only one I found, rather she found me.” My mother replied. “I’m not sure if other members of our family are here in this level, or if they’ve moved on. To tell you the truth, I haven’t really looked around that much. We stay here and help out with things that need to be done.”

  “What kind of things?” I asked.

  “We’ll talk about that on your next visit.” My mother replied apologetically. “I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information all at once.

  “But what if I can’t get back?” I asked.

  My mother smiled warmly at me.

  “Then it can wait.” She said.

  I frowned as I glanced at Ruby, her expression unchanged.

  “I’d better get back to my own level now.” I said lightly.

  I didn’t want to leave but the curiosity of how much time had passed from my own reality was beginning to get to me, not to mention the fact that I didn’t want to get stuck here, despite how much I loved seeing my mother.

  “Can you try to come back to visit us again?” My mother asked. “Next week. The same time perhaps?”

  Her eyes widened in anticipation as she waited for my answer.

  “I will.” I replied and nodded. “Maybe I will even try to bring Jack with me next time.”

  My mother clapped her hands together.

  “Oh that would be perfect.” She said, walking across the room to hug me with Ruby right behind her.

  It was a warm embrace. My mother’s thin arms grasped me tightly and she seemed reluctant to let me go. Her scent filled my lungs as if she had just sprayed it in the room and I remembered that I thought that I had smelled the sweet smell of her perfume many times before as I sat alone in my room. I wondered if this had been one of the times that she had tried to hold me.

  Ruby waited patiently for her chance to hug me and I realized that she smelled the same way my mother did. Her skin felt soft as she held me tightly. Her rosy cheeks reddened as she looked up at me and I touched her hair with my hand and felt the silkiness of it fall as I ran my fingers through it. She was a head shorter than I and was very chunky.

  I looked up at my Mother and realized that she stood there watching and smiling warmly at the two of us. I retreated to the fourteenth floorboard just as my mother began walking toward me to stop me.

  “Gabriela, just in case you become stuck in your own level and can’t get back don’t forget that I love you and am waiting for you.” My mother said. “Tell Jack about us and that I love him too. That we both do.”

  She turned and smiled at Ruby. Ruby nodded her head and tapped her fingers nervously against her thigh. I nodded at both of them and retreated across the floorboard, coughing as I entered the dust filled room. I looked around, not a thing had changed. I held my hand out in front of me, but it didn’t fade out. It seemed that the levels had closed.

  I looked over my shoulder, wondering if they could still see me. I stepped forward once more to see if anything would happen, but nothing did, causing me to again wonder if my experience was real. It certainly felt real, I thought to myself as I wondered how much time had passed. I shook my head and realized that I needed to tell Jack immediately. I ran down the stairs and through the door of my attic.

  Chapter Five

  “Ahhh,” Jack screamed the moment I came through the door.

  He was wearing a gorilla mask, obviously trying to scare me. I jumped but did not scream. I held my hand to my chest to check my heart and found that in spite of the scare it was beating at a normal pace. I didn’t know if it was because I was used to my little brother, or because I had enough of a good scare for the day.

  “Jack, stop playing around.” I said breathlessly. “I need to know how long I have been up there. Has it been more than an hour?”

  He shook his head and put his hand on his hip as if he was confused.

  “You just went up.” He said removing the mask fro
m his freckled face. “I didn’t just scare you right now?”

  He looked down at the mask and shook his head. I bit my lip, almost wishing that he did. I still didn’t feel like what had happened was real.

  “I have to tell you something Jack.” I said immediately.

  “What, you’re not going to kill me for trying to scare you?” He asked brushing his sweaty hair back from his face. “Don’t you want to call dad and tell him how much I’m bothering you. Do you know he just brought Farrah a box of chocolate for Valentine’s Day? It’s the good kind too, not the cheap one he normally gets.”

  I stared at him momentarily, trying to emphasize with my expression the importance of what I was about to tell him. He raised his eyebrow as if he knew I had something on my mind and I breathed in deeply before proceeding to tell him everything that happened in the attic. When I was finally finished he smiled in a weird sort of way that I’d never seen him do before and then tears welled up in his eyes as he began to cry.

  Oh no, I thought to myself, wondering what I had done. Jack had never really known our mother. He asked me about her often and seemed to be jealous that I was the one who had been old enough to really get to know her. My memories were not his memories, in fact he didn’t really remember much about her. I told him stories and went through picture albums that we had with of her and his forehead always wrinkled as if he was attempting to remember events that had taken place at the same time the picture had.

  Jack ran away from me immediately and turned to go down the stairs to the living room. I was sure that he’d gone crying to my Dad and Farrah and sure enough I heard Farrah and my dad ask him what was wrong. I retreated to my bedroom and sat down on my bed, running my hands down the soft white comforter. I stared at the pastel pink color of my bedroom walls certain that I was the only teenage girl that kept the color on the walls from when she was a child.