Once inside his study, Stiles sat in his father’s chair. He saw the open Bible on the side bar of his father’s desk and picked it up. It was open to the third chapter of James, a chapter Pastor had preached from many times. Not understanding why, Stiles read it to himself.
Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to keep his whole body in check. When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal …Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. Or where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.
Clasping his hands together, Stiles looked up. “Father, what are you trying to tell me? That I should forget about everything that my sister and my wife have done and said? You want me to forgive them and pretend like it never happened? I don’t understand, Lord. I’m your servant, but this time, Lord, I need some time. I’m not strong enough. I’m not like Pastor. My wife and sister just confessed that they’ve been having a homosexual love affair. I can’t just let that go.”
This wasn’t how his life was supposed to be. He had given his all to doing the work of God. He’d gone to school, studied religion, knew the Bible like the back of his hand, prayed every day several times a day, married who he thought was the perfect girl, but where had it all gotten him? More tears came. The sound of his sobbing echoed off the hollow walls. When the flow of tears stopped, Stiles leaned back, still trying to make sense of everything that had happened, but his mind and spirit were too tired. He folded his arms together on the cherry oak desk and used them as a pillow for his head. Sleep replaced his scattered thoughts and messed up life.
28
There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s no place like home. Wizard of Oz
Rena eased out of the bathroom, but still moved with a measure of caution. She searched around the cluttered room until she found the cordless phone. With shaky fingers, Rena dialed the only number that could give her comfort.
“Hello,” the mild mannered voice on the other end said.
Rena didn’t say anything.
“Hello,” the voice repeated. “Rena, is that you?”
With measured words, Rena responded. “Yes, it’s me, Mother. I need you.”
“Honey, what is it? What’s going on?”
“I can’t tell you over the phone. I just need to come home. But I don’t want you to tell Poppa anything.”
“You’re frightening me, child. Where’s Stiles?”
“He’s not here. Mother, so much has happened. I’ve ruined my life and I’ve ruined Stiles’s life.”
“Honey, now you listen to me. You do what you have to do, but I want you to get here as soon as you can. You hear me?”
“Yes. I’m going to see if I can get on the next flight to Andover.”
“You do that, baby. You do that right now.”
“One more thing, Mother.” Rena rubbed the back of her neck and twisted her head to relieve the mounting tension.
“What is it, honey?”
“I don’t want to come to the house. I’m going to book a hotel and I want you to come to where I am.”
“Rena, I can’t lie to your father. Anyway, what could be so bad that you can’t come home, I mean to the house?”
“Trust me, Mother. Please, if you never trust me again, I need you to trust me now and do this for me.”
“Honey, if this is what you want, then I’ll do it.” Meryl Jackson soon agreed. “But, I tell you this, Rena, whatever’s going on, your father is going to have to be told, sooner or later.”
“It’ll have to be later, Ma. Much later,” responded Rena in a drawl. “I’ll call and let you know my flight. Bye.”
Meryl hung up the phone and without delay began to pray. “Lord, whatever is going on sounds serious. So serious, father, that my child feels the need to come home. Lord, whatever it is, fix it. Work it out. Bring her here safely, Father and help me not to be anxious and worried.”
Back at the Graham household, Audrey placed Pastor in his bed. The afternoon’s events had proven to be too much for him. His agitation showed with each word that he tried to force from between his lips. Dribbles of drool, not words, burst forth.
Audrey gave him a Xanax to calm him down. She stood beside his bed, and watched as he struggled to swallow the pill, Audrey wished she could take one of the pills herself; anything to help drown out everything that had transpired. Instead, she sat down in the chair next to the window, rested her head against the back of it and stared blankly. It didn’t take long for Pastor to drift off to sleep. She stood quietly, so as not to awaken him, left the bedroom, and closed the door behind her. She couldn’t wait to marching straight to Frankie’s room. Audrey didn’t bother to knock; she barged inside.
Frankie was propped up by several pillows on the bed, with the remote in her hand.
“How could I give birth to a child so wicked?” asked Audrey, with eyes that blazed like fire.
Frankie, lying back on her bed, eased upright and used the head post for support.
“Spare me your antics, Mother. And you call me wicked? Have you ever thought that you gave birth to someone just like you?” Frankie yelled.
“Why, you good for nothing,” Audrey reached out to hit Frankie, but the reflex in Frankie’s good arm reacted in time before the palm of Audrey’s’ hand reached its intended target.
“Don’t you dare try to make this my fault.” She continued holding Audrey’s arm with as much strength as she could muster. “All of my adult life, I’ve kept quiet about what Fonda did to me. I didn’t say a word about you and the way you flippantly dismissed what happened. Don’t you realize how much that hurt? Not just physically, but you helped to mess me up emotionally. It saddens me to know that my mother cares more about what other people might say or think than about her own daughter.” Frankie’s voice this time was not harsh but rather she sounded almost like a little girl in pain. She slowly released her tight grip on Audrey’s arm.
Throwing her hand again toward Frankie, Audrey exhaled, not moved by Frankie’s words. “You’ve always been an exaggerator. Where you get your wild thoughts from, I don’t know. But I do know that what I saw that night when I walked in on you and Fonda was not molestation. You weren’t crying or trying to get away from her. You were the one on top of her when I walked in that room.”
“You walked in the room? You saw what she did to me?”
Audrey was stunned. Raising her hands to her mouth, she tried to think of what she’d just let slip out.
“Fonda told me that you knew; and she said that you wouldn’t do anything about it. Oh, my God. She was right. How could you not do anything? How could you let her hurt me?” Frankie became hysterical. “I hate you!” she screamed.
“Because, it was your fault, Francesca; that’s why. Fonda told me all about it. You were the one who did all of those things you accused her of doing. If anyone should be scarred, it should be Fonda.” Audrey pointed with anger dripping from her lips.
“I was a little girl, Mother! What part of that don’t you understand? Fonda made me do those things. I hated her. I prayed to God every night for her to die. I just wanted the pain to stop.” This time Frankie’s voice raised a notch. “How many times do I have to tell you that? Fonda threatened to kill me if I told any one. She said that she would make you and Pastor believe that I was bad and that I was a chi
ld of the devil. What else was I to do?” This time, Frankie began to cry.
“You should have come to me. That’s what you should have done.” Audrey folded her arms and stood defiantly.
“I did come to you, but you never told me that you saw what happened. You never told me that Fonda had already blamed me. I was a scared child. I didn’t want Fonda to kill you or Pastor.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Fonda would do no such thing. You’ve been on drugs far too long. They’ve definitely burned your brain cells.”
“I’m not going to let you get away this time, Mother. Say what you want to say, but you know I’m telling you the truth.” Frankie’s tightened jawline flexed with each word. “After Fonda kept molesting me, I knew I had to tell you. Pastor was at church the night I came to you. I remember I cried so hard that night and I prayed that Fonda wouldn’t do anything to you, Pastor, or Stiles. But when I told you what she did to me, you slapped me so hard that I fell on the floor and bruised my leg and your handprint stayed on my face for hours. You said that I was nothing but a fast little girl, and that I was lying on Fonda. You told me never to mention anything like that to you again.”
Audrey’s eyes bored into Frankie but she said nothing.
“After that night, you made me stay in my room after school every day for a month. I couldn’t get off punishment until I admitted that I was lying. That’s what you told me, and that’s how it happened. You know it and I know it. Tell me something. How could you believe Fonda over me? And when Pastor Travis did the same thing to me, I had no one to turn to. Momma. He raped me. I was a virgin, Momma!” Frankie sobbed.
“Oh, please. I don’t want to hear any more of this, Francesca.” Audrey waved her hand at Frankie and began to turn around to leave.
“Don’t you dare leave out of here or I’ll go and tell Poppa so fast, it’ll make the weave on your head spin,” Frankie threatened. “Do you hear me? That so called man of God raped me. He’s in jail right this minute for doing to someone else what he did to me.”
“If he’s in jail, why haven’t we heard about it, Francesca?” Audrey folded her arms and tapped her foot nervously.
“Don’t play with me, you do know. You sure didn’t act surprised when I told y’all earlier. But I don’t have to prove anything to you anymore, Audrey. You and no one else can change what happened. I couldn’t tell Pastor and you already warned me never to come to you again. I didn’t want Pastor to look at me and be disgraced. I didn’t want the church to look at him differently because of me. So I didn’t say a word to anyone about Minister Travis. There was no one there for me, Mother. No one.” Frankie wiped her face with the back of her hand. She refused to cry any longer.
Audrey shuffled from one foot to the other. “Child, you missed your calling. Do you know that? You should be on somebody’s movie screen. How dare you accuse Minister Travis of such a disgusting act? You don’t know when to stop, Francesca. You always have to make a mountain out of a mole hill.” Pointing her manicured finger at her daughter, Audrey continued her slanderous attack. “God don’t like ugly. Minister Travis was a kind soul. The young people loved him, including you, as I recall. What happened? He wouldn’t fall for your advances so you thought you’d fabricate some tall tale about him too? Thank God you had the sense not to spread that lie.”
Frankie listened at the words that spewed from Audrey’s mouth. The more Audrey talked, the more hardened Frankie’s heart grew. With each word, Frankie became numb until there was no feeling in her spirit whatsoever.
“You need to be on your knees begging God to forgive you, girl. If you don’t, you’re going straight to hell for sure.” Audrey stared at Frankie for a few moments without saying anything, then she swiftly turned around and walked out of Frankie’s room. Before Frankie could release a sigh, Audrey returned.
“I want you out of here.” Audrey spoke with an eerie like calmness. “I want you out of this house now.” She disappeared down the hallway. Fluffing her hair, Audrey added, “And let me remind you, I haven’t worn weave in months,” Audrey chided and slammed Frankie’s door.
Frankie wiped away her tears. She picked up her cell phone and dialed. “You got a ride?”
“I can get one.”
“Well, get one. I need to get out of here and I need to get out now. When you get here, knock on the door because I need you to come in and help me get my stuff together.”
“You moving out?”
“Yeah, you better believe it. Now hurry up.”
Frankie slammed the phone back on its base after speaking with Kansas. She searched for her duffle bag. As quickly as her mangled body would move, she gathered her small array of personal items and stuffed them inside. No more tears. Don’t you dare shed another tear, she told herself. When you leave this time, don’t look back and don’t ever come back. 3290 Pepper Oaks and everything it was supposed to stand for is a thing of the past. Patiently, while waiting for Kansas, Frankie sat on the bed, looking around at a room, if only for a short time held pleasant memories, but were now filled with nothing but skeletal remains.
29
Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. James Baldwin
“Mom, I found a flight but it doesn’t leave until tomorrow morning at six.”
“All right. But I wish you would tell me what’s going on. I’ve been worried sick every since you called this evening,” Meryl told her.
“Mother, all I can tell you is that I’ve done something shameful. I don’t even know how I’m going to tell you…or Poppa, for that matter. But I will tell you this much, my marriage is probably over and I don’t want you to be mad at Stiles. I’m to blame, and no one else.”
“We’ll talk when you get here. But I won’t accept what you’re saying. There’s more to whatever is going on and I intend to find out about it all. Do you understand, Rena?”
“Yes, I understand, Mother. I just hope you will. “I’ll call you when I get there. I’ll be checking into the Holiday Inn off I-93. You know the one on the Andover South Shore.”
“I’ll find it. I’ll see you tomorrow, sweetheart.”
“Mom, please, remember what I told you.”
“I know. I won’t say a thing to your father.” Meryl promised again. “Now you get your things packed and then try to get you some sleep, okay?”
“Okay, Momma.”
“And, sweetheart?”
“Yes, Momma?”
“No matter what it is, I want you to know that I love you. You hold on to that. I love you and God loves you even more. You hear me?”
“Yes. I hear you.” Rena slowly hung up the phone. If only I could believe that God really does love me after the mess I’ve made of my life.
The sun had set when Stiles returned home to find Rena curled up in a knot asleep with her clothes still on. Standing at the entrance of their bedroom, he watched her sleeping. How could a woman so beautiful, so perfect, be so wrong for him? Stiles lingered for a few more minutes then walked away to the guest bedroom.
He stripped down to his Joe Boxers, not bothering to shower. Not only was his body exhausted, but his mind and spirit were heavy and he felt absolutely drained. On bended knees, he prayed. He felt the tug of the Holy Spirit saying, “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, Stiles. Lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge me, and I will direct your path.” After confessing his fears and weaknesses to God again, he pulled back the Tiffany jacquard comforter, slipped between the sheets and quickly succumbed to the call of sleep.
Rena awoke to find her husband’s side of the bed empty. Lying on her back, Rena rubbed her eyes, and thought of how much had happened since her marriage. How things had quickly changed. It was true – up one minute, down the next. The noise startled her from her thoughts. Lying as still as she possibly could, she listened. When she heard the familiar snore, she realized that Stiles was home.
Climbing out of bed, Rena eased down the hallway. The door to the guest b
edroom was ajar and she could see her husband sleeping soundly. He didn’t snore often, but whenever he did, it was usually because he was exhausted both mentally and physically. No doubt, today had been one such day.
Rena returned to her room. How was she going to leave Stiles? What would she say to him? Maybe he would be glad to see her go away. He had said she made him sick and he didn’t want her in his sight. And to see Stiles become so angry to the point of almost physically abusing her, sent a wave of chills rippling along Rena’s spine. Pulling the covers up around her neck, she stared again at the ceiling. She wondered if Frankie was satisfied now that every one knew their dirty little family secrets. One day you’re going to see the error of your ways, Francesca Graham. And when you do, you’ll be sorry. Oh, so sorry.
“Is this everything?” asked Kansas as she lifted the stuffed duffle bag on to her shoulder.
“Yeah, all that I care to take. Now, let’s get out of here.”
As they walked out of Frankie’s room, she instructed Kansas to go on outside to the car. At first, Kansas hesitated, but then did as she was told.
Frankie stood still, holding herself steady until she made up her mind about what she was getting ready to do. Looking back down the hallway, she slowly turned, limping in the direction of Pastor and Audrey’s room. As she neared the door, she reached for the handle but stopped just as she heard Audrey’s voice.
“Lord, you know the evil that’s been lurking around this house for a long time. Father, I’m praying that right now, you remove every ungodly presence from 3290 Pepper Oaks. God, you are not a God of confusion. And as much as I would like for things to be different around here, they’re not. Not as long as my daughter is being ruled by the devil. So Father in heaven, please…”
Frankie refused to listen to Audrey’s prayers anymore. She would have to say goodbye to Pastor some other time. But as for now, it was time to leave and never look back.
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