Early the next morning, Stiles confronted Rena when he saw her carrying her suitcase into the kitchen. He had been up since three o’clock, unable to sleep. Sipping on a cup of decaf, he cocked his head to the side as she walked in like she was a frightened kitten.
“You leaving?” he asked her without much expression.
“For a few days. I think it’s the best thing to do right now.”
“The best thing for whom? You?”
“No, Stiles. The best thing for the both of us. I’ve admitted that I was wrong.” Rena said apologetically.
“Wrong? You are more than wrong, Rena. It’s not that simple. You can’t wipe away what you’ve done by leaving for a few days,” Stiles said, snapping his finger. “Life isn’t like that.”
“For goodness sakes, you’re a man of God, Stiles. What do you have to say about forgiveness?”
“Don’t you turn the scriptures back on me. I know all about forgiveness. I believe in forgiveness. And I also believe that the just shall live by faith. I had faith in not only God, but in you, Rena. I had faith enough that I was willing to wait until you were more comfortable having me make love to you, not knowing it wasn’t me you wanted─it was my sister. I forgave you time and time again when you pushed me away. Then when you did reach out to me, I believed once more that you really loved me. Now you want to put what you’ve done all on me by throwing God up in my face, when you put my very life in danger and deceived me?” Stiles grew angrier as he talked.
“I am not throwing God up in your face. That’s not what I’m doing at all. I’m asking you to forgive me, Stiles. And I always wanted to make love with you. But I couldn’t because of the love I have for you.”
“Sooo, that’s supposed to make me feel better. It doesn’t, Rena, because it doesn’t change what you are and who you are.”
“If you would just listen to everything I have to say, then maybe you could at least think about forgiving me.”
“You want me to forgive you and act as if nothing has happened? I’m a man of God, that much is true. But that’s all I am – a man. A man who has been called by God to preach His word. But I’m frail, and I’m weak and I’m made up of flesh just like you, in case you forgot. That’s why I have to pray a little harder and a little longer for the strength to forgive you, and my sister. That’s about as honest as I can be.”
Rena forced the tears to stay back. She sucked in a deep breath. “I’m going to Andover for a few days.”
“Why, so you can make your folks believe that I’m the bad guy in all of this?” snarled Stiles.
“No, I’m going to get away; to give us some space. My father has no idea that I’m even coming home. I told my mother and I’m going to be staying at a hotel while I’m there.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t want you to say anything. Not a thing.” Rena repositioned the luggage in her hand and walked toward the garage. “I’m parking my car at the airport.”
“Do what ever you have to do. And you’re right; we don’t need to be in the same house together. If you weren’t leaving, I sure as heck would be out of here myself. So as for now, I don’t see how we can remain together as husband and wife. You’ve not only engaged in a sinful, homosexual lifestyle with my sister, but you’ve acquired an STD that you may have passed on to me. This is a little too much to ingest, don’t you think, Rena?”
“It is. But now you see why I couldn’t let you make love to me?”
“Oh, I beg to differ, because you did let me make love to you. Whether it was one time or three, it doesn’t matter. You willingly kept your disease and your relationship a secret. Now you want me to believe that you love me?” Shooing her away, he threw up his hands in her direction. “Yeah, you need to go. Hurry up and leave.”
Rena walked into the garage and closed the door behind her. Stiles stood at the kitchen island. A lone tear caressed his high cheekbone.
Rena listened as the boarding agent called her flight number. Walking down the airport boarding area, she realized the magnitude of being untruthful, and it hurt her to the core of her heart. With each step that took her farther away from Stiles, her feet felt heavier. There was no future for her in Memphis any more, or so it seemed. She hadn’t bothered to call Mr. Bolden to tell him she wouldn’t be in for the next few days. At the moment, she didn’t care. Let him fire her. It didn’t matter anymore; nothing did.
30
Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go. T. S. Elliott
Pastor wrestled with the bevy of thoughts that flooded his mind since everything exploded last Sunday. Audrey, his sweet Audrey. Were the things Francesca accused Audrey of really true, or was it another way of hurting her mother? What he heard the day of his stroke was more than he could stand. Francesca and his daughter-in-law, engaged in a secret homosexual affair? The very thought of everything that happened wounded him deeply.
God, Pastor cried out in his spirit. I thought I raised God-fearing children who understood the deadly consequences of sin. Francesca has lost her way, Lord, and I feel like I’m to blame. Your servant, called by you to send forth your Word and I couldn’t even keep my own house hold from crumbling. Now my tongue is bound and I can’t say what I’m thinking. Is this a form of chastisement, Father?
With unsteady hands, he reached over to the bedside desk where his Bible lay. Fumbling through one of the many passages of scripture he’d come to love, he turned to the first chapter of Romans. The people the Apostle Paul wrote about in Romans had turned away from God. They knew God but yet refused to thank him and acknowledge him. Pastor read word for word, until his eyes rested on verse twenty-six. His eyes overfilled with the tears that he’d held back until now. He read verse twenty-six for a second time before completing the rest of the chapter. Lord, heal this family. Heal my child, Father God. Heal us all.
Stiles considered asking Rena for a divorce when she returned. On one hand he wanted out of the marriage, but what would the people of Holy Rock think of him? They wouldn’t know the details of what had happened between him and Rena, so they would form their own opinions. His marriage was nearing the one year mark and he was contemplating whether to stay in the marriage for the church’s sake or get out of it, for his own sake. Stiles understood all too well the ramifications he would face if he divorced Rena. He needed to talk to Pastor. There had to be a way for Pastor to tell him how he felt about the situation.
Stiles informed the church secretary that he would be away for a couple of hours. He didn’t waste any time driving to Emerald Estates. He jogged up the walkway. After ringing the doorbell, and no answer, he used his key own key to the house. When he walked in, the house was unusually quiet. Stiles didn’t see or hear Audrey anywhere as he perused the house like a skilled detective. He stood in front of their bedroom, and tapped lightly. No answer. He reached for the brass door knob, slowly opened the door and stole a peak inside. Pastor was asleep with his Bible on top of his sunken chest. Approaching his bed, Stiles reached down and touched his father’s wrinkled, cool hand and Pastor opened his eyes. He smiled when he saw Stiles.
“Hello, Pastor. How are you feeling this afternoon?” Stiles walked around the other side of the bed and cracked the wood blinds.
Pastor mouthed the word, “Son.”
“Pastor, I need to talk to you. Do you feel up to it?”
Pastor nodded.
Moving the Bible from his chest, Stiles placed it on the table next to Pastor where it would still be within his reach; then he helped him sit upright in the bed. It had been a long time since they had one of their father-son talks. The stroke had stripped away so much from Pastor, but when he sat in the chair next to him, the rush of memories about those times hit Stiles head on, and he smiled.
It didn’t bother Stiles that he had to do most of the talking, while Pastor responded whenever he could with short answers or nodded according to whether he agreed or disagreed.
Pastor
knew what he wanted to tell his son but his aggravation over not being able to do so was etched in the deep frowns that traveled along his withered face. God, maybe you want my tongue stilled, Pastor reasoned. That way Stiles and the rest of the family can’t run to me for my Godly advice. They have to go directly to the source, which is you heavenly Father. And as for me, you’re the only one who I can talk to without saying a word. Thank you, Lord. The very thought of God’s awesome power caused Pastor to become overjoyed. His hands twitched and tears streamed down his aging face.
Stiles misread his father’s reaction, and quickly apologized. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” Stiles paused like he was in deep thought. “My spirit tells me that I need to pray and listen for God’s direction in all of this.”
Relieved that Stiles’s spirit had connected with God’s, Pastor formed his mouth to speak. He managed, after some time, to say, “That is right.”
“You’ve been here for me whenever I’ve needed you. You raised me like I was your own flesh and blood, and I’m so grateful to God for having a stepfather like you. I wish there was some way I could repay you for all you’ve done.” He took hold of his father’s hand and massaged it between his strong ones.
“Daddy, I love you.” He and Pastor both could count on one hand the times Stiles had referred to him as, Daddy. It felt awkward calling him, Daddy, like he was disrespecting Pastor in some small way, but at the same time, it seemed so right. Stiles hugged his father, and the tears of the two men meshed.
“Pastor, I’m going to leave now. You’ve helped me more than you can imagine. I’m going back to church. I don’t want you to worry, everything is fine. I promise to come by Sunday and take you to church.”
Pastor nodded his approval.
Stiles suddenly remembered to ask about Audrey. “Where is Mother? I know she can’t be far,” Stiles chuckled. “That woman doesn’t want to leave you for a second.”
Pastor’s eyes shifted toward the table where his Bible lay. “Store.”
Stiles saw the blue sticky note on the table and picked it up. “Says here that she went to Walgreen’s to pick up your prescription. She’ll be back in thirty minutes.” Stiles looked at his watch. “In that case, she should be here in a minute or two. I’ll hang around until she gets back.”
Turning on to Pepper Oaks, Audrey spotted Stiles’s car in their driveway. No way could she avoid him today. It was time for her to face the music. She still found it hard to believe that Francesca accused her of being a terrible mother. She would never allow her daughter or Stiles to be abused or molested and not do anything about it.
Turning off the ignition, Audrey sat in the car for a while. Sometimes I think that girl should have been an actress for real. She always wants people to believe the worse things about me every since I saw through her lies that night. My God, that was such a long time ago. I can’t believe she’s trying to use that against me. All I told her was the truth when she came to me with all that mess. Little girl, my tale, Lord you know she’s always been more than a hand full. I still can’t believe she blames me for her irresponsible behavior. I’ve always tried to be a good mother. She’s just full of anger because I saw through her even back then. Audrey shook her head back and forth as thought after thought circulated in her head. And Minister Travis, that is such a debauchery; accusing that poor man of molestation. Why would he want to do anything to her when he had a gorgeous wife at home? She popped out of her daydream, gathered Pastor’s medication and went inside.
“Pastor, I’m back,” Audrey said in a loud voice. Placing the items on the kitchen counter, she walked back to the bedroom. Stiles met her at the bedroom door.
With a stiff countenance about her, she spoke. “Hello, son.”
“Hi, Mother.”
Walking past him, she went directly to Pastor’s bedside, bent over and kissed him on his lips. “Honey, are you all right?”
“Yes.” answered Pastor.
“Mother, he’s fine. We had a nice visit,” Stiles stated.
“That’s good,” Audrey replied without enthusiasm.
“Since you’re back, I guess I’ll head back to the church.”
Audrey jerked her head around. “Don’t leave on my account.” Her voice rang with coldness.
“I didn’t mean it like that, Mother. I told Pastor that I would stay here until you came back. We had a good visit, but now that you’re back, I really do need to leave. I have a couple of meetings later this afternoon. I told Pastor that I would pick him up Sunday for church.”
“We’ll see. It depends on how he’s feeling. I don’t want him to tire himself out. Anyway, I can get him to church if that’s what he wants.” Audrey shifted her attention back in the direction of Pastor.
“Pastor, you know whatever you want to do, I’ll help you to do it. You don’t have to worry Stiles,” she said to him lovingly and gently stroked the side of his wrinkled face.
Stiles watched the tenderness his mother bestowed on Pastor. How could someone who could act so cold and callous toward her own daughter, be so loving, kind and compassionate toward her husband?
“I’m going to walk Stiles to the door, sweetheart. While I’m up front, I’ll fix us some vanilla wafers and bologna. It’s almost time for Judge Mathis, you know.” Audrey patted him on his leg. The couple watched Judge Mathis five days a week. Everyday, right before it was time for his show, Audrey prepared a snack for the both of them before she crawled in their king-sized bed and snuggled next to him.
In the kitchen, she asked Stiles about Rena. “Where’s your wife?”
“Andover. She went to visit her parents.”
“Have you decided what you’re going to do? You know that what she’s done is unforgivable. The girl deceived you. My own daughter-in-law, how disgusting,” Audrey blasted.
“I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
Audrey changed from being evasive and cool to calm and compassionate. She walked over to her son and gathered his face between her cottony soft hands.
“Listen to me, son. Believe me when I tell you that your sister is nothing but a liar. Everything she said about me, about Fonda and Minister Travis – all of it is fabricated in her sin-sick mind. And Rena. Well, Rena has proven to be just as bad as Francesca because she flat out deceived all of us. I would expect something like this from Francesca, but never Rena. I think she married you so she could hide behind you and your spotless reputation.” Removing her hands from his face, Audrey reached for his right hand, lifted it up to her lips and gently kissed it. “Stiles, honey, I love you, and I don’t want anything or anyone to ever hurt you like that girl has done. Do you hear me?”
“Yes, I hear you and I love you too.” Stiles returned his mother’s affection by embracing her in a tight squeeze and kissing her on top of her coiffed hair.
“Now, look, I have to get back to church. I’ll call and check on you and Pastor later.”
“You do that. You’re such a wonderful man. With God’s help we’re going to get pass this.”
Closing the door behind him, Audrey went about preparing the cookies and bologna. The clock on the microwave indicated that she had less than ten minutes before Judge Mathis. She hurried about her business, humming and singing a song by Hezekiah Walker loved by Pastor...Grateful, grateful, grateful, grateful…gratefulness.
31
Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive. Sir Walter Scott
“Rena, you’ll be here a week tomorrow. It’s time you went home to face your problems.”
“Momma, I don’t think I can. Stiles hasn’t tried to call me, and when I call him, if he answers he tells me doesn’t want to talk, so it’s obvious that he doesn’t want me there.”
“You have to clear up a lot of things, Rena and you can’t do it by hiding away here in a hotel room here in Andover. What you confessed to me, I must say that I am quite upset by it all. But I’m your mother, Rena. Nothing can ever change that. I love you a
nd no matter what you’ve done, and regardless of all the mistakes you’ve made, I will always love you. Nothing can ever change that.”
Rena moved from the sofa in the hotel suite and walked over to where her mother sat on the side of the double bed. She sat down beside Meryl and laid her head against her mother’s shoulder.
“Thank you for being the best mother in the world. Not once have you judged me harshly. You haven’t made me feel ashamed or anything.”
“Listen to what you’re saying, child. Think about it. If I can love you no matter what you’ve done, who you are, or where you’ve been, can’t you see that God can and does too? I’ve always told you that God loves you more than you can ever begin to imagine. He loves you unconditionally. Not like Audrey, or Stiles, or even Francesca. That kind of love is based on what you do and who you are and how you make this person feel or that person feel. But God, yes, but God,” Meryl said with a joyful spirit. “God loves you, and me, and the Graham’s, no matter what. Even in the midst of your act of homosexuality. It sounds terrible I know, but it’s nothing that God won’t forgive you for. He wants you to give it all to Him, sweetheart.” Rubbing her daughter’s hair, Meryl hugged her and then kissed her on the forehead.
Rena lifted her head from her mother’s shoulder. Only silence separated them.
“What are you talking about, Momma?” was Rena’s response.
“Like I said, sweetheart, it’s time you go home and face your problems.”
Rena collected her bags from baggage claim and struck out for her car. It took almost ten minutes for her to get to the short term parking area. Part of her was anxious and excited about returning home, but she didn’t know what reaction to expect from Stiles.
Rena was overcome with emotion the moment she walked inside. So much had changed in so little time. How could she forget the past and the things that lie behind like the Bible said when the past had resurrected itself back into her life? Shuffling through the house, Rena carried her bags to the bedroom and began to unpack. Once she completed that task, she watered her plants that were droopy from lack of nourishment and attention. She performed several other small tasks in the house that Stiles had neglected and then ran herself a warm bath. The plane ride had been exhaustive. She decided to take a nap; it felt good to be home and in her own bed.
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