The Songwriter

by Jensen, A. P.

  Guilt and shame flooded her and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “His name is Zach and he realized I wasn’t fully committed. I was always flying to see you and Johnny and whoever else had a songwriting crisis. He knew I wasn’t totally in love with him. Part of my heart was in music and he realized I wasn’t going to make him a good wife after all.” Her stomach twisted sickly. “It was horrible.”

  “And when did this happen?”

  “Two years ago.”

  “Which is when you started ignoring my calls.”

  She picked at her food and didn’t meet his eyes.

  “Why do you look so guilty?”

  “I accepted his proposal, knowing it wouldn’t work out,” she whispered as her eyes flooded with tears.

  “Oh, baby.”

  Trey got up, picked her up in his arms and sat on the couch with her in his lap. She wasn’t sure where the tears were coming from and she desperately tried to get a hold on herself. She tried to push Trey away, but he held her firmly against him.

  “Mama wanted me to settle down and I didn’t want to date anyone in the music business. I had offers but I thought I had a better chance with a guy from my hometown and Zach and I were friends.” She wiped away tears. “It’s the worst thing I ever did.”

  Trey hugged her close and brushed back her hair. “It was a mistake.”

  “Uh, yeah!”

  He tipped her face up. “Are there anymore secrets you should tell me?”

  “No.”

  Trey kissed her. “Are you done eating?”

  “Yeah. I can’t eat anything else.”

  “Good.”

  Trey got up and took her back to the bedroom. He set her on the bed and unzipped her shorts. She shoved him away to grab a Kleenex and stared as he pulled off his sweats and came after her.

  “We talked about my ex and now you want to have sex?”

  “Uh huh. I don’t like secrets and now that I know, we can get on with this.”

  He tugged off her shorts and spread her legs. Gwen’s earlier nausea was settling now after seeing how dismissive Trey was, as if what she’d done to Zach didn’t matter. She put her feet flat against his chest to stop him from eating her alive to the point where she was mindless.

  “You don’t think I’m a horrible person?” she asked.

  “I think you made a mistake. I made a mistake every time I got back with Natasha so I can’t judge.”

  He grabbed her feet and tugged her to the edge of the bed. She shivered and sat up to wrap her arms around him as he knelt beside the bed. She kissed him to rid herself of Zach’s haunting memory and focus exclusively on him. His hand cupped the back of her head and he thrust his tongue in her mouth. She moaned and moved against him.

  “We have a long drive today,” he muttered, hands moving over her skin. “Thank God.”

  Chapter Nine

  There was a five day break between their shows in Indiana and Pennsylvania. Trey took full advantage of the first three days and kept Gwen hostage in his bus. Like everything else he did, Trey surpassed any other guy she’d been with. Trey was attentive, insatiable, funny, down to earth and wanted her at his side at all times. Trey scowled when Gabe called and tried to snatch the phone from her, but Gwen locked herself in the bathroom and smothered her laughter as Trey cursed on the other side of the door. When she finally came out, Trey smacked her butt a few times which led to some interesting bed play.

  For someone so driven, Gwen was surprised that Trey seemed perfectly content to lie in bed with her caged between his naked thighs and watch sports or reality TV. She hadn’t left his bus at all. When she tried to get fresh clothes, Trey fetched them himself and ignored Johnny’s snide comments. She kept expecting him to give her a sign to go back to her own bus or say something along the lines of, “So yeah, that was nice and we should keep this quiet,” but it never happened.

  Gwen leaned back against his chest and jotted lyrics on a notepad balanced on one knee. Trey glanced at what she wrote every now and then and drew distracting patterns on her shoulders. After three days of sex with Trey, she felt mellow, drowsy and satisfied. The outside world ceased to exist and she steeped herself in him.

  “Where do you get material for your songs?” he asked.

  “Everywhere. The weather, strangers I pass in the street, friends, family.”

  “We should write an album together.”

  “I’m booked.”

  Trey grabbed her hair, tilted her head back and looked at her through sharp eyes. “What did you say?”

  “You’re not the only one who wants me.” He leaned down and sucked the pulse on her neck until she said, “Okay, I guess I can fit you in.”

  He chuckled and stroked her face with callused hands. “I don’t know what to think about you. You’re terrified of going onstage, but once you’re there you’re fearless. You’re hard and soft wrapped in a very nice package.”

  “I’m complicated.”

  “You gave me blue balls for almost two months.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You weren’t telling me straight out that you wanted me, buddy.”

  His hand moved down her front and she sucked in a breath. “Women usually come to me.”

  She shoved his hand away. “I’m smarter than that.”

  “You’re more stubborn.”

  “You didn’t want to ruin our friendship either.”

  He wrapped his arms around her. “I think we can manage both.”

  She knew he would find a way. Aside from Natasha, Gwen couldn’t think of one of his past lovers that held a grudge against him and now she knew why. Women knew going in that Trey wasn’t the guy that would work a nine to five. He was a country superstar and his work included recording albums, touring, publicity, award shows, etc. It was one of the reasons why Gwen thought Trey and Natasha would end up together because they were in the same business.

  “I love and hate being on the stage. I love seeing the fans mouth the words as I sing, I love hearing them scream for us and I like talking to them after the show when I have the energy. I can’t imagine having them focused on me for an hour and a half. I’d go into a coma.”

  “You didn’t think you could sing one song onstage,” he reminded her.

  She twirled her pen thoughtfully. “That’s true, but I like being in my apartment in New York writing my heart out.”

  “Are all of the songs about your relationship with your ex?”

  She wished Trey didn’t know about Zach because just a casual mention of him made any euphoria she was feeling disappear. “No. Some are about him and I and some are about other people.”

  “Do you ever talk to him?”

  She shifted uncomfortably and his arms tightened a little. “Sometimes. I’ve never called him back.”

  “You like living in New York?”

  She was a little shocked by the abrupt change in subject and she stared a little wildly at the TV screen. Asking if she liked her home base wasn’t something a man should ask unless they were serious, but maybe Trey was just curious. “I like the energy in New York and I travel a lot so I need a home base. I’ve thought of moving back to my hometown a couple times so I guess I am open to change.”

  Trey nodded absently and trailed kisses down her neck and tossed her notebook to the side. Despite being on tour and her sex filled days with Trey, she was surprised how much she was able to write with less time. She discovered that in the blissful silence after a climax she thought of the best lyrics, but she didn’t tell Trey that. He had a big enough ego as it was.

  The next morning, Johnny pounded on the door. “You’re holding her hostage! Give her up, man!”

  Gwen heard laughing from the crew and went beet red. She got up from the table when Johnny burst in. Trey and Johnny glared at each other before Johnny turned his back on his rival.

  “You’ve gotten laid. Time to work,” Johnny told her.

  “I tell her when she works, not you,” Trey snapped.

  Gw
en rolled her eyes. “Johnny’s here so I can help him with the album. I forgot, babe. You’re leaving soon, right?”

  Trey’s expression eased when Johnny nodded and he almost offered Johnny a cup of coffee but decided against it. He didn’t want the bastard showing up again. Gwen told Johnny she would meet him in the recording bus and changed. Trey grabbed her hand before she left the bus and hauled her up against him.

  “You feel okay?” he asked.

  She grinned. “I feel a little lightheaded but good.”

  He leaned down and gave her a thorough kiss. “Hurry back to me.”

  She almost stumbled down the steps of his bus and groaned when Barbie and Cassie appeared out of thin air to accost her.

  “How was he?” Cassie demanded.

  “What do you think?” Gwen said with a grin she couldn’t hide. “You haven’t seen me for days.”

  Barbie moaned. “Damn.”

  “You’re a bitch,” Cassie informed her.

  Gwen laughed as she dashed away from them and met Johnny in the recording studio.

  “You reek of sex,” Johnny said snidely.

  She ran a hand through wavy hair that hadn’t been straightened in days and sniffed her clothes self-consciously.

  “Jealous? Haven’t you been doing research for your album?”

  “Well, yeah, but not with the same woman,” he said as if the thought of monogamy was for aliens.

  “Johnny, you have issues,” she sighed and settled herself comfortably on the sofa.

  “Doesn’t he feel crowded?”

  In the past she always needed alone time but with Trey she savored being with him because she had no idea what was happening between them. She wasn’t sure if this would last a week or the rest of the tour and she wasn’t about to question him about it either.

  “Stop harping on Trey. Let’s write songs.”

  To Johnny’s delight, Gwen was full of ideas and they quickly got the lyrical ball rolling. Johnny paced the bus with his guitar strapped to him while Gwen played melodies on the keyboard on her iPad. They tossed words back and forth and even pulled out Scrabble, a strategic word game to keep their minds focused. It was nearly dark when Trey came in with fast food. Gwen and Johnny attacked him and bit into their tacos. Trey sat beside Gwen and put his arm around her.

  “So what’s the new album about?” Trey asked.

  “Being a wronged man,” Johnny said with his mouth full.

  When Trey looked to Gwen for clarification she elaborated. “Johnny thinks all women are out to use him for sex and let him take the fall when their husbands come with guns blazing.”

  “You can relate, right?” Johnny said, gulping his soda.

  “I think I may be more selective than you.”

  “You don’t have to lie because Gwen’s here. She doesn’t judge.”

  Trey glanced sideways at Gwen. “Actually, Gwen judges me a lot for being with Natasha as long as I have.”

  “She’s Natasha Wilde,” Johnny said as if that should absolve Trey of all blame.

  Gwen eyed Johnny with disgust. “You didn’t.”

  Johnny dug in his fast food bag and didn’t respond. Gwen glared at both of them.

  “Men are so easy. All you need is a skinny body and a pretty face and-”

  Trey covered her mouth with his hand. “We’re really easy when we’re younger. It takes us a while to realize what we really want, right Johnny?”

  Johnny frowned. “I don’t get it.”

  Trey glared at him as he addressed Gwen. “Are you done for the night? You’ve been in here all day.”

  Even though Gwen shook her head, Johnny got up and stretched.

  “I’m done for. Are you coming back to your bus with me?” Johnny asked.

  Even while Gwen nodded, Trey answered, “No.”

  Johnny rolled his eyes and headed off the bus as Gwen got to her feet and faced Trey with her hands on her hips. “I think I should have a night on my own bus.”

  Trey got to his feet. “Why?”

  She didn’t want to crowd him or take anything for granted and a part of her needed time to regroup. “Don’t you need some time to yourself?”

  “I had the whole day to myself.”

  Gwen didn’t know what to say to that. She thought he might want some space now, especially since he had the day to think about what this would do to their friendship. As he stared at her, she realized he had no qualms whatsoever.

  “I hate to sound like a girl, but I just want to know what we’re telling people,” she said.

  “About what?”

  “Us.”

  “Everybody knows we’re sleeping together.”

  “So we’re not hiding it?”

  He frowned. “Hiding it?”

  She gestured ineffectively with her hands. “You know, we work together and I don’t want it to be awkward…”

  “It’s not awkward.”

  She fumbled. “And it’s me, you know?”

  “No. I don’t know.”

  She sighed and rubbed her forehead. “I spend all day thinking of words yet when I talk to you I don’t have any.”

  He put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a light shake. “You said the word fake, hide and awkward. I’m not faking or hiding anything. I have nothing to feel awkward about. Do you?”

  Her mouth curved in a big smile. “No.”

  “Good.”

  Trey held her hand as they walked outside. The buses created a small community which made her feel as if she was living in White Mist, her small hometown. Some people winked and smiled as they passed but no one commented. Gwen saw Barbie bent over and Cassie mimed spanking her ass. It was also part high school, Gwen thought.

  “Hit that,” Cassie mouthed.

  Gwen snorted with laughter as she walked onto Trey’s bus. He pulled her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom and pinned her beneath him.

  “Breaking up with Natasha’s the best thing I ever did.”

  She wasn’t thrilled to hear that bitch’s name when they were in bed, but she let it pass this time. Plus, he was doing great things with his mouth.

  Johnny left right before their show in Pennsylvania. She hugged and kissed him and promised to work on songs for The Scarlet Woman. Oliver came over to nudge her playfully with his shoulder, his adolescent way of letting her know he approved of her relationship with Trey and told Johnny he was “dope” before he ran off to open the show.

  “You look happy,” Johnny told her.

  She put her hand on her hip and smiled. “I am. I feel great.”

  “Good sex will do that to you.”

  She hugged him again. “I’m glad you came to see me.”

  “Me too. Be careful.”

  She knew Johnny was referring to Trey. She kissed his cheek and waved goodbye as he ducked into a taxi. Gwen went backstage and watched Trey. She sensed someone come up beside her.

  “Hey,” she said to Angie.

  “I haven’t seen Trey this happy in years,” Angie said without expression.

  Gwen raised her brows. “I’m surprised you approve.”

  “I don’t approve or disapprove. I just like having a happy client.”

  “Spoken like a good manager,” Gwen mocked.

  “The best.” Angie turned towards her. “I’m sure you know already. You’re not an eighteen year old anymore, but I just have to put it out there. If Trey decides to end it, I still expect you to finish the tour. I know that makes me sound like a bitch but-”

  Gwen shook her head. “I know, Angie. I’ve seen Trey with a lot of women. I’m not weaving a happy ever after around this.”

  Angie held her hands up. “I’m not saying it can’t happen. I’m just saying, you know?”

  “I know. Thanks.”

  Time passed by in a blur of shows, hot sex, driving endless hours, crazy fan encounters and interviews. Trey didn’t try to hide their relationship, but Gwen drew the line at broadcasting it. They answered those questions with,
“We’re really great friends,” which irritated Trey but Gwen was adamant about it.

  Their relationship helped Gwen’s performance. She trusted him completely and when he improvised during the show she didn’t freak out- she knew he had her back. That ball of anxiety before each show never went away, but Angie didn’t have to insult her as much. The moment their eyes met onstage grounded her and from that moment on it was the pulse of music, the crowd and Trey.

  She was sitting on Trey’s bed after a show, waiting for him when she listened to a voicemail. “Isn’t he great in bed after a show? That’s the best sex I ever had.”

  Gwen deleted the message but she couldn’t wipe Natasha’s words from her mind. She looked down at the sexy dress she was wearing and tasted bile in her throat. She packed up her overnight bag and went back to her bus and paced. With shaking hands, she blocked Natasha’s number. She wasn’t sure how Natasha found out about her and Trey, but it wasn’t the first snide, nasty message from her. Gwen couldn’t take it anymore.

  Gwen knew she couldn’t get mad at Trey for being with Natasha in the past, but it literally made her sick. What had he ever seen in that woman? Agitated hands knocked over a pile of magazines Barbie and Cassie dropped off and Gwen saw Natasha on the front of Vanity in a barely there nude gown. Natasha had blonde hair, ethereal blue eyes and a perfect body. She also had a voice to die for. Oh yeah, she knew what Trey saw in Natasha and it was none of the things Gwen possessed.

  She knew she should shrug it off and feel smug and triumphant that Natasha even bothered to taunt her, but she wasn’t used to dealing with this type of situation. Thousands, if not millions of women wanted Trey and if she was with him, there would always be someone trying to dethrone her. She didn’t like those kinds of games and never had. There had never been a man she wanted enough to play but now… Head pounding, she got into bed and tossed and turned for half an hour before she fell asleep.

  The next morning she woke up wrapped in Trey’s arms. She eased away from him, went into the living room and made a pot of coffee. She stared out the window at the passing scenery and sipped her coffee.