Apartment 3B

by Patricia Scanlan

  It was the first of many dates. On the weekends, when she was working and couldn’t get home, he would come up to Dublin for a couple of hours, unable to stay the night because the weekends were his busiest times in the hotel and business was booming. Several months after their first date she had quite happily decided that this was the man she wanted to make love to. With her there had been no holding back, no guilt, no demands, just honest ardent desire which had matched his. As they grew closer and he confided in her she had never felt so happy, not even the uncertainties and irritations of her job could prick her bubble of happiness. Steve had thrown an elaborate twenty-first party for her in Fourwinds and the gossips had a whale of a time when Tony Mangan arrived with a huge bouquet of roses and a gold chain for her, much to the consternation of his mother, Imelda, when she heard about it. From the moment Lainey had started dating Steve she cut her with a vengeance any time their paths crossed. Not that it bothered Lainey one whit. She was far too happy, and so was Tony up in Dublin, despite his mother thinking his heart was broken.

  Steve had presented her with an emerald and diamond dress ring, the emerald to match her eyes, he told her, and it was her dearest possession.

  In the two years that she had been dating him, she had become a happy and fulfilled woman. Now, with, she hoped, a new career ahead of her what more could she ask? Lainey stretched as much as she could in the car as a juggernaut whizzed past her on the other side of the road. She was stuck in Shankill and ahead of her she could see the bottleneck that was Bray absolutely chock-a-block. Once she got on to the dual carriageway ahead it wouldn’t be too bad and apart from the delay she could expect in Newtown Mount Kennedy, she should be able to get up a bit of speed.

  It was a tired Lainey who got to Moncas Bay two hours later. There had been no let-up in the traffic, a bad accident at Lil Doyle’s Pub had caused more delays and Arklow had been a nightmare. Still, her mum had a delicious steak and kidney pie for her and she scoffed it ravenously. It was too late to have a swim as she had planned, so, after a quick shower, she raced off to Fourwinds. Steve hugged her but he seemed preoccupied and barely commented on her news about the interview except to say that it was ‘great’. He showed her where the builders had started to construct the new conservatory dining-room and the extension with twenty en suite bedrooms. It was no wonder he was preoccupied. Lainey knew that he had borrowed more than half-a-million to refurbish the place. The hotel would be second to none on the east coast and she was proud of Steve, proud of the way he had built it up from nothing.

  The Dwyers, a big land-owning and farming family, were hosting a twenty-first party for their daughter in Fourwinds and naturally, Lainey and Steve had been invited. It was handy enough for Steve, as he could keep an eye on everything. Lainey had been looking forward to it for ages. She mingled happily. She wasn’t the type that demanded that Steve stay by her side like glue and she always thought it pathetic of some of her girlfriends who clung to their partners, unwilling to mix at a party. She chatted happily to acquaintances, catching Steve’s eye as he left to check up on the dining-room. Later, when the party was over, they would have a quiet drink in his suite, maybe go for a walk on the beach, make love and then he would leave her home. It was such a nuisance having to go home, but she wouldn’t upset her parents by staying out all night. Fair was fair after all – she was under their roof while at home. Still it would be nice to spend the full night with Steve. On the few occasions that they had managed it, it had been blissful to wake up in his arms.

  He was back, head bent attentively to hear something that Helena Casey, Surgeon Casey’s daughter, was saying. Helena looked most put-out about something, Lainey noticed. A pale, insipid-looking girl, Helena always reminded Lainey of a Barbara Cartland heroine with her whispery voice and limpid blue eyes. Men were always very protective of Helena but Lainey knew that her delicate air was only a front. Helena Casey was as tough as nails. Just like her father, who was reputed to be filthy rich. Still, at fifty pounds a consultation, why wouldn’t he be? He was also reputed to own a mining company in the west of Ireland. What Helena wanted, Helena got from her doting father. She even owned her own BMW and she was only two years older than Lainey. She hadn’t, of course, gone to school in the area; it wasn’t posh enough. She had gone to a private boarding-school. Despite her genteel ladylike air, Helena was an utter snob who thought herself above everyone in the village. Heaven knows why she had condescended to grace Sally Dwyer’s twenty-first. After all, she had been overheard saying that the Dwyers were only ‘farmers’, despite the fact that they were as wealthy as, if not more wealthy than, her father.

  Poor Steve! She wondered if she should go over and rescue him from Helena’s wishy-washy clutches. Both of them were looking in her direction, frowning. Steve turned away, said something to Helena which made her look annoyed, and walked towards Lainey. Unfortunately he was intercepted by his hotel manager and again she saw him leave the room. Lainey sighed. The joys of dating a hotelier! Still the party was good and she’d soon have him all to herself.

  By one-thirty, it was nearly all over. Steve was supervising the counting of the night’s takings and suggested she go up to his suite. He’d follow her shortly, he told her. Needing no second urging, Lainey did as she was bid, had a quick shower, and slid into bed, naked.

  Steve arrived about twenty minutes later. He looked tired and harassed and she held out her arms to him. ‘Come on to bed, darling, and let me get rid of all your worries,’ she smiled at him.

  Steve didn’t smile back. Removing his jacket and tie he sat on the bed and said quietly, ‘Lainey . . . we have to talk.’ She met his gaze and knew instinctively by the tone of his voice and the expression in his eyes that her world was about to be turned upside-down.

  Friday 19 May 1978

  Lainey burned with hate, seethed with rage, was consumed by jealousy as she watched Steve McGrath and his bride posing for photographs after their wedding. It should have been she, not Helena Casey, standing under the delicate cherry blossom trees, with Steve’s arm around her, laughing as the pink blossoms fell on to her braided hair and snowy veil.

  A large tear plopped on to her hand.

  ‘Bastard!’ The cry was torn from the depths of her.

  Tony Mangan reached out a concerned hand. ‘Will we go?’ he asked gently, squeezing her fingers. ‘You shouldn’t have come.’

  ‘I had to come! I had to see with my own eyes that he’s married her. Now I know I’ll never have him. Oh Tony,’ she sobbed, ‘even after nearly two years the pain hasn’t gone away. What am I going to do? How will I ever get over this? How could he have married her? I know he doesn’t love her the way he loved me. I know it! I know it!’ Lainey was bawling her eyes out, her mascara running down her cheeks, her shoulders heaving with great big sobs.

  ‘Lainey, we’re getting out of here now!’ Tony said firmly, starting up the car they were sitting in and pulling slowly away from the crowded churchyard. He drove along the coast road and pulled into a little lay-by as Lainey sat crying beside him. Putting his arms around her, he let her cry away.

  ‘He only married her for the money, you know. Look at the way he and Surgeon Casey have invested in that new estate,’ Lainey wept bitterly.

  ‘I know, I know!’ Tony said soothingly. He had heard all this a hundred times before.

  ‘Oh Tony, you’re so good to me. Thanks for being such a mate,’ she sniffed, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, a gesture that reminded Tony of his young niece. It made Lainey seem so vulnerable, someone totally different from the composed young woman that she appeared to be.

  ‘You’ve always been my best mate. I’m only sorry this is how I can be a mate to you,’ Tony smiled.

  Lainey managed to smile back. She was so lucky to have Tony. He really understood exactly how she felt and he was the first person she had turned to on that awful bank holiday weekend nearly two years ago when Steve told her he was ending their relationship. Even though it was a w
arm day, she shivered as she remembered the chill that had enveloped her heart when Steve told her that they had to talk. As she had sat naked in his bed, he had walked away from her to the window, and with his back to her, unable to meet her eyes, had told her that he was ending their relationship. The almost physical pain that she had experienced in her heart left her speechless for a minute or two and then she said quietly, ‘Why, Steve? Why, all of a sudden, out of the blue? What have I done wrong?’

  ‘You haven’t done anything wrong! It’s just . . . well I need space. I need time. I feel crowded. You expect too much of me, Lainey! You should never depend totally on one person for your happiness, it’s not fair on them or you.’ She sat numbed, listening to him. Had she been making demands? Did she depend on him too much for emotional sustenance? It wasn’t as if she demanded that he marry her or anything like that. She was perfectly happy the way they were and when she wasn’t with him in Moncas Bay she had a very good life in Dublin. A very good life, and if she got the new job her career would really take off. Why wouldn’t he look at her? There was another reason, the real reason, and he wasn’t going to tell her. Another woman? But who? Frantically Lainey’s thoughts ran around her head as she sat, the sheets pulled up to her chin, in Steve’s big double bed.

  ‘Lainey, I’m sorry. Hurting you is the last thing that I want but I just think it will be better if we cool it for a while.’

  Lainey was not, nor ever would be, the type to beg. But with Steve at that moment she almost did. Didn’t he know how much she loved him? Didn’t he realise that she was so crazy about him there was no room in her life for any other man? Couldn’t he see what he was doing to her? Did it not matter to him? It was this thought that kept her from running to him, from pleading with him not to end it. He wasn’t telling her the truth, instinctively she knew it. There was a reason, another reason, that he wanted to finish with her but he was trying to put the blame on her. That it was all her fault. Implying that she was clinging and demanding. And for how long did he want to cool it? A week, a fortnight, a month, six months? Why should he feel so different then? And what did he think she was? Did he think she was going to sit patiently waiting while he found his ‘space’? Anger and hurt ripped through her. Who did he think he was, anyway? She made more sacrifices than he did for their relationship. Coming down to Moncas Bay, waiting for him to finish in the hotel at night. Always fitting in with his plans. Socializing with his friends because he felt hers just weren’t quite upmarket enough. How many nights had she been forced to listen to hours of pretentious garbage from the crowd that Steve mixed with because they were important to his hotel, because he was so anxious to attract the big spenders. And had she moaned? Never! And now he wanted space and time to himself and to feel less crowded. Well, let him have it, if that’s what he wanted.

  For a moment her resolve faltered. She’d never get through life without him. She needed him. She loved him. A lump came to her throat. Oh God, she couldn’t disgrace herself. He’d hate it if she started to cry. He wasn’t good at coping with emotion and she wouldn’t give it to him to cry in front of him, not after this, not after what she had just heard.

  Swallowing hard, Lainey wrapped the sheet around her and got out of the bed. Before, her nakedness never bothered her, she had no inhibitions with Steve, but now, somehow, after what he had just said, she didn’t want him to see her naked.

  ‘That’s fine, Steve,’ she said coolly, although inside she felt as though her heart was bleeding with pain. ‘If that’s what you want. But I’d have preferred if you could at least have been honest with me.’

  ‘I am being honest with you!’ Steve said angrily, a dull flush suffusing his handsome face. ‘I just need a little less pressure, a little time to think about us. I think we’ve been seeing too much of each other!’

  Lainey almost laughed. Seeing too much of each other! Every second weekend and the occasional weekday when Steve came to Dublin, could hardly be constituted as living in each other’s pockets. His excuses were pathetic. Whatever or whoever his reason was for finishing their affair, he obviously wasn’t going to be honest and tell her, and it was this more than anything that killed her. If he had just come out and said, ‘Look Lainey, there’s another woman,’ she might have been able to take it, but this talk about needing space and time was just not Steve and she knew it.

  ‘Look Lainey, I’m doing this for the best, for both of us, believe me.’

  ‘That’s crap, Steve! You know it and I know it. I’m not the demanding type and never will be. I’ve always been totally honest with you and you could at least have been honest with me. If we haven’t got honesty, we’ve got nothing. That’s not the kind of relationship I want with anybody. Now excuse me, I’m going to get dressed.’ Proudly, head held high, she gathered her clothes and walked into the bathroom. When she came out he was gone.

  She would never ever forget that weekend. She drove home and sat shaking all night at her bedroom window overlooking the sea. Why? Who? What? A hundred thousand questions raced around her head. Why had he done it? Who was the other woman? Lainey knew there must be someone else involved. Steve was not the solitary type; he needed a woman on his arm. What was she going to do? She cried for hours, hating him, despising him . . . loving him. The following morning at seven she left for Dublin, telling her mother only that something had happened between her and Steve and that she had to get away.

  Coward, coward, she accused herself as she sped towards the city she had been so glad to get out of only twelve hours before. There was no traffic on the roads, just she and the dawn chorus, and when banks of fog had come rolling in over Wicklow and she had to slow down, she cursed viciously, ranting and raving. It was a nightmare journey and when she finally drew up outside Tony’s apartment she was a wreck.

  He got the shock of his life when he saw the apparition at his door at eight-thirty on a bank holiday Saturday. He was horrified at the state of Lainey. Devastated was too weak a word to describe it. He had listened and hugged her and made her eat, and got her drunk, and done all the things that best friends do when a great crisis occurs. Lainey knew that without him she would have been lost. Tony was her greatest friend, he knew her better than anyone, and only with him could she show just how much Steve had hurt her.

  ‘I’m never ever going back there again!’she sobbed a few weeks later on being told by Tony, who in turn had been told by his mother, that Steve McGrath had been seen at a function with Helena Casey.

  Helena Casey! Steve had ditched her for little Miss wishy-washy Casey! How could he? What did Helena have that Lainey could not give him? she had demanded angrily of the helpless Tony.

  ‘Money!’ he answered succinctly.

  And she stopped in mid-tirade. ‘He couldn’t, not Steve. He’s got too much integrity,’ she whispered forlornly as even more tears stung her eyes.

  ‘We’ll see,’ said Tony evenly.

  Somehow she got through the weeks and months that followed. She had decided she wasn’t going to bother going for the second interview for the job with the publishing firm. ‘I won’t get it; there’s nine others in for it as well as me,’ she said flatly to Tony.

  He got really angry with her, and she had never seen him in a temper before. ‘You’re going for that interview if I have to carry you in myself, Lainey,’ he thundered.

  ‘I am not!’ she snapped back.

  ‘By God you are, and you’re going to get it too, Miss. You’re going to show Steve McGrath that you don’t need him, that you can get by without him and you’re going to get that job because it’s perfect for you. I won’t let you bury yourself in the libraries for ever and have to put up with your moans about your unsocial hours and your transfer lists! And for Christ’s sake do me a favour and stop feeling so bloody sorry for yourself. You’re not the only one who’s ever been dumped. Look at me! Did I go around trying to sabotage my life when Jason dumped me? Did I?’

  ‘No!’ she shouted. ‘You just went on the piss for six
months!’ They glared at each other angrily. And then, despite herself, Lainey started to laugh. ‘Sorry for being such a drip,’ she apologized.

  ‘I don’t mind you being a drip, but, Lainey, he’s not worth throwing away the chance of a good job.’

  ‘I know, Tony.’ She sighed and it seemed to come from the depths of her being.

  ‘You’ll survive, Lainey, believe me,’ he grinned. ‘It will get easier as time goes by. I know . . . I’ve been there. Besides you’d never be happy, married to him and stuck in Moncas Bay, you know you wouldn’t!’

  I would, I would, she cried silently. With Steve, she would have been happy anywhere.

  The day before the interview, Lainey visited a beauty salon and had the works done. Just because she was suffering from a broken heart there was no need to let her looks go, she decided. Tony’s words echoed in her ears as she walked in to face the interview panel. ‘You’re going to show Steve McGrath that you don’t need him, that you can get by without him,’ she repeated to herself as she sat down and smiled. When they asked her why she was the right person for the job, she argued her case so passionately that the MD had to smile. The next day he phoned her at work to say the position was hers. I’ll show him, she vowed, as she asked her senior librarian for a resignation form. ‘Couldn’t stick the pace?’ asked the older woman with a supercilious smile.

  ‘No. I couldn’t stick you!’ Lainey retorted coldly, getting immense satisfaction from the shocked expression on the librarian’s face. ‘She almost swallowed her dentures,’ Lainey told her friend Anne, who was dying to hear what had happened.