by Sandra Bats
“Ok. Well, I’m glad we all made it home. Let’s unload and call it a night,” Jayden said. Everyone mumbled in agreement and shuffled toward the truck Josh had parked along the side of the building.
Seven
Elin
I went straight to our room after we’d unloaded the truck to change out of that trashy dress. How odd to think I had something I could call my room after having lived on the streets for nearly two years. I caught my reflection in the small mirror on the wall, taking a closer look at the cut on my eyebrow. I tried to wipe the blood off, but flinched as soon as I touched my skin.
“Will you tell me what happened?” Jayden leaned against the wall, watching me with his arms crossed in front of his chest.
“It’s nothing, really.” I hoped he’d let it go. Despite my head throbbing with every move, I didn’t want to see the doctor.
“You might be right. But I think we’ve stretched our luck enough tonight. At least tell me what happened and we get that cut cleaned. No need to wake Jane. Let’s be smart about this, ok?”
I hated that everything always had to be his way — as if he were so wise — but I simply had no energy to fight him. So I agreed and reluctantly sat down on the couch while Jayden fetched a cloth and a small jar from the cupboard. He crouched in front of me and dipped the cloth into the jar. The room filled with the pungent stench of disinfectant. Jayden reached out with his right hand, steadying my chin.
He was so close there was nowhere to look but at him. As he focused, he bit his lower lip and drew his brows together. He was definitely more careful than I’d have expected after seeing him punch the guard at the warehouse.
When he was done he moved to sit next to me, giving me a questioning look.
“So, now you owe me the story. What happened in the warehouse?” he asked.
If I told him the full story, he’d realize how much I’d overestimated myself. That things had almost gone horribly wrong.
I stared at my hands as I mechanically told him how the guard backhanded me and then grabbed me by my neck so I wouldn’t fight back. I hoped he’d be happy with my very whitewashed description. He wasn’t.
“Did he do anything else to you?” His voice was rough and I practically felt his eyes on my face, trying to decipher the words I refused to speak. I stared at the toes of my boots when Jayden placed his hand on my shoulder.
“Elin.” His voice was careful and soft. “You’d tell me if there was something else, right? Anything that’d require Jane to check you over? It’s not your fault, you know.”
I tried taking a deep breath, but my throat was sore and my eyes burned. I closed them for a second, forced my tears back and willed my voice to be level. It was easier to keep panic at bay when it wasn’t physically apparent.
“He bent me over a desk and pushed my dress up. Then he … he touched me. When he tried unzipping his pants, I knocked the back of my head into his face. Made sure to knock him out. I just needed a second after that. To straighten out my clothes and all.”
I felt so ashamed. I wiped at the tears that had escaped and run down my cheek. Angrily, I sniffed and bit my lip in an attempt to pull myself together. Jayden’s voice was quiet but the words he uttered were clear.
“It’s not your fault. You did everything right.”
After he had carefully checked the back of my head for further injuries — I just had a nasty bump beneath my hair — I settled down to get some rest. I didn’t ask him to sit by my side, but was relieved when he leaned his back against the couch like the night before. I stared at the back of his head until I fell asleep, thankful for his closeness.
◆◆◆
My eyes flew open and they stared into Jayden’s. His hand was on my shoulder as if he’d shaken me awake — that didn't make my splitting headache any better — and he seemed concerned. A wave of nausea rolled over me and I sat up, diving for the garbage can in the corner. I tumbled to my knees, throwing up everything I’d eaten the night before. Only when the retching stopped was I aware of Jayden holding my hair back and handing me a small towel to wipe my mouth with. There was cold sweat on my forehead and exhaustion slammed into me so forcefully I started shivering.
“I’m getting Jane,” he uttered. I gave him a pleading look but he shook his head. “You threw up after a head injury. Not a good sign. Jane will need to have a look at you. There’s no way around it.”
I lay back on the couch and my eyes kept closing on their own as I waited for him to return with the doctor.
Jane wore her nightgown and pulled a small flashlight from her pocket when she entered our room. She shone her light into my eyes and examined my head.
“Next time you need to come see me right away. Head injuries are no joke. They can turn out fatal, even if they don’t feel bad initially,” she admonished. “You got lucky. Just a mild concussion. Convalescence should only be a few days if you take it easy. For tonight, I’d say catch a few more hours of sleep. Come by if the pain gets too bad or if you have other symptoms like confusion or serious vertigo.”
With the remnants of my recent nightmare fresh in mind, I worried about falling back asleep, and when Jayden closed the door behind Jane, I couldn’t bring myself to lie down. After a moment of me hovering on the edge of the couch and Jayden looking at me from his place by the door, he winked and moved over to the couch again, sliding to the ground beside it.
It was surprising, the amount of safety that his mere presence provided. I wanted to thank him, not only for giving me the peace of sleep but also the overwhelming relief that living there offered. I shyly extended my hand towards his shoulder, but got scared, ready to pull my hand back. Before I had the chance to fully retract it, Jayden’s hand grasped my fingers, steadily holding them for a short squeeze. I muttered a barely audible “thank you” and pulled my hand back. The intimate touch left me quite giddy and gave me something to focus on.
◆◆◆
The morning was bright, not only because the sunlight reflected off the snow, but also because morale was up. Some of the kids had used empty boxes to build a fort in the cafeteria. They refused to come out to eat, instead hiding inside with their plates.
Kathy grinned extra wide as she handed out food and people were happily chatting with each other. Pablo pushed a chair out at a table for me and lifted his plate in a toasting gesture. “You’re brilliant! None of us would’ve recognized the seal on that box.”
“Cause you’re all city kids.” I grinned, taking a spoonful of breakfast. Next to Pablo sat another woman. She glanced over at me and pointed her spoon towards me.
“You have no idea how worried I was the last few days. I was sure we’d run out of food this time. Thank you.”
“I didn’t do it by myself, you know,” I pointed out.
She huffed. “Right. They wouldn’t have noticed that box full of produce in a million years. Pablo’s told me all about how you came across it.” She reached her hand out to me. “I’m Diane by the way.”
“Elin.” I shook her hand as Pablo flicked a napkin at her and she made a face at him. She glanced over at the kids hiding in their fort.
“Think I can skip school today?” she mused.
Pablo laughed and followed her gaze. “You’re their teacher. I don’t think it would make a good impression on the students if you skipped school.”
Diane shrugged. “They’re in their fort anyway. Nobody’ll even notice. They can totally play all day.” She turned towards me. “How are you liking it here so far?”
Despite my lingering headache, I couldn’t help but smile.
“It’s great, actually. Bit overwhelming at times. I’m still getting used to having a roof over my head.”
Diane chuckled. “Oh yeah, I remember how I felt the first time I came here. So many people, you’re wondering what they want with you. Before you know it, you’re integrated, and you’ll start teaching kids or cooking or whatever it is you’re good at.”
I smiled in agreement, t
hough I couldn’t yet imagine a day where having a roof over my head wouldn’t feel like a small miracle. Eventually, I worked up the courage to ask how she’d come here. Diane laughed and shared a meaningful glance with Pablo.
“Go ahead. Tell her how you didn’t think I was hot enough for you,” he joked.
“That’s not true. I just … knew we’d be better off being friends and look how right I was,” Diane responded.
“Yeah. Well, you didn’t think that about Jayden, did you?”
Diane blushed then rolled her eyes. “I’ll never live that down. Yeah, Pablo tried chatting me up while I was selling stolen goods downtown. MP’s came by and Pablo helped me get away. Brought me here. That’s how I came to stay here.”
Pablo turned towards me. “She totally leaves out the part where she friend-zoned me and started getting all friendly with Jayden.”
I instinctively raised an eyebrow, but flinched at the sharp pain. I had forgotten about my cut.
“He’s exaggerating. It was one night! Besides, I didn’t friend-zone either of you, I just didn’t want a relationship.”
I was amazed at how freely Diane spoke of such personal subjects. Pablo huffed, then glanced up and pointed at Jayden, who was approaching us.
“Et tu, Brute!” Pablo called out. Jayden rolled his eyes, laughing.
“He’s telling that story? I didn’t steal Diane from you, you know. I didn’t even know you liked her. You should complain to her, not me.” Jayden flicked Pablo’s ear.
“Believe me, he does complain about it. Every single day,” Diane said, then got to her feet. “Well, it was fun. I actually need to teach now.” She called out to the kids in the fort and they emerged, reluctantly following her out of the hall. Pablo asked Jayden for the time, then cursed.
“Elin, careful now. I’ll leave you with him, but you just heard, he stole my lady from me. He’s a thief with good looks. Beware and watch your food or it’ll be gone.”
“Good looks?” Jayden asked.
Pablo winked at Jayden. “I’m secure in my sexuality. Besides, you might be better looking than me but I’m way smarter. And we know it’s smarts that count in life.”
Pablo turned, still laughing at his own joke, and Jayden shook his head. “I’m not sure: Did he just call me stupid or did he say I’m pretty?”
“I think it was both,” I pointed out.
I glanced around the room and my eyes caught on the atrium through the large windows. It looked completely forgotten — a small space outside, encased within the building — and it had such potential. I turned towards Jayden.
“You ever thought of planting crops in there?”
Jayden glanced quickly. “The atrium? It has a tile floor. I don’t … no not really. No one here knows anything about crops. Didn’t even recognize an agricultural seal.”
“Well, I do. Know about crops, I mean. There might be soil under those tiles and if not, we could bring some in from out back. It’s protected from the wind, you could plant crops that aren’t too fickle — ohh! — maybe you could even raise chickens in there for meat and eggs.”
Jayden stared out the window for a moment, his eyes wandering over the abandoned area before he turned back to me. “Would you be able to do that? I mean, I’d make sure you had people to help you with the labor, but the planning and organizing would be on you.”
I was surprised he’d taken such a liking to my idea, but it was my own eagerness for the project that surprised me more. “When can I start?” I asked.
“Let’s wait for your concussion to get better. We can’t run you ragged. Jane would kill me. Besides, you’re the only one who knows about crops,” he joked. “Which reminds me, Jane wanted me to let you know that she needs to look at your head this morning.”
I made a face. “She really takes this whole head injury thing seriously.”
Jayden laughed. “She doesn’t see many interesting injuries. I’m thankful for it, but she gets bored sometimes, I think.”
I kept eating my breakfast as Jayden watched me. I ignored him at first but then it grew annoying.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing.” He scratched his chin. “Actually, I’ve been wondering. We’ve never met before, right?”
“I sleep in your room,” I responded.
“You know that’s not what I meant. It’s just — I can’t pinpoint why but you seem familiar to me.”
I chuckled at his distress. “Well, we’ve not met before. Though I must admit, I probably wouldn’t remember you if we had.”
“That’s harsh.” Jayden leaned back in his chair. “I’ll have you know I’m very memorable.”
“I’m sure they tell you that,” I muttered, unimpressed with his arrogance.
I finished my breakfast and attempted to sneak off without stopping by Jane’s. Jayden, however, hung around, hounding me about how I should take better care of my health and basically accompanied me to the doctor’s office.
He made a huge show of holding the door open for me; an overly mocking attempt at flirting that I ignored. I still hadn’t figured out what his deal was, or why he’d offered me help in the first place. At that point I knew one thing for certain; help often came at a price. I was wary of when I’d find out the cost for all this.
Jane was quick about examining my head, but I still couldn’t keep myself from flinching at her touch. There, in her office, I was much more aware that she was a doctor than I’d been last night. I refused to look around the room; the knowledge that I’d find medical instruments if I did, was enough to shake me.
“Well, you’ll be back to normal within the week,” Jane told me once she was done. I hurried to excuse myself and leave her office, only half aware that Jayden followed me. He caught up to me as I entered our shared room.
Jayden glanced at me from where he stood by the foot of his bed. “What is it about doctors that scares you? I mean needles I get, I’m not too fond of those myself. Who is? But Jane’s never given you reason to worry about her harming you, yet you freeze up once you enter her office.”
I blew out a breath, then dropped down on the couch. My head was already hurting again and I was in no mood to have him pry into my past. “It’s none of your business,” I responded sourly.
“I’m just trying to understand. I mean, you have nightmares and shit. I’m trying to help.”
Help, right. Like they'd told us in the labs that they were simply trying to help the world get better. That we were means to help humanity survive.
I scoffed. “Right. Because that’s what you do. You randomly help strangers and you want nothing in return.”
“I don’t,” he responded. “I just wanted to help. Never mind, I gotta get ready for patrol.”
I leaned back against the couch in silence. I didn’t believe him. Nobody helped people without wanting something in return; not in that world. I didn’t pay Jayden much attention, but I glanced up at the screeching of the closet door being opened. I wasn’t expecting Jayden to be shirtless. Getting ready for patrol must’ve meant him changing into different clothes.
My eyes caught on his chest and there was something tempting about staring at him without him noticing as he rummaged through the closet. I’d never taken the liberty to really examine a guy, but Jayden was handsome. His skin was sun-tanned and stretched over lithe muscles. I let my eyes follow the line of blond, coarse hair that drew my eyes lower, past his navel to the waistband of his jeans, which hung low on his narrow hips. There were lighter scars on his abs and I wondered how they’d feel under my fingers — the scars not his abs — and whether they’d be —
“Elin?”
My face instantly turned hot. I jumped to my feet, muttered an unintelligible apology and stumbled from the room, ignoring Jayden calling after me. I was in desperate need of air, so I rushed out the back of the building.
◆◆◆
My shallow breath evaporated in white clouds but at least the frigid air cooled my heated cheeks. I was angr
y with myself but also at Jayden. Couldn’t he have warned me before taking his shirt off? Where was his decency?
I kicked at the snow. I’d behaved just like one of those naive girls downtown who thought a man was all they needed. I bet he’d already met a dozen of them and they’d been joyful, beautiful girls with perfect pasts, just waiting to fall into his arms.
Stupid snow and stupid winter made me come here. The light reflecting off the snow was so bright it made my head hurt as I stomped through it. I finally sat down on one of the half-rotten bleachers behind the building. I tried to catch my breath and will my headache away.
“You’re not going to make your concussion any better by running off like that. Especially not out here where it’s bright.”
I groaned and pinched the bridge of my nose when I turned towards Jayden, who stood a few feet away, hands in his pockets.
“Don’t you get that I want to be left alone? Following me makes you seem creepy.”
“Yeah, I caught that. But I’m on patrol duty out here for the next few hours. So, I don’t really have a choice,” he answered, a smirk on his lips before his expression softened and became more genuine. “You know, you’re not the first girl who’s stared at me. There was no reason for you to run away like that. And, it’s not like I didn’t peek at you yesterday.”
I gasped. “I … what? Why?” I stuttered.
Jayden grinned, shaking his head as if I’d asked the dumbest question ever. I thought it was a legitimate question. It wasn’t every day that a guy like him admitted to staring at a person like me.
“Because you looked … quite pretty in that dress.” He chuckled and I knew he was toying with me.
“Just shut up,” I uttered, holding my hands up in defense. “I know stuff like that probably works on the other girls, and they don’t notice you’re making fun of them, but I’m not like them. I don’t know what your deal is but I don’t want any part of it.”