Persephone’s Curse

by Sandra Bats

  He moved closer, just a tiny step, but I had to tip my head back to still see his eyes and I was too afraid to take deep breaths because of our proximity. Maybe his breathing was shallow as well, or I was just hallucinating and had lost my mind. It was quite the practical option, since his hand still rested against my cheek and I still didn’t feel the familiar panic rising, telling me to get away, when I was sure he was contemplating kissing me.

  My heart hammered away, and time slowed. The door behind us swung open, shattering the moment. We jumped apart as if struck by lightning. Jayden dropped his hands to his sides and I tried catching my breath as Cam exited Jane’s office.

  “Hey, guys! What’s up?”

  I blushed, and Jayden seemed insecure trying to convince his friend that nothing, absolutely nothing had been going on. We accompanied Cam to the cafeteria, but just before we stepped inside, Jayden brushed his fingertips down my spine, leaving me with a tingling sensation, as he walked up to Chloe and Adrian who were playing music in the corner of the room.

  The reddish light of dusk and a few candles had transformed the cafeteria beyond recognition. As had the people in it. Suddenly happy, dancing and playing music on their instruments, suddenly careless and free of worry.

  “Will you dance with me?”

  Nigel’s voice carried high over the lively tunes and of course I couldn’t turn him down, so I took his hand and spun him around once, before we both whirled around in circles to the quick fiddle of Chloe’s violin. My energy wasn’t matched to that of a seven-year-old and by the end of the song, I had to catch my breath. I was thankful for the slower song that followed, I let Nigel stand on my shoes for that one.

  “Hey, buddy, would you mind if I stole Elin away for a few dances?” Jayden asked while he bent to Nigel’s height.

  Nigel shook his head and motioned for him to bend closer, whispering something in his ear, making Jayden smile.

  “Yeah, I remember.” Nigel took off with a toothy grin and Jayden offered me his hand. I must’ve frowned because Jayden was quick to wave it off.

  “It’s nothing important. He just wanted to make sure I had honest motives,” he said, making me grin at the strange choice of words.

  Jayden’s hand, the one not warmly wrapped around my fingers, rested on my back and as we swayed to the music I was worried about everybody around us thinking I was making a fool out of myself.

  “Nobody’s watching us,” Jayden murmured, his mouth close to my ear. “Your eyes are very telling. You get all fidgety and start looking around when you worry.”

  “Really? Well, what am I thinking now?” I asked, raising an eyebrow as a challenge.

  “You’re trying not to think about me kissing you.” He watched my face closely. “And now you are thinking about it.”

  My face heated under his gaze. This time I didn’t avert my eyes when I objected, telling him he wasn’t playing fair. His answering chuckle was low, resonating through his chest.

  “Never said I was playing fair.”

  The two following songs were faster, luckily. I shouldn’t have been surprised when — after we’d stopped dancing — Jayden approached Adrian and took the guitar from him. Nobody else batted an eye as Jayden sat down and started playing — and why should they have? After all, Jayden wasn’t the only one able to play an instrument, and I shouldn’t have been surprised, given how naturally he moved his body to music.

  The first few chords were slow and dark, and his voice was low as he sang along. Some people watched while others danced. I stood, listening to the dark lyrics about a man who met a woman on a battlefield and promised to fight alongside her, but she rejected him. I wasn’t sure if he’d written the song himself or if I’d just never heard it before but the way he glanced up at me once made me think he might be singing about me. I grew sure of it when the lyrics referred to her as green-eyed girl and spoke of the girl telling the man that life was too dangerous to trust anyone.

  The song sped up during the chorus only to fade back into dark brooding sounds when Jayden sang a full verse about the interaction between the man and his green-eyed girl. The lovely words spoke of devotion and persistence and even after the man had been rejected he held his promise to fight jointly. The rhythm and tempo matched the folk songs that were popular in downtown bars.

  I didn’t dare look around as I snuck towards the door. I hoped to sneak off without having to acknowledge that Jayden had once again presented me with kindness that I’d never be able to repay. The last words of the song, the man asking the girl to give him a chance, wafted after me but I was already half down the hallway.

  Jayden’s voice called for me just as I’d reached our room, but I rushed inside, letting the door fall shut.

  “Elin, please, let me explain,” he said when he opened the door a few moments later.

  “Explain what? That you keep doing these things, these grand gestures each time I feel like I just caught up to you? That I’ve just become somewhat of an equal to you and then you go and make the next move and I feel like I’ll never catch up? Why can’t you just give me time to cope once? You barely let me breathe, barely let me get adjusted to even the faintest idea of this before you go and do something else. What? Do you think that nobody catches on to what you do? That they’re not all talking about us now, when the world has no room for that? Everything out there, outside these walls, is pure horror and pain and I don’t even know how to deal with something like this.”

  Jayden seemed so shaken when he asked if I still thought there was no hope, despite having lived safely for a while now.

  “It doesn’t matter if I’m safe now! The world is horrible and the moment I forget that, it will catch up to me. The moment I let myself have anything good and kind, it will come crumbling down.”

  “Come on, you can’t keep waiting for shit to happen. There’s so much good in this world. You just need to let loose and enjoy life.”

  It was like a cord snapping. As if my past, all the bits I’d never shared with anybody, just broke free and formed words on my tongue that I couldn’t keep from spilling out. I needed him to understand that my mistrust derived from experience and wasn’t just some overreaction. I needed him to understand that my horrors were bigger than me, impossible for anyone to understand.

  “Enjoy life? You have no idea what you’re saying. There is no life left in me to enjoy. They came to kidnap my sisters and me. They shot my grandfather in front of our eyes before they dragged us off to their labs. I was one of their lab rats! They examine girls, give them drugs and do surgery and then rape them to see if they survive childbirth. They feel so poised in their horrible work. I grabbed one of their guns as I watched them rape a girl. I shot the guard. Then I shot a few more. Ran and jumped through the first window I saw. I was surprised I didn’t die. I ran, and I kept running until I dodged them. But that doesn’t mean they’re not still in my mind, chipping away at my sanity and slowly dragging me back, knowing they still have my sisters. You’re telling me I have the chance to be happy and loved? How can I have that when my sisters are still hurting?”

  Tears stung in my eyes and I watched in shock as Jayden unbuttoned the top few buttons on his shirt.

  “What are you doing?”

  He pointed at a scar right underneath his collarbone. “You see this? I was shot when you escaped. There has only been one person to ever escape the labs. You shot me in the hallway.”

  His words knocked the breath right out of me. Even if I could have found words for my rising anger Jayden gave me no time to unleash my hatred for him having been a guard, the one thing I had run from those last two years. “I was kidnapped, too. They forced me to be one of their guards. They extorted me with Abby’s life, like they would other guards with the lives of their female friends or relatives. I was on guard duty that night. I saw how much you wanted out and realized they must’ve been lying to us. That if you were so desperate to jump out a window I didn’t want to imagine what they did to Abby. I left he
r behind, I ran, but I swore I’d come back for her.”

  “I hate you!” I stammered, tears finally slipping down my cheeks.

  I didn’t succeed in putting venom into my words. Oh, how I wanted to hate Jayden! But it occurred to me that I always thought I’d remember each guard I’d shot. Yet, when I thought back, I was sure they had been old, vile monsters instead of the teenage boy he must’ve been back then.

  “Elin.” I looked at his eyes, which mirrored my pain, glistening with tears he kept unshed. “I’m sorry. I’m incredibly sorry I didn’t tell you. I can’t … I know what happened to me isn’t the same that happened to you. I know they do worse to the girls. I know what the guards do in there … what I did … it’s not right. I just want you to know that it’s not black and white. They abduct young boys and brainwash them into believing they’re doing the right thing.”

  I swallowed the large lump in my throat. The words were almost too painful to speak. “Did you … did you ever have to …”

  He understood, shaking his head. “No. Fuck no! I was only a guard in the hallways. I was just seventeen. I was only supposed to make sure nobody escaped. I failed at that, too.”

  I cried more at that. I cried over the innocence they stripped from us, the way our pasts would never really let us move on; would always haunt us. When Jayden asked whether he could hug me, I let him, eventually slowing my tears. Sobbing, I asked how he managed to keep up his happy demeanor, always seeming so put together. How he hadn’t let his past make him bitter and mistrusting, like mine had made me.

  He moved to brush a tear from my cheek, and with a weak smile he told me that it took time. Time to get over the fears, time to leave the nightmares behind. That and friends who caught him when he struggled. He looked me in the eye and exhaled heavily before adding his last sentence.

  “I realized that if you, the girl locked in a cell, could run, then I could run, too. That I couldn’t let them take my humanity. You saved my life when you shot me.”

  “Must’ve been a hell of a bullet, then,” I snorted. Maybe I’d been wrong the whole time. Maybe this meant I didn’t owe Jayden for his kindness. Not if I’d unknowingly saved him as well.

  “Your sisters wouldn’t want you to be sad. I know you think it’s impossible, but you need to start living again. And if you let me, I’d really want to help you.”

  I was breathless and there was a tension between us. I was sure it was tangible, as it had me shivering. I stared into Jayden’s eyes, desiring to accept his help.

  “Is this where you’re supposed to kiss me?” I wanted to bite my tongue at this entirely stupid and inappropriate question, but he grinned carefully.

  “I recall you saying you’d kill me if I make a move on you.”

  I tapped my finger against the tiny scar on his collarbone. “Seems like I already tried and failed.”

  He stretched his lips to a little smile. His thumb was smoothing over the soft skin of my cheek and then he bent down and touched his lips to mine.

  There it was, my heart, racing like crazy. I was sure I was going to lose my mind. Somehow, my body seemed to know how kissing worked; I always wondered how people knew. My hands were useless, I had no clue what to do with them, I kept them glued to my sides. His hand tangled in my hair, right at my neck. His lips were soft, so very soft and damp, and I held my breath, moving my lips until I ran out of air. I gasped for a moment, somewhere in the back of my mind, realizing I could breathe while kissing, but my rational thinking was long gone. I opened my mouth when his tongue tentatively brushed against my lower lip. When Jayden pulled back, he left me shaky and unable to move. I stared up at him.

  “Don’t look so surprised. You asked me to kiss you.” His gentle voice carried a smile and, nonetheless, I tried looking at my feet, but his finger under my chin forced my eyes to meet his.

  “I didn’t know … I never … I mean, not really. I’m sorry.”

  I knew it was gibberish, but it was all my mind could put together. I’d never been kissed before Jayden, at least not like that. Not when I’d wanted it.

  Jayden grinned slowly. “What are you apologizing for?”

  “I don’t know how … I …”

  He leaned in and stole another kiss from me and then another one, whispering to shut up and just stop thinking for once, and when he kissed me again, longing and slowly this time, I tentatively ran my hands up his arms to his shoulders while he lifted me the tiniest bit, sitting both of us down on the couch without his lips ever leaving mine.

  His face hovered just inches in front of mine. It felt as if there were pins and needles in my entire body, as the butterflies in my stomach synced with my rapid heartbeats. I knew he was giving me enough room to back off in case I wanted to, but that was the farthest thing from my mind. The distance between us was offending enough so I leaned forward and brushed my lips against his again. When my lips left his, his grin was boyish and wide.

  “I’ve really wanted to kiss you for a while now,” he confessed.

  Seventeen

  Jayden

  “And you never recognized me?”

  I shook my head at Elin’s question. “Well, you looked different when you escaped. Besides, I don’t remember much of that night before I passed out from blood loss.”

  Her features softened, and her eyebrows furrowed. She instinctively smoothed her fingers over the scar under my collarbone. Cradling her cheeks, I leaned my forehead against hers.

  “Don’t! Don’t be sorry or apologize for what happened that night. What you did, you did to save your life. Besides, you shooting me was the best thing that could’ve happened. They sent me to the medical ward and that’s where I met Jane.”

  Elin’s face was sincere but there was some lightness in her voice, letting me know she was trying to ease the mood. “Did you charm Jane into running away with you?”

  “I could flirt all I want with her, she wouldn’t care. You’d actually be more her type,” I chuckled. As I went on I grew more serious. “Jane was kidnapped, much like you, but they soon noticed that she’s infertile. Some genetic issue. They would’ve executed her if she hadn’t been studying to become a doctor and agreed to work for them. She tended to the guards. When I was brought in with that nice little hole in my shoulder she and I became friends.”

  I paused. I’d not thought about those days for so long that the memories were hard to dig up. I’d spent so much time ignoring that part of me it was difficult to drag into the light.

  “Jane kept fixing the records so it appeared I was healing slower than expected. One day during physical rehab we went outside for a walk and she snuck me a gun. We took off. I think I took down two guards or so before we climbed over a fence. We ran, and eventually stumbled across this place. Initially, we planned to hide out for one night because we were hungry and exhausted. When the sun rose, I looked around and stumbled across Camden. He was hunting in the forest, trying to provide for his cousins. We talked, and the rest is history.”

  Elin leaned into me and kicked her shoes off. “Do people around here know you were a guard?”

  I kissed the top of her head.

  “They know about it, yeah. Just not many details … I don’t think everybody understands what it entailed. Some do, mostly those that were in the military themselves. Alex, for example.” I hesitated, pulled her closer to me so we were lying rather than sitting on the couch. She felt so tender and warm in my arms. Everything I had imagined her to be. When she put her head against my shoulder, her hair tickled my skin. “Alex and I, we were trained together. He was transferred to street patrols later and I was sent to the labs. We were opponents sometimes. Knife training mainly. You got to cut your opponent if you won. He has some scars I gave him.”

  Absentmindedly, I twisted a streak of her hair. Such soft curls. They slipped through my fingers like vapor. Inhaling her scent made it easier to talk.

  “I was there for six years. Abby and I, we were both eleven when they kidnapped us. Aunt May
had died a couple months before and we were living on the streets. Abby was screaming bloody murder when they took her. I tried helping her, but I was too weak. They took us both, separated us when we arrived the labs and I haven’t seen her since.”

  The memory was still raw. I missed Abby on daily basis. Sometimes I turned around to tell her something only to remember she wasn’t there. Sometimes it was something as simple as my own eyes in the mirror reminding me of her.

  Elin gently rubbed my arm. It drew me back to reality. I sighed. “How long were you there?”

  Elin took a deep breath. Talking about it seemed hard for her as well. For a moment, I thought she wouldn’t.

  “Two years. I was a few days short of fourteen.” She paused, wringing her hands. “Maddy was nine and Norah was three. My grandfather tried to hide us under the kitchen floorboards when they came. But they found out and shot him. I’d been in town that day and they followed me on my way back. When they tried catching me, I ran as fast as I could. I led them right home. Right to them.”

  Her fingers fumbled with a button on my shirt and her voice was monotonous. She felt so guilty it clawed at my heart. She didn’t deserve the burden of endless regret. I’d seen so much of it in my life and how it ate away at people.

  “It’s not your fault. I know they try to make you believe it is, but it’s not. They did that to your family, not you. Sweetheart, you have no reason to feel guilty about any of this.”

  I was a hypocrite for telling her she wasn’t at fault when I still blamed myself for Abby’s kidnapping. I wanted better for Elin, though. I didn’t want her to suffer through guilt.

  She reached up, smoothing the line between my eyebrows. Her gentleness made me smirk. Her answering smile was enough to send my heart into overdrive. The fact that she leaned in first to kiss me was just the cherry on top. Her lips were silky, and she moved with such innocence. I pulled her up to my chest without intending to. Pressed my hands to the small of her back, holding her closer. My inner voice reminded me to not slip them under her shirt under any circumstances. I didn’t want to scare her off. She was so close. Finally. Close enough I could feel every shaky breath she took. She no longer just followed my movement. She gained confidence, moving at her own pace. She pulled back a little, smiling at me. I brushed my nose against hers. I thought she was incredibly beautiful when she blushed like that, shyly biting her lower lip. Her hand was pressed against my chest and a sudden frown crossed her face.