Claiming Crusher: Savage Brothers MC

by Marie, Jordan

  Logically, I understand his words. I just can’t bring myself to feel blameless. The bodies in my past keep piling up and for no other reason than they wanted to help or protect me. When is it going to end? My hand goes up to my chest. I don’t feel anything by my heart, so move it up till I find it, way too high to hit the heart and not even close to where it needed to be. Michael is right. I am pathetic.

  “That one scared us the most. It was deep. You lost a lot of blood from it. It’s good I found you when I did,” he says and my hand freezes on the rough skin.

  “You shouldn’t have saved me, Zander.”

  He doesn’t respond and I’m too lost in my thoughts to realize that he’s upset. I close my eyes as the tears fall. Poor Nic.

  “Look at me, Hellcat.”

  I can’t bring myself to, even when he uses the command in his voice that I normally wouldn’t argue with.

  “Hellcat, now.”

  “I did it,” I whisper to him softly, because I’m ashamed. I don’t really want him to hear me. I’m ashamed that I was weak. I’m ashamed I didn’t manage to do it. I’m ashamed for being in this situation. I’m sick with regret that me living took the life of two men…two really good men…two men who were loved and had a life of happiness ahead of them.

  “You didn’t do shit, Hellcat. It was that fucker, Mich….”

  “I stabbed myself, Zander. I wanted to die. I wanted to take that from him. I couldn’t even manage to do that. I’m weak and my weakness…killed…” I can’t even finish the thought. I killed Dragon… “You should have let me die. It would have been better if you did.”

  Zander gently pulls my face towards him. He’s leaning over top of me and his eyes are full of emotion.

  “You need to shut that fucking shit up right now, Hellcat. You need to listen to me. You are the strongest woman I have ever met in my life. The shit you must have lived through, the shit you just lived through? That would destroy someone weak. There wouldn’t be anything but pieces left of them. You are fucking amazing and if I have to tell you that every day for the rest of our lives together, I will. So just cut that shit out about being weak and how it would have been better if you were dead. Hand to God Hellcat, if I was in a world where you weren’t breathing, I’d follow you wherever the fuck you went, because you’re it. You’re it for me.”

  “Zander, please just stop. We both know the real reason you even look my way and I’m too tired to pretend otherwise.”

  Zander sighs and sits back down holding my hand. I look down at our joined hands and find another reminder as to why I’m not good enough for him. My hand is bandaged up, but even in the bandages you see that I no longer have a pinky finger. It’s one more thing that Michael has taken from me and one more thing that Zander shouldn’t have to worry about. He needs a whole woman, one who can give him babies and be there for him in ways I’m too broken to manage.

  “Enlighten me, Hellcat. Go ahead and tell me what the fuck is the real reason I need you.”

  “You couldn’t save Melly, so you want to try and save me. It’s okay I get it, and I could even live with being her substitute, but you deserve better. Somewhere you’ll find a…”

  “A woman who drives me completely fucking crazy,” he growls. I look up at him then, he’s angry. “What does it take to make you shut your damned pie-hole and listen to me?”

  “Zander…”

  “Don’t you Zander me, it’s time you listen to me, Hellcat and you better fucking listen. I watched my mom get shit on and be my old man’s punching bag for years. I couldn’t save her and that sucked, but I was a damn kid. Melly was a beautiful, sweet, innocent girl that the world slowly destroyed. I wanted to save her, she wouldn’t let me and it was because we were both still kids. I would have loved her. I would have taken care of her and been happy. You’re right. You’re abso-fucking-lutely right.”

  “Zander, I don’t want to hear about…”

  “You, Dani or Melinda or whoever the fuck you are…”

  “Dani,” I growl because I hate Melinda, I never want to be Melinda.

  “You, do not make me happy—not even a little bit.”

  His words hurt me and I feel like he just slapped me across the face.

  “You make me screaming mad, confused, weak, aggravated, crazy, and horny as fucking hell…”

  “Listen…”

  “And completely fucking whole, for the first time in my life.”

  I freeze right before I tell him to shut up. “I… uh what did you say?”

  “I said you make me whole, Hellcat. When I’m with you, I feel at ease, relaxed, and peaceful, even when you make me want to scream. I’ve never had that in my fucking life, but most of all Hellcat, you make me feel… alive. I need you, Hellcat. I need you more than any man has never needed a woman in his life. You aren’t a substitute for anyone, sweetheart. You are my fucking world.”

  “Zander…”

  “My fucking world, Dani…” He whispers leaning so close his face comes to mine and holds me prisoner in his gaze. “I love you.”

  “Zander…”

  “I love you,” he says again and his lips are so close I can feel his breath on my skin, almost taste him on my lips.

  “Zander…”

  “I love you,” he says again, his fingers lightly brush against the side of my neck as he holds my face in place.

  “Will you let me finish now?”

  “Not if you’re going to say more fucked-up crazy shit,” he answers.

  “I love you,” I tell him and I know my eyes are wet with tears.

  “I give you permission to say that every fucking day for the rest of our lives, Hellcat.”

  “I’ll see what I can do,” I tell him and he places a small kiss against my lips.

  Chapter 42

  Crusher

  I’ve got my woman back at the club. She’s slowly healing, but doesn’t really venture out of our room. People make her nervous, especially if there is more than one or two. It’s been a few days since her release and she’s still a mess. To me, she is the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. I can’t believe the courage this woman possesses. I wasn’t lying to her that day in the hospital, others would have caved long ago. Hell, I’m not even sure I have what it takes to fight for as long as she has.

  Nicole finally came by and visited Dani yesterday, but it didn’t go well. I understand that she is mourning the loss of Dragon, but she tore into my woman and made yet another fucking hole in her heart. I wish I could magically make it all better…for Dani, for Nicole, for all of us…this place is so fucking depressing since Dragon died, it seems unreal.

  Today is Dragon’s funeral. Freak has been doing some digging and put a few feelers out. The club is preparing for Michael to attack. I haven’t told Dani. It would just make her feel worse. She’s in no shape to venture out anyways. I’m going to make sure she’s never alone. Freak wouldn’t tell me how he knew that fucker was planning an attack, but he said it was reliable. So fuck, I know it’s coming today. Another thing pissing me the fuck off, is that Skull is hanging around and staying close to Nicole. He’s like a dog in heat. Dancer seems to be allowing that shit too. I know as club VP, I should probably step in and get him the fuck off the grounds, but I got my hands full. I don’t see why Bull and Dancer can’t step up. Still, I’ve decided after the attack today, that fucker and his whole crew need to be scarce on Savage land.

  Fucking hell, I guess if you get down to it, I’m probably the club President now. We haven’t had a formal meeting though and honestly I can’t assume leadership. I betrayed my brother. Maybe if I had handled things differently, Dragon would still be breathing. That’s a fucking hard truth to face. So, Drag’s death is on my shoulders—no one else.

  A brother I served with, Diesel, is in for Dragon’s funeral. He keeps hitting me up to help him with his crew. He just lost an old lady. I’ve told him how fucked up I’ve been doing things concerning Dani and for some reason he respects it. Sa
ys he wished he had done more to save his woman Sheila. It’s fucked up, but I’m considering it. Dani and I need a change.

  I have checked in with Freak and the others and there’s firepower lined up at all the entrances and hidden throughout the parking area. Bull has fixed it so the gates will remain open, while the riders go out and then he’ll circle back. It’ll appear we’ve been lax and that will set it up for Michael to make his move. Then the men from Diesel’s crew, a few from Skull’s and Bull, Nailer and Six will attack back. I’ll be coming out at the end, to finish off Michael. I get that. That is mine. I’m going to drain the life out of that sorry motherfucker with my bare hands. The other brothers didn’t argue. It wouldn’t have mattered if they had. Dancer is in charge of protecting the women outside and I’m putting Hawk in charge of keeping Dani safe.

  It’s the perfect plan, but with each minute that passes I feel as if I’m crawling out of my skin.

  “Zander, you’re killing me. Go to the funeral, Dragon would want you there,” Dani says interrupting my thoughts.

  “Nah, sweetheart, I’m good,” I answer brushing hair out of her face. She’s lying in bed, and looking at the new e-reader I got her. I was a stupid-fuck, because she can’t hold it and turn the pages right now, but she just looks at it, telling me no one had ever given her anything before, except Nicole and Ray for Christmas. Birthdays they usually just took her out and that’s wrong. I’m going to give her the world if I can manage it.

  “You’re making me nervous, Zander and since I’m going stir crazy in this bed, that’s saying something.”

  “I’m sorry Hellcat, just a little out of sorts today that’s all.”

  “Out of sorts? Sometimes you are so weird,” she grumbles laying back on the bed with a huff.

  “Good thing you like weird,” I smirk.

  “Ehh…I’m just with you because of Junior.”

  “And Junior, thanks God for that, every damn day.”

  Dani rolls her eyes and I wink at her. When we’re like this, just the two of us, everything seems fine—at least on the surface. She has new demons now and they circle around her at night. She’s not sleeping and she seems untouchable at times. Still, I know she’s trying, and there’s not much more I can do. I’ve talked to her about therapy. Dancer is attending weekly meetings with some shrink and he says Dani needs to see her. Dani won’t talk about it right now, and I don’t want to push her, but after Michael is gone…if things don’t get better, I’m going to have to do more than push.

  “You look tired Zander, you should rest.”

  I take her hand and hold it in the palm of mine and kiss the back of her knuckles. She tries to pull her hand away, because it’s the one with the missing finger, I don’t let her. I kiss it and hold it against my face, letting her know I see nothing different, she’s still beautiful.

  “Look who’s talking.”

  “A fine pair we are…”

  She stops and we look out the window, when we hear the gunfire outside. It looks like we’ve reached show time. I stand up quickly and kiss her forehead.

  “Stay put, Hellcat, I’m about to go make you a widow and I need you to stay here and be safe.”

  “What? Zander, you can’t…”

  “Don’t argue with me, Hellcat. I got shit to handle and I don’t want to be distracted worrying if you’re doing what I told you to do, or not.”

  “What I’m told? Zander! I don’t have to…”

  “Shut it, sweetheart. We’ll talk when I get this shit done.”

  I close the door, giving Hawk the okay. I draw my gun and head out to make my woman a widow.

  I make it outside and slowly move from the door. Gunfire has slowed and I mostly get to see the aftermath. It pisses me off, for this one I wanted to be in the thick of it. Taking care of Dani, was more important though. As I round the corner I see him, Michael. He’s been shot in the legs. That’s the orders I gave. I want this fucker alive. I’m going to make him eat his own goddamn dick before I end his sorry fucking miserable life. In fact, I’m so engrossed in planning my revenge that I completely miss the fact that somehow my woman got away from Hawk and is standing at my side.

  “Hello, Michael,” she says. Her voice is surprisingly strong, but motherfucker I’m going to beat her ass.

  Chapter 43

  Dani

  “Hellcat, I thought I told you to keep your ass in bed, and stay safe,” Zander growls while kicking the gun that Michael had dropped farther away.

  “You did, I ignored you.”

  I think if it was possible steam would be coming out of his ears. It’s cute but I can’t think about Zander right now. I know he’s upset, but I needed to be the one to do this. I owe Hawk, for stepping back when I told him I needed to be the one to send Michael to hell…not to mention he gave me his pistol to do it with and helped me outside, since walking is still a major fucking undertaking. I wanted a larger gun, I don’t know much about them really, but bigger is always better I’d imagine, but he said I couldn’t withstand the kick of bigger. He’s probably right, but it still makes me sad.

  “Damn it Hellcat, you’re not in any shape to be out here…”

  “This fucker is mine,” Dragon says. I look up to see him standing in front of me. Michael is the only thing between us. My heart fills with warmth to see him there, even if I don’t understand it. Still, Michael didn’t beat him and sure as hell didn’t rape him, so I ignore him. Zander however, doesn’t.

  “Dragon? What the fuck…How the hell are you standing here?” He asks, his voice full of shock.

  I tune them out, I have other things on my mind. I stumble walking closer to Michael and Zander is right there holding my arm. I hate that I need help, but I’d rather lean on Zander than fall on my ass. Still, for this next part, I pull away.

  “Do you know what I hated most about being married to you, Michael?” I’m being so calm… it feels wrong. I should be cussing or screaming or beating the shit out of him. Maybe the beating has done something to me after all? I feel…so calm and fuck, maybe even happy. When he doesn’t answer I shoot his dick. Unfortunately, I miss and it goes wide and to the right catching his thigh. Still at the sight of the blood that funny feeling increases. Definitely happiness.

  “You stupid cunt! You don’t have the brains enough to finish me off. You were always weak! You should count yourself lucky that I…” he ends in a scream and I look over to see Zander has shot the fist that Michael had been shaking at me. I notice he used a smaller gun too and the wound he made is bad and bloody, but not so bad he’ll die right away. So, I guess small guns have their place. Still…

  “Zander, this is my job,” I grumble, not really upset, but still I wanted to do this on my own.

  “He was pissing me off. It was either stop him or kill him completely, I should be rewarded, Hellcat.”

  I shake my head, but I smile. Yeah…happiness… it’s a great fucking feeling.

  “Oh will you quit whining?” I growl at Michael when he keeps holding his hand and shit…is he crying? I didn’t do that shit when I was being beat.

  “Melinda, we should talk about things. I can,” Michael starts and I have to stop him. His voice annoys the fuck out of me.

  I shoot him again, this time I wanted to shoot him in the head. I really hate the name Melinda, but it goes wide with the kick of the pistol. I thought I only hit the cement he’s lying on because there’s dust, but when it clears he’s bleeding from his ear. Good enough I suppose.

  “I hated your smell,” I say when it becomes apparent that he’s not going to respond. I would smell you everywhere around the house. I’d bleach the place down and still your smell would be there. I can’t even describe it. You were like something I couldn’t get rid of, that was slowly rotting away…”

  “The clap?” Zander asks.

  “And I…” I stop to look at Zander… “What?” Seriously, the man is nuts.

  “The clap? Ole’ Michael here reminds me of something like that.
Rot your dick off and impossible to get rid of.”

  “They make medicine for the clap, Zander.”

  “Yeah they do for Michael too,” He says and shoots him in the dick and sadly his shot doesn’t go wide. Michael screams and cries like a little baby.

  I hold my head down. “I wanted to do that,” I pout.

  “You were taking too long, now I didn’t kill him but if you don’t do it soon, I’m going to.”

  “Zander!”

  He shoots him in the other hand.

  “Fine! Jesus you’re impossible,” I growl upset that he’s making this go way too fast.

  “We own the police here Hellcat, but there will still be too much to contain. Not to mention, you’re taking too fucking long and about to fall over,” he explains, and then he makes it all better… “Plus this whining piece of shit is taking up too much of our air. He doesn’t deserve to get anything from you sweetheart, except a load of lead.”

  I look up at him and smile. Well as much as I can, because it fucking hurts.

  “Michael?”

  He doesn’t answer and Zander’s heavy sigh is almost comical.

  “Michael,” I begin again. “Consider this payback for the gardener who was a nice guy, who had family and loved ones.” I shoot him in the stomach. Michael is starting to look blue and his voice is getting weaker. I probably should hurry this along. “This is for Ms. Martens,” I tell him, shooting him in the stomach again.

  “Hellcat…” Zander warns.

  “This is for all the other people you hurt,” I shoot again at the opposite leg and hit somewhere along the thigh. Zander of course sighs again.

  “This is for raping me,” I whisper, and I hate that some tears escape with that confession. I shoot him in the area of his dick again. Michael isn’t doing anything by this time. I don’t know if he’s alive or dead, but I can’t stop. “This is for letting Donald rape me,” I say again, crying harder now, and that just pisses me off. “This is for making me hate myself,” I shoot him in the head. I don’t stop until the hammer of the gun clicks and bullets won’t come. “Let me have your gun!” I growl at Zander, dropping the gun I had to the ground.