Seven Reasons Why

by Neesa Hart

  “Hell, Zack.” He eased the throttle back. “Where’d you get a stupid idea like that?”

  Zack met his gaze as the plane’s nose lifted off the ground. “It’s not a secret, Rafael. We’ve never gotten along.”

  “Listen. I am only going to say this one time. I may not have always agreed with you, but I admire you more than anyone I know. Now sit back and shut up, so I can tell you how to get your woman back.”

  On the afternoon of the third day after Zack's departure from Keegan’s Bend, August brought two glasses of lemonade out onto the porch. Jansen sat, feet up, swinging gently. “Where are the boys?”

  “Playing in the tree house,” she said. “They’re going to miss Miguel and Sebastiano.” Zack’s brothers had finally left that morning. Miguel’s shore leave had run out, and Sebastiano needed to return to his business. Their presence had been an unexpected blessing in the wake of Zack’s departure. She’d needed the time to adjust to Jansen, to the truth. True to Zack’s word, Odelia had backed off the instant Jansen confronted her with the truth. Snopes had disappeared from Keegan’s Bend within hours, and Odelia had been forced into silence by Jansen’s formidable presence. As far as he was concerned, she’d taken Katherine and August from him once, and he wouldn’t tolerate it again.

  Everything, August supposed, would have worked out fine, had it not been for the persistent ache in her heart when she thought of Zack, and his more-regular-thanclockwork phone calls. She didn’t talk to him, couldn’t bear to, but Jansen insisted on relaying the messages. The boys spoke with him each night. They plied him with questions about his return, and he always promised that, soon, he’d be back.

  Her children had recovered with typical childish resilience. Teddy was talking more and more each day, and they’d readily adjusted to Jansen’s presence in their life. August was the one who’d become a terminal basket case. She lived day to day, simultaneously dreading and wishing for the sight of Zack limping up her driveway. Her heart wanted him, ached for him, but the deep sense of betrayal she felt hadn’t healed.

  “Zack called again,” Jansen told her when she sat on the swing next to him. “Said to tell you, hello.”

  “Please, Jansen, not now.”

  “August, you’ve got to deal with this sooner or later. I’ve known that boy a long time, and he’s not going to go away.”

  “He already did,” she said.

  “Only to give you time to cool off. He wasn’t trying to betray you, you know. He was trying to help.”

  She shook her head. “You just don’t understand, Jansen. He manipulated me to get what he wanted. How am I supposed to forgive him for that?”

  “He married you, didn’t he?”

  “You heard why. He didn’t want a wife, he wanted a dependent.”

  “Oh, hell. You don’t believe that and you know it. How many times since you’ve known him has Zack told you he wasn’t the kind of man who made commitments?”

  “I don’t know. A few.”

  “Don’t you think he could have fixed your problem without marrying you?”

  “He said—”

  “I know what he said, but what did he mean? August, that boy had love written all over him. He was just scared to death to tell you that.”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  “Is it? His whole life, people needed him. Everyone around him wanted something from him. Zack spent over twenty years figuring out how to solve people’s problems. In the back of his mind, he’s scared to death that if you don’t need him, it means you don’t love him. He’s going to need some time to understand that.”

  August felt a familiar tightness in her chest. “He wants me to need him. I’ve spent too long learning to survive on my own to let myself need anybody!”

  “You know—” he stretched out his long legs “—you’re as stubborn as your mother.”

  August glanced at him in surprise. They’d spent three days getting to know each other, but Jansen had rarely spoken of Katherine. The memories seemed to be too painful for him. “I loved her,” he said, “so much, I’d have done anything for that woman.” His eyes remained focused on the setting sun. “If she’d told me about you, I could have found a way to make it work» but she was bound and determined that she wasn’t going to let me fight with her father.”

  “I’m sorry, Jansen.”

  “So am I.” He glanced at her. “You’ll never know how sorry I am. I’ve missed thirty years of your life, and now, you can’t forgive me for it.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Yes, it is. August, don’t you think I know how angry you are? Your whole life, everyone has disappointed you. First Katherine, then me, then the slew of people who were supposed to take care of you, and finally Zack.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. You didn’t know.”

  “It didn’t matter to you,” he insisted. “I just have to hope that in the years to come, I can prove to you that I won’t disappoint you again, that one day, you’ll trust me.”

  Trust. She turned the word over in her head. How many times had Zack pleaded with her for her trust? She’d unfairly judged Jansen for the past, she realized. Hadn’t she done the same thing to Zack? All he asked from her was her trust. She had given it, and with it, her heart. From the very beginning, she’d known that he was a remarkable man. She’s seen it in the way he treated her kids. She’d seen it in the determined set of jaw and the strong tenderness of his hands.

  He’d stolen her heart, and it had scared her to death. Years of practice had taught her to avoid caring at all costs. The people she cared about inevitably hurt her. She’d given love only to her boys. Until Zack Adriano stole it from her like the pirate he was. She hadn’t wanted to love him, but he’d given her no choice, and in her blindness, in her driving need to protect herself, she’d pushed him away.

  Finally, she realized, despite the anger his words had caused, that Zack had been right: She had needed him. She’d needed him to free her from the hurts of the past and give her a reason to cherish the future. She met Jansen’s gaze with a tortured look. As clear as a morning sky she remembered Zack telling her he couldn’t make a longterm commitment. Why-hadn’t she realized how much that had scared her? At the time, she’d focused on his pain, and completely missed seeing her own. In a corner of her heart, she’d always believed he’d leave her, and to protect herself from the pain his abandonment would cause, she’d left him first. Only now did she realize that she’d never given Zack the one thing he needed. Just as every person in her life had disappointed her, every person in his life had needed him. Zack equated need with love. He’d never had the opportunity to love and be loved for who he was, rather than what he could do. If she hadn’t been such a fool, she’d have seen the desperation in him, recognized it in herself.

  She raised tortured eyes to Jansen. “Do you think he’ll really come back?” she asked.

  In the glare of the afternoon sun, Jansen’s face looked achingly loving. “He already has,” he said, pointing toward the white panel truck coming slowly down the street.

  When the horn blared, two dogs began an insistent barking. As the truck drew near, her seven boys filed onto the porch. “What’s going on?” Teddy asked.

  “It’s Zack,” Jansen said.

  Lucas frowned at the approaching truck. “How do you know?”

  Jansen let out a low laugh as Chip crawled onto his lap. “I just do.” He gave August a gentle prod. “Go and say hello.”

  When the truck turned to back into the drive, August saw Zack and Rafael standing in the open cargo door. Rafael looked as disreputable as ever. Zack had an intense look on his face that made her heart rate trip into double time.

  The driver backed the truck nearly up to the porch, and several passersby stopped to watch as Zack, Rafael and two other men began unloading dozens of suitcases from the back.

  “What are you doing?” August asked him.

  “I brought you something,” Zack said absently. He indicated the
growing stack of bags to his brother and the two men. “Don’t get them mixed up.” He tossed three more burgundy leather suitcases onto the pile.

  The boys, eager to see Zack and Rafael, bustled off the porch. They picked their way through the piles to greet Zack with enthusiastic hugs and high fives. He scooped them up in turn, talking to them in low, conspiratorial tones as August watched the unfolding spectacle. They now had a respectable crowd on the sidewalk. She frowned at Jansen. “Do you know anything about this?”

  He shook his head in an unconvincing denial. Slowly, August made her way down the steps as piles of suitcases in every imaginable color and shape landed in a heap on her lawn. “Zack, what’s going on?” she asked.

  The last of the suitcases joined the nine piles on the grass, and Zack pulled the cargo door of the truck shut with a hard tug. “Why haven’t you taken my phone calls?” he demanded.

  “I didn’t think there was anything left to say.”

  He muttered something in Spanish, picked up a suitcase, then stalked over to where she still stood by the steps. “You’re my wife, damn it, and you didn’t think there was anything to say?”

  “Not after the way you left.”

  “I left because you told me to.”

  “You had lied to me.”

  “I never lied to you, August. Maybe I didn’t say a lot of things I should have, but I never lied to you.”

  She closed her eyes, suddenly weary. “Zack, why are you doing this?”

  He thrust the suitcase at her. “Look at this,” he said. She opened her eyes to find his gaze, angry and compelling, holding her captive. “Look at it. What do you see?”

  “It’s a suitcase.”

  “That’s right.” His finger jabbed at the monogram. “What are the letters.”

  She glanced at them, confused. What was he doing? “’A.T.A.’”

  “That’s right. You know what it stands for?”

  “What are you—”

  “It stands for August Trent Adriano, that’s what. And everyone of these bags has one of the boy’s initials on it.” He picked up a blue one. “See. Lucas Gerren Adriano.” He grabbed a red one. “Bo Mills Adriano.” He seized a pink one. “Beth Mills Adriano.” He dropped the bag at her feet. “You know who that is?”

  August shook her head no. “Beth is Bo’s sister. She’s coming to live with us. We’re adopting all of them.” He planted his feet solidly apart. With his arms crossed over his chest, he towered over her. “And you’re not going to say no.”

  “Why,” she muttered, scanning the piles of luggage, “why are you doing this?”

  “Because you pushed me away once, August. You did it because you were convinced I’d hurt you. You told me once that you spent your whole life feeling like you never belonged anywhere—that everything you owned fit into a suitcase.” He frowned at her. “Well, now that suitcase has my name on it.” With a sweep of his hand, he indicated the boys, who were gleefully pointing out their monograms on the luggage. “And their names. This is my family, damn you, and you’re not going to take it away from me.”

  She felt tears sting at her eyes when she saw the rugged set of his face. She watched her boys laughing in the yard, felt Jansen’s watchful gaze from the porch, saw Rafael’s pleased smile as he observed from the shadow of the truck. “Oh, Zack,” she whispered. “You’re such a fool.”

  He took a menacing step forward. “You are not getting rid of me.”

  “I don’t want to get rid of you, you big jerk. I love you.”

  A mixture of hope and distrust registered on his face. “You’d better mean it, August, because I swear to heaven, I’m not letting you go.”

  Two tears spilled down her face. “Of course I mean it You were right all along. I did need you.”

  Something flared in his eyes. “No. I was a fool for saying that. You didn’t need me, August. You’re the strongest woman I’ve ever met. And because you didn’t need me, I was afraid you couldn’t love me. The only reason I married you is because I love you, and if you haven’t figured it out by now, you’re not nearly as smart as I think you are.”

  She pressed her hands to her face. “All this time, I thought you didn’t really want us.”

  He gave her an incredulous look that sent fire to her toes. “Want you? Want you. I can’t damned well live without you.”

  With a muffled cry of joy, she tossed her arms around his neck. “Welcome home, Zack.”

  Rafael’s laughter carried on the hot afternoon. “Round up the boys, Jansen,” he said. “I think we need to leave them alone.”

  Epilogue

  August moved slowly through the large house, switching out lights. A quiet sense of contented exhaustion flooded her as she looked at the enormous Christmas tree in the living room. Zack had insisted that for their first Christmas together, they had to have the largest tree he could find. Fortunately, the extension Sebastiano had built to connect Jansen’s house with hers had cathedral ceilings large enough to contain the monstrous spruce.

  She tossed another log on the fire, then settled on the couch to wait for Zack. She shifted when the baby, now in its fifth month, kicked her hard on the right side. “Little hellion,” she whispered. “You’re going to be a soccer star, I know.”

  The clock in the hall chimed 4:00 a.m., and August tipped her head back against the sofa. She’d had trouble sleeping since Zack left on his business trip a few days ago. Jansen, three of Zack’s sisters and their families, along with the four boys, slept upstairs. In a few hours, she expected the children to invade the quiet sanctity of the living room.

  Zack had promised he’d be back by Christmas Eve, but had called her that afternoon to let her know he was running late. When he returned to Keegan’s Bend that summer afternoon, he’d turned his life upside down for her. He had resigned his position in New York. He now practiced family law from their home. Sometimes, she worried that he missed the excitement of the city, but he was quick to assure her that he’d lost his desire for that part of his life. All he wanted, he claimed, was here, in the quiet, if occasionally chaotic, security of their home. Secretly, August hoped to persuade him to run for mayor in the next election. With the baby coming, she didn’t want the dual responsibility of her practice and the mayor’s office. Continental Motors was scheduled to open their plant in the spring, and the town was quickly growing. The mayor’s job was becoming more and more important, and she could think of no one more suited to guiding the small town through the pending transition.

  They saw little of Odelia. Since the day Jansen confronted her, she’d taken to staying out of the public eye. It saddened August that they couldn’t resolve their differences, but she still maintained hope that one day, Odelia would be able to put the past behind them. In a strange twist of fate, Betsy May had approached August and asked to work with her in her veterinarian practice. She’d proved to have a deft touch with the animals, and August cherished the unexpected friendship that had blossomed between her and her cousin.

  Her eyes drifted shut in sleepy contentment as she pondered the course of her life. How could she have known just a few short months ago that she’d soon be surrounded by the loving warmth of the large family she’d always craved?

  In the corner of her mind, she heard the back door creak open, but was too sleepily content to open her eyes. “I hope that’s you,” she muttered to Zack.

  “It is.” His rumbly voice never failed to please her.

  “Did you get everything done?”

  “Yes.”

  She snuggled deeper into the couch. “I’m glad. Welcome home.”

  “It’s good to be home. I’m sorry I’m so late.” She heard him turn the lock.

  “It’s all right. The boys will be glad to see you in the morning.” She couldn’t stifle a yawn. “Just as long as I’m the first to wish you merry Christmas.”

  “Merry Christmas, sweetheart” he whispered as he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. “Don’t you want to see what I brought you
?”

  “Can’t wait until morning?”

  He chuckled softly. “I don’t think so.”.

  With a supreme effort of will, August forced her eyes open. Zack held a large, blanket-wrapped bundle against his chest. She rubbed her eyes. “What is it?” she asked on a yawn.

  He set his burden on her lap, then peeled back the blanket. The sleeping face of the beautiful little girl looked so much like Bo that August felt tears begin to sting at her eyes. She glanced at the amazing man she had married and her heart almost exploded with her love for him. “Oh, Zack, it’s Beth!”

  “Yes.”

  “You found her.” August’s arms tightened on the slender body. “How did you find her?”

  “With a lot of help from Kaitlin.” He stroked a dark curl off the girl’s face. “And she’s ours,” he said. “I made Fulton sign the papers tonight.”

  With a muffled cry, August pressed her face against his neck. “I love you,” she said. “I love you so much.”

  Zack shifted to the couch. So that he could cradle both August and Beth in his arms. “I love you, too, que rida. Now go back to sleep. I’ll be here in the morning.”

  * * * * *

  eISBN 978-14592-7369-6

  SEVEN REASONS WHY

  Copyright © 1997 by Neesa Hart

  All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the editorial office. Silhouette Books, 300 East 42nd Street, New York, NY 10017 U.S.A.

  All characters in this book have no existence outside the imagination of the author and have no relation whatsoever to anyone bearing the same name or names. They are not even distantly inspired by any individual known or unknown to the author, and all incidents are pure invention.