Love Off-Limits

by Whitney Lyles

  “Just about stuff…” Now she sounded nervous. “Specifically you and me.”

  He wanted to meet at the lake, which wasn’t her first choice after what had happened there only days ago. But she was afraid her father would come home and then she wouldn’t be able to break up with him. And they couldn’t go to his house because his mom and brother were there. Any crowded public places were out of the question. At least at the lake they could find their own secluded area to chat.

  They agreed to meet at the lake in fifteen minutes. She was glad they didn’t delay it because she needed to get this over with. She’d finally worked up the nerve, and if she waited too long, she might change her mind. He was standing at the water’s edge when she arrived, throwing rocks into the lake and watching them bounce off the water. He hardly noticed her walk up.

  “Hey, Jere,” she said.

  He turned around, and the happy-go-lucky look he usually greeted her with was gone. The only other time he’d been like this was when he’d told her about his parents splitting up. He hugged her, which she took as a good sign. At least he didn’t hate her—yet. But the hug seemed more like a good-bye than a hello. He totally knew what was coming, and she felt horrible. She almost changed her mind about breaking up with him. She couldn’t stand to see him suffer. However, it was worse to stay with him out of pity.

  “Let’s sit down,” he said.

  She sat down next to him in the sand. For a moment he continued picking up small rocks and throwing them in the water.

  “Natalie,” he started, then paused.

  “I’m sorry, Jeremy,” she said. “I don’t think I’ve been completely honest with you. There is a lot I want to say, and there is just no easy way to say it.” She swallowed, then took a deep breath. Here it was. “I think we’ve grown apart, Jere. I love you as a friend, and I never want to lose that. I mean, I would die if I lost you as a friend, but—”

  “No, hey, listen. It’s my fault.” He held on to a rock, making a fist around its smooth surface.

  “What’s your fault?”

  “That we’ve grown apart.”

  She was shocked. All this time, she’d assumed he thought they were closer than ever. All his confiding and late-night chats. She felt as though a weight had been lifted off her back.

  “We’re great friends,” he continued. “I think that in many ways our friendship is closer than ever. I mean, I really care about you. But I think…”

  “The spark is gone?”

  He nodded.

  “You don’t have to explain. I completely understand.”

  He seemed relieved too.

  “I still really want to be friends with you, and you know you can always come to me for anything,” she emphasized.

  “That’s good. Because you’ve probably been the closest friend that I’ve had this past year.” Instead of throwing the rock that he held into the lake, he set it down next to him.

  “Thanks for saying that. You really deserve someone better than me, Jeremy.”

  “That’s not true. I think you deserve better than me.”

  They sat next to the lake for a while. It was starting to feel more like fall had finally arrived in San Diego. The breeze felt cool off the lake, and the sun seemed to cast different shadows than it had in the summer—as though it were getting darker earlier.

  Natalie had thought breaking up would put a heavy tension between the two of them, and in many ways it was sad, but the strange thing was that everything felt lighter, more relaxed. But she still had to tell him about Matt. Dread consumed her. But she was afraid that this amicable breakup might turn ugly. Then she thought about the dance.

  “What about the dance?” she asked.

  “Do you still want to go?”

  She didn’t want to hurt his feelings—what if he still really wanted to go?—and it was a little late to find a date at this point. “I’m definitely still in if you’re still in. But I don’t mind either way.”

  “You want to just swing it solo this year?”

  “Sure.”

  He thought for a moment. “But what about the nominations?”

  “Jo’s on the committee. I’m sure she can take us off the ballot. You know the votes aren’t cast until the night of the dance anyway.”

  He nodded. “I hope it’s not too much of a problem.”

  “Seeing how we don’t even have costumes yet, I think we’re okay.”

  He smiled. “True.” He looked at the lake. “Well, if you don’t want to go, do you care if I ask Brianna?”

  She was surprised—not in a bad way. She just hadn’t seen that one coming.

  She shook her head. “Not at all.”

  It was a relief to know that he already had his eye on someone else. Brianna wasn’t her best friend, though. At the end of the day, Matt was still Jeremy’s best friend. She took this as a good opportunity to bring him up.

  “There is something else I have to tell you.” She felt her stomach turning and her palms growing sweaty. As he looked at her and waited for her to continue, she didn’t know if she’d be able to say it.

  “I kissed Matt,” she said.

  He lifted his eyebrows. “Wow.” His tone was flat.

  She didn’t know what she was expecting. Had she expected him to find the biggest rock at the lake and chuck it into the water like a madman? Did she expect him to start crying? Did she expect him to spit on her? She hadn’t really expected him to just sit there, silent. She had no idea what he was thinking.

  He finally spoke. “That’s kind of a dagger.”

  “I’m so sorry, Jere. I feel like the worst person in the world. If you want to hate me, you can. I totally understand.”

  He tossed another pebble in the water, then looked at her. “Do you like him?”

  It took all her courage, but she managed to nod.

  “He’s a good guy, Nat.” Then he squeezed her shoulder. “I won’t lie, it hurts. I mean, I don’t know…he is my best friend.”

  “I know. I know exactly what you mean.”

  “I only want the best for you, Nat.” He nodded. “And I’d be pissed if you went off and dated some idiot. It’s all good.”

  She smiled. “Thanks.”

  Jeremy walked her to her car. They gave each other one last hug. He felt warm and familiar, and for a moment she felt a flicker of sadness. It felt similar to the last time she had cleaned out her closet. She’d found her favorite old T-shirt that she’d outgrown five years ago. There were so many good memories, but the truth was she knew she had to let it go. She couldn’t hold on to it forever just because there were some great memories. When he pulled away, they looked at each other.

  “Still friends?” she asked.

  “Always.”

  Eighteen

  It was two days before the dance, and word of the breakup had spread across campus like wildfire. Natalie had been dumped for Brianna. Brianna had torn their relationship apart. None of the rumors were true. Strangely, there were bigger headlines in the school tabloids. People were far more interested in Natalie’s singing ticket. It was one of those odd little stories that people exchanged while waiting at the bus stop or standing in line at the cafeteria. No one had ever heard of anyone getting a ticket for singing.

  In spite of the breakup, everyone wanted to know about her getting pulled over, and specifically what song she’d been singing. She’d since learned that it was called “Big Girls Don’t Cry,” which was just completely ironic. Every time she heard Matt’s name, she felt like bursting into tears.

  Jeremy was still popular and sought after by practically every girl on campus.

  Natalie, Jeremy, and Brianna were still friends. The three of them still walked to lunch every day together, and it was actually kind of funny to see the expressions some of their classmates wore when they noticed them laughing and acting as though nothing had ever happened.

  Brianna had been worried about going to the dance with Jeremy and had even asked Natalie if it was o
kay before she accepted his invitation. Natalie had given her full support.

  It felt good to be free, but at the same time Natalie felt like things weren’t completely resolved. Matt had never replied to her text, and she wasn’t even sure if he’d shown up for school again today. He’d been MIA all week. Jo and Vincent had reminded her that he was sick. Rumors were flying that he had mono, which only added to Natalie’s stress. What if she had mono?

  Today, instead of walking to lunch with Jeremy and Brianna, Natalie took a different route. It was Thursday, which meant that the paper hit stands today. She quickly headed to the nearest stack of newspapers she could find. She gasped with delight when she noticed Matt’s ghost story featured on the cover. The newspaper’s artist had even sketched a cool, ghostly looking cowboy next to the story.

  Mr. Moore must’ve really liked Matt’s story too, because he was the one who decided what made the cover of the newspaper. She read Matt’s story for the second time and felt as though it were her own story that had made the cover. She was truly excited for him. She didn’t care if all her classmates wondered why she was grinning ear to ear over a ghost story.

  After she finished reading the story, she took a moment to look over the paper. She stood next to the newspaper stack while her classmates bustled in next to her, reaching for their copies of the Coyote Chronicle.

  She became lost inside the pages, oblivious to the world around her as she looked at all the hard work she’d contributed to this particular issue. Seeing her name in a byline felt so rewarding, but in some ways she also felt sad. She’d worked closely with Matt on this issue of the paper, and thinking of their Denny’s meetings made her heart ache a little.

  Her quiz was featured on the second page of the paper, and the column in its usual place—the last page. She glanced up. Many of her classmates had stopped in their lunch tracks to browse the paper as well. She noticed that a lot of them had already turned to the last page. That silly little column was more popular than anything—even sports. It just went to show how powerful love could be.

  Instead of heading to the cafeteria, she headed to the newsroom, holding the paper. She wanted to congratulate Matt on the cover story, and it was about time they resolved a few things—even if it meant the resolution wasn’t in her favor. She wasn’t looking for a deep conversation or some major breakthrough between them. She just wanted things to be cool. She also had something that she wanted to give him.

  She found him sitting in front of the same computer that he always used. He looked up when he noticed her, and she felt her palms turn sweaty. Her copy of the newspaper felt sticky against her hands.

  “Hey,” she said, “I just wanted to congratulate you. The cover story? That’s awesome.”

  “Thanks,” he said. His cheeks turned a little pink as he shrugged. “It’s not that big of a deal.” His voice wasn’t raspy, but he released a little cough.

  “Yes, it is!”

  “Thanks. I’ve been meaning to call you.”

  “Really.” She took a step forward. “I hope you’re feeling better.”

  “I am. But it was pretty brutal for a few days there.” He cleared his throat. “But listen…I just hope…everything is cool.”

  “Of course it is. Um…” This was so awkward. “You know I told Jeremy what happened. I hope you’re not mad.”

  “I know. I told him too—that same day, actually. I’m not mad at all…I just, I mean, he’s my…”

  “He’s your best friend. I know. It’s okay.” She saved him from telling her what he was really thinking—there was no way he could be with her because his best friend still came first. It was admirable. But it still killed her inside. She sensed sadness in his eyes too. It was so unfair.

  There wasn’t much more to say, so she wasted no time and reached into her backpack and pulled out the disk. “Here, it’s my latest column. We can use it for November.”

  He seemed puzzled. “I didn’t know that we had decided on—”

  “It’s from the question you gave me before—the one I didn’t answer. I decided to go ahead and write the column anyway. It’s my advice.”

  The corners of his lips turned up, and he seemed a little surprised. He took the disk from her hands. “Thanks, Nat. I look forward to reading it.”

  “All right, well…I’m going to go grab a bite,” she said.

  “I’ll be there in a minute.”

  She left the newsroom, feeling a combination of relief and sadness. She was relieved their friendship wasn’t ruined, but deep in her heart she wanted so much more than his friendship. She sensed he wanted the same.

  Nineteen

  Dear Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place,

  I bet it really does feel like there is no way out of your situation. You see, I know this because I was once in the same position—stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can tell you from my own experience that there is no easy answer to this question. Keep in mind, the fact that you are worried about hurting other people’s feelings shows what a good person you are. You can’t help the way you feel. The only thing you can do in this particular situation is weigh your options. Each situation is unique. There are a thousand maybes. Maybe the people you think you might be hurting won’t be as hurt as you think they will be. But at the end of the day, what counts is that you are honest with yourself. You can’t live a lie. My advice to you is to be honest with yourself, weigh your options, and at the end of the day, trust your judgment. You know what to do.

  Wearing her bathrobe, she sat in front of her computer looking at the column she’d given to Matt. She knew he’d read it by now, and she couldn’t help but wonder what he thought. She’d read the column so many times she practically knew it by heart. She closed out her screen. She could hear Prints William going ballistic downstairs, and knew her friends had probably arrived.

  It was time to slip into her costume. As she pulled the gown over her head, she wondered if Matt was going to the dance. She hadn’t spoken to him since she’d given him the column. Jo and Vincent hadn’t heard anything.

  It wasn’t dark yet, and her parents were helping her brothers get ready. They were all going trick-or-treating, and Grandma Jones would pass out candy. Grandma Jones was watching Nancy Grace downstairs. The television was so loud she was afraid that the neighbors would call the police. Grandma Jones would never hear the doorbell ring. Natalie made a mental note to ask for a television for Christmas. Maybe she could have her own small TV in her room, just to escape the freakish shows that Grandma Jones watched.

  “Natalie,” her mother called. “Jo and Vincent are here.”

  Natalie found her family and friends downstairs. Brandon had already painted his face white and slicked his hair back. Black circles surrounded his eyes and fake blood dripped down his chin. He was going as a vampire. Dressed to kill, Natalie thought. Thomas’s astronaut costume didn’t require makeup. Dressed for success.

  Natalie immediately showered her friends with compliments. With his drama background, Vincent had been able to use theater makeup for their dead bride and groom costumes, and they looked awesome. They looked like they were straight off the set of a horror movie. The costumes were by far the best Jo and Vincent had ever worn. There was something else going on with them too. Something in their eyes. Natalie couldn’t figure out what it was, but they seemed giddy and confident.

  “You look hot too,” Vincent said.

  “You’re the perfect Cleopatra,” Jo added.

  Natalie had decided to finally go as Cleopatra this year. She could do whatever she wanted now that she was single. Brianna had helped her find the costume. Natalie had to admit, she looked pretty good as Cleopatra. She had her black bob and her waiflike figure with her skinny neck. She wore a full-length Egyptian white-and-gold dress and headpiece. Her eye makeup was dark and sultry. She’d even drawn the signature black Cleopatra eyeliner wings off her eyelids. The funny thing was, she couldn’t get over the coincidence—how Cleopatra had come between
two friends, Julius Caesar and Mark Antony. The only difference between Natalie’s and Cleopatra’s love lives was that Natalie’s two guys were still friends and Natalie was heading to the dance solo. Natalie doubted that Cleopatra ever attended any dances solo.

  Natalie’s family had taken the news of the breakup well. She’d imagined they’d throw her out in the streets and ask if they could adopt Jeremy in her place. However, her brothers seemed as though they’d already forgotten him, and both her parents had explained they’d broken up with people at her age also.

  The plan for the evening was for the three friends to meet with some of Vincent’s drama buddies at Friday’s for dinner, and then they were heading to the dance. Vincent drove.

  There were a few other groups from school at the restaurant, and it was fun seeing all the costumes. Thankfully, there were a few other singletons in their dinner group. She dined with Danica Patrick and Barack Obama. There were two couples from the fifties and sixties. One couple had even come in the fork and spoon getup. Natalie was just glad that she didn’t have to wear it.

  Their waitress was dressed as Medusa and had two dozen rubber snakes tied to little braids on her head and blood dripping from a fake cut on her neck. She looked pretty cool.

  Natalie was partway through her burger when she glanced across the table and noticed that Vincent’s arm was slung over Jo’s shoulders as if it belonged there. Jo was snuggled into his chest as if she’d resided in that special place forever. They looked like a couple. Had Jo taken her advice? Was she giving him a chance? They looked great together—even dead.

  Natalie was so excited for her friends that she could hardly pay attention to her meal after that. It was en route to the car when Jo squeezed Natalie’s arm. Vincent had run back inside to use the bathroom.

  “I kissed him,” Jo whispered.

  Natalie’s jaw dropped. “Are you serious?”

  Jo nodded. “Shhh.”

  “Oh my gosh, I’m so excited for you guys. You guys are so cute together.”