Ruby Among Us

by Tina Ann Forkner

  Ruby knelt down low to peer at the baby and began talking to it as if it could understand her. When it nodded her way, Kitty laughed out loud. It appeared that the baby seal was talking to her daughter!

  She suddenly jumped up. “Mommy! Take its picture!”

  Kitty obliged.

  “What about us, Mommy? Let’s take a picture of us!”

  “How, sweetie? Who will hold the camera?”

  “I’d be happy to do that.” A tall, slender blond man dressed in business attire offered his hand for the camera, which Kitty handed over. He was very attractive, very friendly. The usual fleeting moment of guilt passed through her as she thought of Blake, but it had been so long…

  “Why, thank you.”

  “My pleasure.” He aimed the camera and paused a long time, as if he were trying to get the right angle, before he clicked. He handed the camera back and remarked, “Two princesses to be sure.”

  Kitty noticed Ruby giving him a suspicious look. Ruby would never allow anyone to take her father’s place.

  “No,” Ruby said, “Kitty is the queen. I am the princess. And Matt is the prince, and Daddy is Mommy’s king. You may leave us alone now.”

  Kitty smiled as the man’s expression changed from being taken aback to amused.

  “Thank you, Mr.…”

  “Mr. Thompson,” he responded and extended his hand in greeting. “Mrs.…?”

  “DiCamillo,” Kitty said quickly. “Miss DiCamillo.”

  “Well, Miss DiCamillo, it has certainly been a pleasure to meet you and your…niece?”

  Kitty watched Ruby’s face, embarrassed that Ruby might have noticed his eyes roam Kitty’s curves. She knew that Ruby had instantly decided not to like him. “This is my daughter, Ruby.”

  “I’m sorry. She called you Kitty, so I thought—”

  “She is my Kitty,” said Ruby, eying him suspiciously.

  He looked confused.

  “I am her Kitty. I’m her mother, and she calls me Kitty.”

  Ruby tried to cover her face. Debris from the wharf had been swept into her eyes, and as the wind died back down, Kitty leaned down to help.

  “What is it, baby?” Kitty tried to make her voice sweet so Ruby would feel less worried about talking to Mr. Thompson.

  “Mommy,” Ruby wheezed.

  Kitty produced the inhaler, which Ruby sucked in instinctively.

  “She just has a little problem with asthma.”

  “Ah.” Mr. Thompson nodded. “I understand.”

  But really Kitty knew he didn’t. Nobody ever did because Ruby was so young to have developed this problem, or so the doctors at the free clinic said.

  The next morning Mr. Thompson sat at the breakfast table with Kitty and Ruby. Kitty didn’t know how she had so easily let down her guard again. Maybe she was lonely, she reasoned with herself.

  Ruby ate her eggs in silence, and Kitty could tell from her glares that she despised him.

  After a few weeks he was still coming over to the house. Kitty had never told him to stop.

  One night Ruby cried for Kitty to stay home, and she did. She convinced Mr. Thompson that a dinner at home would be nice for a change.

  Ruby sulked, and right in the middle of the meal she picked up her plate and calmly dropped it to the floor. The porcelain shattered, taco shells and lettuce spreading like confetti across the kitchen floor. Ruby looked at the mess, stood up from her chair, and walked calmly to her room, and then slammed her door.

  Kitty was shocked. She apologized as she headed to Ruby’s room. “I don’t know what got into her.”

  In Ruby’s room, Kitty demanded an explanation.

  “Is he gone?” Ruby asked, hugging her favorite floppy bunny.

  “No! He’s not, and dinner is not over.”

  Ruby began to cry as she tried to burrow into her tattered princess pillow with her bunny.

  A feeling of guilt swept over Kitty, and she was quickly by Ruby’s side. But she spoke firmly, “Sweetie, you’re acting like a spoiled brat. This isn’t the Ruby I know.”

  “Mommy! I want my daddy.”

  Kitty’s heart dropped. “I’m sorry, baby. I really am.”

  “Then take me back! I want Grandma and Papa. I want to play with Matt. Can Matt come over, Mommy?”

  She had decided that handling Ruby’s fits with authority would teach her how to accept the reality that they were never going back to La Rosaleda.

  “Young lady, go back in there and apologize to Mr. Thompson.”

  She walked into the kitchen and stood beside his chair.

  “I’m sorry,” she said sweetly.

  “It’s okay, sweetie.” He picked up his fork and began to eat again.

  “Now go back to your room, Ruby,” Kitty said firmly.

  Ruby just stood there staring at Mr. Thompson, who, obviously uncomfortable under the child’s scrutiny, put down his fork and turned toward Ruby.

  “You aren’t my daddy,” she said emphatically.

  “Ruby! Go to your room!”

  Ruby ignored her mother and began to shower Mr. Thompson with six-year-old-themed obscenities.

  “I hate you—you stink!” Her childish voice rose louder. “I wish you would leave. I hate you. She is my mommy! Not yours.” Ruby pressed her arms against her sides and balled her hands into fists until she began wheezing and her insults came out as squeaks, but she wasn’t stopping.

  Kitty had to carry her, kicking, into her room, forcing her to take her inhaler.

  “I want my daddy.”

  “I know. I know, sweetie. Mommy does too, but we can’t have him, okay?”

  Ruby cried for herself and for Kitty until she finally drifted off to sleep, sniffling for her daddy and calling out quietly in her sleep for her friend Matt.

  Kitty knew she should have made the man leave. She still didn’t know what possessed her to let him stay again when her daughter so obviously hated him—never mind that she was married.

  In the middle of the night, Ruby crawled out of her bed like she was prone to do when she was scared and came into Kitty’s room.

  Kitty woke to her soft voice. “Mommy?” she whispered. “Can I sleep with you?”

  Remembering her visitor, Kitty sat up abruptly. “Oh, baby, not tonight, but I’ll come tuck you in.”

  “But why?” Ruby rubbed her sleepy eyes.

  “Because—”

  At that moment her guest chose to turn over heavily. He sat up too. He stared at the little girl standing beside the bed.

  Ruby began to cry as her mother whisked her to her room, sat her on the bed, and walked back out, slamming the door behind her.

  Kitty worried the whole time that Ruby could hear them fighting and wondered how she had come to this horrible place, cheating on her husband, her daughter in the next room. Because she was lonely? She should have realized that nothing could fill the cavern she’d dug in her own heart with her separation from Blake.

  “Then get out of here if you don’t like it!” she shouted.

  Mr. Thompson stood, pulling off a blanket to hold at his waist. “I’m not saying I want to go. I just have trouble dealing with your kid.”

  “She’s part of the package! If you can’t deal with her, then you can’t deal with me. Get out!” Her voice rose in a shriek, and she barely recognized it as her own. This was detestable, a sound she’d never had reason to make when she lived with Blake, when their whispers and quiet laughs escaped so easily but never would have woken their daughter or alarmed her if they had.

  Kitty cracked open Ruby’s door. “You awake, baby?”

  “Yes,” Ruby whispered.

  Kitty crawled into Ruby’s bed and lay cradling her.

  “Don’t cry, Mommy. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”

  Kitty responded with a kiss, hoping to reassure her precious Ruby. At least, she would always try to keep Ruby away from men if she even dared date one again. She shouldn’t, she knew, but…

  “I forgive you, sweetie.�
� She hugged Ruby closer. “What you did to Mr. Thompson at suppertime was not nice. I don’t ever want to see you do that to anyone again.”

  “Okay,” Ruby whispered.

  “But you didn’t hurt me, honey. It’s not your fault he’s gone.”

  Kitty stared at Ruby’s profile in the light of the streetlamps flickering into the room and wiped away the tears on her plump cheeks.

  “Then whose fault is it?”

  “It’s his fault, honey. I don’t want him around here anymore.”

  “Me neither,” whispered Ruby. “I only want it to be you and me, Mommy.”

  Kitty was silent until Ruby voiced what was on her own heart.

  “Unless…” She hesitated for just a moment. “Unless Daddy finds us someday. Then maybe he could stay. Could he, Mommy?”

  The guilt wrapped around Kitty like a heavy cloud. “If he finds us, sweetie.”

  “Are we lost, Mommy?”

  She shushed Ruby and snuggled in beside her but couldn’t voice her answer.

  THE GRIEVED ARE MANY

  Lucy

  12

  Kitty pushed herself away from the table and began to place the Mantecadas in a plastic container.

  “How did you and Ruby get to San Francisco? What happened to Blake?”

  “It’s not something we can talk about right now.”

  Kitty was resolute. So we packed some other things in silence, napkins and forks in case Max forgot them. Our mood had changed, and inside I couldn’t reconcile the story of Kitty in busy, crowded San Francisco with the quiet life she’d had in La Rosaleda. Why had she told me this? This wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear about how beautiful Ruby’s life had been and how mine would have been if she had lived to raise me.

  I tried to break the spell. “My mom could be ornery.”

  Kitty chuckled. “Oh, not so much really. I deserved it for bringing men into my house. I realized years later that it was something I never should have done.”

  She paused as if remembering something. “I should have listened to Ruby and let it be just me and her. Dating men all those years was one of my biggest mistakes. And as you’re learning, I’ve made more than my share.”

  “Nobody’s perfect,” I offered.

  She laughed cynically. “Certainly not me.”

  “So is that why you didn’t date when I was a kid?”

  Kitty nodded. “I don’t regret it.” She smiled.

  She patted her full hips. Kitty wasn’t really large but had put on a few pounds since she was young. “It’s also not like my youthful figure would really attract a man now.”

  “Hey!” I said protectively. “You are still beautiful. You look pretty good for your age!” And she did. I wasn’t just saying it to make her feel better.

  I reached out and touched the ends of her hair, now cut in a shoulder-length bob and bleached blond. “Is it gray underneath?” I asked.

  “A little but not so much. It’s still brown.”

  “Auburn,” I corrected.

  She chuckled.

  “Why blond?”

  “Oh,” she mused. “I guess I’ve had it this way all these years because I was hiding.”

  “Are you still hiding?”

  She hesitated to answer. “I’m not sure. Most days I am, but some days I wish I could throw it all aside and go back.”

  My heart leapt. “Why don’t we?”

  “Oh no, Lucy.” She shook her head sadly. “I can never go back. It will never be the same. Blake might have remarried by now, or perhaps he’s moved on. Besides I’m old now. I’m not the same girl he married. I left him. I’ve done things no married woman should ever do.” She paused. “I broke our promise.” The lines in her face were suddenly deeper.

  “Are you still married?”

  She massaged the place where her wedding band should have been and frowned. “I really don’t know. I wish we were.”

  I cautiously challenged her. “But I thought you didn’t need men?”

  “I don’t. I don’t need men. But Blake was not…‘men.’ Blake was my husband.”

  We were both silent for a long time. The strong woman who didn’t need anyone except me didn’t really exist. She needed my grandfather. The prospect of going back hovered between us.

  Could I dare go without her?

  She ran her hand through her hair. “Maybe I should let it go back to grayish-brown.”

  “That’s a great idea! You’d look beautiful natural.”

  “Oh, Lucy.” Kitty reached out and touched my arm. “You have turned into such a lovely young woman. Ruby would have been proud.”

  “Do you think so?”

  “I have no doubt.” Kitty patted my arm again. “Even though it’s hard, it’s so nice to share these things with you now. You aren’t a child anymore, are you?”

  I felt a small burden lift.

  “It’s true,” she said. “I wanted you to remember her, but as far as my secrets…? I knew they would affect you someday. A little girl shouldn’t hear such things about her grandmother.”

  “I’m glad you told me about Blake… my grandfather.”

  She looked away for a moment and then met me with a grin I knew was forced. “Speaking of dashing men, where is your admirer?”

  I looked up at the clock. Max would be here in five minutes. My hands flew to my face, and I felt silly and embarrassed about my giddiness.

  Kitty grasped my hands. “Don’t worry. Don’t think of it as a date. It’s just an outing to the park with your old grandma tagging along.”

  “With my Kitty,” I corrected.

  We laughed as the doorbell rang, and Kitty headed toward her room to freshen up.

  I hung my hat on the coat tree with the thought, God, please let him be as good as he seems—then laughed at my little halfhearted silent prayer. I definitely was not myself.

  I swung open the door to Max, who was leaning against the doorjamb, his hands shoved in his pockets and his thick hair swept over to one side. I couldn’t stop the flush that crept over my skin.

  “You look incredible.” He held out his hand. “Lunch delivery.”

  I took the soft-sided cooler and set it beside the coat tree. I could hardly believe how nervous I felt. Would I ever get used to this feeling? My eyes fell on his sandal-clad feet, and I thought they looked like Jesus sandals. I giggled nervously at my twisted humor.

  “What?”

  “I was just thinking that your sandals are appropriate for a youth minister. They look like something Jesus would wear.”

  He sighed in mock exasperation. “You don’t like my sandals?”

  “No, I do!”

  “But you’re making fun of them.”

  “No! It was just—” I gave up. “I didn’t mean to offend you.”

  Max laughed. “Believe me, I’m not offended. It’s funny. I’m far from resembling Jesus, but being a youth pastor does keep me humble. I’ll have you know these sandals were a great buy from the Bargain Shoe Outlet.”

  I laughed and then realized that we were still standing in the doorway. “Let’s wait in the garden—Kitty isn’t quite ready yet.” I ushered him through the living room and out the sliding glass doors with pride. Kitty had outdone herself with the flowers this year. Petunias in all shades of pink, all sorts of daisies, and an assortment of healthy herbs spilled over their containers—like part of a Home and Garden TV set.

  “Wow, this is beautiful. You and your grandmother did all this?”

  “Mostly Kitty, but I help her. She’s an organic gardener, so no pesticides or anything. It’s cheaper to garden that way too.”

  “A smart way to go. Maybe I can get some tips.”

  “Do you get paid for being a youth minister?”

  “Barely. That’s why I’m going back to school. I’m hoping that if I get my education degree, I’ll be able to supplement my income. Right now I substitute-teach on the days I don’t have classes.”

  I was impressed. “When do
you have time to do homework?”

  “In between classes and on weekends.”

  “Except when you’re taking girls on outings to the park,” I observed.

  “Actually,” he said, his eyes twinkling, “this is an exception. I’ve never taken a girl on a date to the park.”

  “Really?”

  “Really. So be patient if I mess it up.”

  I was flattered.

  He started. “Oh, that reminds me. Do you have a blanket? I forgot one.”

  I excused myself to look for one and found Kitty placing the container of cookies next to the cooler. She’d added a red scarf to her hair, pulling it back from her face smoothly and curling it into a small bun.

  “He’s handsome,” she said, looking over my shoulder. Her eyes wandered farther back into the yard, like she was lost for a moment.

  “Kitty? Is everything okay?”

  She waved away my concern. “I was just thinking that besides visiting with Dr. Larimer at the hospital, it’s been a while since I’ve spent time with a nice young man. I think I’m looking forward to today.” She frowned. “I let you grow up too fast, Lucy. You deserved to enjoy your youth.”

  “Oh, Kitty,” I protested. “I’ve enjoyed my youth. Between violin and piano lessons, reading, and art museums, I couldn’t have had a better life. How many girls get to do their schoolwork at the art museum where their grandmother works? And it’s not as if I’ve never seen men before.”

  “Having a friend, boy or girl, wouldn’t have hurt you.”

  “You,” I said, “are my friend, my best friend.”

  Her eyes lit then. “Just like Ruby,” she said and put her arm through mine.

  Being around this new, more laid-back Kitty was a different experience. I was used to seeing her cold or indifferent to people in public—not exactly rude but just not warm and personable like she was at home. I guess I really shouldn’t have been surprised since, according to the things she’d told me about herself recently, she’d once been a more social person. It seemed as though she hadn’t lost her enjoyment of people after all, but had just hidden it away for a time.

  We rounded up a Blue Star quilt Kitty had sewn a few years earlier and headed out the door for introductions.

  “Did you make this?” Max asked, pointing to the quilt.