Saving Evangeline

by Nancee Cain

  “I thought you didn’t believe in the hereafter,” he mutters in return. He sighs and I know I’ve won this battle. He unlatches his seatbelt. “Fine. But I’m driving. How come when we’re in the city you drive like an Indy driver, but when you hit an open stretch of highway you meander like an old lady leaving church?” He throws open his door and storms to the driver’s side.

  With my pounding headache, I’m relieved by his offer, but I can’t help grumbling a little. “There’s nothing wrong with my driving. You know, I didn’t wake up suicidal this morning, but I swear, dealing with your snarky attitude today could change that by nightfall. What is your problem?” I slam the car door and immediately regret it as the sound rumbles in my aching head.

  “You promised me…”

  “I’m kidding.” I glance embarrassedly at Rafe who stands there with a shit-eating-grin on his face, watching us like we’re stars on some crappy reality television show.

  “I’m sorry. I’m just tired.” Remi pauses and frowns at me. “Aren’t you the least bit tired?”

  I hadn’t been until we started arguing. “Physically, no. Tired of your attitude, yes.” Before the image of him kissing me became lodged in my mind, I almost felt normal.

  Remi lights a cigarette and smirks when Rafe waves the smoke away with a grimace. “Hurry up, Evangeline, we don’t have all day. We have to get to Billings.”

  I stomp to the passenger side muttering obscenities under my breath. With the mood he’s in, I’m pretty sure we’ll arrive two hours ahead of schedule.

  Rafe crawls in the backseat, and of course, Goner starts whimpering to get out of the car to do his business. Taking his leash, I walk him into the grass, and look back at the car. Remi slams Rafe’s door and the car shakes from the impact. He stands for a moment with one hand on his hip, smoking and glaring off into the distance. Stubbing out the cigarette, he climbs in the driver’s seat and turns toward Rafe. From the look of it, he’s giving the poor guy a piece of his mind. The wind picks up and a dust devil swirls, blocking my vision of the car for a moment. When it clears, Rafe tips his cowboy hat back and stretches his arms out across the backseat appearing unaffected by whatever Remi’s saying.

  “Why are you here? And that had to be the most ridiculous story I’ve ever heard. You’re a wounded soldier who rescue orphans and has a sick grandmother? Puh-lease. Couldn’t you find any more clichés to pull out of your ass?” I slam the car door and glare at Raphael, keeping a wary eye on Evie and Goner. I can’t risk her overhearing what is bound to be an explosive argument.

  “I rescued a kitten from a tree, too. Using my crutches to help the poor thing down,” the asshole quips with a laugh.

  I’m not the least bit amused.

  Raphael sighs and his dark brows furrow. “The Boss didn’t give me all the details. He just said for me to keep tabs on you, because you’re treading in dangerous water. Which is ironic since you can’t swim. What’s going on?”

  “None of your damn business.”

  Raphael shakes his head and clicks his tongue against his teeth. “You know He doesn’t like that kind of language.”

  “Fine, why don’t you run home and tattle like a whiney little girl.” I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Arguing with the Boss’s right hand stooge is probably not the best way to get the jerk to leave. “Look, I had a little misstep, but everything’s cool. I handled it. She hasn’t tried to off herself since I got here and even woke up happy this morning.” Out of the corner of my eye, I watch her stretch, her shirt rising to expose a stomach I long to kiss and nibble. I shift uncomfortably in my seat since one source of her happiness wants to stand up and be counted.

  Raphael pinches the bridge of his nose and groans. “Tell me you didn’t go there.”

  When I don’t respond, his anger explodes. “Remiel! You can’t toy with the humans. It’s His number one rule. You know how much He puts into free will and all that it encompasses.”

  “I didn’t plan it and I didn’t toy with her. It just happened,” I say through gritted teeth, ready to tear him apart in an all-out celestial war. My wings bristle. The wind whips outside, and a small dust storm ensues. Even the trees rustle from the impact. Evie looks up and tucks her windblown hair behind her ears as she tugs on Goner’s leash urging him to go. I have to calm down before she grows suspicious.

  I rub my face, feeling exhausted. “Shit. I’m in deep, brother. I love her…”

  “Oh, no.” Raphael doesn’t say anything else for a moment. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen him at a loss for words. It only lasts a few seconds. “No, Rem. You can’t fall for a human. How could you make such a stupid mistake? You know it isn’t allowed. What are you going to do?”

  “I don’t know,” I reply with a despondent sigh.

  “You need to go home and talk to Him. I’ll babysit Evangeline.”

  “I’m not leaving her. Besides, I didn’t agree with how He wanted this handled to begin with.”

  Raphael shakes his head and his mouth forms a perfect O. “Please don’t say you tried to tell Him how to run His business. That never goes over well.”

  “It isn’t fair. She thinks she’s crazy and has been carrying around all this guilt—”

  “You know what He says. Life is beautiful, but not necessarily fair.”

  “I won’t have her shouldering that burden any longer. I’m going to finish what I’ve started. I’m teaching her to grab life by the balls and to enjoy it. She’s been lost for too long and now she’s making progress. Like I said, she was happy this morning.” I smile, watching the woman I adore cussing like a sailor as she tugs on the leash, urging her silly dog to hurry. “I love her, dammit.”

  Raphael blows out a deep breath. I don’t like the look of pity in his dark eyes. “I’m here to make sure you don’t mess up and overstep the boundaries. I have to report back to Him in two days. You know I can’t lie to Him, so make this right and tend to business only.”

  I sigh, knowing I don’t really have any other option. “Just let me get her home to her mother.” I shut up when Evangeline approaches the car, her dark brown eyes narrowed with suspicion.

  “Forty-eight hours. That’s it. And you’re stuck with me as a chaperone,” Raphael whispers.

  “Hurry up, dammit.” I tug at Goner’s leash. He finally pees and bounces toward the car, greeting Rafe with a lick to the face and happy bark. I barely get my seatbelt buckled before Remi hits the gas, jerking the car forward. I’m positive he hit seventy miles per hour in three seconds. His sunglasses obscure his eyes, but I bet they’re blazing with anger. I can practically count his pulse by the tic above his clenched jaw.

  “So where y’all goin’?” Rafe drawls.

  Remi smiles the first real smile I’ve seen all day, glances at me, and replies, “Crazy.”

  I smack his arm, but can’t help but snicker. Smart ass.

  “O-kay.” Rafe’s brows knit together a little. “Well that sounds like my kind of place.” Rafe strokes Goner’s rough fur. The happy mutt collapses on his lap with a contented sigh.

  Rafe yawns loudly and we all laugh when Goner joins in before going back to sleep, his head still in Rafe’s lap. “I think I’ll just catch a nap if y’all don’t mind.” He settles back and tips his cowboy hat over his face and in a matter of seconds appears to be asleep.

  Remi turns on his Evangeline playlist, but a strange vibe remains between us. I gaze out the window, reflecting on how different this trip is from my last trip. It was on the way home from a stolen weekend to Key West that Jack told me Kayla was pregnant. He took me away to tell me good-bye and ended up dying on the side of the road. I now see Remi’s point. Jack was pretty shitty to both Kayla and me. God, it seems like such a lifetime ago. In the space of a few days, with the help of the man beside me, Jack’s gone from being a painful memory to a bittersweet one. I have a choice. Dwell in the past or move forward. The past no longer holds any appeal, but my future is scarily uncertain.

  As if
sensing my discomfort, Remi reaches over to hold my hand. I realize in this moment, I never want him to let go. We’ll soon be at my mom’s, but I don’t want him to leave. Ever.

  I’m in love with a priest.

  I swallow several times to keep my tears in check and curl into my seat.

  “Hey, you okay?”

  No, I want to scream. I want you to stay.

  “I just hate good-byes,” I whisper, so as not to wake Rafe.

  “Me too.” His thumb gently strokes my palm. “Let’s not think about it right now.”

  “What’s going to happen to me?”

  “You’re going to take life by the balls, remember?” He squeezes my hand reassuringly.

  “And what about you?”

  Remi doesn’t answer for a moment, glancing in the rear view mirror at Rafe and Goner.

  “I have some difficult decisions to make. This so-called break was supposed to help me as I wrestle with what to do with the rest of my life.”

  I swallow and gaze down at the warm, strong hand holding mine. I’m afraid if I let go of him, I’ll lose a part of me. “W-Would you consider leaving the priesthood?” I hope Rafe is truly asleep. If not, that the air conditioner and Goner’s snoring drowns our whispered conversation.

  He doesn’t answer for a full minute and sighs. “Last night I did.” He gazes at me through his dark sunglasses for a second before returning his eyes to the road.

  I frown, trying to remember anything after the carnival, but all I remember is our one stolen kiss in the rain. Our one brief glimpse of what life could be like if we weren’t who society labeled us. A kiss that changed me in some way, I know it did. I struggle to pull up more memories, but all I have is the dream of him telling me he loved me. I contemplate asking him what happened, but I’m both terrified to let him know I blacked out, and scared of the answer.

  I assume he stayed up late pondering his life and his calling to serve his God. That must be why he’s so on edge today. My cheeks burn, knowing I’ve contributed to his guilt. What’s wrong with me that I continue to choose men I can’t have? The shrinks will have a field day with this latest development.

  “There can’t be an us, can there? You’ve decided to remain a priest.” I try to contain my disappointment, but fail miserably. My voice sounds like that of a sullen child.

  He looks straight ahead and his shoulders sag when he exhales. Squeezing my hand, he whispers, “I’m sorry, Evie.” Letting go of my hand, he fumbles for a cigarette.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “I LOVE YOU, Crazy Girl.” His lips brush against my ear and his husky, whispered confession makes my body tingle all over. I feel safe and loved. He’s mine and I’m his. Nothing can separate us. I arch into his body and wrap my arms around his neck.

  “I love you, too…”

  “Wake up, Evangeline.”

  I sit straight up and rub my eyes, disoriented. Why can’t my dreams ever be real? I see Rafe standing with his crutches outside of a motel scowling at us through the windshield. Goner whimpers in the back seat, wanting out of the car. I drag my gaze to meet Remi’s and find my profound sadness reflected in his eyes.

  “Where are we?” I rake a hand through my tangled mess of hair.

  “We didn’t make it to Billings. Rafe’s leg hurts, my head aches, and you slept most of the way. I think we might have a touch of food poisoning or something from the carnival.” Remi’s eyes look everywhere but at me.

  My limbs feel like lead. Every mile we drive we’re getting closer to my mother and ultimately to Remi leaving. I want to turn the car around and go back, but my mom needs me. I have no choice but to move forward with my life. As we step out of the car, the air between the two men crackles with an unspoken tension that only adds to my nervousness. I need to get away, to put some distance between Remi and me and get my shit together. I refuse to fall apart. I pull Goner from the car.

  “Where are you sleeping tonight, Rafe?” Remi leans against the car and takes out another cigarette and lights it. Judging by the almost empty pack, his tobacco consumption has more than doubled today.

  Rafe stands beside him balancing on his crutches and tips his hat back. “I dunno, where are you sleeping, Pops?”

  Exhausted, my mouth engages before my brain. “We’ve been sharing a room to save on expenses.”

  Rafe raises one eyebrow and his lips thin. Remi’s eyes narrow in an unspoken challenge. I feel like a spectator at the O.K. corral. Goner whimpers and hides behind my legs, probably in response to the overabundance of testosterone bouncing around in the air.

  The strange sound of beating wings has me looking around, but nothing seems out of the ordinary. I don’t see any birds and clench my teeth. Not now. Not when I’m trying to deal with two stubborn men intent on having a pissing contest.

  “In separate beds, of course,” I offer in a belated attempt to smooth things over. What’s wrong with these two?

  Rafe’s lips curl in a smile. “Of course. What wonderful restraint you must have, Christian Grace.” I roll my eyes wishing Rafe would stop with the digs toward Remi. He’s under enough stress dealing with his own situation.

  The tic in Remi’s cheek beats several times before he answers in a measured voice. “This isn’t any of your concern and certainly none of your business. I can assure you, Evangeline is safe with me. I’m acting as an escort to make sure she arrives home safely because her mother is ill. Now as for you, I’m sure we can call around and find someone to give you a ride to Billings. We’re only a few hours away. As a matter of fact, you can use my phone. If that doesn’t work, I’ll drive you myself. Evie can stay here until I get back.”

  “No!” Both men turn to look at me after my outburst. “I mean, we’re all too tired to drive any further.” No, what I really mean is I don’t want Remi to leave me. Ever. Not. For. One. Second. God, I’m such a co-dependent mess.

  Rafe stares straight at Remi and his expression looks as stubborn as my mulish priest. “It was just a simple question, no one is going anywhere. I don’t know anyone in Billings except my grandmother and she can’t drive. My leg is killing me from being cramped up in the backseat, and I’m not up to another two-hour drive. I beg your pardon. I didn’t mean to imply anything happened that would compromise your calling, Father. I have no problem sleeping on the floor. I’ve slept in worse places.”

  I’m not buying Rafe’s exaggerated look of pain and his excuses, but my head hurts too much to listen to their arguing.

  “While you two battle out the sleeping arrangements and who’s sleeping with whom, I’m going to get some fresh air and walk Goner. Try not to kill each other while I’m gone. I get squeamish at the sight of blood.” Yanking Goner by the leash I stomp toward the grassy area.

  As handsome as Rafe is, I wish I’d listened to Remi and not given the cowboy a ride. He acts like he knows something I don’t, and I’m starting to have doubts about him.

  My days with Remi are numbered, and spiritual counseling is the last thing on my mind. Nope. I want him, and not in a platonic way, either. I want my dream to come true: to experience his bare skin on top of mine, feel his hands buried in my hair, and hear his moans of desire in my ear.

  Goner and I have wandered too far to hear what looks like a heated argument judging by the way Remi paces, puffing on the cigarette in his mouth. Every so often he punctuates a point with the lit cigarette. If I had a joint I’d give it to him, maybe it would chill him the fuck out. Not that Father Blackson would ever do anything illegal—illicit, maybe, unethical, positively. Again, the vision of his naked body on top of mine sneaks in, making me feel hot and bothered. I’m in desperate need of a bath. That thought leads to a vision of us wet and naked in a shower.

  Depravity. My new middle name.

  Rafe stands leaning against the car with his arms crossed in front of his chest, the crutches at his side. He points at Remi and then at me. The wind picks up and it sounds like a summer storm blowing through palm trees, yet there isn’t
a cloud in the sky.

  The pounding in my head has increased to the point I feel nauseated. Remi opens the trunk, takes out my suitcase and puts it on the sidewalk. Goner’s stuff follows and then he throws Rafe’s duffel at him. A cold sweat of fear trickles down my back when Remi throws himself in the car and starts the engine. Gravel spins with the tires as he peels out of the parking lot.

  “No,” I scream, scrambling back toward the car, dragging Goner with me. He can’t leave me, he can’t leave me, he can’t leave me…My heart hammers in time with the constant refrain as I watch him drive away without looking back. Utterly devastated, I fall to my knees and sob into Goner’s neck as an overwhelming sense of loss moves in like an old neighbor. He’s left me, like so many others. Once again, I’m an empty shell. With him, I felt whole for the first time in my entire pathetic life.

  A hand pats me on the back. Through my tears I stare at a worn cowboy boot. “Why?” I manage to choke out.

  “Why what, sweetheart?” The concern in his voice makes me angry. This is his fault.

  His use of a nickname only serves to remind me Remi will never again call me Crazy Girl, or sweetness. Rafe hauls me to my feet and tips my chin up to look at him. I childishly squeeze my eyes tight and spit out bitterly, “I hate you.”

  “You hate me?” He sounds genuinely surprised. “Why? Besides, hate is a pretty strong word.”

  I open my eyes and shove him. Despite being crippled and on crutches he doesn’t budge. “It’s your fault he’s gone.”

  “You’re this upset over Father Fractious going to do laundry?”

  “Laundry?” I squeak. Thanks to the unrelenting pounding in my head, I’m having a hard time keeping up. “He just left to go do laundry?” Rafe nods. “Why didn’t he let me do it?” Relief floods through me.

  “He said he needed some time alone.” He frowns and rubs my arm, pity registering in his dark eyes. “Wow. You’ve got it bad for Justin Believer.”