I fucking love it.
The cold air brushes against us, but it does nothing to stop the fire blazing deep within.
My heart pounds as I caress her back and push my hard cock up against her. When she moans into my mouth, it makes what I’m doing snap into my mind.
I promised myself I wouldn’t do this. I promised I would take it slow with her, yet here I am, ready to fuck her on this outdoor furniture like she’s any other girl I’ve been with.
Not with her. Not like this.
I slightly pull back, slowing our kisses until I break free and place my forehead to hers. “I wasn’t lying when I said we should take this slow. I really don’t want to screw this up.”
I watch as she mulls over my words. She sits in silence as her breaths roll over my lips. The slight roll to her hips causes a friction that I feel down to my toes, and it says more than any words. She wants this just as bad as I do. I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from following through with every urge rushing through me right now.
Slowly, she rolls off my body, and my dick wants to slap me for her loss. I close my eyes and drop my head back as the pain of my erection fights through my pants.
Her fingers wrap around mine. “Walk me out?”
When I open my lids, I’m greeted by the angel herself, surrounded by the glow of the fire all around her. We lock eyes and stare for a second as the hunger we both feel radiates through our touch.
Once I feel like I can move and not break my cock in half, I stand and wrap my arm around her.
“I don’t want you to leave, but I’m not sure I can handle being around you and not doing every little thing I want to do to you right now,” I whisper into her head as I kiss the top of it.
I feel the shivers run down her body as goose bumps cover her arms.
A half-laugh escapes me as I urge her forward, knowing if she doesn’t leave soon, I won’t be able to stop myself.
At her car, she opens the door and pauses to turn to me, keeping the door firmly positioned between the two of us.
Smart girl.
“Thanks for dinner,” she says.
I run my finger over her jaw, inhaling a deep breath, nodding while not saying a word. My tongue is tied, and my vision is glued to her lips. I love the way the bottom one is just slightly bigger than the top, and she has this cute freckle on the right side of her top lip.
I brush my finger over the freckle, and she moves her lips to match my motion.
How can a simple touch make me so fucking hard again?
The pain radiating from my zipper makes me look up and into her eyes. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” I ask, almost out of desperation.
She leans more into my touch and nods.
“Why don’t you just come over after school? I’ll plan something for the three of us to do.”
“Okay,” she whispers, making it even harder to say good-bye.
“Night, Sarah.”
I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help myself when I lean in for one last kiss.
When I pull back, she says, “Night, Adam,” before leaning down and getting into her car.
Pushing it shut physically hurts my soul, but I do and step away, almost thankful so I can get my wits about me. Every emotion running through me right now is new, and I need to take things slow for my sake and hers.
She waves as she drives away, leaving me standing helplessly in my driveway with the biggest fucking hard-on of my life.
21
Sarah
When we pull into Adam’s driveway, Cailin yells out, “Uncle Max is here!”
Uncle Max?
I park as she jumps out and runs to the door. I hop out and make my way up the stairs. When I hear yelling, I hurry my footing.
Cailin is frozen in the doorway as whom I’m assuming is Max stands with his back to us in the kitchen, obviously not okay. His shirt is half-tucked in and wet with sweat marks. If I’m correct, I see blood covering his knuckles. The way his body is hunched over and swaying as he reaches for something on the table makes me rush to her.
I don’t know what’s going on, but I know for a fact that this is not a scene Cailin should be around.
“She was my sister.” Max picks up a glass and throws it across the room before stumbling to the ground.
Adam storms out of the kitchen, picking Cailin up and escorting us both outside.
“What’s going on?” I ask as I try to cover her eyes from seeing anything else.
“He’s whacked out of his mind. I’ve been trying to calm him down, but you guys shouldn’t be here.”
Adam places her back in my car as tears fall down her face. “It’s all right, baby. Everything’s going to be fine. Just go with Sarah back to her place, and I’ll be there soon, okay?”
She mumbles an okay as her lower lip trembles. He kisses her forehead and closes the door before turning his attention back to me.
“I’m so sorry. I haven’t seen him get this bad.”
“Is that Max from your band?” I ask, jumping when I hear another thing break inside.
Is this something Cailin has seen before? Is this a normal part of his life?
“Yes. I’ll handle everything. Please, just get Cailin out of here.” His stern face makes my body quake.
I nod, wanting to know more but wanting even more to get her out of here. There are certain adult situations kids should never witness, and that is definitely one of them.
He’s quick to head back toward his house, so I get in the car, starting it before she has to witness anything else.
“Why was he acting like that?” Cailin asks through her tears.
“Oh, sweetheart,” I say, turning to touch her knee. “I’m not sure, but I know your daddy can handle it, so try not to think about it, okay?”
She nods as she wipes the wetness from her eyes.
“Do you want to get a treat before we go back to my place?”
She nods her head again but keeps it tucked down low to her chest, not saying anything.
“Do you want ice cream or frozen yogurt?”
Her head tilts up, eyes red from crying. “If I get frozen yogurt, can I get toppings, too?” she asks so sweetly that it pulls on my heartstrings even more.
“Yes, sweetie. You can get toppings.”
* * *
A few hours later, Adam pulls up to my apartment. I kept Cailin busy with some puzzles, but now, we’re curled up on my couch, watching The Little Mermaid.
I run my hand down her arm. “Here, let me up for a second. I’m going to go outside real quick.”
“Is my daddy here?” She perks up.
“Yes, he is. Is it okay if I talk to him alone first?”
She hesitates but then sits back down to continue watching the movie.
“We’ll be right back.”
I make my way down the stairs and meet Adam right outside his truck. “Is everything okay?”
His eyes tell me the pain he’s seen tonight. I place my hand on his cheek as his crystal blues bore into my soul.
“Is Cailin all right?” he asks, motioning up to my place.
“She’s fine. I took her for frozen yogurt, and now we’re watching a movie.”
He holds out his hand to take mine, pulling it into him. “Thank you for taking her. I didn’t want her to see that.”
His hands are fixated on mine, and I lean down to try to break the spell he’s under.
“Where did he go?”
“I finally got him to calm down and pass out. He was on some heavy shit.”
I nod slowly, biting my inner lip. Is his life always like this?
We sit in silence as he runs his fingers over mine.
“Did Cailin tell you who he was?” he asks after a few minutes.
“She said he’s her uncle.” I step toward him, trying to give him the courage to speak. “I didn’t know you had a brother.”
His head tilts back as he lets out a deep breath before meeting my eyes again. “He’s her mom�
��s brother.”
“Oh …” I say, as my mind goes blank. I’m not sure how to respond. “Is that how you met him?”
He lets go of my hand, and I feel the instant loss.
“I met them both at the same time. We were all in the foster system together. I always said it was better that he had a sister at least to be with, and he always said that was what made it harder for him, feeling like he had to watch over Michelle just as much as himself.”
His hands dig deep into his pockets as he looks around us. I can tell he’s uncomfortable with this subject, so I don’t want to push him.
“He blames himself for what happened.”
His head drops to his chest, and I step closer, placing my hand on his stomach.
“Why? What happened?”
The exhale he releases tells me everything I need to know. She’s gone.
“How did it happen?”
His weight shifts back as he leans against the truck. The gap that forms between us is quickly erased when he pulls me into him. I place my head on his chest as his arm wraps around my shoulders.
“It’s awful, being in the foster system. She was a year older than him, though you’d never know it. She aged out and was having a hard time, making ends meet. She always suffered with depression, and pills and drinking were what she used to get by. When we formed the band, things took off kind of fast. We were able to book gigs, make a little money. Michelle started hanging out with us more and more, though I don’t think it did her any good.”
He pauses, and I let him have his moment with memories that are obviously hard to take.
“Instead of keeping her away from drugs, Max was feeding them to her. They thought things were better just because we had money, but money doesn’t solve old problems.”
“So, what happened?”
“I feel kind of weird, talking about another girl to you.”
I laugh and hit his chest. “It’s okay. I know you’ve had sex with this woman. It’s kind of obvious,” I tease.
He chuckles under his breath. “Well, we were never a couple, but she ended up in my bed probably more times than she should have. On one hand, I feel like I was helping Max. At least if she was with me, we knew where she was.”
His hand roams down my back as I feel his shaky words leaving his body. I wrap my arms around him more.
“When she got pregnant, things were pretty bad. She wanted an abortion, but I begged her to keep it. I wanted Cailin more than anything in the entire world. So, I paid her.”
“You what?” I ask, making sure I heard that right.
He bows his head. “I paid her to have Cailin. I said I’d set her up for life if she stayed sober, gave me my child, and then walked away.”
I glance up, and our eyes meet. I know I should be surprised, but after seeing him with Cailin, I’m not. He was made to be a dad. Knowing he did everything in his power to keep his little girl, the life God had created, just solidifies my feelings for him more.
“I can’t believe she didn’t want to be a part of her life at all.”
“Not everyone should be a mom. Michelle had a horrible upbringing, and the thought of being a mom scared the shit out of her.”
The wind picks up, and I shiver, both from the cold and the harshness of this conversation.
“She took my offer, and from that moment on, she was in rehab and had someone by her side every minute until she gave birth. When Cailin was born, she wouldn’t even look at her. I was on tour, but we had Linda step in to help with Cailin and make sure Michelle was okay.”
He pauses, and I give him a moment to work through whatever is going on in his head.
“I’ll never forgive myself for missing her birth.” His voice cracks, so I wrap my arms around him tighter, letting him know it’s okay to have these emotions, no matter how tough he is.
“In the end though, it was a blessing I did. Michelle gave my real name on the birth certificate, and no one questioned a thing. We knew she was due around that time, so I was at my last show and able to come back right as they brought her home. I gave her a week to see if she would change her mind, but she was eager to sign over her rights and get the money.”
I can’t imagine a mom walking away from her own daughter. God knew what he was doing when he gave her to Adam. He knew Adam would protect her from everything, including her mom if he had to.
“So, what did Max say about all of this?”
He sighs. “He wasn’t too happy about the entire situation, but he thought getting Michelle clean and making sure she was taken care of would be a good thing.”
“Then, what happened?”
“A month after Cailin was born, he found her with a needle in her arm, dead from an overdose.”
“Oh my God …” I cover my mouth, feeling the pain they must have felt. Even though she didn’t want anything to do with Cailin, she was still her mother.
“Today is her birthday …” Adam says, rubbing his eyes. “That’s why Max was having a shit fit. He still struggles with the loss. She was his only family.”
“So, Cailin knows this?”
“She knows her mom passed away, and Max is her uncle; that’s about it. She’s too young to know the rest.”
I place my head back on his chest, digesting everything.
He rubs his hand through my hair. “I need to get Max help. His addiction is out of control.”
“Is he like this a lot?”
“It’s getting to be more and more.”
“Well, um … I mean, is this …” I pause, having no clue how to ask this, so I just come out and say it, “Is this something I have to worry about with you too? I mean, when you’re out on tour?”
He places his hand on my arm. “No. I don’t do anything like that.”
“You don’t? You mean, like, ever?”
“People think just because I’m a rock star, I party heavy, but no, I’m not like Mötley Crüe was in the eighties. Believe me. I’m straight edge.”
“Straight what?”
He laughs. “Straight edge. I don’t do drugs or alcohol. Never have. I watched what it did to my mom, and that was enough for me.”
“Seriously?” I nod in surprise but also appreciation for the way he goes against the grain in every aspect of his life.
He chuckles under his breath. “Why are you so surprised?”
I want to tell him everything I personally know about his rock-star lifestyle but not right now. We’ve already had a heavy enough conversation, and I don’t want to put the focus on me.
I shrug. “I just figured it went with the territory.”
“Yeah, I’ve seen a lot of bands break up due to it too. I learned early on that I don’t need it. The music is enough for me. It gives me the high I crave. Last time I felt I needed more in my life, I had Cailin. And now …”
He pauses, and I glance up into his eyes. The moment stands still as he takes me in. His gorgeous blues so full of hope.
His finger touches my cheek. “And, now, I have you.”
When his mouth presses to mine, I have to hold on to him, so I don’t lose my balance. His lips are so soft, this kiss so meaningful. I feel it. I feel what he’s saying, and he shows me with every breath and every motion. He needs me, and I’m starting to believe I need him too.
22
Sarah
Adam’s been staying close to Max the last few days, so I’ve offered to pick Cailin up before school and bring her back to his place afterword. As we pull up to the house, I see Max outside on the porch swing. Cailin runs in, eager to play with the new doll set Adam got her.
Adam strolls out, his hat pulled low and his jeans sitting perfectly on his hips. The man can wear anything. I swear, it only takes one glance, and I’m panting with need to be next to him.
I make my way up the steps, and he leans down to kiss me hello. Funny how that simple act can send jolts of pure happiness through my entire body.
“How’s he doing?” I ask, placing my hand on
his chest.
“It’s been a rough day. I think he needs to go into a treatment center, but he’s not interested.”
“What do the other guys say?”
We’ve only briefly talked about his other bandmates, and I have no clue where they all stand on this issue.
“You’ll find out tonight. Everyone’s coming over.”
“Here?” I ask, nerves jumping through me.
He laughs at my reaction. “Yes, here. They all want to meet you too.”
“Oh jeez, what have you told them?”
“Just that I’m falling for a teacher.” His lips meet mine again, and I inhale every inch I can before he pulls away. “Come on. You can help me cook.”
We prep the meal while Max stays outside. My heart breaks for the guy. He’s obviously hurting, both emotionally and physically.
When the doorbell rings, my stomach turns over in knots. I’m nervous to meet the rest of the band. I mean, they are Devil’s Breed, for goodness’ sake! But knowing that I’m meeting him as … what, Adam’s girlfriend? Is that what I am?
I don’t know how they’ll react to me. It doesn’t seem like he’s ever really had a girlfriend.
Will they think I might cause some Yoko Ono–type drama with the band? Should I even be here?
The past few hours, this has been the quagmire swimming around in my head.
Cailin runs to the door, and Adam’s quick on her heels.
“You can’t just open the door, Cailin, no matter who we’re expecting.”
It still brings a smile to my face to hear how much of a dad he is.
I dry off my hands on a towel and hang it on the oven handle, inhaling a deep breath before making my way toward the door.
“What up, bro?” I hear one say right before the slapping of two hands connects.
“Hey, glad you guys could make it,” Adam says, opening the door wider.
“How’s Max doing?” someone else asks.
“He’s in the backyard, probably still passed out from the last time I checked. He’s okay for now, but it hasn’t been too long, so withdrawals haven’t set in yet. Come in.”
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