Our Song

by Runow, Lauren

  “Yes, he would,” Jack says as he starts to wipe everything dry. “I’m down for some fun, but that’s a lot of cleaning up.” He laughs.

  I help wipe things with a towel he threw to me. When we’re finished, I sit on the couch with Adam. “How do you think Max will react? I don’t want him to feel like we’re doing something without him.”

  He places his hand on my knee. “Don’t worry. I emailed him once Jack and I started working on the song. I wanted him to know he’d always be part of the band and that this was a side thing going on that he was welcome to jump in on whenever he was ready. He emailed back this morning, saying it was a cool idea. We’re not sure yet how long he’ll be gone for or what his next move will be. He said this took a lot of pressure off of him, knowing we’re not sitting idle while he’s there. He’s the best guitarist around, and he knows we could never replace him.”

  I lay my head on his shoulder, absolutely content with life. When my phone rings, I get up to answer it. A cheesy smile covers my face when I see it’s Maggie FaceTiming me.

  “Oh, girl! You’re never going to believe where I am and what I’m doing right now,” I answer as I turn to an empty wall, so that’s all she sees.

  Her face scrunches. “If you tell me I interrupted you and Adam, I’m not sure if I’ll scream from excitement or be weirded out because, you know, that’s a little TMI on FaceTime.” Adam laughs out loud, and she hears him. “OMG, I did.” She bites her bottom lip in question. “Oh God, show me him. Wait, no. Sorry, that’s weird. Never mind.” She’s waving her hand in front of her face.

  I laugh out loud as I flip the camera to Adam. “Maggie, I’d like to officially introduce you to Adam. Adam, say hi to Maggie.”

  She yelps into the phone as Adam stands to head toward me. He waves before stepping next to me, so I flip the view back to me.

  “Hot damn, you’re tall,” Maggie states with a slight laugh.

  “Maggie’s my bestie from New York,” I say to Adam.

  “Yeah, you can thank me later for helping her become the badass she is today.” Maggie tilts her head with a shrug to her shoulder. “But, okay, you haven’t told me where you are.”

  I glance to Adam, who grins my way, saying, “Show her.”

  I flip the camera again and show off the room.

  “No. Fucking. Shit. You’re at a recording studio!” she yells.

  “And they just recorded a song together!” Cailin jumps up in the view of the camera, so I point it directly at her.

  “Are you serious right now?” Maggie screams in shock.

  Cailin dramatically nods her head. “Yes! They did. And it’s sooooo good.”

  I turn the camera back to me, dying to see her reaction, but I can’t through all the tears filling my eyes. I blink them away, but more come. I knew this was the best day of my life, but being able to share it with Maggie, who’s been by my side for all these years, has pushed me over the edge.

  “Oh, sweetie. Don’t cry!” Maggie says.

  I wipe my eyes. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”

  “You’re crying because you’re finally getting what you’ve deserved all this time,” she says.

  “Damn straight.” Adam pops into view, so Maggie can see him. “She’s a natural talent.”

  “I’m so fucking excited for you! I can’t wait to hear it. When can I?” she asks.

  “It’s finished. If Sarah trusts you, so do I. Let us make a digital copy, and we’ll send you one soon.”

  She does a little happy dance. “Can’t wait.”

  Adam laughs as he walks away, leaving me more alone with Maggie. We stare at each other, both not needing to say a word. She knows how big this is for me, how long I’ve wanted it.

  Another tear slips down my cheek when she says, “Love you, girl.”

  I blow her a kiss. “Love you too.”

  “Go back to your rock-star hottie. Call me later.”

  “I will.”

  We hang up, and I inhale a deep breath, trying to calm the absolute glee running through me.

  Adam wraps me in his arms, tightly holding me. “I’m proud of you,” he whispers with his lips pressed against my forehead.

  I bury my head in his shoulder, holding him tighter. “Thank you for doing this. Thank you for including me. You have no idea what this means to me.”

  His hand runs down my hair. “But I do. Music has been my healing too. I’ve felt those same feelings. Allow yourself to enjoy it.”

  “What happens now? Are we going to actually do something with it?” I ask, making him chuckle under his breath.

  “Of course we are. I’ll send it to my record label, get their feedback on what we have going here, and hopefully, they’ll press for more. Jack and I have a few other songs we worked on that day.”

  My glee fades instantly when reality comes back full force. I close my eyes, trying to remember why I’m here, why I’m doing this.

  I have to have faith …

  I wince when I ask, but I need to know, “What if they don’t like it?”

  “Then, we put it out anyway on social media and YouTube. Let the fans tell us themselves what they want.”

  I pull back to meet his eyes. “Seriously?”

  His shit-eating grin tells me all I need to know. “Hell yeah, I’m serious. Do you know how many views our songs get daily on YouTube? We don’t need the record company to help us. It’s just a courtesy really at this point. At least, that’s what my manager said.”

  I step back, surprised to be hearing this. “You already talked to your manager about me?”

  He pulls me back into his chest, and I feel it shake with his laughter. “Yes, I’ve done this a time or two before. The only difference this go-around is you.”

  “That’s a big difference though.” I try to pull back, but he keeps me up against him.

  “Nah. They’ll love it. Just like I do.”

  I give in, holding him tighter, letting the moment sink in for just a little longer.

  * * *

  I’ve been floating high ever since we got back to his place. That is, until I heard a ring over the intercom of his front gate. I glance at the camera system, and when I see my sister’s car parked out front, I almost drop the glass I’m carrying.

  Adam turns to me, concern written all over his face when he sees my reaction. “I take it, you know who this is?”

  I inhale and set the glass down. Of course she would show up. I’ve been ignoring her calls, but I never thought she’d have the nerve to show up at his place like this. I know she’s here to try to make peace, but some things just can’t be obtained. It’s time I be the person I want to be.

  I close my eyes, inhaling, readying myself to be on the defensive. “Yes. Give me a second.”

  Adam presses the button to open the gate as I head out to the driveway. When Emily steps out of her car, I walk to meet her there.

  “I hope you don’t mind me showing up like this. I’ve tried your phone, but you haven’t been answering,” she says as she waddles up, holding her belly.

  “Let me guess … you’ve been speaking with our father? How’d you know where Adam lived?”

  She eyes me like she can’t believe I just asked that. “Everyone knows that he lives here. It’ll be the talk of the town for months, if not years.”

  I sigh, not really wanting to have this conversation and ready for it to be done with. “Look, I’ve had a really good day, and if you’re here to talk to me about Dad, I’d rather not.” I cross my arms, letting her know I’m not going to budge on this.

  I love my sister, I do, but we couldn’t be more different. She’s always fit in here, with my father’s way of thinking, since the day she was born. I never have. I’ve always wanted more. I’ve wanted to live outside their narrow-minded box.

  “Mom’s worried about you. Are you coming to church tomorrow?” she says, sagging her shoulders.

  I know she doesn’t want to be here any more than I want her here. I hate ha
ving her stuck in the middle. I can only imagine my mom bugging her to come talk to me.

  Knowing my mom won’t come here herself lights a fire so deep in my belly that I have to breathe out before it explodes inside me. That’s so typical. My mom has always lived for my father, not for herself.

  He’s mad about my choices, so she has to follow his lead. She’ll never step out of his shadow. It both breaks my heart and pisses me off.

  But, mostly, it fuels my desire for more. I don’t want my mom’s life. This life. I tried to come back here and do what they wanted me to do, but I was never truly happy. Not like I’ve been these past few weeks.

  Adam has brought that out in me, and I’m not going to stop.

  “No, actually, I’m not,” I say with more gusto than I planned.

  “Sarah …”

  “Emily …” I wave my hands around, mocking her, and then take a deep breath. It’s not her fault this is happening, and I shouldn’t take it out on her. “I know you think you’re here to help, but you’re not. I’m a big girl, and I can make my own choices. If Dad doesn’t like it, then that’s his fault.”

  She sighs, glancing behind me to see if Adam is around. Thankfully, he stayed inside. “I just don’t want you to regret anything.”

  “Regret anything? I regret giving up on my dreams. I was really making a name for myself in New York. Yes, what happened to me was awful, but Dad saying it was God’s way of getting back at me was fucked up, and you know it. Adam is lighting something within me that I’ve missed for years. I’m singing the songs I want to sing. We’re singing them together. It’s what I’ve wanted, and it’s finally happening. So, either you’re standing beside me or you’re not. I’m not stopping though.”

  She places her hands under her belly to help hold the weight, sorrow shining in her eyes. “You know I want you to be happy. I just hope you know what you’re doing. My babies need their aunt, you know?”

  I place my hand on her stomach, feeling the bulge of what I assume is my nephew’s little behind. “And I will be, except I’ll actually be me, living the life that I want, that I’ve always dreamed of. Don’t you want that for me?”

  Her arms wrap around me in a tight hug. “I do. Believe me, I do.” She lets me go and backs up just a bit, appraising me. “You do look happy. Tell Adam I’m grateful he’s helping you follow your dreams.”

  I grin, thankful she’s not fighting me more on this, and I help her back into her car.

  Adam steps out of the house as she drives away. “Everything okay?”

  I lean up to kiss him. “Yes, things couldn’t be better.”

  31

  Adam

  After putting Cailin to bed, Sarah leans into my shoulder, lying with me on the couch. “So, what other songs were you guys working on?”

  “Already anxious to get back in the studio?” I tease her.

  She smiles shyly. “Maybe.”

  “We can go again tomorrow. I was working on a few different ideas and probably have enough that we could hash them out.”

  “Seriously?” She leans back to look me in the eye.

  “Jack’s always down to play in the studio. I know he’ll be up for it.”

  She curls back into me, playing with my fingers. “Aren’t you nervous about what people are going to think?”

  “Nah. I’m still the same person. With every album, things have gotten calmer. I’ve grown with my music. I think this is a good next step. It might have Jack and Noah on the line, but this is more our thing. We won’t release it as Devil’s Breed, so they won’t expect that.”

  “Are the other songs duets too?”

  “I thought it would be cool to have a few with just you, a few with just me, and then a few together. Really show the mixture between the two of us.”

  I feel her tense slightly beneath me. “By myself?”

  I sit up and turn her, so I can see her better. “Don’t be afraid. We’ll work on it together.” I softly kiss her, leaning back again before smirking and going in for more.

  Sliding down, I pull her on top of me, running my fingers under her shirt.

  She tries to stop me. “Adam, Cailin’s only been in bed for a few minutes. What if she comes down?”

  I chuckle under my breath. “Come on. Sneak around with me.”

  She giggles and pushes back and off of me. “You’ll have to keep it in your pants for just a little while longer.”

  She’s lucky I know I won’t have to wait long, or I might have just taken her into my truck.

  * * *

  “So, which song’s on the schedule for today?” Jack asks as we all enter the studio.

  I purposely didn’t tell either Sarah or Cailin what I was working on because I wanted it to be a surprise. I hand it to Jack, raising my eyebrows so he knows to keep it quiet.

  He nods and starts to get things ready. I pick up the guitar, practicing the notes I’ve been playing with.

  Sarah enters the booth, sitting next to me. “I like that.”

  “Yeah, it kind of goes with the happiness of the song.”

  “Did Adam Jacobson just say his song is happy?” she says, pulling her head back in surprise.

  I laugh out loud. “Yeah, this is definitely a happy song.” I tilt my head toward the reason I live, perched on her stool at the mixing board. “It’s about her.”

  Sarah’s eyes brighten. “Really?”

  “It’s one I’ve been working on for a while. I wanted it to be my way to introduce her to the world.”

  “Does she know?”

  I glance back at her with a huge grin covering my face. “Nope.”

  “What are you calling it?”

  “Cailin,” I say without hesitation.

  She laughs out loud. “So, there’s no doubt who it’s about?”

  I kiss her before heading to the other booth. “Hey, Cailin,” I yell since I know nothing’s on yet. “Turn on the mic in here.”

  She gives me a thumbs-up as she reaches over on the mixing board, doing as I asked.

  “Testing, testing,” I say.

  She hits the button that allows them to talk to me in here. “You’re on, Daddy.”

  Daddy … the best word I’ll ever hear coming out of her mouth.

  I’ve waited for this moment—to share the song I wrote only for her.

  I don’t actually sing her name until the very end, so to test the mic, I sing the lyric about having my own Cailin before saying how much I love her.

  I watch as Cailin’s eyes go from me to Jack to Sarah and then back to me. Sarah is wiping her eyes as she laughs.

  She hits the talk button. “Did you just say my name in that verse?”

  “Sure did. How about we sing a song about you this time?”

  She jumps up, clapping her hands together. “Seriously, Daddy? About me?”

  I let out a joyous laugh. “Yes, about you.”

  She jumps off the stool and runs into the booth. “Let me see! Let me see!”

  I show her the lyrics, and we go over them together. I’m so impressed on how much she can read. I have to help her with only a few words, but she’s mainly able to say them all on her own.

  “Are you okay with me singing a song about you?” I ask.

  “Are you kidding? I love it!” She wraps her arms around me. “Thank you so much, Chestnut!”

  I hug her with all my might. “I love you, Sugarplum.”

  She releases her hold and starts to walk back to the mixing board. “Let’s get this show on the road. We have a song to sing that’s about ME!” She celebrates with a little happy dance, making us all laugh.

  32

  Adam

  While my girls are at school, I decide to work on more song ideas. I get so in the zone when I’m working on music that I don’t even notice I left my phone in my bedroom until it’s almost time for them to be home.

  I run to grab it, excited to shoot Jack a text about the new stuff I’m working on when I see I have multiple missed calls and t
exts from my manager, Bruce.

  I don’t bother to listen to the voice mail or read the texts and just dial.

  “Goddamn, you’re hard to get ahold of!” he yells into the phone as his greeting. “I was about to send Jack to get your ass since I’m still in New York.”

  “Why are you blowing me up?”

  “Seriously? Let’s talk about the damn record company blowing me up. They fucking loved that song. They’re dying to talk to Sarah. I guess they already knew who she was.”

  “No shit?”

  “Yes shit. They want to put it out on YouTube like you suggested, but they want video of you two singing it together. I’m working up the contracts now. We’ll need her to sign everything before we get going.”

  “Wait, they want a music video? That’s a lot to put together for a song that hasn’t even released yet.”

  “They don’t want your standard video. They want the two of you in the studio, like you’re recording it for the first time. More natural. No special effects or big production.”

  I nod slowly as a grin covers my face. “I like it.”

  It’s a perfect idea. What a great way to introduce Sarah to the world. This record is about us, so having a video that shows just that will be the cherry on top to this amazing song.

  “I knew you would. Now, when can we make this happen? With Max in rehab, they want to focus on you two to help take pressure off of him.”

  I glance at my watch. “They’ll be home shortly. I’ll talk to her then. Find out when the video crew can come, and we’ll make it happen. Oh, but it has to be after school or on the weekend. She’s a kindergarten teacher.”

  He chuckles into the phone. “Not for long, she’s not.”

  We hang up, and I throw my hands in the air. I knew the song was amazing, but hearing how much they loved it, too, just solidifies everything. We’re going to make this happen.

  Twenty minutes later, Cailin comes running through the door, and I step outside to meet Sarah.

  “You’re never going to believe this!” I say, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her into me. I place a quick kiss to her lips before I let her say anything.