by Erin Osborne
“It’ll be handled before you get back,” Grim assures me.
Heading out to my bike, I can feel the nervousness start to build. It’s been a long time and I don’t know what to expect from Keira. She hasn’t been hostile or pissed, but we haven’t exactly spent much time alone since she left either. Add in the fact that I’m sure it’s going to be brought up about her working at Vixen and I’m sure there will be a fight. One that I don’t want to have since I’m trying to win her back. The little bit of time we spent together was definitely not enough for me.
After making sure my bag is secure on my bike, I make my way over to Rage. He’s sitting at one of the tables under the canopy out back watching his daughter play on the playground. Sitting down, I take a minute to just watch her and think about what it’s going to be like when my own son or daughter gets here. I am beginning to want to have it happen now and get excited about it.
“You okay, Blade?” Rage asks me.
“I’m good. Just thinkin’ about what it’s goin’ to be like when I’m a dad,” I tell him honestly.
“Yeah, heard about that. Congrats man!” Rage tells me.
“I’m gettin’ ready to head up to see my girl now. Wanted to talk to you first about buildin’ a house.”
“Where you want it?” Rage asks, chuckling a little bit.
“I guess not too far from Glock and Melody’s house. She and Keira are tight and I bet they’ll want to be close to one another.”
“Anythin’ specific?”
“Nope. Just want an open floor plan. I’ll see what I can get out of her while I’m up there and let you know as soon as I know.”
“Any clue about the number of bedrooms?” he asks, jotting something down in his notepad.
“I’m gonna say probably four, but I’ll let you know for sure. I’m out,” I tell him, standing and going back to my bike.
~~**~~
I’ve enjoyed the long ride alone on my bike. It’s calmed me a bit and let my mind clear before I see Keira. I’m not worrying about the what-ifs or how it’s going to be between us. Well, not until I pass the sign welcoming me to Benton Falls. Now, my nerves are starting to ratchet up again. She texted me earlier with her address and I know it’s not far from Slim’s clubhouse. He also told me where she was living, but I’m not telling her that.
Pulling up to her house, I see it looks like a cute little house that she’s really making her own. I’ve been by this house before and I know that there were never flowers in front of it before. Instead I see flowers planted on both sides of the porch and winding around the side of the house. There’s a swing on the front porch and I can see her spending the evenings out here reading or just people watching.
I pull in behind her car and shut my bike down. Instead of getting off, I just take a minute to sit here and gather myself before I go knock on her door. Or until she comes outside to see what’s going on. There’s no way in hell she didn’t hear my bike pulling in, so I’m surprised she’s not out here already. Unless something is wrong with her. Fuck!
Hopping off my bike, I run up the steps and bang on the door. Waiting a fraction of a second, I go to pound again when it opens. Keira is standing there in a flowery sundress with her fiery hair flowing loose down her back. I love it when she wears her hair down and part of me can’t help but think that she wore it that way for me. It gives me hope that things might not be as hard as I thought they would be with her.
“You okay Blade?” Keira asks me, standing off to the side so I can move past her.
“I’m okay. I just got a bit worried after I sat on my bike for a few minutes and didn’t see you come to the door. Sorry,” I tell her, looking around the downstairs of her little house.
“Oh. I was in the bathroom and figured you’d want to stretch a bit before coming in. We got a little bit before we need to leave, do you want something to drink?”
“Sure. Water’s fine.” I follow her into the kitchen and pull out a chair at the table sitting under a window.
“So, how have you been?” she asks, setting the glass down in front of me.
“I’ve been okay. How have you been?” I ask awkwardly.
“This is really awkward, isn’t it?” she asks, reading my mind.
“It is. I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to say here.”
“I don’t either. But, there is something I want to say to you and I haven’t wanted to say it over the phone or through a text message.”
“Have at it,” I tell her, making myself more comfortable.
“Well, I always meant to tell you about the baby. Please don’t ever think that I wasn’t going to tell you. I was just trying to figure out a way to do that when you told me that you didn’t want kids of your own. The way that Jason did that the day of the picnic was uncalled for and I am so pissed at him for it,” Keira tells me. “And I’m sorry that you had to see him put his hands on me and then go to the hospital with me because of him.”
“Don’t ever apologize for somethin’ that involves you, kitten. You need to go to the hospital, I’m there. The baby needs somethin’, I’m there. I will always be there for you both. You’re right, I didn’t want commitment or kids, but things change,” I tell her, grabbing her hand in mine and holding it between us.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, all I’ve been thinkin’ about is you and the baby. Once you left our clubhouse, I realized how empty my life was without you. You are everythin’ that an old lady should be and one that I’d be proud to have at my side. As far as the baby is concerned, I didn’t ever want kids of my own. Not after growin’ up the way I did. But, I’m more than comin’ around to the idea of havin’ kids of my own.”
Keira just looks at me and I can see the moisture in her eyes letting me know that she’s not far from tears right now. I guess she’s really just expecting me to go through the motions of being there for the baby now and not after he or she is born. That’s just not the way it’s going to work out. I’m going to be there for every milestone of our child and every day of their life. Keira is just going to have to get used to being with me.
“I don’t know what to say to that Blade. I mean, you never once indicated that you wanted anything more than some fun. Now, that I’m pregnant, you’ve decided that I’ll make a good old lady and you want me by your side? It doesn’t make sense to me.”
“It has nothin’ to do with the fact that you’re pregnant with my baby. It has to do with the fact that you got under my skin and I can’t get you out no matter what I do.”
Keira just has to interrupt me at this moment. “Yeah, I’m sure it was such a hardship to fuck all those club girls. Someone has to do it though, right?”
“I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. I was with one girl, one night, and it was your name that got called out, not hers. Fuck, I can’t even remember what the bitch’s name is. That was the night that I swore off anyone but you bein’ on my cock. You’re it for me and I’m not settlin’ for anythin’ less.”
“I saw you leave with the blonde at Melody and Glock’s wedding.”
“It definitely wasn’t what you thought. I was helpin’ her to her man out front. She had way too much to drink and there was no way she could get home on her own. She’s one of the strippers at the club and I wouldn’t touch her if I absolutely had to.”
“I don’t know what you want from me Blade. I mean, what you truly want from me,” Keira tells me, looking down at her lap.
I release her hand and make sure she’s looking at me before I continue. “Kitten, I already told you that I want you as my old lady. There isn’t goin’ to be a day that goes by that I don’t want you by my side. I want to go to bed with you every night and wake up to you every mornin’. I’m scared shitless and I don’t know how to do anythin’ involvin’ a relationship. At all,” I tell her honestly.
“This is sudden, Blade. All you ever wanted before was a bit of fun and nothing more. Now, I’m pregnant and you’re telling me
that you want us to be together. I guess I need to think about this before I give you an answer.”
“That’s fine. Now, before we take off and head to the appointment, you know I’m stayin’ here for a few days, right? As in, I’ll be in your bed the next few nights,” I tell her, knowing that she’s going to have something to say about it.
“I figured as much. And you know that I’ll be working the next few nights too. Right?” she asks me, trying to goad me into an argument.
“Yep. And you know I’m gonna be there the entire time too.”
I stand up and pull her into me, wrapping my arms around her and holding her tight. It’s been way too long since I’ve held her in my arms. Instead of forgetting how she felt, I remember every single time she let me hold her. This time is no different. Keira melts into my hold and I am reminded of the last time I held her in my arms. This time is only different because of the proof of our child resting between us.
“I’m gonna bring my bag in and then we’ll head out. I’m drivin’ your car so I’ll move my bike in front of it,” I tell Keira, kissing her forehead and heading out the door.
By the time I head back in the door, Keira’s ready to head out. So, I drop my bag just inside the door and follow her back outside. I wait while she locks up and then lead her down to her car. Holding open the door for her, I wait until she has her seatbelt on before I close the door and run around to the driver’s side.
Keira gives me directions to her doctor’s office. Surprisingly it’s only about ten minutes from her house. This reassures me in case anything happens while she’s alone. I know that Slim and anyone from the Phantom Bastards will be there in a heartbeat if Keira calls them. Just like I know that she won’t call anyone for any reason at all.
“You ready for this?” Keira asks, breaking me out of my thoughts of her being alone.
“I can’t wait. Honestly, I’ve been waitin’ to come to an appointment with you. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to make it to one before now. I truly wanted to be there for the ultrasound too,” I answer, grabbing her hand and walking through the parking lot with her.
“Well, I can give you a copy of the picture. And, I didn’t find out what we’re having because you weren’t there. If we find out, it will be when we’re together.”
“Thank you for that. It’s up to you, kitten. I have no problem waitin’ until he or she enters the world to find out.”
“Well, I can at least see if I can have another ultrasound done so that you can be there for one. It’s amazing to see it on the screen,” Keira tells me, her entire face lighting up as she’s talking about our child.
“If we can’t, it’s not a big deal.”
“I’ll ask when they take us back to the room. If we can, I really want you to see it.”
I don’t respond because I can tell when she gets like this, there’s no arguing with her. My kitten gets an idea in her head and there’s no talking her out of it when she gets it. We might not have spent more than a few months together, but I know her more than she thinks I do. I know when she’s upset, mad, ready to fight until her last breath, when she’s defending someone she loves, and when she’s ready to give up. Before she left, I knew she was getting ready to give up, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it. So, instead of fighting to keep her with me, I let her go.
Before I knew what was happening though, I realized she had become the center of my world. Keira is the one that can calm me down when I feel like spinning out of control, she makes me laugh when I want to fight everything in sight, and she makes me want to forget my past and try to live a life outside of the demons that haunt me. I need her more than words will be ever to convey it to her, but I know I have to show her how I feel somehow.
“You with me Blade?” Keira asks.
“Yeah, kitten. Just tryin’ to figure somethin’ out.”
“Need any help with that?”
“I do. But, I don’t know how to tell you what I’ve been realizin’ since you been gone.”
“Well, we’ll talk over the next few days and see what we can figure out then,” Keira says, heading up to check in.
I stand back and wait for her to decide where she wants to sit and wait. Looking around, I see women in various stages of pregnancy, including ones that have just had babies. The sight used to scare the shit out of me, now it just makes me wonder what my girl is going to look like as she gets further along. At this point, Keira only has a small baby bump. Well, it’s what I consider small, but I’m sure she doesn’t feel the same way about it.
“Now we wait until they call me back. Then I’ll have to have my weight checked and use the restroom before we go into a room,” she tells me.
“Okay kitten.”
“Why do you call me that?” she asks, turning in her seat to look at me.
“Because I’ve never met a woman that will go to the lengths you do to protect those you love. You’re like a kitten ready to pounce and scratch and claw for what you believe is right.”
“Oh.”
I’m sure my answer surprised her, but it’s the truth. The rest of the old ladies will go to battle over their friends and family being attacked, but Keira is ready to defend people at the drop of a hat. She stepped in more times than I can count without Melody, or anyone else knowing, when club girls would try to go after Glock. She doesn’t want recognition and she hates it when Melody sees her defend her. None of this stops her from going after anyone though. Hell, it wouldn’t surprise me to see her go after someone like Tank or Dozer without blinking an eye. And those are two big motherfuckers.
“Keira, we’re ready for you,” a nurse calls from a doorway across the room.
Standing up, I hold out my hand to help her up. She takes it and doesn’t let go as we follow the nurse behind the door. I wait until she does her thing and we’re led to another room.
“How are you feeling today?” the nurse asks.
“I’ve been feeling okay. Every now and then I still get sick, but it’s been getting a lot better.”
“I can see that by the weight that you’ve gained since your last visit. It’s a good thing,” the nurse reassures her quickly.
“I know it is. It’s not like I’m gaining weight because I’m not eating right. I’m gaining it to provide life for our child,” Keira responds with more than a little sass to her voice.
I’m trying not to laugh while I sit next to her, but it’s so hard. I can tell by the look on the nurse’s face that she wasn’t expecting my girl to respond that way. She must not have been around her before. So, I do what I have to and bury my face in Keira’s side trying not to laugh in this nurse’s face.
“I did want to talk to whoever I need to about getting another ultrasound done. The baby’s father wasn’t able to make it last month and I want him to experience it.”
“I will mention it to Dr. Sanchez after I get your vitals. I’m sure she can arrange it for you.”
The nurse does her thing, checking blood pressure and temperature on Keira. I just sit here and wait until she’s done. That way I can move the chair closer again and take her hand in mine. Now that I’m seeing Keira, I want to continually touch her to make sure that she’s really here with me and in touching distance. Not just something I’m dreaming about. Again.
As soon as the nurse leaves the room, I turn my chair to angle it closer to Keira and sit back down. Keira says nothing as she watches me maneuver to get as close as possible to her. She stays laying in the bed thing they have her settled on and waits for the doctor to make an appearance. Slim has already gotten a complete run down of the doctor so I know that she knows what she’s talking about and doing. There was no way in hell Keira was going to have some new, fresh out of school doctor. I want to make sure that the best possible person is taking care of her and my baby.
After just a few minutes, there’s a knock on the door before it opens. A woman in her late thirties pokes her head in the door before stepping in the room. Before saying anything to
either one of us, she pulls a stool up so that she’s sitting where we can both see her clearly.
“I hear that you want another ultrasound done,” Dr. Sanchez says, taking a look at Keira’s chart. “Your weight looks good today, but your blood pressure seems to be up just a little bit. We’ll have to monitor that. Are you sure you’re feeling okay? Any dizziness, feeling faint, anything like that.”
“No. I’ve been working and they make sure that I get more than enough breaks and I have a stool to sit on when I need to behind the bar. I’ve just been feeling a little bit more tired than normal.”
“You will as you get farther along. Now, I did place a call to ultrasound and they’re going to see you today. They had a cancellation and can get you in as soon as I’m done here. I’m guessing that you’re the soon to be daddy?” Dr. Sanchez asks, finally addressing me.
“I am. Sorry I couldn’t be here before.”
“Keira explained that your job takes you out of town a lot and that you live over an hour away to begin with. I’m happy to see that she has you in her corner though.”
“Always.”
“I’m going to take some measurements of your stomach and we’ll listen to the heartbeat before the tech gets in here.”
Doctor Sanchez goes to work taking measurements and feeling around Keira’s stomach. Then she pulls something out of her pocket and sets it down next to Keira before pulling out a tube of something she smears on Keira’s belly. Before I know it, the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard is thumping away through the exam room. It sounds like our baby’s heart is racing and I look at Keira.
“It’s fine Blade. It’s always that fast,” she explains, holding my hand tighter.
“She’s right.” Is Dr. Sanchez’s only comment.
Taking the machine away from my kitten’s stomach, the sound disappears and I want nothing more than to hear it again. I should’ve recorded that sound for when I’m not with my girl. Next time, I will without fail.
“Okay, sit tight and the tech will be in soon.”