Vampire Soul Box Set (Vampire Romantic Comedy)

by Mac Flynn

  "Yeah?"

  "Could you stay here? Just for a little while?" he pleaded.

  I sighed and readjusted the soul box tucked under one arm. "Sure, Charlie."

  Charlie perked up. "Good. I'll get us some pizza and you can tell me how all the boys are doing. Brady was getting awful pale last time I saw him." I didn't tell him that Brady was now ash-pale.

  We walked inside and Charlie got the pizza cooked while I sat on the couch with my box-mate by my side.

  "So are you thinking about getting your old route back?" I called to Charlie in the kitchen.

  "I'm not sure yet, but the Depot guys would be glad if I did," Charlie replied. He walked into the living room and handed me a slice of thick, meat-lovers, everything-but-the-hoof pizza. "The boys at the diner been talking about me?"

  I took a bite of the pizza and had the sensation of eating a pig-chicken-cow combo. The food slid down like it was covered in lard and hit my stomach like a boulder the size of Colorado.

  I shuddered and put down the pizza slice. "Yeah, they've been kind of worried about you," I told him.

  "Well, they don't have to be worrying-" Charlie frowned and squinted at the box by my side. "Something's happening with your box."

  I glanced down and noticed a slight blue pulse emitted from beneath the lid. I wanted to take that as a good sign, but my gut instinct told me it wasn't. That, or it was the meat pizza talking and telling me that wasn't chicken I'd just eaten. Another pulse of light confirmed it wasn't the pizza.

  A rap on the back door made me jump. Charlie dropped his plate and it fell pizza-first onto the floor.

  "W-what's that?" he asked me.

  "Somebody at your back door," I told him.

  Charlie shrank in his chair and looked to me. "Could you answer it?" he pleaded.

  I took one look at the glowing box at my side and cringed. "It's your house," I reminded him.

  "Please?" he persisted.

  There came another rap on the back door. I stuffed a pillow over the glowing box and took a deep breath before I walked over to the door. The door had a glass window on the upper half, and through it I could see a shadowy figure standing on the other side. I sidled up to the door and tried to get a look at them, but the lights inside the house weren't helping.

  "Shut off the lights," I whispered to Charlie.

  "I don't think we should," he whispered back.

  I rolled my eyes and inched up to the door. "Who is it?" I called.

  "I need to speak with Charlie," a man's voice replied. "Is he home?"

  I looked to Charlie. He furiously shook his head. "Who's asking?" I returned.

  "A stranger who needs his help. Can I come in?" the stranger pleaded.

  "No!" Charlie hissed.

  "How about I come outside?" I suggested.

  "Who are you?" the man asked me.

  "A friend of Charlie's. Let me just get my coat and I'll be right out," I told him.

  I scooted away from the door and snatched my coat from the back of the couch. Charlie met me there.

  "You don't have to go out there. Just tell him I'm not home," he whispered.

  "It's a little late for that," I countered. I handed him my cellphone. "You just stay in here and watch that box for me. If something happens call my land-line from my phone and then call the police."

  "Shouldn't I call the police first?" he wondered.

  "Believe me, my land-line would be a lot more useful," I told him. I shrugged on my coat and walked over to the door.

  "There's a light outside. Just flip the switch," Charlie whispered to me.

  I found the switch beside the door and switched it on. The figure scuttled back faster than a vegan from a steak. I opened the door and peeked out. The stranger stood at the edge of the light close to where the coffin box sat.

  The open coffin box.

  I reluctantly slid outside and kept near the wall of the house.

  "Did you see how that opened?" I asked the guy.

  He nodded. The porch light was bright, but I couldn't see the guy's face because he had his head covered in a hoodie. "I did because I'm the one who opened it."

  I edged closer to him to get a peek into the box. My eyes caught on some red satin padding with a plush pillow. Roland would have been jealous. I would've been happier to see a bed of scorpions. "How?"

  "I opened it from the inside," the guy told me.

  I froze and pointed at him and then the box. "You were inside the box?"

  He nodded. "Yes."

  "Why?"

  "I was resting."

  I took a step back and wrapped one of my hands around my neck. "I think you need to-"

  He held out a hand. The light caught it and I saw it was covered in scabs. "Wait! Please don't be afraid! I won't hurt you!"

  The door opened and Charlie peeked his head out. "You okay, Misty?" he called to me. "I didn't see-the box!"

  The man held up both hands and took a step away from us. "I can answer all your questions if you'll just listen to me."

  "Misty, get back inside! It's another vampire!" Charlie shouted.

  "Please just listen to me! I won't hurt you!" the stranger insisted.

  "Shut up!" My shout rang across the lawn and froze the two men. I pointed a finger at the stranger. "If you came from that box, then back up to the fence."

  "And then you'll listen to me?" the man asked me.

  "I make the rules here, now go," I ordered him.

  The man walked backwards to the fence. I turned to Charlie. "I need my phone."

  Charlie slunk out of the house and handed me my phone. I dialed my land-line and got Roland in a half a ring.

  "Yes?" Roland answered.

  "Roland, you remember where Charlie lives?" I asked him.

  "Yes, but what's the matter?" he questioned me.

  "No time for that now. Get your undead butt down here and pronto. We have another pointy-toothed problem to deal with," I warned him.

  "I will be right there." Click. I stuffed my phone in my pocket.

  "Who was that?" Charlie wondered.

  "A friend. He's coming down here to help with Mr. Hoodie here," I explained.

  "You may call me Derdrom," the man called to us.

  "I would if I could pronounce it," I quipped. "Your parents like tongue-twisters?"

  "My parents are very-well, unusual," he agreed.

  "So what exactly were you doing resting in that box?" I questioned him.

  "I heard rumors of a vampire and Charlie's name, so I had myself sent to the closest processing station." I heard him give a little chuckle. "My bed is a little too heavy to go by normal freight routes."

  "That's a pretty unusual bed, even for a vampire," I commented.

  "I'm an unusual creature," he returned. "But that isn't why I came here. I need your help. I was injured in-well, in an electrical accident, and I must find a way to heal these wounds. The burning, it won't stop. The pain is unbearable." He wrapped his arms around himself and shuddered. His voice choked on his words. "Please. I need-"

  A shadow flitted over Charlie and me, and I was relieved to see Roland drop from the sky between us and the sob story. Roland stood tall and glared at the stranger. Charlie, however, shrieked like a girl and ran into the house. The door banged loudly behind him, and I heard furniture move in front of the entrance.

  Roland ignored Charlie's unusual welcome. "Who are you and what do you-" I leaned forward and tugged on Roland's sleeve.

  "He says his name's Dumdum-"

  "Derdrom," the guy corrected me.

  "He's a vampire that got injured with electricity and needs some help patching up the wounds," I continued.

  Roland raised an eyebrow and looked the man over. "Blood heals all wounds. You shouldn't need any assistance other than a willing donor."

  "Unfortunately, that's not my case." Derdrom pulled aside his hood and revealed a face and head covered in scabs. He looked like something Ralph scraped off the bottom of his pans after a long
day of work. "It won't heal these ones. I've tried. That's why I've come here. There has to be another way, and I was hoping you would tell me. I know you're a vampire. Surely you know another route I can take to fix these wounds."

  "It would help matters if you told us more about yourself," Roland suggested.

  "Of course. I would be suspicious, too, in your place," Derdrom agreed. "I came from the city of Colmouth. I was created there, but my creator was abusive. After I escaped I was injured by an electrical collar he created. Now that I'm free I wish only to forget that time, but with this-" he held up one of his mangled hands, "-this is a constant reminder of my past. I'm desperate to find a way to heal myself. I'm willing to try anything. Science. Magic. There must be something in this world or the next that can heal me."

  Roland stiffened. He glanced over his shoulder and caught my eyes. I caught his meaning and jerked my head towards the house. His soul box was inside under the pillow. Derdrom raised an eyebrow and looked past us at the house.

  "Is there something in there that can help me?" he asked us.

  "I know of no other way to heal wounds, but I will help you," Roland offered.

  I blinked at Roland. "You will?"

  Derdrom smiled and bowed to us. "Thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me."

  "Can you carry your coffin or do you need assistance?" Roland asked him.

  "I can carry it alone," Derdrom told him.

  I grabbed Roland's arm and dragged him a few feet away. "I know it's always nice to be neighborly, but we don't know anything about this vampire," I whispered.

  "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer," he returned.

  "So which one is he?" I asked him.

  "We will find out," Roland replied. He pulled away from me and walked over to the other vampire.

  Derdrom closed his coffin lid and picked it up with both hands. "I'm ready."

  "Then follow me," Roland instructed him.

  The pair jumped into the air and flew off into the night. I glared at their retreating backs and turned away. "Damn vampires. . ." I mumbled.

  My eyes fell on the shut back door of Charlie's house, and I sighed. Roland left with one problem, and left me with another. I walked over to the door and tried the knob. It was locked. One look through the window told me Charlie had moved most of the living room furniture against the door. I knocked hard on the door.

  "Charlie, it's Misty. Let me in," I called.

  "You tricked me! You're one of 'em!" he shouted.

  "If I was one of them then how could I be with you all day?" I pointed out.

  There was a long pause. "You got me there." He appeared at the window beyond the piled furniture and looked me over with a frown. "But what were you doing being familiar with that vampire?"

  "He's a good vampire," I explained.

  "He doesn't drink blood?" Charlie guessed.

  "He's a good vampire, not a saint," I quipped. I wrapped my arms around myself and shivered. "But could we talk about this inside? It's a little cold out here." Charlie cringed and looked away. "Please?"

  Charlie sighed and started to move the furniture away. "All right, but don't go looking funny at my neck."

  CHAPTER 5

  In a few minutes the furniture was back in place and I plopped down on the couch. Charlie sat in his chair and listened to me finish my brief history with Roland. I finished my tale of unearthly woe and he shook his head.

  "That's a lot of trouble you've gotten into for a vampire," he commented.

  "That's an understatement that could dig itself to China," I quipped.

  He leaned forward and looked me over. "So why do you do it?"

  I shrugged. "Because he needs some help."

  Charlie raised an eyebrow. "You're a good girl, Misty, but you've got more sense than letting yourself get into this mess without getting something out of it."

  "He did ask me nice," I added.

  Charlie leaned back and shook his head. "You're a stubborn one, Misty." He glanced at the soul box that sat beside me and his face fell. Charlie nodded at the box. "You sure it's safe to keep that thing in here?"

  "I wouldn't want to piss it off by setting it outside," I countered.

  We jumped when there came a rap on the back door. Charlie and I glanced at the entrance and I recognized Roland's tall silhouette.

  "He can't come in without being invited," I reminded Charlie. I got up and let Roland inside.

  Charlie stood and eyed the vampire carefully. Roland walked up to him and bowed his head.

  "I haven't apologized for my terrifying you," Roland told him. "I didn't mean to frighten you so badly."

  Charlie grinned and held out his hand. "I guess I can take that. Just don't do it again."

  Roland smiled and shook his hand. "I will gladly agree to that."

  "So what happened to our spare vampire?" I spoke up.

  Roland turned to me and pursed his lips. "He's at the house, but he leaves me uneasy."

  "He makes promises with his fangs crossed?" I guessed.

  Roland shook his head. "No, something much more serious. Vampires have a certain unnatural aura around them. Humans and our kind can feel it, as can animals. The aura that our new acquaintance exudes is something more unnatural than undeath."

  I shrugged. "Maybe he's a foreign vampire."

  "If only it was as simple as that," Roland argued.

  I held up my hand. "I don't speak enigma. Could you translate your worries into something I'll understand?"

  "I'm not sure what to make of our new acquaintance," he rephrased.

  "I can't believe this is happening again. . ." Charlie murmured. He cradled his forehead in one hand and shook his head. "This is just too much. I've got enough problems with Sherry. What am I going to do about this?"

  "You're going to do nothing. This guy's our problem now," I assured my friend.

  Charlie lifted his head and frowned. "But I can't do that to you. He was looking for me when he found you, and I couldn't just drop him in your lap like that."

  "He's not that heavy, and we've dealt with this stuff a lot more than you have," I pointed out.

  Charlie sighed, but nodded. "All right, but you call me when you need me, you hear?"

  I smiled. "No problem."

  Roland and I said our goodbyes to Charlie and walked outside with the box in my hands. The second Charlie closed the door behind us my smile slipped off my face faster than a well-oiled hog on an ice rink. I glanced at Roland.

  "So what do we do now?" I asked him.

  "We will find out this person's true intentions for coming here," he told me.

  We reached the car and I held up the box. "I think it might have something to do with your night light. I didn't have time to tell you earlier, but this thing glowed when that guy first showed up."

  Roland raised an eyebrow. "Glowed how?"

  "Like it did at the diner, but brighter and there wasn't any psychedelic dream to go with it," I explained. My vampire companion pursed his lips. The points of his fangs peeked over. "I'm guessing you have no idea what that means."

  He shook his head. "No, but we would do well to keep the box a secret from him and bring him into close contact with my soul again."

  I put a hand on my hip and frowned. "That sounds as easy as eating a stack of Ralph's infamous prune waffles in one sitting."

  "Can that be done?" he wondered.

  "I've seen a guy do it, but nobody saw much of him after that because he was on the can the rest of the night," I told him. "Besides, I don't want to regret my decision like he did. Of course, I'd really like to live to regret my decision. Maybe for a couple of decades."

  Roland set his hand on my shoulder and smiled down at me. "I swore to protect you, and I will keep my promise."

  I frowned and leaned in close to his face. Roland blinked and leaned away. "You're not crossing your fangs, are you?" I teased.

  He chuckled. "That would be a feat indeed, even for a vampire."r />
  "Less talk of feat, and more moving them," I scolded him as I pushed him towards the car. "I'm tired and this mess has wrecked my first day off."

  I drove us back to the apartment. Roland took off for his alternate entrance and I wearily shuffled into the lobby. I slapped my forehead when I noticed the elegantly dressed Owen Alston. He stood at the foot of the stairs and wore a nice dress suit. It was six o'clock, a whole thirty minutes after our meeting time.

  "You seem a bit overdressed for our date," he teased as I reached him.

  I looked down at myself. Cleaning Charlie's house had given my clothes several layers of dust, cleaner fluid, and pizza topping to top it all off. I grinned up at him and shrugged.

  "What can I say? I'm a classy gal," I told him.

  He leaned against the banister and furrowed his brow. "You know, I'm getting the distinct feeling that you forgot about our date."

  I frowned and tapped my chin. "You know, I'm getting that same feeling."

  "What are we going to do about it?" he wondered.

  "Well, you could take me as I am," I suggested.

  "I wouldn't mind, but you might make the other customers hungry for pizza," he teased.

  "Or I could go upstairs and change into something more suitable for the occasion," I added.

  "Only if you hurry. I wouldn't want us driving off the road because you took a bigger bite out of me than I expected," he quipped.

  "All right. You just wait here and-"

  "Couldn't I wait in your apartment?" he requested.

  I sailed past him and halfway up the stairs. "You could, but you're going to wait right here until I get back."

  He stood at attention and saluted. "Yes, ma'am!"

  I rolled my eyes and hurried up the stairs to my apartment. I walked inside and noticed something was different, something I couldn't quite place. Maybe it was the askew clock on the wall, or maybe the stain on the carpet, or maybe it was the complete and utter destruction of every piece of furniture I owned.

  The couch was tipped on its back and its cushions torn to pieces. My lamps and end tables were overturned, and the drawers were smashed against the walls. The kitchen looked like the cast of Crazy Housewives had used it as their studio for several weeks and there'd been a cat-fight involving cutlery. My poor whimpering kitchen table was overturned and its legs broken in several places.