Vampire Soul Box Set (Vampire Romantic Comedy)

by Mac Flynn

  "Thanks, Aunt Ma. See you soon," I answered as I hung up the phone.

  I turned to Roland. He sat hunched over his legs and clutched his chest. His breathing was labored and in the dark light his pale skin stood out like a black cat in a snowstorm. If snowstorms were black and the cat was actually white. This night was just getting better and better.

  CHAPTER 3

  "All right, Roland, time to try your feet again," I told him as I hefted his arm over my shoulder.

  "Leave. . .leave me," he whispered.

  I snorted and dragged us to the gates. Before us lay the bumpy country road that led to the farmlands and town. "Like I'm going to give the pleasure of your company to that vampire twit."

  "I'm. . .I'm only a burden," he insisted.

  "You're not that heavy, now stop trying to be all heroic. It's my turn to be the hero," I told him.

  "They. . .may catch. . .us," he persisted.

  "They might, but Uncle Seward's driving to get us," I pointed out.

  "Does he. . .drive fast?" Roland wondered.

  "You ever wonder where I get my driving skills?"

  "A few times."

  "Wonder no more."

  A faint smile flitted across his lips. "You. . .have an. . .interesting family."

  "We like to keep things lively. It offsets all the dead things I keep dealing with," I quipped.

  He turned his face away and pursed his lips together. "I'm sorry."

  "You're undead, remember? You don't fall under the whole dead thing," I reminded him. I looked ahead of us at the long, dark country road that stretched for miles. There was no sign of headlights, or even house lights. "Besides, you know I love you."

  "If you truly love me then you must leave me," he insisted.

  I snorted. "I was told all my life book learning would improve the mind, but I think that book scrambled yours. Besides, you've forgotten the cardinal rules of leaving people behind as taught to me by movies and TV."

  He raised an eyebrow. "And what are they?"

  "You only leave behind loved ones if their mortally wounded, feel like they need to redeem themselves, or have the strength to stand on their own legs. You don't apply to any of those rules," I tutored him.

  "But I may apply to one of them," he countered.

  I frowned at him. "Which one?"

  "I am mortally wounded."

  My eyes widened and my heart performed a fast and complicated tango maneuver. I stopped and looked Roland over. His clothes were creased and a little singed, but there were no outer signs of imminent fatality.

  "What are you talking about? You look fine," I argued.

  He shook his head. "I am not as I appear."

  "Roland, enough with the enigmatic bullshit and tell me what's wrong with you," I snapped at him.

  "I am human."

  I stared at him with my mouth agape. "You're what?"

  "Human," he repeated.

  "Wait, human like me?" I asked him. He opened his mouth, but a distant flash of lights caught my attention. A vehicle was headed our way. "Hold that thought. The cavalry's coming," I told him. I hurried us over to the shoulder and set Roland down on the gravel. "Stay here, and don't try this at home," I ordered him.

  I stepped out into the road and into the path of the oncoming vehicle. The driver was going a smidge below the sound barrier, and I'd only have one chance to get their attention. I waved my hands wildly over my head and jumped up and down like I was in an exercise video.

  "Over here! Over here!" I yelled.

  The truck came closer and I saw it was a new 4x4 pickup. The color was a blood red and there was a large ram on the front that proudly displayed its chest. It slowed to a stop and Uncle Seward leaned out the open driver's window.

  "What in the world have you been doing? You look like you were caught in a dust storm," he commented.

  I glanced down at myself. My clothes were covered in the grave dust from the mausoleum.

  "It's a long and really terrifying story, so could I tell it in the truck?" I pleaded.

  Aunt Ma leaned out the same window and smiled at Roland and me. "Of course, dear. There's plenty of room in here."

  "Just don't get too much dust on the new seats. They're leather," Uncle Seward scolded as he opened his door.

  He hopped out and helped me lift Roland into the rear seats. I slid in behind Aunt Ma's seat and Uncle Roland turned us back the way they came. Uncle Seward looked through the rear view mirror at us.

  "Now where do you need to go?" he asked us.

  "Ralph's place, and then to my apartment for a really long nap," I replied.

  "You're going home with us," Aunt Ma insisted.

  "We'll be okay at my apartment," I told her. "I hope. . ." I whispered under my breath.

  Uncle Seward's eyes narrowed. "You two don't look so good. You look a little pale. I think Aunt Ma's right. You'd better come home with us."

  "It's just all this stupid crypt dust," I explained.

  I brushed some dust off my hand. Much of the pallor disappeared, but I couldn't help but notice my blue veins stuck out from my whitish skin.

  "Crypt dust? What's that boyfriend of yours getting you into?" Uncle Seward questioned me.

  "It was. . .none of my doing, I assure you," Roland spoke up.

  "He's right. It was just a homicidal child vampire and her vampire hunter amnesia-suffering human servant," I assured them. Aunt Ma and Uncle Seward glanced at each other. I knew those looks. "We're all right. It's not like we didn't make it out of there alive."

  "Whether you're alive or not you're going home with us," Uncle Seward told me. "And that's final."

  "And remember, we'd love you even if you weren't alive," Aunt Ma added.

  "You guys really-" A hand wrapped around my wrist, and I turned to find it belonged to Roland.

  He shook his head. "Let it go," he whispered.

  "Et tu, Roland?" I asked him.

  He smiled. "Your old bed is far more comfortable than the one at your apartment."

  Uncle Seward slammed on the brakes so hard that if we hadn't been wearing seat belts Aunt Ma and I would have learned to fly through windshield glass, though it would have been a short enough flight even peanuts wouldn't have been served. He whipped around and glared at Roland.

  "What would you know about the bed at her apartment?" he snapped.

  "I meant no offense," Roland insisted.

  "I don't think this is the time or place for this!" I reminded him. We were only a few miles from the cemetery, and a long way from safety.

  "If you've been having an improper relationship with my niece then I'm going to stake you myself," he threatened Roland.

  Aunt Ma set her hands on his arm. "She had to learn about the birds and the undead bees sometime, Pat."

  Uncle Seward waved his hand at Roland. "But with him? She couldn't have picked a normal guy with normal issues?"

  "I'm sorry for involving your niece in my life," Roland spoke up. His voice was low and sincere. "After this evening I would extract myself from her this moment if I could, but I find that the situation won't allow for that."

  We all blinked at him, and I leaned towards him.

  "Why exactly not?" I asked him.

  He turned to me and looked me in the eyes. "Because you have my soul."

  All three pairs of our eyes turned to him. My uncle safely looked through the rear view mirror and frowned.

  "What are you talking about?" he questioned Roland.

  "The spell Rose cast was to transfer my soul into her body, and vice versa," he told me. "When you touched me the spell cast itself onto you and our souls were exchanged."

  "Misty was always a sharing girl," Aunt Ma spoke up.

  "But this is too much. Change them back," my uncle demanded.

  Roland shook his head a few times before his eyes rolled back and his head dropped onto the back of the seat. I jumped at him and nearly strangled myself in my seatbelt.

  "Roland? Roland!" I shouted.
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  I unbuckled myself and slid over to his side. I slapped my hand over his chest and waited for a heartbeat.

  "Is he okay?" Aunt Ma asked me.

  "Is he dead?" Uncle Seward dryly wondered.

  Aunt Ma shot him a death glare that nearly made him join the un-living. "He has Misty's soul in his body," she reminded him.

  I breathed out when I heard a slight murmur in his chest. "He's okay," I told them. "I think he just fainted from all the excitement and soul changing."

  Uncle Seward frowned. "What exactly happened, young lady?"

  "We ran into an old nemesis who used some sort of gloomy book to swap our souls," I explained.

  "And you don't know how to fix this?" he asked me.

  "The Dark Arts wasn't a course my high school offered," I quipped.

  Aunt Ma shook her head and clucked her tongue. "Pity. Vocational studies is far more useful than some of the nonsense they teach nowadays."

  "I don't think this is the time to talk about our failing education system, Aunt Ma," I scolded her.

  "Life is an education system," she returned.

  "And as soon as Roland wakes up I'm going to educate him on how to keep you out of harm's way," Uncle Seward spoke up.

  I held up my hands. "Nobody's teaching anybody anything. Not school, not life, and definitely not you, Uncle Seward."

  "He'd better know how to fix this. . ." I heard my uncle mumble.

  I sighed and looked to Roland's pale and peaceful face. "So do I. . ."

  CHAPTER 4

  We made it back to the farm and Uncle Seward helped me haul Roland upstairs to my old bedroom. We plopped him on the covers. Well, I plopped and Uncle Seward dumped. Aunt Ma got a quilt from the closet and covered him.

  "In case he gets cold," she told us.

  "He's a vampire, Ma, he's always cold," Uncle Seward reminded her.

  "That's no excuse for not trying to prevent catching a cold," she countered.

  He rolled his eyes and they fell on me. "I'm going to make sure all the barn doors and windows are locked, and get my guns from the barn. You both stay inside and if somebody comes knocking-"

  "I know, I know, don't answer it," I finished.

  He frowned. "Of course you answer it. You think this person who tried to steal his soul-" he jerked his head towards Roland, "-is going to knock on the door? If somebody knocks it'll be me, so you'd better answer it."

  He stalked off and downstairs. Aunt Ma came up behind me and set a hand on my shoulder.

  "Don't take what he says too hard. It's only because he cares," she told me.

  I sighed and nodded. "I know, and I can't blame him for worrying. I don't really know how we're going to get out of this one." I half-turned to Roland and the chair Aunt Ma had set up beside the bed. "I think I'll stay with him a little while."

  Aunt Ma smiled and patted my shoulder. "Of course. You just come down when you're ready."

  "Thanks, Aunt Ma."

  Aunt Ma left, and I took my position beside the bed. Roland lay on the covers with his eyes closed. The covers moved up and down to show there was some activity going on in his body. I leaned towards him and grasped his hand in mine.

  "We're in a real pickle this time, aren't we?" I whispered to him.

  "So it seems," he murmured.

  I started back, and he opened his eyes and smiled at me. My eyes narrowed and I glared at him.

  "How long have you been awake?" I questioned him.

  "Long enough to hear your uncle's advice about knocking doors," he quipped.

  I snorted. "You should hear his advice about dating, but seriously, you scared the heck out of me."

  Roland sat up and winced. "Fortunately, we faced that challenge and overcame it."

  "Yeah, but now we're really on the hotplate with this one," I pointed out. "It's one thing to laugh at the Devil, it's another thing to be laughing at each other."

  "You have me there," he agreed. He shivered and pulled the quilt closer to himself. "I had forgotten how chilly were human souls."

  I frowned. "How come you're feeling different, but I'm not?"

  "The changes are not all at once, and it will differ from person to person. My soul must first acclimate to your physical body," he explained.

  "So how do we get your soul back to you?" I wondered.

  "We must steal the book-"

  "Heroes appropriate," I reminded him.

  He smiled. "We must appropriate the book from Rose and perform the ritual in the mausoleum. No doubt she will have repaired any damage because she still wishes to steal my soul."

  "So what do we do until then?" I asked him.

  He leaned his head back against the pile of pillows behind him and closed his eyes. "Allow me some time to rest, and we will create a plan."

  I stood and looked over his thin form. He looked horribly skinny, but there was a little color on his pale skin.

  "All right, but don't you go wasting away on me. I don't want to come up here and discover a garden in my bed," I teased him.

  He chuckled. "I will be sure not to cause you too much weeding."

  "Are you sure you didn't take more than just my soul?" I asked him.

  "The only certainty in life is uncertainty, so I can't say for sure," he replied.

  I sighed and shrugged. "I guess I'll take that for an answer. Anyway, you get some rest and if you need me I'll be downstairs with Aunt Ma." He nodded his head.

  I walked downstairs and found Aunt Ma at the head of the dining table. She had two steaming mugs of cocoa in front of her. I took a seat beside her and she passed a mug to me.

  "How is he?" she wondered.

  "Faking unconsciousness and health," I told her. I took a sip of the cocoa and wrinkled my nose. The flavor was off. "And I think he's just as lost in this whole mess as I am."

  "A good rest will help you both," she assured me.

  "Yeah, but I'm really-" I glanced at Aunt Ma and my eyes froze on her neck. Her pale, long, tasty neck. My tongue flicked out and I whetted my lips.

  "Misty? Misty, are you all right?" she asked me.

  I tried to shake off the strange hunger that rose up inside me, but I couldn't. Her neck looked like an unattended tap, and I was an alcoholic in desperate need of a drink. I slipped out of my chair and stood beside my aunt with my chest heaving and the hunger eating me up.

  "Misty, what in the world are-" I lunged at her. My hands reached out for her neck.

  "Misty!"

  The loud, strong voice snapped me out of my homicidal plan. I froze a few inches from my aunt's neck and blinked. She blinked back at me.

  "Misty, step back from her," the voice ordered me.

  I looked over my shoulder and saw Roland standing in the doorway. He leaned. against the frame with his face as pale as death and his chest heaving for breath. I stumbled away from my aunt and clutched my forehead in my hand.

  "What the hell was that?" I murmured.

  "The hunger," he told me.

  Aunt Ma stood and rushed to my side. She grasped my right arm and looked into my face. "Are you quite all right?" she asked me.

  Her neck the the veins inside it flowed beside me. I scrunched my eyes shut and shook my head. "No, I don't think I am."

  "You feel the hunger of the vampire," Roland spoke up.

  I opened my eyes and frowned at him. "But I'm not undead," I pointed out.

  He shook his head. "My soul is tainted by my very being, and that being is a vampire."

  I leaned back against the wall and cradled my face in one hand. "Having your soul sucks. Literally."

  "It. . .certainly does," Roland agreed.

  He took a step forward, but his knee buckled and he fell to the floor. Aunt Ma and I jumped over to him and placed ourselves on either side of him. We each took an arm and lifted him off the wood floor. He smiled up at us.

  "Though it does also seem to be a nuisance to be a human," he added.

  "I think you both need to get to bed," Aunt Ma advised us.
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  "Aunt Ma, I nearly tried to suck your blood. I don't think a nap's going to fix that," I countered.

  "Rest helps even the wicked, and you two have been through a lot," she insisted. "Now let's get Roland back upstairs and get you to bed."

  I could have really used a drink right then, but I didn't like the limited menu a vampire-soul inhabiting human had to choose from, so I helped Aunt Ma heft Roland into the entrance hall. He was even lighter than when I'd carried him from the cemetery. We made it to the bottom of the stairs when there was a knock on the door.

  "One moment," Aunt Ma told me. She broke from us and answered the door. Uncle Seward stood on the other side with his double-barrel shotgun in hand, and a rifle slung over his shoulder. Aunt Ma frowned at him.

  "I don't remember that second rifle," she scolded him.

  "I bought it last spring for the gophers, and I think we're going to be glad I did," he commented as he stepped inside. He looked Roland nad me over and pursed his lips. "What's he doing down here?"

  "Preventing me from turning Aunt Ma into a smoothy bar," I quipped.

  Uncle Seward's lips tightened and his eyes flickered to Roland. "What does that mean?"

  "It means the vampire soul inside of Misty is causing her to feel the hunger of the vampire," Roland explained.

  Uncle Seward's eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly. "Then she's turning into a vampire?"

  "Not completely," Roland assured him. "Her body is still alive, but it may need the sustenance of blood to survive."

  I whipped my head to him. "Wait, what?"

  "I would explain more, but we have worse problems," Roland returned.

  "What can be worse than me turning into a vampire and testing out my teeth on my aunt and uncle?" I asked him.

  Roland slipped out of my hold and steadied himself on his own two feet. "The hunter knows this place, and he will lead Rose here," he reminded us. He turned his blue eyes on me. "We must leave."

  "But where are we going to go? Ginsleh knows where I live and work, and Rose knows about your vacation home in the woods," I pointed out.

  "Father Malone will shelter us," he told me.

  "Who's Father Malone?" Uncle Seward interrupted.