Vampire Soul Box Set (Vampire Romantic Comedy)

by Mac Flynn

  Ginsleh shook his head. "No, my mistress, but I know I'm not myself."

  "How so?" she snapped.

  He straightened and cleared his voice. "I wish to bake."

  We all blinked at him. Even Rose raised an eyebrow. "You wish to bake?" she repeated.

  "Yes, my mistress," he confirmed.

  I looked to Uncle Seward and Roland. "You guys getting any weird urges?"

  Uncle Seward snatched Ginsleh's rifle from the ground and slung it over my shoulder. "No," he replied.

  "I, too, am not feeling any different," Roland answered.

  "Whether or not you feel different is unimportant," Rose spoke up. She pushed off the rear of the truck and stood between us and the tome. "Your souls have been switched, but the personalities of the original owners are close enough to your own that you don't feel any change."

  Roland glanced at Uncle Seward. "I feel strongly attached and protective of your family, so I must have your soul."

  Uncle Seward pursed his lips. "You'd better keep good care of it."

  "So Roland has Uncle Seward's soul, and Ginsleh has Aunt Ma's soul," I guessed. I turned to Rose. "If you have a human soul than you either have your slave boy's soul or mine."

  "I have yours," she spat out.

  I raised an eyebrow. "How can you tell?"

  Her eyes fell on Roland. "Because I no longer feel the need to kill him."

  I pulled Roland closer to myself. "Don't get any ideas. It's bad enough that we're sharing souls, there's no way I'm sharing my boyfriend."

  "So who does that leave?" Roland spoke up.

  Uncle Seward turned to Ginsleh and frowned. "I think I have his. I've got a taste to shoot this gun for no reason."

  Ginsleh glared back at him. "Don't damage my soul, filthy human."

  I raised my arms above my head and sprayed out my hands. "Okay, so let me get this straight. I still have your soul, my soul's in Rose's body, Uncle Seward's soul is in yours, Uncle Seward has Ginsleh's soul, and Ginsleh has Aunt Ma's soul?"

  "You are correct," Roland confirmed.

  "Then where's Rose's being?" I asked him.

  A soft giggle interrupted our conversation.

  CHAPTER 7

  The five of us slowly turned to see a figure in front of the truck. The headlights from the damaged truck revealed it was Aunt Ma. She stood off to one side and ten yards away from us. Her hunched back was turned towards us and she stood perfectly still.

  "Ma?" Uncle Seward asked her. He took a step towards her, but Roland held out his arm and blocked his path.

  "Do not approach her," Roland ordered him.

  Uncle Seward glared at the vampire. "She's my wife."

  Roland shook his head. "Something is wrong here. We do not know what that being may have done to her."

  "What do you mean done to her?" I asked him.

  "My being is not so terrible as you make it seem," Rose spoke up.

  "Each being is different, and the being of a vampire is powerful," he argued. "The effects are impossible to predict, and the danger is difficult to assess."

  "Then let me go," I offered. "I kind of know what she might be going through."

  "I will go. It is my being," Rose insisted.

  I looked over my shoulder at her. "You really want to try your luck with a vampire who doesn't know when it's dinner time or not?" Rose glared at me, but shut her mouth. I turned back to my family. "I'm going, and I know none of you can stop me right now so don't."

  Roland pursed his lips, but gave a nod. "Be very careful. She may no longer be herself," he told me.

  Uncle Seward shot him a glare. "She's just fine!" he snapped.

  "I guess I'll see," I returned.

  I handed Roland off to the truck and crept up to my aunt. She was as stiff as an upright corpse. I reached out my hand to her.

  "Aunt Ma?" I whispered to her. "Are you okay?"

  Aunt Ma slowly turned her body to us and showed off a pair of glowing red eyes. She curled her lips past and revealed a pair of sharp, pointy fangs.

  "Why, Misty, you look ever so tired," she cooed.

  Aunt Ma never cooed.

  I froze and held up my hands. "Aunt Ma, I know what you're feeling, and we can get through this together."

  She raised her arms above her head and let loose that creepy laugh of hers. "Isn't the night just wonderful? I never knew there was such beauty. I really should garden more at night."

  "Yeah, we can garden right now. We just need to get you back home and-" She snapped her head back to me and her eyes narrowed.

  "You want me to become a filthy human again, don't you?" she growled.

  I frowned and yelled over my shoulder at Rose. "Is your ego really this strong that it's taken over my aunt?"

  "A human's will is weak," she commented.

  I rolled my eyes, but kept them on Aunt Ma. "Just perfect. . ."

  Aunt Ma looked past me and stretched out her arms. She gave the group a toothy smile. "Pat. My dear Pat," Aunt Ma cooed. "Won't you come to me?"

  "Misty, your uncle!" Roland shouted.

  I whipped my head around to see Uncle Seward slowly walk towards Aunt Ma. His eyes were vacant and his movements were stiff, like a bureaucrat with a stick up their butt.

  "Uncle Seward?" I called to him, but he didn't reply.

  "Come, Pat. I have a nice surprise for you," Aunt Ma tempted him.

  I glanced between my demented demon aunt and my uncle. "Sorry about this, Uncle Seward," I told him.

  He was even with me. I pulled back my hand and slapped it across his face. Everyone behind me winced. Uncle Seward stumbled into the side of the truck and grabbed the front mirror. He shook his head and winced when the bruise growing on his cheek told him that was a bad idea.

  Uncle Seward daintily tapped his cheek and turned to me. "Did you have to hit me so hard?"

  I shrugged. "Sorry. I'm still getting used to-duck!"

  I jumped at Uncle Seward and brought him to the ground. A shadow flew over us where he'd stood and sailed to the rear of the truck. Rose, Ginsleh and Roland leapt away from the tailgate. Aunt Ma straightened and turned to me with a frown.

  "Misty, what in the world do you think you're doing?" she snapped at me.

  "Trying to keep you from making a really big mistake, Aunt Ma," I replied as I helped Uncle Seward to his feet.

  Aunt Ma pursed her lips and her eyes scanned the three entrees available this evening. "Then allow me some taste of these mortals." Her eyes fell on Rose and her grin widened. "You were the one who held my being before."

  Rose bunched her hands into fists at her sides and glared at Aunt Ma. "That is my being!"

  Aunt Ma laughed. "Not anymore, and if I destroy you it will never again be so."

  Aunt Ma lunged at Rose. The former vampire was as weak as Roland after our transfer which meant Aunt Ma grabbed her shoulders and slammed her into the rocky road. She bent over Rose and bared her fangs.

  "Aunt Ma, no!" I yelled.

  I threw myself at them and flew into Aunt Ma. We tumbled off Rose and into the ditch. I was becoming too familiar with those weeds as Aunt Ma and I rolled around. I being the older vampire got the better of the battle and I managed to end up on top this time. Aunt Ma squirmed and bucked beneath me, but I pinned her arms to her sides and pushed my weight down on her to keep her still.

  I heard a noise and turned to see the other four stood at the edge of the road. Roland and Uncle Seward held up each other, and Ginsleh had his arm under Rose. Our little group looked like an infirmary ward on the verge of collapse.

  "Do I have to start charging admission or is one of you going to come down here and help me?" I quipped.

  "You must knock her unconscious first," Roland told me.

  I felt the color drain from my face. "Come again?"

  "None of us is any match for your aunt's strength. She must be rendered unconscious," he insisted.

  "Roland, I'm not going to-"

  "Do it."

  I looked to
Uncle Seward. It was he who spoke the last order.

  "But it's Aunt Ma," I pointed out.

  Uncle Seward shook his head. "She may still be in there, but that thing you're holding down isn't the woman I fell in love with. Knock it out."

  "But-"

  "Aunt Ma would want you to knock her out before she hurt someone," he insisted.

  I pursed my lips and turned back to Aunt Ma. She snarled and snapped at me.

  "Get off! Get off me!" she growled.

  I sighed and shook my head. "Sorry, Aunt Ma."

  I fisted one hand and punched her in the face. Her head bounced against the ground and lolled back for a final rest.

  "Is she truly out?" Ginsleh spoke up.

  I leaned over and tapped her cheek. "Yep," I replied.

  The group's shoulders relaxed and I felt the exhale across my neck. I climbed off Aunt Ma as Uncle Seward abandoned Roland and hurried to us. He knelt beside my aunt and took her in his arms. I put a hand on his shoulder and hung my head.

  "I'm-" Uncle Seward shook his head.

  "It needed to be done," he whispered.

  Roland's eyes fell on Rose. "You must reverse the spells. All of them."

  Rose glared back at him. "I cannot."

  "You're going to do it, or I'm going to have to bruise my soul a little," I warned her.

  "I don't refuse merely out of spite," she snapped at them. She used one arm to gesture down at herself. "Do you truly believe I wish to be trapped with a human soul?"

  "Then why do you refuse to help us?" Roland asked her.

  She turned her eyes on me and nodded her head in my direction. "Because only a creature of darkness can perform the spell."

  Everyone stared at me. I held up my hands.

  "Wait a second. Before we start thinking I'm some sort of magician I need to remind you guys I'm still pretty new to all of this darkness stuff," I pointed out.

  Uncle Seward looked up at me. "But you're the only willing creature of darkness we've got, and we can't keep this demon's being in Ma."

  I pursed my lips, but nodded my head. "All right, so how do we fix this soul transfer stuff?" I asked our group.

  "This isn't just a soul transfer," Rose snapped. "The spell was so horribly mangled that a part of our personalities transferred into the new bodies."

  "Yeah, we kind of got the feeling that my aunt was a bitchy vampire now," I quipped.

  Rose glared at me. "It's fortunate I have your soul and not mine, or I would take offense to such a question."

  I snorted. "If you have my soul then I know you're taking offense to that."

  A high-pitched voice interrupted our intimate conversation.

  "Fighting will not help us return our souls to our bodies." All four of us slowly turned our heads to Ginsleh. He glared back at us. "What?" he returned in his high-pitched voice.

  "I don't remember your voice sounding like you've been sniffing helium," I quipped.

  "It seems some physical features were also transferred, and are manifesting themselves at a later time," Roland commented.

  "So he just hit puberty?" I guessed.

  "In a way, yes," Roland confirmed.

  Rose pushed her high-pitched servant away from her and stood proud and tall. Her dark, narrowed eyes swept over us and her lips pursed tightly together.

  "There can be no greater dislike than what I feel for you all, but circumstances have forced my hand," she commented. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I will assist you in returning the souls to their proper bodies."

  "All the souls?" I questioned her.

  She opened her eyes and glared at me. "I swear it."

  "Swear on the blood of all vampires," Roland insisted.

  Rose ground her teeth together, but gave a nod. "All the souls," she confirmed.

  I clapped my hands together and smiled at our dysfunctional group. "All right, now that we're all friends until we're mortal enemies again, what do we do now? Do I get to read a passage from the book or what?"

  "No," Rose spoke up. "We return to the cemetery."

  CHAPTER 8

  Roland raised an eyebrow. "Why there?"

  "There was a reason I drew the symbols on the floor," she replied. "They help to guide and control the spell, and prevent such catastrophe as happened here."

  "But you just did the spell out here," I reminded her.

  She pursed her lips. "That was rather reckless of me, but I felt I had no choice."

  "You could've chosen not to try to suck Roland's soul from my body," I pointed out. "Heck, you could've even chosen not to be a complete ass and left us alone in the first place."

  "Misty," Uncle Seward spoke up. He stood and held Aunt Ma in his arms. "Don't antagonize her. We may need her help at the cemetery."

  Rose grinned and folded her arms across her chest. "A smart human."

  Uncle Seward whipped his head to her and narrowed his eyes. I cringed from the look of fury in the depths of his gaze, and even Rose winced. Uncle Seward's voice was low, but firm and dangerous.

  "You shut your mouth, monster, or I swear to God I will shut it for you," he growled. Rose frowned, but said nothing. My uncle moved towards the truck. "Misty, get the tailgate," he ordered me.

  "Right!" I agreed.

  I put down the tailgate and jumped up to help Uncle Seward place my aunt in the bed of the truck. Uncle Seward made to climb in with me, but Roland dropped his hand on my uncle's shoulder.

  "The bed is not safe for humans," he pointed out.

  Uncle Seward pursed his lips, but nodded. "All right, but buckle your seat belts and hold on to the oh-shit handles," he advised us.

  The other four, with the book in Rose's hands, piled in and Uncle Seward drove us in the direction of the cemetery. I sat beside Aunt Ma and looked her over. She looked so peaceful, so serene. I opened the window between the back seat and bed. Ginsleh and Uncle Seward took up the front seats, and Roland sat behind my uncle with Rose in the last seat.

  "So is there any way of snapping my aunt out of this insanity before we swap souls?" I asked our group.

  "Doubtful," Rose replied. "If my personality overwhelmed her from the beginning then her own personality may be buried too deep for your simpering human words to reach."

  "You know you're insulting yourself when you insult humans, right?" I pointed out.

  She pressed her lips together. "Though I have a human soul I remain a vampire."

  I rolled my eyes. "Fine, you're a vampire without a vampire soul and with part of your ego missing, but you know yourself better than anybody else. There's got to be a way of tricking her into letting my aunt's personality out to play."

  "I wouldn't fall for such tricks as you could devise," she proudly boasted. "On the contrary, I would have tricks of-" She stiffened and spun around to show me her wide eyes. "Punch your aunt!" she ordered me.

  I frowned. "But that'll wake her up."

  "She's already-" Aunt Ma sat up and smiled at me.

  "What a lovely nap, but I'm so very parched," Aunt Ma commented.

  She slapped me upside the face with the force of an anvil. I tumbled into the side of the bed and saw stars. Then I realized it was the night sky above me.

  Aunt Ma sailed past me and through the tiny window. She passed the back seat and grabbed the steering wheel.

  "Do you mind? I need to pull over," she quipped.

  She yanked the wheel while Uncle Seward's foot was still on the gas. The truck twisted and tipped onto its side. The humans inside the cab were thrown into their strangle-inducing seat belts. The momentum forced the truck to slide two dozen yards down the road. I clung to the side above me and stood on the grinding edge as sparks flew beneath my feet.

  The truck came to a stop at the foot of a tall metal arch and dead grass. I looked up and beheld the archway to the cemetery and the tall hill filled with the dead.

  "Give it to me!" Aunt Ma screamed.

  I ducked down and looked inside the cab. Rose and her each had their h
ands on one end of the book. Aunt Ma wrenched the tome from Rose's human-weakened fingers and burst through the driver's door. The door sailed away and Aunt Ma landed a few yards from the truck. She held up the tome above her head and cackled.

  "Mine! Now I will-" We didn't get to hear her master plans because a large shadow leapt out from behind one of the ancient trees.

  The shadow collided with Aunt Ma and they tumbled to the ground. The tome flew through the air and stopped a few feet short of the truck. I looked over at Aunt Ma and had to rub my eyes.

  A large humanoid wolf was hunched over her. Its face was nearly pressed against hers and its lips were curled back in a snarl. The beast growled and drool dribbled onto my aunt's face. She didn't react because she was out cold.

  Uncle Seward poked his head out his broken window and pointed Ginsleh's rifle at the beast. "Get off her!"

  The beast turned to him and its eyes narrowed. My uncle shot off a warning bullet that clipped the beast's arm. The creature roared and clutched at its arm as it stumbled back. Smoke rose up from between his fingers. The beast steadied itself on its pawed feet and glared at us.

  "You don't know what you're doing," it snapped.

  "We're keeping a talking rug off my aunt," I quipped as I jumped over the side of the truck and landed neatly on the ground.

  "This monster stole the book from me, and will probably use it for some evil purpose," he insisted.

  I snorted. "Okay, there's too problems with that statement. One, it's already been used for evil, and second, and most importantly, my aunt didn't steal anything. She won't even take a grape from the grocery store."

  "I know what I smell!" the monster growled.

  I held up my hands and slowly walked towards him. "You've got it wrong, Wolfy."

  "Misty, move away from it!" Uncle Seward yelled at me.

  "Not now, Uncle Seward," I told him.

  "I am not mistaken," the werewolf insisted. "I've followed this monster's trail and I find her standing here holding the book."

  "All good points, but take a deeper sniff and tell me if you smell something else. You know, like a heartbeat that shouldn't be there or the smell of cooking that wasn't there before," I suggested to him.