Seasons of Sugarcreek 02. Spring's Renewal

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “Are you all right?” he asked. “We never talked about what happened with you and your mom. We could do that now, if you want.”

  Clara looked to where her mother was sitting. Tim’s eyes followed. To him, the older lady’s posture held none of the salt and vinegar that it usually did. Instead, she looked years older and more fragile than ever. “Your mamm looks exhausted.”

  “I imagine she is.”

  “From the search…or from what has been going on between the two of you?”

  “That, I cannot answer. Maybe a bit of both.” With a shrug, Clara said, “Earlier today, I found out that she’s been less than truthful about our money situation. It stunned me, and made me upset.”

  Treading carefully, he said, “Is it worse than you thought?”

  “No, it’s far better.” Such pain filled her gaze that his stomach clenched. “I’m afraid she’s been keeping a whole savings account from me since my father passed away. She’s told me for years that my father left us practically nothing. I’ve been struggling with it. Wondering how my father could have never saved anything. It just seemed so out of character for him.”

  “And now you realize that he had been thinking of you both. That it wasn’t what he’d done at all.”

  “I feel guilty for even thinking the things I did. But I’ve felt so trapped by my responsibilities. I’ve felt so much pressure to work at the school and to do extra sewing projects to help pay for our costs.” Her voice lowered. “I even resented them both for it.”

  “Why would she do something like that?”

  “I can only guess it’s so I’d never leave.”

  Tim could only relate her circumstances to what his parents had done. To tell him that they loved him enough to share him with the rest of the family. To let him go. “Her actions don’t sound very loving, do they?”

  “No. But today’s events remind me that I need to stop thinking about my hurts and reach out to her. But it is going to be hard.”

  “I imagine it will be. Perhaps she has her reasons. It sounds like she’s a woman in pain.”

  “Perhaps.” She stood up. “I’m sorry to burden you will all of this. I didn’t mean to. I simply came over to tell you good night.”

  He stood up as well. “I’m glad you did. And, I…I want to tell you that I’m very glad we were together today. Side by side. I think we made a wonderful-gut team.”

  She smiled at that. “I do, too. Our teamwork was even more special because we had such a welcome outcome.”

  He reached for her hand.

  Whether by impulse or desire, she took it.

  He curved his fingers around hers and squeezed gently. “I want you to know that I meant what I said about me and Ruby. The two of us are done.”

  “I see.”

  Did she? She still looked so doubtful. “Ruby and me, we were like a pair of old shoes. Once, a time ago, we fit just fine. Now, not so much.” Looking at their linked fingers, he murmured, “Clara, you might not believe me, but I’ve grown to care for you.”

  “As a friend?”

  “As much more than that.” At the moment, he felt as exposed as he had felt just hours before, when they’d been at the mercy of the storms and the wind. What would she say to that?

  Would she even believe him? Maybe she thought he was a fickle sort of person. Leaving Ruby and now turning toward her.

  “At times…I’ve felt the same way,” she said shyly.

  For the first time in what felt like ages, his heart felt hope. After all this time, had he finally found his life’s partner?

  He hoped so. Yet, Clara didn’t look completely at ease. Most likely, it was because there were so many unanswered questions between them. But perhaps that was all right? Perhaps that was enough for now?

  “Your words make me very happy. But, I…I better go. It’s been a long day,” said Clara.

  “I know it has. We’ll both feel better after a good night’s sleep. Can I pay a call on you tomorrow? To see how you are doing and to perhaps talk some more?”

  “If that’s what you want.”

  “It is. I know what I want now, Clara.”

  Her eyes widened before turning toward the front door.

  The moment she left the room, he leaned against the back of the couch and breathed deep. Tension left his shoulders and back as he exhaled and reflected on everything that had happened. Together, they’d found the boys.

  And they had also trusted each other to share their feelings. Finally, Tim felt as if he was back on the right path.

  “Are you ready to talk about things now, Clara?” her mother asked as they slowly made their way home in the buggy.

  She wasn’t. She was emotionally drained and still turning over Tim’s words in her mind. But if her mother was ready to explain, she needed to be ready to listen. “We can talk.”

  “Do you remember everything that had been going on when your father died?”

  “My sisters had just married.”

  “They’d just married and had chosen to move a distance away. I felt that they’d done it to spite me.”

  “Mother, their husbands had jobs to keep.”

  “Yes, but we would both be lying if we didn’t mention that they were relieved to be away from me.”

  “They love you, they just needed space.”

  “I felt abandoned, just the same. Not long after, your father passed away.”

  “And you felt abandoned by him, too?”

  “I did.”

  Clara felt that those were selfish feelings. Instead of saying that, she kept her mouth closed.

  “I’m sure you remember me being depressed for months.”

  “I had a difficult time, too, Mamm.”

  “I know. But, things are different for you.”

  “How?”

  “You’ve already been through so much. You’re a strong woman, Clara. In many ways, I think you’re the strongest person in the family.”

  Clara had never imagined her mother would characterize her in that way. “You think so?”

  “Oh, yes. I thought you were so strong, I wanted to lean on you, too. And so I did. At first I didn’t mean to become so dependent, but I knew we didn’t have the best of relationships. I was afraid if I didn’t try to hold on to you, you’d leave.”

  “You didn’t have to lie to me.”

  “Now I see that. When I first learned of your father’s savings, I wasn’t so sure. I was afraid if I let you have your surgery, let you move away, gave you options, you’d leave, and then I’d be completely alone.”

  Anger fumed in Clara. Anger laced with pity. In some ways, the woman sitting beside her seemed like a stranger. How could her own flesh and blood betray her so much?

  But another part of her did understand what her mother was saying. She’d been afraid and lonely and without options.

  And sometimes when a person is without options, they do unexpected, crazy things.

  “I’m not sure what you want me to say, Mamm, other than I forgive you.”

  “Do you? Do you, really?”

  “I hope so. I want to.”

  And as they slowly rode home, Clara was amazed to realize that she’d spoken the truth. She truly did want to forgive her mother and not hold on to negative, destructive feelings.

  And because of that, she knew everything between them was going to be all right.

  But as she thought of a future with Timothy, she wasn’t so sure. She hadn’t thought about the fact that his home was in Indiana, while hers was in Sugarcreek.

  How could she leave her mother? Just as importantly, how could she ever ask him to leave his home?

  Chapter 27

  Tim stopped by her house early the next morning. Amazingly, the sky held no traces of the terrible storm. The air felt crisp and clean. Clara thought it was too bad that the glorious day didn’t match her mood.

  “You’re here early today.”

  “I couldn’t wait any longer to talk to you. About us.”
<
br />   “Oh.” Clara closed the door behind her and Tim looked at her quizzically. They walked to a small flower bed where roses would soon be blooming.

  “What is wrong?”

  “Tim, this is all happening so fast,” she ventured. “There’s much between us that’s unresolved.”

  “What needs to be resolved? We had a real connection yesterday, Clara. Never in my life had I reached out to someone like I did to you. It was special. I know you felt it, too. And it’s been that way from the moment I met you.”

  “I feel it, but liking someone’s company doesn’t always mean they should marry.”

  “What bothering you?”

  “All right. For instance, where do you intend to live? I thought you were only in Sugarcreek for a short time.”

  That brought him up short. “That is true. Indiana is my home.”

  “I see. So, you would want us to live there.”

  “Of course. But don’t worry, Clara. You’ll enjoy it, and they’ll enjoy you, too. There are nice people there. And my parents, they’re going to love you. They’re the best.”

  Oh, but his exuberance was convincing. But he was also forgetting that she had many responsibilities here in Sugarcreek. “I’m not so sure I would want to start over in Indiana,” she said slowly.

  “It might be a little difficult for you at first, but in no time, you would be fine. I mean, we have no other option, right? I’m a farmer. I farm my parents’ land. They are ready for it to be mine as well.”

  His words made sense. But moving so far away from Sugarcreek wasn’t an option that she felt ready to take. “I have my job here. I’m the schoolteacher.”

  “You’d want to stop teaching, anyway, when you have kinner of your own.”

  Despite their frank discussion, Clara felt her cheeks heat. “Perhaps.”

  He flushed, too. “I mean, one day.”

  Reaching out to him, she gently squeezed his arm. “There’s more to consider than just my job. My mother is here in Sugarcreek, too.”

  “I thought you were ready for a break from her.”

  A bit of humor lit her dark eyes. “I am ready to stop living with her, that is true. But I’m not ready to remove myself from her life. Not when she needs me.”

  “I know she’s your mother and you love her, but everyone grows up and moves on, don’tcha think? Especially girls. Yes? Isn’t that what your two older sisters did?”

  “Yes, but just because they did doesn’t mean that I can.” Clara tried to keep her voice slow and even, but deep down she knew her insides were breaking. More than anything, she wanted to reach for a future with Tim.

  But she also knew that the future would never be bright if she ignored other people’s needs in order to get what she wanted.

  His look of confusion and disappointment hurt. Slowly, she added, “Right now, I’m all my mother has. And she’s in poor health. I can’t move so far away. What will she do?”

  “Maybe she’ll have to move in with one of your sisters.”

  She shrugged. Those were options—but they’d involve both her sisters’ and mother’s acceptance. Clara just wasn’t sure if any of them would agree to that plan.

  Tim covered her hand with his. “I don’t have the option of asking another sibling to look after my parents. I’m an only child, Clara. If I leave my parents alone, they’ll have no one.”

  She knew that. And understood the implications. “So neither of us can move.”

  “Would you consider talking to your sisters?”

  “I’ll try.” After years of accepting what she was given, Clara knew it would be hard to push for what she wanted.

  “Please try. Clara, don’t you see what I’m saying? Don’t you hear me? I’ve fallen in love with you.”

  I’ve fallen in love with you.

  Clara stared at him, stunned. How many times had she imagined hearing those words? How many times had she ruthlessly squashed those expectations as well? Before Tim had come, she’d given up so many dreams. Now he was laying those hopes before her. All she had to do was reach out and clutch hold of them.

  But could she? As she looked into his eyes, she knew the answer…as much as it pained her. Not yet.

  “Tim,” she began softly, “I promise, you are not alone in your feelings. But I cannot let only these fresh feelings of love guide my future. I love other things, too.”

  Tim looked at her face. Her beautiful full, petal pink cheek, and the hard lines of scars on the right. To him, she was beautiful. To him, she was perfect just the way she was.

  He didn’t want to change her.

  And because of that, he wasn’t sure what to do.

  Perhaps the tolls of the last few days had finally gotten to him. Perhaps he cared too much, or not enough. But suddenly, Tim knew he was completely, emotionally exhausted. His emotions felt too strong, too fresh, and all of him felt too vulnerable. “Perhaps it would be best if we didn’t talk anymore about this right now.”

  “Tim, there’s nothing left to say. We have responsibilities to others. We wouldn’t be the people we thought we were if we abandoned them.”

  She might have made sense. But at the moment, he didn’t care. Standing up, he wrapped her in his arms and held her close. “Goodbye, Clara.”

  She leaned closed to him for a moment, then stepped away. “Goodbye to you, Tim. And thank you for being by my side yesterday.”

  As he walked back home, Tim knew what he needed. When he saw his uncle, he asked if he could return to Indiana early.

  “What’s this about?” his uncle asked. “Does it have to do with the search yesterday?”

  “No. It’s more to do with Clara and me. There’s some things I need to sort through. And I feel the need to see my parents again.”

  “But I thought you were going to stay until fall?”

  “I know I promised it. And I intend to keep my promise. Would you mind if I just went home for the weekend? I would feel better staying if I knew they were doing okay without me.”

  “Yes. Yes, of course, that would be a gut idea. We’ll book you a ticket right away.”

  He reached for his wallet. “I’m afraid my funds are a little short. After I get some money out of my savings, I can pay you back…”

  Onkel Frank pushed his hand away. “Don’t even consider that. I’ll pay for your ticket, Timothy. It’s the least I can do.”

  It was too much to accept. “That’s not necessary.”

  “I think it is. You found my son, Tim.”

  “We all did our best. Besides, it was Clara—”

  “Oh, I’m grateful for Clara. I’m grateful to everyone who dropped everything and lent us a helping hand. But you are my nephew and I love you like one of my own. I’m happy to help you now. In any case, you’ve been putting in lots of hours around here. I think you’ve earned yourself a round-trip ticket to Indiana, at the very least.”

  “Danke. I’m going to go pack my bag.”

  “You are willkum, Tim. But don’t forget to give up your problems and worries to the One who is most important in our lives. Putting your faith in the Lord will ensure everything will work out the way it is meant to be.” He paused.

  Tim was sure he had more to say, but was holding back. “Yes, Onkel?”

  “It’s nothing. You go on and get ready.”

  Four hours later, he was on the train. Unfortunately, everything he was going back to paled next to the things he was leaving. The boisterous, noisy, loud cousins. The warm Sugarcreek community.

  And a certain shy woman who had more heart and bravery in her soul than any one he’d ever met.

  He wished it helped, knowing that someone like her loved him.

  Unfortunately, the idea didn’t help one bit. He knew he was facing a decision that would change the rest of his life.

  Chapter 28

  “Tim, what a surprise it was to hear that you were waiting at the station,” his father said by way of greeting. “You were not supposed to come back for at least an
other month.”

  “I know,” he said as he stepped forward. “Coming home was a sudden decision.”

  Before Tim could say another word, his father engulfed him in a bear hug. “Now don’t look so glum, son. I didn’t say I wasn’t happy to see you! I am, of course. I just am curious as to why you hopped on a train.”

  After grabbing his suitcase from the baggage cart nearby, Tim answered. “I was anxious to see you and Mamm. I wanted to make sure you two were doing all right.”

  His father’s eyes narrowed. “I see.”

  Further discussion was impossible until they left the crowded terminal and slowly made their way to the parking area. After walking past several rows of parked cars, a line of buggies and horses stood near a fence and some shade trees.

  Though the buggy was black and most looked alike, Tim led the way to their own. There was something about their buggy that he’d know anywhere. It was that familiar.

  His father took hold of the reins and then they were on their way. “Care to tell me again what brings you home, son? This time the truth would be nice.”

  Tim hedged. He was in no hurry to launch into a long discussion about his love life. Not while they were driving. Not when he knew he was going to have to repeat it again to his mother. “Perhaps we should wait until the three of us are together.”

  “We could. But I think not.” The buggy moved along the road. The traffic was light, so light that at times it seemed as if there was no one else around but the two of them. “Let’s start with Ruby. You might be surprised to hear that we heard quite a story about your time with her.”

  “That visit was a difficult one.”

  His father spared him a sideways glance. “She made it sound like it was a bit worse than that.”

  “What did she say?”

  “Timothy, enough. Talk, son.”

  “You see…it is like this. My feelings for Ruby have changed. You even warned me that that would be the case, Father.”

  “I remember.” Buddy, their horse, approached the stop sign with care, and stood complacently when Tim’s father applied the brake for a moment before moving through the intersection. When they sped up to a good pace again, his father eyed him. “There is nothing wrong with following your heart, Tim. It was right for you two to do some thinking.”