by Levine, Nina
“My life is full of hard, baby. Nothing you say or do is hard; it’s what you don’t say or do that is hard for me. The only promise I need from you is that you won’t pull away from me again. The rest, I can handle.” His eyes narrowed on me. “So this party? You’ll go?” This time it was a question, and I knew he’d support me if I said no. Opening up to him was all he’d been after with this conversation. Baby steps.
I gave him a reassuring smile and a nod. “Yes, I’ll go with you.”
His eyes closed briefly as he took a long breath. “Good.”
We might not have said a great deal today, but we’d taken a huge step forward, and for the first time in months, the pain suffocating me seemed to ease a little.
* * *
“Harlow, where are you?” Scott’s voice boomed through the house, as did the sound of his boots as he searched for me. We had to leave for Madison’s party in about fifteen minutes and he’d just returned home after being called out to work this morning.
I put my earrings in and called out, “In the bedroom.” Stepping in front of the mirror, I assessed my outfit. I’d gone with a little black dress that barely skimmed my thighs, and revealed enough cleavage to be sexy without being slutty. Scott was bound to love the way it hugged my curves and also showed off my back – backless dresses drove him wild. A twinge of guilt raked through me. He’d been so patient with me, never pushing me to have sex since I’d lost our baby, not even yesterday after our heart-to-heart. The thought had crossed my mind not to tease him with this dress, but on the other hand, I wanted to give him something and this felt like it could be that something.
“Fuck,” he muttered, and I turned to find his eyes glued to my body. A shiver of desire ran through me at the sight of his turned-on state, a state I hadn’t seen him in for far too long. And goodness if it didn’t turn me on, too.
Tears pricked my eyes and I felt like an idiot for almost crying over something so silly. “Hi,” I greeted him, my voice all breathy, almost as if this was our first date. And again, I felt silly for feeling this way.
He frowned as his gaze zeroed in on my teary eyes. “What’s wrong? Why do you look like you’re about to cry?”
His questions caused my tears to fall, and I madly swiped at them to try and stop them wrecking my makeup. “Shit,” I cursed. “It’s nothing. I’m okay, just being stupid.”
Shaking his head, he came to me and moved my hands away from my face. His thumb grazed my cheek. “Nothing about you is stupid, Harlow. Whatever is upsetting you is valid.”
I watched him watching me and knew I was going to have to give him something. God, I didn’t want to admit my feelings to him. “I haven’t wanted sex for so long, haven’t even thought of it, but just then, when you were looking at me like you wanted to eat me, I wanted you to rip my dress off and fuck me.”
He hissed. “Jesus, woman,” he growled, his voice drifting off for a moment while more desire crossed his face. And then, “Why did that make you cry?”
I blinked, willing myself not to cry again. Since our conversation yesterday, I’d hardly stopped crying. It was as if the floodgates had been opened. “I was beginning to think I’d never want you to touch me again, so to feel that, like really feel it, just from your eyes on me, it overwhelmed me for a moment.”
His eyes searched mine for a few moments before he bent his head and kissed me. His kiss was gentle at first, loving, and then his arms slid around me and his body pressed hard against mine, and his lips bruised me while he deepened the kiss. Months of being without each other were put into this kiss. His lips and his tongue told me how much he loved me and how much he’d missed me, and a mixture of relief and sorrow filled me. Relief that he still wanted me as much as he had before, and sorrow that I’d put him through this. I’d pulled away from him when all I should have been doing was clinging to him.
Sometimes in life you have to screw things up before clarity hits you. And sometimes, you hurt those you love the most in the process. If they stick around even after you do that, they’re worth fighting for. And Scott was worth fighting for.
When he ended the kiss, he rested his forehead against mine and murmured, “Thank fuck, baby. I was beginning to think I’d have to spend the rest of my life taking care of my hard-ons myself.”
I frowned as I pulled away from him. “Why would you have to do that?”
He raised his brows as if the answer was a no-brainer. “It didn’t seem like you were interested in me anymore. You’ve gotta admit -”
I cut him off. “I wouldn’t have expected you to wait around for me forever.”
“Well, I sure as fuck wasn’t gonna leave you, Harlow.” He stared at me with that intense gaze he had when he felt something deeply and I knew right down to my bones he was telling the truth.
“So you’d rather spend your whole life with me and get no sex rather than leave and find a woman who wanted it?” The idea stunned me and I struggled to wrap my head around it.
He reached out, grabbed my hand and yanked me back to him, a wild, feral look in his eyes. “I don’t want anyone but you,” he growled. “So yeah, I’d rather take care of myself and still get to lie next to you in bed at night than ever consider looking elsewhere. You need to know that, sweetheart. You need to know I’m never going anywhere.” His words were forceful and heartfelt. He stood in front of me, almost breathless, with searching eyes that told me he needed to know I’d heard him.
My face spread into a smile, one I felt from head to toe because knowing my man felt this way made me happy in a way I hadn’t felt for many dark months. “I hear you, Scott, and I love you. I know you said I didn’t need to thank you, but thank you for being such an amazing man.”
I saw the moment when my words soaked in, saw the way his shoulders eased a little and the tight set of his jaw relaxed, and was relieved to be able to lessen his burden. These days, between the club and me, he carried too much on his shoulders. I was glad to finally – finally - give him a tiny bit of relief.
He let me go and raked his gaze over me again. The way his eyes lingered and he took his time, caused need to pool in my core. I could spend hours with his eyes on me like this. Once he’d had his fill, he shoved his hand through his hair and groaned. “Fuck, it’s gonna be a long night.”
I laughed as he shook his head, turned and left the bedroom.
The darkness that had hung over me for months had lifted and a new lightness spread throughout me. I knew it would take more dark days and hard work to get through the sadness consuming me, but today, in this moment, I felt hopeful, and I was determined to cling to that.
5
Chapter Five
Madison
I surveyed my house and grinned. Christmas had taken over my home and this party was going to be amazing. Velvet had spent the day with me and helped me put the finishing touches on everything. The new Christmas tree I’d convinced J to get me looked awesome decorated with the new red and gold baubles I’d also managed to convince him to buy. They were expensive ones so I had no clue how I’d pulled it off, but the minute he’d agreed, I’d snapped them up before he could change his mind. Of course, I’d then needed matching red and gold decorations for the rest of the house, and God love him, he’d just rolled his eyes and run with it.
“What are you thinking, baby?” he asked as he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. Nuzzling my neck, he feathered kisses down my neck and along my collarbone, sending desire through my veins.
I pulled away from him and turned around to find him staring at me, confused. “You can’t do that tonight, J, because all I want to do when you do that is jump your bones.”
Grinning, he said, “I don’t see the problem with that. Feel free to jump my bones anytime you want.”
Grumbling, I said, “Not tonight. It wouldn’t look good if the host of the party kept running off to the bedroom, would it?”
“I really don’t think anyone would care, Madison. They all know you can�
��t get enough of me.”
He was playing with me; I knew that, but tonight was serious business and I needed him to know that. I moved back closer to him and placed my hand on his chest. “I’ve got plans for tonight,” I said softly. “Plans that require me to be on the ball all night, focused.”
Frowning, he asked, “What plans?”
“Nothing you need to worry about. All you need to do is not distract me, okay?”
Sighing, he said, “My beautiful wife is always trying to save the world.” He bent his face to mine and kissed me. “Just remember, you can’t save people who don’t want to be saved.”
We’d had this discussion a lot. “I know, but sometimes they just need a little push.”
Before he could continue the conversation, Blade and Layla arrived, saving me from hearing more of his thoughts on this matter.
I gave Layla a hug and stood back to admire her dress. “I love this!” I said as I took in the flowing red maxi dress that was strapless and cinched at the waist with a thin belt. It looked so summery and comfortable.
“Thanks,” she replied with a smile and held out a container for me to take. “I made rum balls.”
“You weren’t supposed to make anything. You supplied all that alcohol. But thank you.” I took the container, secretly pleased she’d made them because I’d run out of time to make some.
“I tested them; they’re good,” Blade said, and I couldn’t help but notice the way his lips quirked up a tiny bit in a blink-and-you’d-miss-it smile, and the way his shoulders seemed less tense than they’d been last week when we’d caught up for breakfast. Layla was good for him, and when she looked up at him and smiled, and he returned that smile, happiness settled in my gut. My brother might have been wrestling with his demons still, but at least I knew he had a good woman by his side to help him through it.
I jerked my head towards the kitchen and said to Layla, “Come on, I want to show you something.”
She followed me as I led her through the kitchen and out to the back entertaining area where I’d set up for tonight. When she gasped, I turned around to find her rooted to the spot, staring at everything I’d done. Her eyes finally came to mine. “It looks amazing, Madison. Truly amazing.”
“Well, I can’t take full credit, Velvet helped me,” I admitted as I took it all in again. We’d decorated with white sheets and created a canopy of fairy lights. The lights were also dotted around the garden in the trees. Tables were decorated with white tablecloths, glass lanterns with candles and assorted red and gold decorations. In the corner, I’d set up our old Christmas tree and stacked presents underneath.
“You girls have created magic,” she said softly.
“I feel like we need some magic after the year we’ve had,” I murmured. “Actually, the last two years have been hard for everyone, especially our men. They need some good after all the shit they’ve fought through.” Ever since Dad’s death, the club had been dealing with the threat of Ricky Grecian as well as tension with the Sydney chapter of Storm. Some days, the worry overwhelmed me, so I could only imagine how the club members felt about it all.
Her eyes met mine. Cocking her head, she asked, “How are they coping? I know Blade struggles with it all.”
“It’s not good, Layla. J never relaxes; it’s like he’s on constant twenty-four hour alert, waiting for something to go down. And Scott is even worse, probably because of everything going on with Harlow as well. It’s Griff I worry about the most, though. I can’t figure out what it is, but he seems to be going through something personal as well as having to deal with some of the club members still holding a grudge over his deception with the whole Vice-Presidency thing.” A long sigh escaped my lips. “I just want them to all have one night off. I want tonight to be fun and to give them the opportunity to switch off for a moment.”
She reached for my hand and squeezed it. “We’ll make sure of it.” Her gaze dropped to my dress, and she gushed, “You look beautiful. Where did you get your dress? It’s amazing.”
I smoothed my hands over the rose gold, sequin dress I’d found in one of my favourite boutiques. J’s eyes had bulged when he’d seen it on me. He’d especially loved the plunging neckline and the length of the dress. “It’s gorgeous, isn’t it? I’ll have to take you to the boutique one day. You’d love the dresses they have.”
“I bet J loves how short and fitted it is,” she said as she checked out the back. “Not to mention the way it reveals your back.”
Laughing, I nodded. “He’s so predictable.”
The sound of the back door opening grabbed my attention and I swung around to see Velvet step outside. Narrowing my eyes on her, I assessed her weary expression and the droop of her shoulders, and figured she still hadn’t sorted through her problems with Nash. I went to her and pulled her into a long hug. “Nash still not talking about it?” I asked softly while I held on to her.
“No, he’s still avoiding me,” she answered as she let me go. “I’m going to have to bring it up with him again. I’m beginning to think he’s not going to be the one to confront it, and now it’s out there, we can’t go on without figuring it out. There’s no way we can keep going the way we have been this last week, that’s for sure.”
I nodded, and looked up to see J, Nash and Blade coming through the door to join us. Sadness washed through me when I saw Nash. His face and body both revealed his torment, and all I wanted to do was wrap some love around him and take all his pain away. His eyes came to mine, and he shook his head. It was one quick shake, intended only for me to see because it accompanied a hard glare that spoke of his desire for me not to bring it up with him. He knows me so well.
Ignoring all the signals he gave me, I smiled and greeted him. “Hey, Nash.”
He returned my greeting with a jerk of his chin and a gruff, “Madison,” but he didn’t stop to talk with me. Rather, he followed J to the table and taking a seat, proceeded to do his best to ignore me.
Shifting my attention back to Velvet, I mused, “I see what you mean. He seems fairly moody today.”
“This is what I’ve been dealing with,” she replied, her voice teetering between sad and pissed off. “Don’t get me wrong, I understand this would have dredged up all his pain over his son, but I want him to work through that with me rather than without me.”
“I have faith he’ll come to his senses soon,” I said, feeling less confident of that than I was before seeing him, but determined to do my best to help him get there.
She listened to me but she didn’t seem convinced. “I hope you’re right,” she said.
As I opened my mouth to say something else, movement in my kitchen caught my attention, and a moment later, Scott came through the door, his hand firmly gripping Harlow’s who walked close behind him. “Holy shit,” I said under my breath.
Velvet spun around and was equally stunned. “Well, damn.”
I hadn’t seen Harlow look as happy or as good as she did today, or the two of them together like this in far too long. As he came to a stop, she easily moved into his side while he put his arm around her shoulders. Her arm snaked around his waist and she smiled at me. I took in her sexy, black dress, and the flush on her face, and knew something good had happened.
“Hey, you two.” I greeted them with a huge smile as I made my way to where they stood. Directing my attention to Harlow, I said softly, “You came.”
“Let’s just say I was kinda told I had to come but that by the end of the conversation, I wanted to come,” she replied, a smile on her face.
I squeezed her hand. “I’m so glad that you two have had this conversation – whatever it was – and that you’re here together, looking the happiest I’ve seen in a long time.”
The hard set of Scott’s jaw didn’t waver but I caught the way he pulled Harlow closer to him. My brother had a lot on his mind these days, however it appeared at least one of his worries had eased a little.
“Is Mum coming?” he asked, not acknowledging what I’
d said. The fact he ignored my statement didn’t surprise me – he’d hardly spoken to me about his troubles with Harlow, preferring to deal with them in his own way.
“Yes, but she said she’d be a little late because she has a surprise for us.”
His brows pulled together in a frown, but he didn’t pursue whatever thought he’d had. Instead, he gave me a quick nod of his head before leading Harlow to a seat at the table. I watched them, loving the way Harlow allowed Scott to pull out a chair for her and settle her next to him, and the way her body leant into his when his arm rested across her shoulders. It gave me hope they would be okay. I should never have doubted my brother. When Scott Cole decided he wanted something, he never rested until he had it.
Nash Walker on the other hand…. he might need some help.
* * *
Two hours later, the party was in full swing. The guys had loosened up a little and were laughing and joking about random things – stuff that was keeping their minds off work. Wilder had joined us, as had J’s sister, Brooke, as well as Crystal and Serena. Brooke was single again, and I couldn’t help but notice the way she looked at Wilder. Perhaps something could be worked on there.
“What are you plotting in your head?” The deep masculine voice behind me caused me to jump.
I swung around to find Nash standing in my kitchen. Grinning at him, I confessed, “A possible romance.”
He grimaced. “Why does that not surprise me?”
I ignored his comment and grabbed his hand. Pulling him into the living room, I sat him on the couch, and demanded, “What’s going on with you?”
I’d expected him to clam up on me, but he didn’t. Instead, he scrubbed a hand over his face, and asked, “Velvet told you she wants kids?”
It was in that moment, I realised he wanted to have this conversation with me. Just like the time he’d come to me when he was working through his feelings for Velvet before they got together.