by Levine, Nina
Nodding, I said, “Yeah, she told me. Where do you stand on it?”
His conflicted feelings were written all over his body and face - from the way his shoulders sat in tense torment to the way worry lines marred his face. He sat in silence for a minute or so before finally admitting in a ragged voice, “It terrifies me.” Abruptly, he stopped talking, but I could tell he had more to say so I didn’t respond. I simply waited for him to find the words he needed. Taking a moment, and a long breath, he continued, “But I think I want to do it. I love that woman and the thought of her with my baby in her belly… fuck, Madison, it feels right.”
I leant forward, a little closer to him. “You’re terrified because you’re worried something bad will happen to the child or is it something to do with Velvet?”
“Fuck, it’s irrational, I fuckin’ know, but both.”
“Nash, I never knew Gabriella, but from what I do know, Velvet is nothing like her. Nothing. So you need to move past that thought. I understand it, but it’s unfounded. And if you find that thought hard to move on from, you need to think about how much you’ve missed out on in life over the past ten years by letting your fears control you, and take a chance. The chance you’ve taken on her has worked out well so far, right?”
He nodded slowly, letting my words sink in.
Time for some tough love. “Right, so chances do pay off. Get your shit together on that. And as far as being terrified of losing another child,” my voice softened, “I think that’s a natural fear anyone who has lost a child would have, and I believe you have every right to be worried about that, but you have to voice this to Velvet. Shutting her out is not good for your relationship.”
Leaning back into the couch, he nodded. “I know, babe, but I didn’t want to hurt her while I tried to figure this out.”
“How would you figuring it out hurt her?”
He stared at me. “I have a way of screwing things up and hurting people – people I don’t want to hurt – and I knew I was already fucking things up by not being able to tell her what she needed to hear. I didn’t want to risk fucking it up completely while I got myself to where she needed me.”
My heart broke for him. “You love her a lot, don’t you?”
His gaze never wavered as he gave a firm nod of his head and said, “Yeah, I do.”
“You’re not just doing this for her, are you?”
“What, agreeing to a child?”
“Yes. If you agree to what she wants, that choice has to be because you want it too, Nash.”
Oh God, I hoped he was doing this for the right reason. He really would be screwing shit up if he were doing it for any other reason.
When he flashed his breathtaking Nash Walker smile at me, the knots of worry in my tummy settled. “I’m doing it for me, babe. This is my chance at something I’ve always wanted but never believed I’d ever get again.”
And there were the words I’d wanted to hear. “You need to go and tell Velvet straight away, but first you have to promise me something.”
He groaned. “God help me, Madison. I dislike making you promises, with a passion, because you always extract blood from me.”
Laughing, I ignored him. “Promise me you’ll start trusting yourself and your ability to be the man Velvet needs, because believe me, you’re already that man, and I know for a fact that she wants you in all your imperfect ways.”
His body stilled and he allowed my words in. Then he leant closer to me and murmured, “Somewhere along the way you became the wiser one of us.”
I smiled. “That’s because somewhere along the way, I started listening to you a lot more.”
As I watched him walk away, in search of Velvet, I let hope bloom in my soul.
Maybe the hard times would ease soon, and we’d all know happiness again.
6
Chapter Six
Velvet
I sat staring into space while the conversation carried on around me. Voices drifted in and out, but I paid no attention to any of them while my thoughts consumed me.
He doesn’t want kids.
That was the predominant thought, the one I couldn’t shift. And that thought scared the shit out of me, and almost made me wish I’d never talked to Nash about my desire for a child.
“Velvet,” Harlow said as she nudged my arm with hers. “Nash is trying to get your attention.”
I looked up to see him jerk his chin at me, indicating that I should go to him. Without hesitation, I pushed my chair back and walked to where he stood. If Nash was ready to talk, I was, too.
“Hey, sweet thing,” he said softly, his thumb grazing my cheek.
A whoosh of nerves rushed through me. His tone surprised me. The gruffness I’d heard in it all week had been replaced with a tenderness my heart ached for. “Hey, baby,” I greeted him.
His eyes searched mine. “We need to talk,” he said and led me through Madison’s house and outside to the front verandah. Once we were settled on the chair near the front door, he turned to me. “I’m sorry I’ve been an asshole all week.” The sincerity in his voice was clear and I appreciated that he acknowledged it.
“I know you didn’t mean it, Nash, and I can also grasp how hard this must have been for you.” I swallowed back my fear. Unsure of where he would take this conversation, all I could do was sit and listen. But my worry he would say the words I didn’t want to hear had me on edge.
“Yeah…” his voice drifted off but his eyes never left mine. We sat in silence for a couple of minutes, until he took a deep breath and continued, “I’ve always wanted a family… kids of my own and a wife to come home to at night, but I gave up on that when Gabriella screwed me over. I shoved that so far down that I forgot how much I wanted it. Much easier to forget something than let the thoughts of it consume you. And on top of that, I denied myself even the thought of having another child.”
“I know - ”
He silenced me by pressing his finger gently to my lips. “Shhh,” he murmured, his voice still tender. “I need to get this out.” He took another deep breath. “The thought of building a family with you makes me feel like all the shit in my past – in our pasts – might have been worth it to finally have a shot at the one thing I’ve always wanted. I’m not saying for one minute that this is gonna be easy for either of us, but what I am saying is I’m ready to go there with you when you’re ready, whether that be tomorrow or next year or in five years. I love you, Velvet, and I want everything that love can give us.”
His words took me by surprise – they weren’t the words I’d expected from him, but they were the words I’d yearned for. Tears welled up in my eyes and I felt a little light-headed as the relief engulfed me. We will be okay. I took a deep breath as he wiped away the tears that had spilled down my cheeks. “I thought for sure you would say no to kids. I thought you’d walk away from this,” I said as I shifted closer to him. I needed to touch him, to hold him, and to have him hold me.
His arms circled me and he pulled me close. “I don’t want you to ever worry about that again,” he said with conviction. “I’m fully on board with this now, and you can count on me to do my part.” His face was so serious and his expression so earnest that I knew he meant every word he’d said.
Smiling at him, I placed my hand on his cheek and whispered, “I love you, Nash Walker.”
His lips turned up in a smile and then he bent his face to mine and kissed me. Our arms slid around each other, and within a few moments, he’d pulled me into his lap as he deepened the kiss. It had been almost a week since he’d kissed me, or touched me, and my body reacted to him as if he hadn’t touched me in years. I felt his same need and knew that if we didn’t end this soon, it would be damn hard to walk away fully clothed.
I pulled my lips from his, and he groaned. “Jesus, Velvet, the last few days have been hell, baby. You got any idea how fuckin’ hard my dick has been for you all week?”
“Have you got any idea how wet I’ve been for you and your dick?”
I threw back.
“Fuck,” he muttered and shifted me off his lap so I was standing. Moving off the seat, he readjusted himself and I stifled a laugh. He raised his brows. “You think this shit is funny?”
Unable to stop myself, I laughed. Nodding, I said, “Yeah, I do. Perhaps you won’t keep me at arm’s length again, because seriously, you didn’t have to shut me out completely while you got your shit together. I was desperate for sex as much as you were. Just because your mouth isn’t giving me words, doesn’t mean it can’t give me other things.”
Shaking his head at me, he muttered, “You wanna keep talking dirty to me, woman, and we won’t be entering that front door again. I’ll be putting you on the back of my bike and taking you home to show you just what this mouth can fuckin’ give you.” Pausing, he raised his brows again. “Do we have an understanding?”
I grinned and leant in close to him. “We sure do, baby. When I’m ready to leave, I’ll start whispering dirty talk to you,” I said, and then moved away from him to walk inside.
He followed close behind, muttering something under his breath. God, I loved this man, and as much as I knew the road ahead wouldn’t be easy, and that there were no guarantees in life, I also knew deep in my heart that he was mine and would be mine forever.
7
Chapter Seven
Madison
I eyed the pavlova Harlow made and my mouth watered. “Is there anything you can’t make?” I asked. We were in my kitchen getting her desserts ready to serve and I stood in awe as I looked at them. Black forest pavlova, strawberries and cream trifle, and a choc-raspberry profiterole cake – all to die for.
“Do you know how hard it was for me to keep Scott away from these? That man has the biggest sweet tooth. Next Christmas I think I might have to come here and cook.”
Next Christmas.
I smiled. “I’m so glad you’re already thinking ahead to next year. I was beginning to worry about you and Scott,” I admitted quietly.
“We’ll be okay, honey,” she assured me, “Your brother is amazing and will get me through this. I wish I’d leant on him sooner, but I’ve never been good at leaning on people.”
“You’ll let him help you now, though?”
“I’ll try not to shut him out like I have been, but it might take me a while to get the hang of letting someone in, you know? I don’t think it will happen overnight; that’s for sure.”
Squeezing her hand, I murmured, “I know. You two will figure it out. Scott’s a stubborn man; he won’t give up.”
“Yeah, I realised that today,” she said, and I sensed she’d drifted away a little, remembering something.
Clapping my hands together, I said, “Okay, let’s get these desserts outside.”
We carried them out and I had to stifle a laugh when the guys zeroed in on them. Harlow’s cooking was appreciated by every Storm man and was the highlight of every get together we had.
“No Christmas pudding?” J asked, clearly disappointed.
Harlow winked at him. “No, I thought I’d try some different desserts this year, J. Plus it’s also good to leave a man hanging and wondering what’s next, you know?”
“Story of my fucking life, Harlow. I often get left hanging,” he muttered, his eyes coming to mine, and I couldn’t stop the laugh this time.
I left Harlow with the desserts so I could go and sit on J’s lap for a moment. “I promise not to leave you hanging tonight, baby,” I whispered in his ear.
His hand slid over my ass and he groaned. “I thought I wasn’t allowed to distract you tonight.”
“You’re not. I’m distracting you.” I brushed my lips over his, completely blocking out the sound of laughter and conversation around us.
His teeth gently grazed my lips and he tightened his hold of me. “You might wanna stop what you’re doing because that fucking distracts the hell out of me and when I’m distracted, you can bet your ass I’ll ignore all the rules you’ve laid down for me and then you’ll be distracted,” he growled. “And, sweetheart, if I begin distracting you, there won’t be any stopping. Understood?”
God, yes.
I moved off his lap and gave him a smile. “Understood,” I said, before making my way back to Harlow, knowing – and loving – that J’s eyes would be tracking my every movement.
We finished serving the desserts and almost complete silence fell on us as everyone began eating. Harlow had given us a piece of all three, and I thought for sure my favourite would be the pavlova, but they were all so damn good, I couldn’t choose a favourite in the end.
Scott had been fairly quiet all night, but as he placed his empty plate on the table, he said, “I thought Mum was coming.”
“Yeah, she is, but she said she’d be late,” I reminded him.
Frowning, he said, “We’ve just had dessert…that seems way past late.”
I shrugged, confident she’d turn up soon. We’d grown closer since Dad’s death so I had no reason to doubt her. “She’ll come.”
“And where the hell is Griff?” Nash asked.
“I don’t know. He said he’d come, and it’s unlike him not to do what he says,” I replied, disappointed he hadn’t turned up.
Scott leaned back in his chair, putting his arm around Harlow’s shoulders, and said, “Griff always has a solid reason for doing something. He wouldn’t just blow this off.”
Nash narrowed his eyes on Scott. “Is something going down we don’t know about?”
Scott didn’t rush to answer him, and I knew from the look in his eyes, he was considering whether to share something or not. “He texted me earlier to say he might not make it due to personal reasons; nothing to do with the club.”
Still so much we didn’t know about Griff. I wondered if we ever would.
I was lost in my thoughts about Griff when Brooke spoke up. “Thanks for inviting me today, Madison. This party is just what I needed after a long couple of months.”
Smiling at my sister-in-law, I agreed, “Yeah, it’s what we all needed.”
Her eyes twinkled as she looked at J for a moment. “I know J’s been looking forward to this party. I bet he’s already planning next year’s in his mind.”
J shifted in his chair next to me and muttered, “Jesus, I’m surrounded by women who like to push my buttons. The only party I’m planning is the one I’ll be having later tonight.”
As everyone laughed, I leant into him and murmured, “I love you.”
He put his arm around me and pulled my face closer so he could kiss me. “I love you, too, baby, but no more parties for awhile, okay? I need you to myself. I’ve got plans I’m working on where you’re concerned.”
Baby plans.
“You said we’d reassess in three months, J, and I’m holding you to that.”
“Doesn’t mean I can’t work on getting you to change your mind sooner,” he replied, his voice full of determination.
He’s deadly serious about this.
“I’m not changing my mind.”
I’m deadly serious, too.
He settled back into his chair, the determination gone from his face, replaced by a casual expression. Too casual, in my opinion. He shrugged. “We’ll see, sweetheart.”
His attitude of we’ll see concerned me. “Jesus, J, you can’t backtrack on an agreement,” I complained, knowing full well that when J had decided on something, he’d decided, and convincing him to change his mind was almost impossible.
His gaze met mine, and the heat I saw there caused butterflies in my tummy. “You get your way with me most of the time, Madison. It’s my turn to get my way.” His deep, assertive voice snaked through me, sending desire to every corner of my body.
I sucked in a long breath, fighting like hell to ignore the want his words had caused. I didn’t want what he wanted, however, I loved it when J took charge like this. His bossy ways turned me on like nothing else, and sitting here, listening to the commanding tone in his voice and seeing the take-charge expression
on his face, I wanted more.
Damn, maybe this cat and mouse game would be fun.
J and I sat engrossed in each other for another couple of moments, until I heard my mother’s voice. Dragging my attention from him, I turned to find her standing in front of us with Blade’s mother next to her. Stella held a container in her arms and shifted nervously on the spot.
Pushing my chair back, I went to Mum and embraced her and then gave Stella a hug. Smiling at her, I said, “I’m glad you came.”
Her chest rose as she took a shaky breath. “Sharon convinced me I should. If it wasn’t for her spending the last two hours with me, talking me into it, I wouldn’t be here.” She spoke quietly and I was pretty sure her words were only meant for Mum and me to hear.
“You’re always welcome in my home, Stella. Please don’t think any differently.” My asshole father had a lot to answer for. I hated that one man could toy with the confidence of so many women. A thought I’d had a lot lately flitted briefly through my mind - I wondered if he had other children out there that we didn’t know about. Other women and children he’d fucked over.
“Thank you,” she said as a smile lit up her face. “It means so much to me that your family has welcomed me.”
“Mum,” Blade interrupted us, and when I turned to look at him, I found him looking at his mother with a complete look of happiness. Well, it was the Blade level of happiness, but since he hardly ever wore that expression, I was ecstatic to see it now. “I’m glad you came,” he said, his voice gruff, almost like he was a little choked up.
Family.
Love.
Belonging.
It’s all any of us wanted, and I was glad that our two families could finally find a way to move on and make the most of the opportunity we had to merge and share our love. We may have been dealt a shitty hand in life by Dad, but damn it if we couldn’t take that and turn it into something better.