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Prairie Home Companion, A (movie tie-in)

Page 10

by Keillor, Garrison

She looks lovingly at LOLA.

  YOLANDA

  All the bad-luck stuff doesn’t matter. Because

  I got you. A daughter.

  They embrace.

  RHONDA (SINGS)

  Oh baby . . . sing my song

  We been waiting much too long

  Lock the door, turn out the light

  O yes . . . tonight’s the night.

  45A INT. FITZGERALD STAGE—SAME TIME

  GK

  Prince of Pizza, the frozen pizza that tastes

  homemade. With real Minnesota mozzarella

  and sausage.

  (HE SINGS, TO TUNE OF “LA DONNA E MOBILE”)

  One Prince of Pizza slice

  Puts me in paradise,

  Sausage and extra cheese

  Onions and anchovies,

  You can stay home

  And feel you’re in Rome

  No need to go ta

  Italy, you can eat prettily here in Minnesota.

  Prince of Pizza.

  46 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE DRESSING ROOM—MOMENTS LATER

  LUNCH LADY is knocking on the door with the Do Not Disturb sign.

  LUNCH LADY

  Chuck? Honey? It’s me, Evie. Ready or not,

  here I come.

  She opens the door quietly.

  LUNCH LADY

  I’m looking for a big hot dog to put in my

  bun, you old dog you.

  She slips in and closes the door.

  LUNCH LADY (O.C.)

  Wake up, sugar.

  She screams.

  CUT TO:

  47 INT. CHUCK’S DRESSING ROOM

  DANGEROUS WOMAN embraces the LUNCH LADY.

  DANGEROUS WOMAN

  It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s all okay.

  LUNCH LADY

  How can he be dead?

  DANGEROUS WOMAN

  He just went away, that’s all.

  LUNCH LADY

  My Chuck . . . my baby . . .

  DANGEROUS WOMAN

  The death of an old man is not a tragedy.

  LUNCH LADY (WEEPING)

  I—don’t—want him to—go.

  DANGEROUS WOMAN

  Forgive him for his shortcomings, and thank

  him for his love and care . . .

  The LUNCH LADY is blubbering, speechless, in the arms of the DANGEROUS WOMAN.

  DANGEROUS WOMAN

  Tell him he will be remembered, and turn

  away and live your life.

  LUNCH LADY (CRYING)

  Good-bye, baby.

  (TO DANGEROUS WOMAN)

  You got anything to drink? Like a rum and coke?

  48 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE DRESSING ROOM—MOMENTS LATER

  GK stands at the JOHNSON GIRLS’ dressing room door, listening to them sing inside with LOLA.

  YOLANDA & RHONDA & LOLA (O.C.)

  Oooo baby . . . you’re my man

  You do what no other can

  I’m a girl who’s hard to please

  You bring me to my knees.

  Oh baby . . . sing my song

  We been waiting much too long

  Lock the door, turn out the light

  Oh yes . . . tonight’s the night.

  He knocks lightly on the door.

  CUT TO:

  49 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE DRESSING ROOM—MOMENTS LATER

  YOLANDA stands in the doorway. Camera looks over GK’s shoulder as he speaks.

  YOLANDA

  You heard about the Soderbergs selling the

  radio station.

  GK

  Yeah, I heard—

  YOLANDA

  Are you okay?

  GK

  Of course.

  YOLANDA

  Kind of a bizarre feeling, isn’t it?

  GK

  What?

  YOLANDA

  The silence.

  GK

  What are we supposed to say?

  YOLANDA

  Are you going to say something?

  GK

  On the air?

  YOLANDA

  Of course. “Thanks for listening” . . .

  something. “Good-bye”?

  GK

  I hate good-byes. I don’t believe in them.

  YOLANDA

  What do you do when you leave someone’s

  house?? Just turn around and walk away?

  GK

  I just don’t want to make a big weepy speech

  about—

  YOLANDA

  That’s it!!! You’re afraid you would cry!!!

  GK

  I wouldn’t either.

  YOLANDA

  That’s right. You wouldn’t. You know, maybe

  that’s why you and I broke up when we did.

  Because I knew that if I waited, you wouldn’t

  cry anyway. Does that make sense?

  GK

  No.

  50 INT. FITZGERALD STAGE—SAME TIME

  Musicians coming on- and offstage, YOLANDA and RHONDA come onstage as GK speaks at the podium, and ROBIN and LINDA stand at the microphone.

  GK

  Tonight’s show brought to you by

  Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie and

  Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie Filling. Wouldn’t

  this be a good time for a piece of rhubarb pie?

  BAND strikes up “Shortnin’ Bread.”

  GK & ROBIN & LINDA (SING)

  One little thing can revive a guy

  And that is a piece of rhubarb pie.

  Serve it up, nice and hot,

  Maybe things aren’t as bad as you thought.

  Oh, Mama’s little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb

  Mama’s little baby loves rhubarb pie.

  Mama’s little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,

  Mama’s little baby loves rhubarb pie.

  GK

  And now here’s Yolanda and Rhonda, our

  very own Johnson Girls!

  The audience applauds.

  YOLANDA

  Thank you so much. This is a song we wrote

  for our mama who brought us up, with no

  luxuries, no vacation trips, no vacations,

  period. Just one luxury and that was music.

  No matter how tired she was, she loved to

  hear us kids sing and—

  She is momentarily choked up.

  YOLANDA puts a hand on RHONDA’s shoulder.

  YOLANDA

  She did the laundry in one of those old

  washing machines with a wringer. She fished

  out the wet sheets and towels with a big

  stick and hung it all on the line. She did

  everything for us, made our clothes, put up

  preserves, a hundred jars of corn and beets

  and tomatoes. This is for you, Mama.

  YOLANDA & RHONDA (SINGING)

  Good-bye to my mama, my uncles and aunts,

  One after another, they went to lie down

  In the green pastures beside the still waters

  And make no sound.

  Their arms that held me for so many years

  Their beautiful voices no longer I’ll hear

  They’re in Jesus’ arms and he’s talking to them

  In the rapturous new Jerusalem

  And I know they’re at peace in a land of delight

  But I miss my Mama tonight.

  DISSOLVE TO:

  51 INT. BACKSTAGE—SAME TIME

  GK, LEFTY, and DUSTY stand in the wings, watching.

  YOLANDA & RHONDA

  Good-bye, Eleanor, and Aunt Franny and Jo

  Good-bye, Uncle Jim, and Elsie and Don,

  Good-bye to my mama who went to lie down

  And now is gone.

  Whose hands are these so rough and hard

  Nails all torn from toil and care?

  Who cleaned the house and kept the yard?

  Touched my cheek and stroked my hair?

  Thank you, Mama, the Lord give you peace.
>
  Bless your voice and the songs you’ve sung.

  Blessed your arms and your hands and your knees.

  How you loved us when we were young.

  CUT TO:

  52 INT. BACKSTAGE—SAME TIME

  The DANGEROUS WOMAN walks past, stops, watches for a moment. Continues.

  YOLANDA & RHONDA (SING)

  The Lord’s my shepherd, I’ll not want.

  I have my mama, my uncles and aunts.

  Waters so still and the pastures so green.

  Goodness and mercy following me.

  Goodness and mercy following me.

  The BAND is playing onstage and musicians are standing in the shadows offstage, the reflection of stage light on their faces. LEFTY and DUSTY are waiting. JEARLYN is by his side.

  DISSOLVE TO:

  53 INT. FITZGERALD WINGS—SAME TIME

  The STAGE MANAGER is looking up at the clock. His lips move as he calculates minutes remaining in the broadcast.

  STAGE MANAGER

  Get Chuck up here.

  DUSTY

  Don’t forget our song.

  STAGE MANAGER

  What’s this one about? Horse hockey?

  DUSTY

  Not about horses at all.

  On the STAGE MANAGER’s desk the phone light flashes red and he picks it up.

  STAGE MANAGER

  Yeah? . . . He’s here? . . . Okay. . . . Thanks.

  He hangs up the phone.

  STAGE MANAGER

  The axeman is here.

  He turns.

  STAGE MANAGER

  Hey what happened to that trophy we were

  gonna give to Chuck? Who took it?

  CUT TO:

  54 EXT. FITZGERALD THEATER—FRONT OF BUILDING

  Nighttime. The lobby and glassed entry are brightly lit. The marquee advertises A Prairie Home Companion. A black car is parked at the curb. The chauffeur stands by the open rear door.

  The AXEMAN is walking from the car to the entry and entering the front door. He is slender, tanned, fashionable, handsome, in a black suit, black shirt, dressed like a magazine model. The TICKET LADY asks him a question but he smiles and walks in. She follows him for a few steps. A young male USHER steps toward him and half blocks his way.

  55 INT. FITZGERALD LOBBY—SAME TIME

  The AXEMAN looks around. A few fans around the souvenir stand turn to look at him, assuming that he is a famous person but unable to put a name to him.

  USHER

  Do you have a ticket?

  AXEMAN

  I’m with the company.

  He gives the usher a smile and walks past him.

  CUT TO:

  56 INT. FITZGERALD LOBBY—SAME TIME

  The AXEMAN strolls through the archway to the inner hallway. He looks to his left.

  GUY NOIR (O.C.)

  Mr. Cruett?

  The AXEMAN studies him for a moment.

  AXEMAN

  I don’t believe we’ve met.

  GUY NOIR stands, hand in pocket, facing him. He pulls out a cigar.

  GUY NOIR

  Guy Noir, vice president for security and

  data acquisition.

  AXEMAN

  Show almost over?

  GUY NOIR lights the cigar and puffs, and takes a deep drag and blows smoke.

  GUY NOIR

  Almost.

  AXEMAN

  Well, just in time then. Show’s been going

  how long? Somebody said fifty years.

  GUY NOIR

  Almost. Thirty-something.

  AXEMAN

  Weird. Like a time warp.

  GUY NOIR

  We’ve got the luxury box waiting for you.

  Right this way—

  AXEMAN

  Who’s the guy up there?

  GUY NOIR turns and looks.

  The bust of F. Scott Fitzgerald sits on a ledge above their heads.

  GUY NOIR (O.C.)

  He’s a guy who used to come to shows here.

  F. Scott Fitzgerald. Novelist. Grew up in St.

  Paul.

  AXEMAN (O.C.)

  What kind of novels?

  GUY NOIR (O.C.)

  Romantic ones. The Great Gatsby.

  AXEMAN (O.C.)

  Oh. I don’t read romance. No time. Where

  am I going?

  GUY NOIR (O.C.)

  Right in here.

  CUT TO:

  57 INT. FITZGERALD LOBBY—SAME TIME

  GUY NOIR opens a door and the AXEMAN enters a room with a large glass window looking directly at the stage. It’s a dim room with a couch and several easy chairs and a table with glasses and liquor decanters on it. GUY NOIR reaches up and turns down the volume on the wall monitor.

  GUY NOIR

  Usually we’ve got five or six clients in here,

  sponsors and so on, but—

  AXEMAN

  Nice plasterwork around the proscenium.

  We’ll have to remember to save a piece of

  that. I wish we’d taped this show. Videotape.

  For historical purposes. Send it to a museum.

  GUY NOIR

  Let me fix you a drink.

  AXEMAN

  Just water. No ice.

  GUY NOIR pours a glass of water from a pitcher and hands it to the AXEMAN.

  GUY NOIR

  So what can I tell you about the show?

  AXEMAN

  I know all I need to know about the show.

  GUY NOIR

  You sure about that?

  AXEMAN

  I am. Theater’s got to come down. We’ve got

  a Prince of Pizza drive-in coming in here in

  three months.

  GUY NOIR

  Not going to change your mind?

  AXEMAN

  Man’s got to do what has to be done, Mr.

  Noir.

  GUY NOIR

  Lot of good people up there, on the stage . . .

  lot of them. I mean, I’m a man of the world

  like yourself, but . . . these folks put their

  lives into this.

  AXEMAN

  Now they can put their lives into something

  else. Always something to put your life into,

  right? No, it’s like Scripture says, you’ve got

  to lose your life before you can find it.

  GUY NOIR

  Scripture is guiding you here?

  AXEMAN

  The company is owned by people of faith,

  Mr. Noir.

  The AXEMAN sits down on an easy chair.

  AXEMAN

  Before I came to the Lord, I played in a band

  myself. The Dukes of Rhythm. We put our

  lives into it and we were awful. Bunch of

  drunks thinking we knew it all. And then,

  thank God, we were rescued by the simple

  fact of getting fired. It was a blessing. Lost

  my guitar to a repo man. You lose one life,

  you find another. Praise the Lord.

  GUY NOIR

  I’ll be right back.

  He wheels around and exits past the camera.

  CUT TO:

  58 INT. FITZGERALD LOBBY—SAME TIME

  GUY NOIR closes the door quietly behind him. He walks down the hall past two ushers sitting in chairs, reading books, and stops at the concession stand, hearing . . . something . . . and looks over the counter. MOLLY sits on the floor within the little cubicle, listening to the radio.

  GUY NOIR

  Hi there.

  MOLLY

  Hi. I never listened to it on the radio before.

  GUY NOIR

  Oh?

  MOLLY

  Who’s the guy in the booth?

  GUY NOIR

  He’s the hangman. The iceman.

  MOLLY

  Funny. People sitting at home and listening . . .

  and they don’t know: it’s the last one. You

  know? It’s like, you always t
hink there’s going

  to be more after this. But maybe not.

  GUY NOIR

  Everything has an ending, sweetheart.

  MOLLY

  My aunt Evelyn listened to it every Saturday.

  Five o’clock, she was right there by the radio.

  Until they put her in the home. In the home,

 

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