All Due Respect

by Vicki Hinze

  “He beat you for it.”

  Because that was too difficult to answer, she turned the subject. “I really do think he killed Uncle Lou.” Her voice cracked. “I can’t prove it, but he taunts me with it. I—I think he did something to the brakes that made him crash through the bridge’s guardrail.”

  “I know.” Seth scanned the room. The dresser, the bedside lamp, the gingham curtains at the window. “And you left me to get away from him. Because he abused you.”

  Her eyes burned, her throat went thick, and something hard and heavy weighed down on her chest. “Yes.”

  “And you agreed to come back to help me, thinking you would be returning to New Orleans?” Seth wished to hell he could see her eyes. She had agreed to face all those old ghosts, all those bad memories, to help him. She had agreed to trudge through hell for him. For him.

  She turned away, toward the window.

  Seth paused, thought back to the day they had met at the beach, recalled her relief on learning she would be going to Grayton and not New Orleans. Now, he understood the enormity of that relief in ways he couldn’t understand it then. Now he knew how much she had been willing to sacrifice for his sake, how many more burdens she had put on herself to ease his load. And he loved her for it. It, and much more.

  “Seth, it wasn’t my fault.” Her voice sounded thin, thready. “I’m not a bad person. I really tried to be a good wife to him.”

  “Julia, don’t.”

  “No, please. It’s important to me that you understand.” She let out a little humorless laugh. “I married him, but, back then, I didn’t know what he was really like. He fooled me. He fooled everyone. I didn’t even know that men hit women, then. That sounds crazy and naïve now, but then I didn’t know it, Seth.” Blinking hard, she stared out the window into the night sky. “My parents were clones of June and Ward Cleaver. They were rational, logical, work-everything-out-peaceably kind of people. I never, not once, heard my father raise his voice to my mother. They sheltered me from the ugliness of abuse. I didn’t know it existed until I married Karl and became a victim of it.”

  “When did it start?”

  The beatings. He meant the beatings. Julia clutched at the covers, wadded them in her fist. “Less than a month after the wedding.”

  “A month?”

  “Twenty-four days,” she said. Specifically, twenty-four days, six hours, and fifteen minutes. “We went to the Policeman’s ball, and I smiled at his captain. When we got home, Karl accused me of coming on to the man. I’d done nothing wrong, but in his eyes I had committed adultery. He . . . went a little crazy.”

  She skipped over the actual conflict, unwilling to relive it again in her mind. “Afterward, he was sorry. Genuinely sorry. And I felt so guilty. I thought maybe I had looked at the man wrong, or I’d done something to give the wrong impression. I must have done something wrong because men just didn’t hit women. They just didn’t.”

  Seth looked at her as if she’d lost her mind. “You blamed yourself?”

  How could he be so shocked? “In my case, wouldn’t you?”

  Seth paused to mull it over, and then sighed. “Without a frame of reference, I guess I would.” He dragged a hand over his neck. “So you forgave him.”

  “Yes, I did. And things went along okay until the next time, and then the next, and then the next. He worked at breaking me down, Seth. Little by little. And he did it.”

  She searched the sky through the window for a star to focus on, but there were too many clouds. “No one sets out to let something like this happen to them. Abusers are just damn smart at going about their business. They work on you in little ways until you start believing them, and by the time you realize they’re wrong, they’re not wrong anymore. You’ve become exactly what they accused you of being. And you don’t know how it happened, or even when it happened, only that, now, that’s the way it is.”

  “I’ve suspected Karl attacked you for a long time. I knew he was involved, but I thought maybe he had been responsible and hadn’t done it himself.” What she had told Seth about her Uncle Lou substantiated that. Seth reached out and gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “I understand how abuse works, Julia.”

  “I wish you didn’t.” His touching her with gentleness was her undoing. A tear rolled down her cheek. “I wish I didn’t, too.”

  So did Seth. He let the silence rest between them, giving them time for the reality of their broken dreams and shattered lives to settle and become easier to bear. Then he asked, “When did you realize the abuse wasn’t your fault?”

  “I realized it early on, but we’d been married six years before I dared to believe it and began planning my escape. Right before I left for Destin, we were at his station’s Christmas party.” Julia sniffled, feeling stronger, less afraid of the truth’s ability to destroy her relationship with Seth. Less afraid that exposure could destroy her. “One of the wives came into the restroom and saw the bruises on my neck. She put together what was happening.”

  “What brought on that attack?”

  “I’d made the mistake of mentioning you the night before. Karl . . . took exception.”

  He had beaten her because of him. More than once. Guilt Seth hadn’t earned lay heavy on his shoulders, soured his stomach. He clasped Julia’s hand in silent apology.

  She held on hard. “The woman told her husband, who talked to Karl’s captain. He and a couple other officers took Karl into the locker room and showered him down. Actually, I think they worked him over. The captain wanted Karl to know how it felt to be trashed by his own.”

  “Did Karl tell you that?”

  “No.” Julia pulled a pillow from behind her head and clutched it to her chest. “The captain’s wife warned me. I knew I had to leave fast. Karl would be humiliated by what they had done, and he’d take it out on me. I threw some things in the car and left for Destin.”

  “Why Destin?”

  “I chose it like I chose Grace. With a fingertip on an atlas. What better place to seek your new destiny than a town named Destin? I’d been planning to escape for a long time.” She plucked at the pillowslip with her finger and thumb. “I just needed more money first. Karl kept a tight leash on our funds. But when I got my last raise, I had Personnel divert a part of the increase to a secret savings account, so the amount didn’t change much. He never knew I was skimming.”

  She had to skim her own money? Seth wanted to vomit. Karl physically and emotionally dominated her, controlled her money, her actions, and her life—and made her think he had to do it, that she was incompetent to handle things for herself, and that his abuse was her fault. What a sorry son of a bitch. What a typical, sorry son of a bitch. “And then he found you in Destin.”

  “Yes.” She swallowed hard. “And now he’s found me in Grayton. He was in my apartment when I came home from work Friday night. I escaped and called you to come get me.”

  “Karl punched you?” Seth asked, but only for verification. During this conversation, he had come to see Matthew’s warning to stand guard in a whole new light.

  “Yes.”

  “I wish you had come to me right away, Julia. Back when all this started.” He felt like a damn fool for not realizing what was going on with her then. “We could have spared you a lot of hell.”

  “Don’t you see?” She turned over to face him. “I couldn’t. He was angry with you already. Only God knows what he would have done.”

  The last of the puzzle pieces clicked into place. Protecting him. “You’re afraid he’ll come after me now. That’s why you’re telling me this.”

  “I know he’ll come after you, Seth.” Julia prayed for more courage, knowing her low-level light had begun flashing hard the moment she had opened this Pandora’s box. “I have to divert him. Leave here and never come back.” The thought of never seeing Seth again shattered her, and tears rolled down her face.

  Seth pretended not to see them. “You can’t leave.”

  “It’s the only way,” she said.
“He won’t stop. Nothing will make him stop. If I’m ever going to have peace in my life, I’ve got to disappear.”

  “What about me?” His voice dropped low, gritty.

  “Once I’m gone, he’ll leave you alone. You’ll be safe.”

  “Julia, I’m not worried about my safety, I’m worried about you being out of my life again.”

  “Don’t.” She wanted to weep her heart out, felt so close to weeping her heart out. But if she started, she was afraid she would never stop.

  You let down your defenses, and you’re weak. You can’t just put them up again.

  “He won’t go away, Seth. Ever. I can’t do that to either of us.”

  “What about Jeff?”

  “Maybe I should take him with me.”

  “That, you can’t do.”

  “Why not?” She sat straight up. “He has no one else, and Camden doesn’t want him. He’s being abused. I called to warn Camden about Karl, and he was so cool, and not at all worried about Jeff. It gave me chills, Seth. Absolute chills. If I don’t take Jeff away, Karl will hurt him. He’ll do anything to anyone to get to me. You can protect yourself, but Jeff’s just a little boy. He can’t fight Karl.”

  Seth clasped both of her hands in his and held them tightly. “Julia, listen to yourself. Just listen to yourself.” He paused, to give her a moment to think beyond her fear. “Honey, the truth is, you’re no kidnapper, and you’d be lousy at living on the run.”

  “I’ve got to try.”

  “No,” Seth contradicted her. “That’s no kind of life for you, or for Jeff.”

  “What else can I do?” She looked at him through blurry eyes.

  “There’s only one thing you can do,” he said. “You’re going to have to back him down.”

  “Karl doesn’t back down. Haven’t you realized that yet? If he did, when he got out of prison, he would have stayed away from me. He hasn’t done that.” She pulled her hand from Seth’s, sat up, and rubbed at her left arm. The tight muscles threatened to spasm. “I can’t live every moment of my life waiting for his next attack. I can’t do it, Seth. I have to run.”

  Seth caressed her face, cupped her chin in his palm, and softened his voice. “Honey, you can’t run. There’s nowhere to hide.” He circled her back with his arms, pulled her close to absorb some of the sting of his words. “But it’s going to be okay. You won’t have to hide. You’re not facing him alone anymore.”

  She pulled back, her eyes glossy with tears. “I can’t involve you more than you already are. I can’t—”

  “Julia.” Seth stroked her cheek, lightly touched her bruise. “Haven’t you realized yet that wherever you are, I am?” Seth smiled into her solemn brown eyes. It was all so clear now. She wasn’t a traitor. She’d just been afraid of telling him the truth. Afraid he would blame her for what Karl had done to her. Understandable, but she should have known better. And soon she would know better. He pulled her back into his arms, felt her trembling, and slid on the bed until she lay beside him, cradled in his arms.

  They didn’t talk. Didn’t move. Just lay there, drawing strength and comfort from each other, until finally, Julia’s trembling eased and she slept.

  Seth rubbed little circles on her back, swearing she would have her peace. Her serenity. And she would feel safe.

  With what Karl had done to her and what he had threatened to do to Jeff—the only two people in the world that the adult Seth had dared to love—Karl Hyde had sealed his fate.

  Once, Seth had failed to protect a woman he loved. He wouldn’t fail again.

  In his estate office, Benedetto read the profile on Dr. Julia Warner-Hyde and wanted to weep. How could a man do to a woman what her husband had done to her?

  Roger shifted on his seat. “The council will never accept this man being an employee of Two West, much less a loyalist.”

  “Would I employ a man who does not revere women?”

  “Not normally, sir, but to solidify your position with the council, and with this woman scientist playing such a key role, I thought—”

  “Wrong. Never. He doesn’t work for Two West.” The pages shook, revealing Anthony’s inner turmoil. He set the report down on his desk. “He works for our friend at Grayton.”

  “But he’s still been given loyalist status. That will be a problem with the council.”

  “No, it won’t.” Anthony glanced over at his father’s photograph, remembered the three concepts for ruling. “Mr. Hyde is unfit for coalition association.” His wife had nearly died three times. Three times. At his hands. “He’s unfit to breathe.”

  “I wholeheartedly agree, sir.” Roger straightened his tie. “I assume you want to wait until we get all we need on the project.”

  Torn, Anthony debated and then nodded. “Unfortunately, yes.” If the scientist resisted, they had to have leverage. Karl. Hyde could provide it; she feared him. “We do what we must to preserve the coalition, Roger. Without hesitation, if not occasionally without regret.”

  “Of course, sir.” Roger stood up. “Will you be advising the council on this matter?”

  “No.” Anthony’s father had died for less than Hyde had already done. “We can’t risk any association whatsoever.”

  Nodding, Roger left the office.

  Watching him go, an uneasy feeling came over Anthony. He lifted his father’s photo and stared at it, long and hard. You did not die in vain. You did not.

  Chapter Fourteen

  At the house in town, Seth pulled the Lexus into his garage. “I just want to check to see if Matthew’s left any messages. Then I’ll take you over to the apartment to get some things.”

  “Get some things?” Julia pushed at the sleeve of the flannel shirt she was wearing. The cuffs hung over the tips of her fingers.

  Seth cut the engine. “You need to stay with me until Karl is contained.”

  She put a hand on his thigh. “Seth, I really appreciate everything, but Karl will never be contained. Not as long as there’s a breath in his body.”

  Seth stared through the windshield at the door to the house and debated responding. He agreed with her, yet telling her he intended to kill the man would only upset her. To Seth’s way of thinking, she had spent more than enough time being upset already, so he settled for an alternate truth. “Matthew’s concerned.”

  She groaned and swiped her hair back behind her ear. “He isn’t alone.”

  Seth swerved his gaze to her. “I’m concerned, too.”

  “I know you are.” Her voice went soft. “But you’ve done so much to help me already. I can’t ask you to take on even more risks for me.”

  “You can ask me for anything, Julia. Anything, anytime.” He cupped her hand on his thigh. “If I can give it to you, I will.”

  Her gaze went molten, then speculative. “Why haven’t you ever married?”

  Karl had found her first. But this wasn’t the time, and sitting in the car in his garage certainly wasn’t the place for a declaration. “Bad timing.” Seth reached for the handle and cranked opened the door.

  Julia got out and walked toward the door leading into the house. “What do you mean, ‘bad timing’?”

  At the front of the Lexus, Seth again debated. Heat radiated off the car’s hood. “The woman I wanted was already married.”

  Julia stepped up behind him, her expression guarded. “That must have been rough.”

  “At times.” She had no idea she was that woman; the disappointment flickering through her eyes proved it. How could a woman so smart miss a truth so simple and obvious? He opened the door and stepped into the house.

  “Oh, dear God.” Julia gasped.

  Seth came to a dead halt. His home had been ransacked, ceiling to floor. The light fixture in the den dangled. Sofa cushions lay tossed, bookshelves dumped, paintings that had been hanging on the wall had been slashed and now lay ruined on the floor. “Stay here,” he told Julia, then walked through the house.

  The kitchen was a disaster area: pots and pans strew
n on the floor, boxes of cereal sliced open and dumped, macaroni crunching under his shoes. Even the refrigerator had been emptied. Cracked jars of mayonnaise, mustard, and sweet pickles littered the floor.

  The bedrooms and baths were no better. Every single thing in his home bad been methodically damaged or destroyed.

  Outrage at the invasion, the violation, pumped through his veins. Bury it, Holt. Emotions get you killed.

  Detaching, he looked at the damage through the eyes of a Special Forces soldier. Systematic. Methodical. Definitely done by a pro, but too thorough for Karl to have pulled off alone, unless he felt certain he had plenty of time. “Looks like Benedetto’s loyalists paid me a call.”

  “It’s all ruined.” Julia’s voice trembled, thready and weak. “Everything’s ruined.”

  “It’s all right, Julia,” he said. “It’s insured, and it’s just stuff.”

  “Yes, but it’s your stuff.”

  Her indignance charmed him as much as everything else about her. He smiled. “It’s okay.” He rubbed at his neck. “Actually, it’s not. It’s damned confusing. Anyone involved in Project Home Base knows everything on it stays in the vault.”

  “Maybe Benedetto’s loyalists didn’t do this.”

  Seth turned to look at her. “What other professional would go to this much trouble? It had to be Benedetto’s men,” he said, certain odds were fifty-fifty it had been Karl, but not wanting to worry Julia even more, or for her to feel more guilt. And she would. Unjust, but she would. If there was one thing Seth Holt understood, it was guilt.

  Julia wanted to look away. Resentment and guilt and regret seethed inside her and she didn’t want to battle them. Convincing Seth would take all she could manage. Maybe more than she could manage. How could she trust him with more? She’d given him the truth, if only the bare bones of it. But to take this leap of faith, to trust that he could know everything, understand, and still care for her . . .