A Time for Giving

by Raine Cantrell

  “No. It’s all right,” Ellie whispered, breaking the spell that had held her. “I left the tin in the kitchen.” She wanted to run, but did not, knowing it was too late. She had revealed too much to Jacob in those special few moments.

  Alone in the pantry, she confronted her own feelings. Did hearing the words of love from him matter so much? He wanted her. He would care for her and be a good husband. If he survived the war.

  What if Jacob didn’t survive? What if this was the only chance she would have to give her love to him? Jacob had asked for nothing for himself. He asked for the love and security of a home for his young children and his brother. She could—

  “Ellie!” Jacob called, coming into the kitchen. “Where are you?”

  The alarm in his voice made her rush out of the pantry. One look at his worried expression, and she knew something was wrong. “What is it, Jacob?”

  “It’s my fault. Not once have I looked out to see what the storm was doing. Wind has blown high drifts across the drive.”

  “The animals!”

  “If I don’t start clearing the path to the barn, we won’t be able to get there come morning.” He turned to go into the mudroom, telling her, “A pot of coffee would be nice, Ellie. It’s going to be a long night if the snow keeps up.”

  “I’ll be right there to help, Jacob.”

  Jacob stilled and dropped his greatcoat. He hurried to her side. “Ellie,” he said, cupping her cheek, “I know how often you’ve done this with only Thomas and Caleb to help you. I’m aware of your very special woman’s strength. But please, let me do this. Let me know you’re here, warm and waiting for me.”

  She looked up at him, forcing down the protest she longed to voice. “Will that make you happy, Jacob?”

  “Very, very happy.”

  “All right. The rope is on the top shelf above the door. Please tie it tight to your waist. I don’t want to lose you in this storm.”

  “You won’t lose me, Ellie. I promise you that.”

  But before he went out into the blinding storm, she checked the knot he tied, then let him go. There hadn’t been a winter past where some farmer or child hadn’t been lost and froze to death close to home.

  Ellie lost track of the coffee she made laced with applejack. The stock pot offered them all another liquid warmth as the night slowly passed and the storm intensified. Krista brought her quilt and pillow down to the parlor where Ellie fixed a bed before the fire. She was with the child until she finally fell asleep, then went back to keep her vigil near the kitchen window.

  Caleb and Thomas came in, exhaustion in their faces and the sag of their shoulders. Hot soup and her firm order sent them up to bed.

  Ellie replenished the fireplaces, and fed the wood stove in the kitchen the last of the kindling in the wood box. She couldn’t stand the waiting and dressed warmly, worried about Jacob.

  The rope was strung tight from the back porch post to the barn. Ellie stepped into ankle-deep snow, despite the many times the path had been shoveled clear. The wind howled, sending snow in a blinding swirl around her. Even with her father’s old work gloves over her own, her fingers were stiff with the cold. She could feel the wet wool of her muffler freeze to her nose and mouth. Her eyes teared from the cold air she inhaled that seemed to chill her from the inside out.

  She fumbled with the heavy barn door. Cussing to herself when she couldn’t get it opened. She silently cried out Jacob’s name, afraid as she had never been. A blast of wind sent her to her knees. Ellie knew real fear that moment. She couldn’t see the door. The numbing cold took away the ability to think. She felt her tears freeze on her lashes. And all she could do was call Jacob to help her.

  A strange shiver slid down Jacob’s spine as he gave up trying to use the pitchfork to spread another layer of bedding hay for the horses. He tossed the fork aside and shoved the last pile into the stall. Every muscle in his body screamed with pain from the constant shoveling he had done not only to the barn, but the spring-house for water as well. His eyes burned, and he swiped at them before stumbling back to take down the lantern. He had done all he could.

  The wind howled a challenge as he opened the door just enough to slip out and bend his head while grasping the rope. He took a few steps and stilled. Something drew him to turn around and for a moment, he resisted, so weary that he longed for rest. Jacob swore to himself that he heard his name, but knew it was impossible. Yet he couldn’t move forward. Sagging against the rope, his grip slipped from the anchor line and his only thought was to get back into the warmth of the barn.

  The swirling whiteness lifted, and he saw the dark shape off to one side. He knew, even as he called Ellie’s name, he knew it was her.

  Minutes before he had no strength left, but he found there were still deep reserves as he lifted her into his arms. She made a weak sound like a kitten’s mewl. He staggered and prayed that the brief respite of the storm would last until he got her into the house.

  It wasn’t until later, as he replaced the cool bricks wrapped in flannel with hot ones around Ellie, that he knew the Lord had heard his prayers. There was a flush on her cheeks, but her breathing was deep and even.

  Jacob knelt by her single bed and slid his hand beneath the thick blankets and quilt to hold hers. She was warm and he bowed his head, finally giving in to the sleep his body craved.

  Ellie awakened to the sound of Thomas hushing the children. She opened her eyes to a room shadowed like dusk. Snuggling deeper beneath the blankets, her toes touched the flannel-wrapped bricks and she discovered Jacob’s hand at the same time. A tiny cry escaped her as the memory rushed back.

  “Don’t cry, Ellie,” Jacob mumbled, stirring from his awkward position. “Cold’s almost gone. You’ll soon be warm.”

  “Oh, Jacob, my poor darling, Jacob,” she whispered, reaching out to stroke his head. A fierce tenderness filled her, as did the knowledge they were both safe. But when he lifted his head and she saw his shadowed eyes, Ellie was overwhelmed with the need to care for him. “You belong in bed, Jacob.”

  “Is that an invitation, little winter mouse?”

  She didn’t understand why his whimsical smile made tears start. But it did. His hand shook as he brushed them away, and Ellie caught his hand and brought it to her lips. I love you, Jacob DeWitt. But her heart was too full, and she couldn’t say the words to him.

  A slight movement at the doorway drew her gaze. “We’re awake.”

  Three heads peered around the door frame, worried expressions in triplicate revealed themselves to Ellie and Jacob. He beckoned Thomas and his children inside, managing to right himself.

  The three children started talking at once. Ellie looked at Jacob’s bemused expression and shouted for quiet. “One at a time. But first, Thomas, heat water for your brother and take him upstairs. Help him to bed.” When the boy came forward to take Jacob’s arm, she added, “And use the broom if you must to keep him there. Caleb and Krista, wait in the kitchen for me. I’ll get dressed and—” Ellie stopped herself. She just realized she was wearing her nightgown.

  Jacob’s avid gaze found hers. “Red as a cherry in a bowl of cream and twice as tempting.”

  “Jacob? Come back here and … and …” He was gone, and Caleb had closed her door.

  If Ellie had any lingering chill from the exposure of the night, she lost it with a heated flush that began at her toes and burned the tips of her ears.

  Tired as he was, Jacob stopped on the top step and smiled when he heard the merry peal of her laughter.

  Jacob claimed that Thomas was nearly a man grown. When Ellie heard all that he had done, despite the storm continuing while they slept, she knew Jacob had been right. He had kept the path cleared and with the children’s help done the chores. He even made a trip to the smokehouse to get a ham for their Christmas Eve supper.

  “There’s no way we could get to the church service and social tonight, Ellie. I doubt we’ll make it up to Aunt Faye�
��s for Christmas dinner tomorrow.”

  “Then I must ask your help, Thomas. Yours and the children’s to make this holiday extra special with whatever we have. I want your brother to carry a happy memory with him when he leaves us.”

  “Well, he’s still sleeping. What can I do?”

  Tired but happy to be together, they all joined hands to say grace over their supper. Ellie began with thanks for the bounty yielded from their garden, which filled the best china bowls covering the table. Baby carrots were glazed with honey, peas and small onions swam in a cream and herb sauce. Buttered beans, pickled corn and acorn squash baked with maple syrup tempted by sight and smell. The ham had a thick brandy-glazed crust dotted with cloves. There hadn’t been time to make yeast rolls, but biscuits and muffins, the ones Jacob loved, filled a basket.

  Jacob thanked the Lord for this time he had with them. He glanced at Ellie sitting across from him and knew she had never looked lovelier to him. There was such peaceful contentment in her eyes as she caught and held his look. With every candle in the dining room lit, the light brought glints of gold to her hair. He inhaled sharply, the air fragrant with the drying pine garlands, but there was a faint scent of the lilac water she used. He was in a fever of impatience to be alone with her. And the flirtatious way she lowered her lashes told him she was aware of it.

  And Jacob wanted her very aware of him.

  Caleb squirmed in his chair. A loud rumble of hunger sent everyone looking at him. “I’m sorry. But we worked so hard today, and I’m awfully hungry. Can’t we eat?”

  “Yes, please, Ellie,” Krista seconded. “Papa and Thomas stole muffins before we sat down. That’s why they can wait.”

  “Such lessons to teach the children, Jacob. But then, we didn’t cook all this just to look at. Jacob, will you slice the ham?”

  It took no more than that from Ellie, and bowls were passed with dizzying speed back and forth, until the plates were filled to overflowing.

  Ellie enjoyed their praise as much as she enjoyed their hearty appetites. This was the first Christmas eve she had not been alone in four years. She knew the children had looked forward to the special Christmas service and the social that followed. They had talked about the delicious treats of candy, cookies, and cakes, even puddings that everyone brought for samplings. They would miss being given a bag of nuts and an apple, but she had those for them.

  “… and won’t that be nice, Ellie.”

  “What, Krista?”

  “Papa asked Thomas to read to us from the Bible later. And we mustn’t forget to hang our stockings. I can’t wait for morning.”

  “You never can,” Jacob reminded his daughter. “Will you be impatient, too, Ellie?”

  “Oh, I think this year I will be”. Four days was all that Jacob had left of his leave. She thought of the decision she had made.

  Far from annoying him, her secret smile made Jacob grin. He had come to a decision while he worried and cared for her last night. The thought prompted him to ask her why she had been out.

  “I was worried about you, Jacob.”

  “And nearly got yourself lost and frozen,” he returned.

  “But you found me, didn’t you?” Ellie tried hard not to think about what had followed. No matter how she tried to forget waking up in her nightgown, it haunted her all day. And what’s more, the way Jacob grinned at her, she had a feeling he knew it, too.

  “Krista found another litter of kittens. She thinks we might have more rabbits, too,” Caleb said. “Babies sure make a lot of work.”

  It was such an innocent remark, Ellie told herself. Why then had Jacob’s gaze locked with hers? Why had her hand moved of its own volition to cover her belly? Baby? Jacob’s baby?

  She saw the meal was finished, and rose to clear the table. With every dish she brought out to the kitchen, she returned with one to replace it. Roasted nuts, dried apple tarts, fruitcake, and pudding with brandy sauce had everyone groaning they couldn’t eat another bite. The dozen apple tarts disappeared with a pitcher of sweet, heavy cream. Jacob cracked nuts for everyone, managing enough for himself.

  With them all helping, the cleaning up went quickly and they retired to the parlor. Ellie finished stringing the forgotten popcorn while listening to Thomas read aloud. She was somewhat surprised that Jacob urged the children to bed once his brother was done.

  There was a race and scramble up the stairs to change and bring their stockings down. Krista needed one more hug, one more kiss until Thomas took her by the hand, then carried her to bed.

  “I hope,” Jacob began, “that you have no intention to run off to bed. I want to talk to you, Ellie.” The soft smile on her lips, the even softer look in her eyes as she agreed, pleased him immensely.

  She finished the last string and draped it over the wide lower branches. Sometime during the day the children had hung the gingerbread men with their thread loops. Stepping back, she admired the tree. “Jacob, it is the loveliest tree I’ve ever had.”

  He glanced up at the tin star before his gaze swept over Ellie. “I still think you’d make a beautiful angel to grace the top.”

  “You’re just flirting again, Jacob.”

  He heard the underlying question in her voice and moved to stand behind her. With his hands on her shoulders, he drew her back against his chest. “Not this time, Ellie. I meant every word. You are beautiful to my eyes. You can’t see yourself as I do. You are all that makes a woman that a man wants to cherish.”

  Jacob kissed her hair, then turned her around to face him. Now that he had her alone, he was hit with the realization that he had very little to offer her in the way of a future. He used his thumb to trace the rounded curve of her chin.

  Ellie, nervous as a long-tailed cat in a roomful of rocking chairs, caught his hand with hers. “I want you to know that I’ve come to a decision, Jacob.”

  “Wait. Hear me out first. I’ve handled this all wrong. I never took your needs and wants into consideration, Ellie.” He looked at her face bathed in firelight, his gaze warm at the hope that flared to life in her eyes. “Come and sit with me.”

  Ellie went to the settee and sat down. Jacob was so serious that her hope died a little. Had she made a mistake in thinking he cared a little for her? What if he changed his mind? Jacob took up most of the small sofa with his large frame. He had to touch her, and knowing what he had to say, merely held her hands. “I’ve set out all the practical reasons for us to marry, Ellie. We both know marriages take place for far less, but I didn’t know it wouldn’t be enough for me.”

  “But your letters—”

  “I’m aware of what I wrote in my letters. I know what I’ve said since I’ve come home. But I need more, Ellie. You deserve more than I offered.”

  The chill of her hands made him raise them to his lips where he pressed kisses upon them. “When I married your cousin Lucy—”

  “Don’t!” Ellie tried to pull her hands free. He held her tightly. “Please, Jacob,” she pleaded, trying to rise.

  Jacob lifted her up and set her on his lap. “Don’t move.” His arms locked around her reinforced the order. “I’ll not be responsible for the consequences, Ellie,” he added when she squirmed. “I want to tell you about Lucy so you will understand why it has taken me so long to come to my senses.”

  Having set her on his lap was another mistake Jacob added to the many he had already made. She was tense. His body was fully aroused by the sweet, feminine scent of her, and the warm weight of her body. Gritting his teeth, he determined he would get through this.

  “Lucy was passionate about life, Ellie. She caught everyone with it, hoping for a share. I loved Lucy. We created two very special children that will always hold a place in my heart and my life. I can’t forget the time I had with her. But a man has a need for a deeper, more abiding love. The love of a woman who doesn’t judge him, whose strength enhances his, and one who gives a man hope for tomorrow.”

  He caressed her cheek,
wanting to see the guarded look in her eyes gone, and knowing he had to finish.

  “You’re a strong woman, Ellie. I made the mistake of believing that your stubborness was female foolishness. But you were wiser than I. The friendship we shared as children has been renewed in these few days. But it deepened, Ellie, without my knowing.” He drew her closer, tilting her chin up so she had to look at him.

  “I want to marry you, Ellie. I want you so badly. You can feel me shake with the desire I have for you. But I need you for myself. I want the honor of declaring to the world that you are my bride, my woman. Grant me the honor of being my wife and the mother of my children. Not just Krista and Caleb, but those we could have together. Oh, Ellie, don’t cry,” he whispered, kissing the tears that slid down her cheeks.

  “Don’t, love,” he repeated, threading his hands into the thick wealth of her hair and scattering kisses over her face. “I never wanted your tears. I only want to make you happy.”

  He cherished the softness of her mouth, while a new, fierce possession swept over him. “Say you’ll take my name, Ellie. Say you’ll share your life with mine. I love you, Ellie. Love you and never knew. More the fool I. Say yes …”

  He kissed her with all the hunger inside him. Jacob gave her his heart, knowing with a certainty he didn’t question, that Ellie would take his precious gift and keep it safe. He longed to make love to her, to claim her as his. His body demanded he do so. Jacob fought to control his passion. She came to him with a shy, sweetly heated flowering that revealed her vulnerability. Her total trust was generously given with her kiss, and he tempered his desire.

  With the greatest reluctance, he parted his lips from hers. “Say you will marry me, Ellie. Just say yes, Jacob.”

  Ellie kept her eyes closed, and a dreamy smile curved her mouth. She leaned her head against his shoulder. Here was strength and gentleness. Here was Jacob, her love.

  “Teasing minx. Will you keep me in agony waiting for your answer?”

  Her fingertips rose and silenced him. “Yes, Jacob.”