Hollywood Enemy: A Hollywood Alphabet Series Thriller

by M. Z. Kelly

  Tex, who looked like a young Albert Einstein carrying a leather whip, tried to explain. “We thought you might be Ryan Cooper. Think of yourself as the test pilot for my BHD system.

  “Huh?”

  “Biologic Home Defense.”

  “What the hell is that?”

  “You’re covered with a substance that’s similar to proteinaceous silk. In layman’s terms you might think of it as a genetically modified spider web.”

  “You look like some kind of green swamp creature,” Nana said. She was wearing an orange leather bodysuit with strategic cutouts, probably designed to reveal the wearer’s assets. In Nana’s case, however, the strategy failed miserably because there were no assets to reveal. The outfit made her look like a skinny, scary version of the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz in an orange wetsuit.

  “That slime you’re wearing is probably toxic,” Elvis said. “I’ll bet you’re gonna glow in the dark and will be dead by morning.”

  Nana’s clinically depressed boyfriend was in his seventies. He was a part-time Elvis impersonator whose large belly was straining against his leather vest and pants. Something on his head that looked like an advertisement for the Squirrel Club for Men completed the ensemble.

  Prissy, Nana’s transvestite great-grandson, came over and offered me a towel. He was about six-five but didn’t weigh much more than Nana. He had on a sarong-like outfit with a latex top that was covered with cartoon characters. “You look like a swamp zombie,” he said to me, in his high-pitched staccato voice.

  “What’s with the outfits?” I asked Natalie, ignoring Prissy and wiping the goop off my face as we all went over to the living room. My friend had on a leather mask with cat-like slits for the eyes and the tightest, skimpiest red leather mini-skirt I’d ever seen.

  “I’m with a bunch of posers,” Natalie explained. “We’re gonna be on Tex’s fund-raiser photo for Save the Bananas.” Natalie took a banana off the counter and peeled it. She suggestively ran her tongue over the fruit, then took a bite.

  “Enjoy it while it lasts,” Tex said to Natalie. “The Musa balbisiana is falling victim to the Panama disease.” He turned to me. “It’s a fungus that could make bananas extinct unless my fundraiser is successful.”

  “We’re all gonna die,” Elvis moaned.

  “Give me one of those,” Nana said, grabbing a banana off the counter. She looked at Elvis, her over-sized dentures, something she called Leo’s, gleaming in the overhead lights. “A girl’s gotta keep her skills up.”

  I walked away, trying to put the horrifying image of Nana and her banana out of my mind. Our landlord had been in a clinical trial involving a sexual rejuvenation drug for the past few weeks. We were all taking bets that Elvis wouldn’t survive.

  Tex held out a leather outfit to me when I got into the family room. “Time for you to pay up.”

  “What are you talking about?” I’d managed to get the slime off my face, but my hair was another matter. The sticky goo covered my once gorgeous new do.

  “You lost the elevator challenge,” Tex explained. “Remember, you agreed that if you lost you would be in my Save the Bananas poster.”

  “There were extenuating circumstances. No one expected that a shooter was going to show up.”

  “No excuses, missy,” Natalie said. She took the skimpy outfit from Tex and held it up to me. “I’ll help ya slip into your dominatrix outfit.”

  “Look at me,” I said. “I’m covered with green slime and my hair is…” I motioned to the ridiculous skimpy leather outfit. “I can’t wear that until I clean up.”

  “You look like some someone upchucked on you,” Nana said.

  “I’ll bet she’s contagious,” Elvis offered. “She should be quarantined.”

  Mo stepped forward. “Natalie and me will help you clean up for the photo shoot.” She turned to Natalie. “Let’s get this goop off her in case Jack comes around. He sees her like this and he might come to his senses and break up with her again.”

  “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I said as they dragged me into the bathroom.

  After a shower and an hour with shampoo and conditioner, Mo looked at me in the mirror and summed up my condition for Natalie. “I ain’t never seen nuthin like this. It’s like she’s got green bubble gum in her hair. It won’t come out.”

  “Maybe you need a haircut,” Natalie suggested. “I took me some beauty college classes a couple of years back.” She held up one of my green locks. “I think a little trim might do the trick.”

  I threw my head back and sighed. “I finally found a stylist who knew what she was doing and look at me.” I stared at myself in the mirror. “It looks like I’ve got green dreadlocks.”

  Mo nodded. “Yeah, only your dreads are dead, honey. Baby sis is right, you need a trim.”

  I released a long breath, feeling frustrated. “Go ahead, Natalie. But try not to cut it too short.”

  “Not to worry, Kate. I’ll have you lookin’ like Halle Berry in no time.”

  The outcome wasn’t exactly the movie star results Natalie had promised. In fact, as I came back into the family room, Nana probably summed up my new hairstyle best. “Kate looks like she’s suffering from male pattern baldness.”

  Elvis came over and examined me. “You might need to see my hairdresser.”

  “Thanks,” I said, “But I’ve got enough problems.”

  I spent the next half hour squeezing into the leather outfit and posing for Tex’s Save the Bananas poster, only after insisting that I be allowed to disguise my appearance. Natalie loaned me her mask and I prayed that with my ridiculous new haircut and a mask no one would recognize me when the poster came out.

  After the photo shoot, I received a call from the FBI telling me they were sending a car for me at eight. I then went to my room where I packed and changed into a pair of jeans and a sweater for my trip. When I got back into the family room I accepted Natalie’s offer of tea.

  As I waited for my driver I took a few minutes and explained about my new assignment to Mo and Natalie while the others were off doing whatever crazy people in bondage outfits do.

  “I’m going to be away on special assignment for a while,” I said. I then looked around the room and something occurred to me. “By the way, where’s Bubba?”

  Our new puppy had been sired by Bernie after a romp with Mack Mackenzie’s black lab, Thelma. Mack and I had been an item while Jack and I had split up, but the private investigator was out of the country on business. I didn’t know if I would ever see him again, but I’d agreed to raise the puppy.

  “He’s with Larry,” Mo said. “He’s taking him for a walk at one of them doggy parks.”

  “You’ll both need to take care of him while I’m gone,” I said.

  “You going after that Ryan Cooper scumbag? Is he the one who shot up the hotel last night?”

  “No, this is a special assignment with the FBI.” I then lied about Cooper, “And we don’t know who the shooter was last night.”

  “Betcha it was Cooper,” Natalie said. “But not to worry, the bastard will be history by the time you get back, thanks to Mo and me.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “We’re taking one of them community college classes called, Murder and Mayhem. We’re getting the lowdown on the low life from Dudley Wainwright himself.”

  “Who?”

  Mo shook her big head, her long red hair brushing against her heavy shoulders. “You gotta be kidding?” She looked at Natalie. “Sometimes I think Kate was raised in a nunnery and lives under a rock.”

  “Professor Wainwright’s a criminal profiler,” Natalie explained. “He’s on all them talk shows. He’s an expert on psycho killers. We’re gonna have him profile Ryan Cooper.”

  After Natalie’s explanation, Wainwright’s name did seem familiar to me, but my radar was now on high alert. “You two can’t say anything to him about Cooper. The press doesn’t know he was involved…” I caught myself. “We need to keep his
name out of the papers.”

  Mo looked at Natalie. “Maybe we could give him a code name like, Big Oyster.”

  Natalie nodded. “Not a bad idea.” She looked at me. “Rumor has it Dudley’s big where it counts and he’s hot, Kate—he looks like Brad Pitt, only when he was younger. I always did like them cute brainy ones, not to mention oysters.”

  It went on like that, my friends talking in code about oysters and me trying to get them not to say anything to Dudley Wainwright about Ryan Cooper. All I needed was for the media to get involved in my father’s murder case and I would never be left alone.

  Just before my driver was scheduled to arrive I worked on my hair again, trying to turn my new do into something that looked like that pixie cut Jennifer Lawrence wore. When I was finished I decided that my pixie had gone Dixie—as in south. I realized that I looked more like the actresses’ balding older sister. I gave up, took my bags to the family room, and said goodbye to all my roommates.

  “Before you go,” Tex said. “There’s something I need you to see.”

  My roommates and I followed Natalie’s nerdy boyfriend outside where we gathered on the front lawn. As we waited, I prayed I wasn’t in for another one of Tex’s home security demonstrations.

  “It should be appearing in the northwest sky in about a minute,” Tex said. “The phenomena is rather rare, so everyone needs to look closely.”

  “Is it some kind of astronomical event?” I asked.

  “Maybe it’s a comet?” Mo said.

  “Betcha it’s some kinda alien space ship,” Natalie offered. “Those creepy bug-eyed guys land here and I’ll blow their antenna off.”

  “I’ll get my gun,” Nana offered, rushing into the house.

  Before we could stop her, we saw why Tex had asked us all to gather on the lawn. The lights appeared on the horizon and grew larger as they approached. After a moment, I realized it was an airplane pulling an electronic display with flashing lights.

  “What’s it say?” Mo said. “My eyesight ain’t as good as it once was.”

  I turned and saw that Tex was on one knee as the electronic banner flew overhead. I read the display out loud for Mo’s benefit, the shock of what it said registering as I finished. “Natalie, will you marry me—Tex?”

  Natalie came over and pulled Tex up to her as she screamed, “Yes, my little love spud. I’ll marry ya.”

  A moment later Nana appeared on the lawn with a rifle. Before I could wrestle the gun away, she fired off a couple of rounds in the air and with her oversized dentures shining in the moonlight yelled, “We’re having a wedding!”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  The FBI’s driver agreed to stop at Jack’s apartment for a few minutes on our way to the airport. I knocked on his door in West Hollywood, thinking maybe he wouldn’t even recognize me. When I heard him coming to the door I braced myself, wondering if Mo might be right. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jack told me it was time to move on and cut me loose.

  He opened the door and stood there examining me without saying a word like a scientist who’d just discovered some odd new species and decided it should have remained unknown.

  “You’re not saying anything,” I said after what seemed like an eternity.

  He finally pulled me inside his apartment and kissed me. He pulled away after a few moments and examined my new do. “I think it’s kind of trendy, maybe even a little punk.”

  “Yeah, nothing like that, I caught my hair in a fan, look.”

  I sat with him in the living room and took a few minutes, explaining about my evening, being slimed by a super spider web, having to pose as a dominatrix for Save the Bananas, and about Natalie getting married.

  “Maybe you and your roommates should consider doing a reality TV show,” he said. “Maybe call it The Adams Family Revisited.”

  “I’m not sure the world is ready for us.”

  “Let’s go back to the dominatrix outfit for a minute. Do you still have it?”

  “Sorry. It was a loaner.”

  “Too bad. I was thinking we could make the most of the next few minutes.”

  I looked at my watch. “I’m afraid I don’t have a few minutes. In fact, I need to get going. Last night’s elevator ride will have to last us for a while. My flight leaves at nine-thirty.”

  He walked me to the door. “Any idea where you’re headed?”

  I shook my head. “Maybe the feds have a case where they need a bald green woman to go undercover.”

  He chuckled. “Yeah, maybe there’s an alien invasion somewhere.”

  What he’d said was meant to be funny but only depressed me further. I stopped at the door and turned to him. “I’ll call you as soon as I know something.”

  We lingered at the door, Jack kissing me until I wanted more—a lot more than kisses.” I finally pulled away. “I’d better go while I still can.”

  I started to leave but he pulled me back to him. His dark eyes found me. “I want you to know, Kate, that I think what’s happening between us…I think it’s very special.”

  I hesitated and looked away, unsure where he was headed. I found his eyes again and said, “I feel the same way.”

  His voice grew softer. “I think maybe I’m…”

  I pulled away again and before he could finish his thought said, “It’s getting late. I’ve got to run. I’ll call you just as soon as I know where I’m headed.”

  ***

  When I got to the car the FBI had sent and my driver began heading for the airport, I replayed the conversation with Jack in my mind. Was he going to tell me that he was falling in love? I wasn’t sure, but it sounded like that was where he was headed. Why had I pulled away?

  I blew out a lungful of air and looked at the blur of taillights in the stop and go traffic around us. I knew that I cared for Jack—in fact, I cared for him a lot. But love? Was I ready to fall in love again?

  The question sat there, unanswered. I’d been in a brief marriage almost two years ago before my ex, an assistant DA, cheated on me. My divorce had shattered my self-esteem. I’d ended up depressed, broke, and almost homeless.

  Then, when I least expected it, Jack had come along and we had a good thing going—for a while. But a few months back, he’d gone to work for Homeland Security in Washington. He hadn’t told me the truth—that he’d taken the job because his ex-wife had a serious illness and lived in DC. When I learned that he’d gone there to help arrange medical care of her, I forgave him. But then a few days later I’d been told by an acquaintance that he’d been seen at the airport with an attractive blonde. I went ballistic and ended our relationship. The truth, he later told me, was that the woman at the airport was his sister.

  In the meantime, I’d moved on and had a brief fling with Mack Mackenzie, a private investigator and former navy SEAL. When Mack realized I had unresolved feelings for Jack he broke off our relationship. I didn’t blame him. I was unsure how I felt about Jack then, and I was still unsure, even though we were back together.

  As we turned off the freeway toward the Van Nuys airport, I wondered if I would ever end up in a stable relationship again. I’d recently come to understand that the death of my father had impacted me in ways that I’d never understood. Maybe in some ways I was even afraid of relationships, afraid of losing someone I was close to, just like I’d lost my father as a little girl.

  There was only one thing I was sure about. Ryan Cooper would pay for everything he’d done. One way or another, my father’s killer would be brought to justice if it was the last thing I ever did.

  ***

  Van Nuys airport is located in the San Fernando Valley, a few miles south of Hollywood. It’s a small but busy airport that caters to private, corporate, and government aviation. My driver let me off near the tarmac where a flight attendant named Loretta and a member of the flight crew greeted me.

  “We’ll be taking off momentarily,” Loretta said, as I buckled myself into the main cabin. “Would you like a snack, maybe something to drink?”<
br />
  The attendant was probably in her late twenties, tall, slender, and attractive. “I’m fine for now,” I said. “Thanks.”

  I looked around the cabin as she scurried off. The small jet had nothing in the way of insignias or decals to indicate it belonged to the FBI. I took a deep breath, steadying my nerves. I tried to put yesterday’s events out of my mind and prepare for my new assignment.

  Just before takeoff I was met by John Greer, the special agent in charge of my new assignment. He took a seat across from me and placed a brown folder on the desk between us. As we taxied down the runway I asked him where we were headed.

  My new boss was probably in his early-forties, with brown hair that was peppered with gray. His eyes were hazel, about the same color as Natalie’s. He had all the usual FBI trappings, including the standard high and tight haircut and conservative dark suit.

  “How do you feel about thunderstorms and even an occasional tornado?” he asked.

  “I’m not crazy about either one. It sounds like someplace in the south or Midwest.”

  “Tulsa, Oklahoma. The Artist took another victim there a few hours ago.”

  “The Artist?”

  Greer pushed the file across the desk to me as we gained altitude. I glanced at several police reports, one from Tulsa and two others from Chicago as he spoke. “This is our subject’s first abduction in the Tulsa area. He’s following the same pattern as in Chicago and all the other cities. He always kills in pairs, one month apart, before announcing when and where he’ll strike next. His victims are girls, all between the ages sixteen and twenty-two.” He motioned to the file. “When you’re finished with those reports I have three additional files from other cities where he’s been active in the recent past.”

  “How many victims in total are we talking about?”

  Our flight attendant, Loretta, came over, bringing Greer a bottle of water. She offered the same to me but I declined before she excused herself and left.

  The FBI boss leaned in closer to me. He was handsome in a buttoned-down way. “Not counting the current abduction, there are nine victims tied directly to The Artist, so far. I personally think there are others, victims that he practiced on before he became a master.”