This Heart of Mine

by Brenda Novak

  Kyle studied her for several seconds. “Then that’s why Riley did it.”

  She didn’t follow him. “Excuse me?”

  “My guess is that he believes you.”

  Could that be true? Phoenix was almost afraid to hope. It had always been her fondest dream that Riley and Jacob would somehow be able to know or tell, in their hearts since there was no other way, that she was innocent.

  “Here.” He handed her the laptop. “It’s damaged. But I thought you might want it. Maybe it can be fixed.”

  “It was old to begin with,” she said, as if losing it wasn’t any big deal. She didn’t want Kyle to know she’d suffered yet another terrible setback. She preferred his friendship, perhaps even respect at some point, not his pity. But she had no idea how she’d continue to run her business without access to the internet. There was no public library close by. And she didn’t have a car...

  “Riley was pretty upset that it got broken. He told me you earn your money making bracelets like this.” He pointed to his wrist. “That you need to use the internet. And I told him you can come over to the office anytime and use one of mine. My place is closer than going all the way to town, anyway.”

  “You have an office?” She didn’t even know what he did for a living. When she’d dropped off that bracelet, she’d merely gone to the address listed in her mother’s phone book, and it had been dark.

  “I do. I have a solar manufacturing plant next to my house, which, as you know, is only about a mile and a half from here. My employees are there during the day, but no one uses the computers before eight or after five. You’re welcome to come by and do what you need to. If it’s early, knock on my door, and I’ll let you in. If you want to work at night, just come before everyone leaves, and I’ll show you how to lock up when you’re done.”

  “You’d trust me to do that? To work in your office alone?”

  “Of course.” He grinned. “But don’t give me too much credit. There’s nothing to steal except files.”

  “There are the computers,” she teased. “I happen to need one of those.”

  He laughed. “I’d know where to come looking if one went missing.”

  She sobered. “It’s a generous offer. Thank you.”

  “Everyone needs a break now and then.”

  “Have you ever needed a break?” she asked.

  “I’ve had my dark moments. You just missed them while you were...away.”

  She appreciated the euphemism. “It would be nice to hear about someone else’s problems for a change. Would you like to come in?”

  He seemed tempted but ultimately shook his head. “I don’t think Riley would like that.”

  “He’d rather I didn’t make friends with his friends,” she said. “And I can’t blame him. He wouldn’t want his ex, especially such a notorious one, joining his social circle.”

  A thoughtful expression appeared on Kyle’s face. “I don’t think that’s it at all.”

  “Then what is it?” she asked.

  “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” he said with a chuckle, and walked back to his truck.

  Phoenix didn’t know what to make of that, but whatever Kyle had meant, he obviously wasn’t planning to explain. “I’ll come by tomorrow around five,” she called after him.

  “See you then.”

  She watched as he drove away. She was fairly certain she could sleep now. But her mother caught her before she could go back inside. “You’re flirting with danger,” she yelled through the window.

  * * *

  “Why’d you do it?”

  Riley studied his scraped knuckles. He’d gone to work after that incident at Black Gold Coffee and hadn’t told his parents about the fight, but word had spread. His mother had started calling him around dinnertime. He’d ignored her many attempts to reach him because he hadn’t wanted to talk about the fight, hadn’t wanted to confront her anger or answer her questions, which might make him examine his own motives—something he was reluctant to do.

  But he would’ve been smarter to address her questions earlier. Now it was nearly midnight, and she and his father were sitting in his living room.

  “Keep your voice down,” he said. “Jacob’s asleep and he has school tomorrow.”

  She didn’t speak any more quietly. If anything, telling her to do that made the volume go up. “You’re not going to answer me?”

  He sighed. “If you’ve heard what happened, then you know. Buddy followed Phoenix into the woman’s restroom at the coffee shop. He pushed her into one of the stalls and broke her computer. And she needs that to be able to work.”

  “Work?” his mother echoed. “She doesn’t even have a job!”

  “She has a business.”

  As usual when it came to anything intensely emotional, his father remained silent. “What kind of business?” his mother scoffed.

  “She makes bracelets.”

  “Who’d want to buy anything she makes?”

  He clenched his jaw. “Maybe a lot of people, Mom. Jacob’s wearing one right now.” So was Kyle, unless he’d removed it.

  His mother glared at him. “If Buddy damaged her ability to make a living, then she should complain to the police.”

  Riley laughed without mirth. “Seriously? How far would that get her?”

  “I can’t say. But that’s how she should handle it.”

  “She’s an ex-con. She’d be unlikely to go to the police for anything. And I can understand why. What would Chief Bennett do? Charge Buddy with a misdemeanor for which there’d be little or no punishment? Make him pay for a new computer? No! All Buddy would have to say is that it was her fault she dropped it. If he could convince his friend to back up his version, he’d even have a witness. When you take into consideration his good family and his lack of criminal history...how far do you think the police will go to help her?”

  “That’s part of the price you have to pay if you commit murder,” she said. “As an ex-con, you no longer have credibility. Anyway, in the version I heard, Buddy hardly bumped into her, and he certainly didn’t mean to break her computer.”

  Riley felt his muscles tense. “I was there, Mom!”

  “I can see that! Look at your poor nose!”

  “It’ll heal. He was in the wrong. And what about when he tried to run Jake off the road with his Excursion and forced Phoenix to jump into a ditch? She has six stitches to show for that encounter!”

  “He was only trying to scare her, to give her a taste of what Lori must’ve felt in her final few seconds. He didn’t intend to hit her. But we’re not arguing about what happened when she was in the Jeep with Jacob. I’m not happy about that, either. Buddy was out of line, pure and simple, and the police have talked to him about his actions.”

  Riley sat up straighter. “So that’s it? That’s how much good Chief Bennett did?”

  “The fact that Phoenix went to him proves she’s not as hesitant to complain to the police as you think. Anyway, in Buddy’s mind, not only did Phoenix kill his sister, she got him in trouble for being angry about it. That probably riled him up all over again.”

  “She didn’t go to Chief Bennett,” Riley said. “I did!”

  His mother’s eyes flared, but then she pursed her lips. “Corinne didn’t tell me that.”

  “It’s true.”

  “It wasn’t your place to go to Bennett,” she said, as if she was pronouncing some philosophical truth. “Phoenix can handle her own problems.”

  “Mom, she’s all of five feet two inches and maybe a hundred pounds soaking wet. I won’t let him terrorize her despite his loss.”

  “I’m not saying you have to let him do anything. Since you got the police involved, they can take care of it—that’s all. I don’t want to see anyone get hurt, but I also don’t want to explain to Corinne why my son beat her son to a bloody pulp!”

  Riley grimaced at her choice of words. “Bloody pulp? I didn’t hurt him that badly.” He would’ve done more damage, however, if
he’d had time. He’d never been so furious in his life.

  “By all reports, it took several people to pull you off him.”

  Riley didn’t regret that. He still winced at the look on Phoenix’s face when her computer had hit the ground. He’d gotten the feeling she would rather have taken a fist to the jaw. “He went too far, and I reminded him of his boundaries. That’s all.”

  “He did go too far. There’s no arguing with that. But what about the mitigating circumstances? His sister was murdered by the woman you were protecting, for God’s sake!”

  Riley jumped to his feet. “He doesn’t know that!”

  “We all do!”

  “You weren’t in the car, Mom. You have no idea what happened. You haven’t even listened, with any kind of open mind, to her side of the story.”

  “Really? You’re going to let her twist the past? Lie to you and manipulate you into fighting her battles?”

  His irritation went so deep he threw up a hand. “I won’t talk about this anymore. She hasn’t asked me for one damn thing—except to bring Jacob to see her when she was in prison. And I feel like shit that I never did it!”

  “You made a calculated decision to do what was best for Jacob. You were being a responsible parent. And she doesn’t have to ask you for anything. You’re right there, with your big soft heart, ready to make her life as easy as possible.”

  “Nothing has ever been easy for her, Mom! That’s what you don’t seem to understand. Or is it that you don’t care?”

  She stood, too. “I care about my best friend and her murdered daughter. That’s what I care about!”

  “What about the fact that Phoenix is Jacob’s mother? That he wants to get to know her? That maybe, just maybe, we should give her the benefit of the doubt in case she isn’t the monster we’ve made her out to be?”

  His mother gave her head an impatient shake. “We’ve had this discussion before. He’s better off without her.”

  Riley looked at his father. “Do you agree with that? Do you think I should’ve stood by while a 230 pound man pushed her around?”

  His father got up. He’d come with Helen in a show of support—no doubt she’d demanded it—but his feelings on the subject didn’t seem nearly as intense as hers. If Riley had his guess, his father was probably sitting there wishing he was home in bed. “Perhaps you should let someone else help her. That’s all we’re saying.”

  “Who?” Riley demanded. “Who else is going to step up? The whole town hates her. They think she’s a murderer.”

  His father made a sound of regret. “She was convicted, Riley. And we’ve seen the Mansfields’ pain up close.”

  “Yeah, well, maybe I’ve seen her pain, too. And maybe I see a different kind of person than her jury did—or you do, for that matter.”

  “Oh, for God’s sake!” his mother cried. “Why did you ever have to get involved with her in the first place?”

  After twelve months or so of trying to explain how attracted he’d been to Phoenix, and having his mother tell him he was just a kid and didn’t know what love was, Riley had dodged this question in all the years since. Helen made being with Phoenix sound so beneath him, so...disgusting. But it hadn’t been like that at all. He’d never felt more content than when it was just the two of them. They didn’t need to be making love or doing anything in particular. “I was in love with her, Mom. She’s the only person I’ve ever been in love with.”

  “Sex at that young an age can fool you into thinking...”

  “Don’t patronize me!” he broke in. “I’m not eighteen anymore. I know the difference between sex and love. Trust me, I’ve had sex since then. But not love. Nothing close to what I felt for Phoenix.”

  There was a long silence. Then his mother said, “I’m sorry you feel that way. But I can’t help believing there’s someone else out there for you. Someone who deserves a great guy.”

  “You’re driving me crazy,” he said.

  “And you’re putting me in a very difficult position with my best friend. I hope you realize that.”

  “At least you have friends,” he said. “Phoenix doesn’t even have any family she can depend on.”

  “She seems to have you,” his mother snapped, and walked out.

  As the door slammed, Riley turned to his father. “And you? What do you have to say?”

  “Do what you think is right,” he said. “Just...”

  “What?” Riley asked.

  “Make sure you’re thinking with the right head.”

  Riley felt his jaw drop. “Excuse me?”

  “Don’t get pissy with me. Word has it she’s quite pretty these days.”

  * * *

  “Dad?”

  Riley cringed as he reached the top of the stairs. He’d hoped his mother’s yelling and slamming the door wouldn’t wake Jake. The boy could sleep through an earthquake—at least when it was time to get up in the morning. “Yes?”

  “I would’ve stood up for her in that bathroom, too.”

  The last thing Riley wanted was for Jacob to get into an altercation. “Let me handle your mother’s situation, okay?”

  “Since you are handling it, you’re making it easy for me to stay out of it. I’m glad of that.”

  “I’m happy you approve.” His actions certainly weren’t going to make him popular with anyone else. But it was time Phoenix mattered to someone, and he was tired of denying, minimizing and ignoring how much she mattered to him. “Get some sleep.”

  He waited to see if his son would offer a rejoinder, but Jake didn’t, so Riley went to his own bedroom. As he took his phone out of his pocket, he checked to see if Kyle had answered the text he’d sent before his mother and father arrived, and was pleased to see he had a message. Of course. I went by her place like you said.

  Riley dropped onto the bed before texting Kyle back. And?

  She said she didn’t want you or anyone else fighting her battles for her.

  That sounded like Phoenix. What was her plan? Did she think she could take Buddy herself?

  She didn’t have a plan. She’d just rather be the one to get hurt.

  He frowned at the screen before texting back. She said that?

  No. I could tell, though. She still worships you.

  Riley felt a strange sort of awareness creep over him as he read those words—as well as a certain amount of perverse hope. Don’t even suggest that.

  Why not? It’s true.

  She’d be upset if she heard it.

  Because she’s terrified you or someone else will think she’s out to catch you again. But there’s no reason to worry about that. She won’t come near you unless she absolutely has to in order to see Jacob. She’s so convinced her love isn’t good enough, she’d die before she’d acknowledge those feelings.

  Where are you coming up with this stuff? Riley wrote. He liked reading it, wanted to believe that Kyle was right. And yet the idea of anything between him and Phoenix frightened him. Not because he thought she’d start driving by his place or calling him like she did when she was a teenager, but because he was probably just as attracted to her as he’d ever been, and there was no telling where that might lead. It could lead them right back into trouble, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her again.

  A ping told him Kyle had responded. Her sheer panic when you got into it with Buddy. Dylan said it was all he could do to stop her from throwing herself in front of you. Had any other guy stepped up, I don’t think she would’ve been quite so desperate to protect him.

  Riley rubbed his chin for several seconds as he considered what Kyle had written. She’s afraid something will upset me and I’ll refuse to let her see Jacob—that’s all. She doesn’t have the money to take me to court, and she wouldn’t have much of a case even if she did.

  You only want to see the practical side of things. But there’s more going on here—on both sides. I doubt you’re as indifferent to her as you’d like to believe.

  Kyle had been watching him close
ly, which made sense. If they weren’t such good friends, he’d probably be interested in Phoenix himself. Stop with the bullshit, Riley typed. I don’t need you screwing with my mind.

  Can you honestly tell me I’m wrong?

  He couldn’t. That was the problem. Don’t push me on this.

  Fine. You’re not ready to be honest with yourself—or me. So let’s change the subject. Your birthday’s coming up.

  And?

  That means our big party at Lake Melones is less than two weeks away.

  I know when my own birthday is. Don’t tell me you’re going to ask if you can bring Phoenix as your date. The answer is no.

  Because you’re still attracted to her. But we’re not talking about that, remember? For the record, I’m bringing Samantha.

  Riley ignored the part about Phoenix. The chick you met via that online dating site? Isn’t that kind of risky? You don’t know each other that well, and we’re talking about a whole weekend.

  We might hate each other by the end of it, but...you never know. The opposite could also be true. So, who are you going to ask?

  Phoenix came immediately to mind. He suspected Kyle was hinting that he should ask her. But that would be crazy. She wouldn’t join him even if he invited her.

  Still, with almost everyone else in the group married, he didn’t want to show up without a date. They’d agreed it would be couples but no kids, which wouldn’t be a problem for him, since Jake was older. Jake would spend the weekend with Tristan. He loved doing that, anyway. Maybe Stephanie will want to come.

  That’s the woman you brought when we went to San Francisco last month, right? Kyle texted.

  Yeah.

  Are you still talking?

  We’ve texted once or twice. But we’ve both been pretty busy.

  Where’d you meet her? I can’t remember.

  I did a bathroom remodel for her parents down in Angel’s Camp, and they introduced us.

  She’s cute.

  She was cute. He’d been sort of excited about her after they went out the first time. A nurse at the regional hospital, she fit in well with his friends, was attractive and nice.